A/N: I love getting trolled by anon guest reviews. You guys seem to think I'm not used to it (which I am far more used to it than you know). I shall wear it like a badge of honor.
As she lays on her side down the length of her couch, her head down against his thigh with her fingers absentmindedly picking at the edges of his dark designer jeans, she feels a feeling she hasn't felt since they started to drift apart; loving bliss.
With a soft, content smile gracing her lips, her eye lids beginning to feel heavy as she feels the edges of a nap want to take her, his fingers twirling a strand of her hair as he lays in the corner of her couch, they've been sitting like this for at least an hour, in complete silence. And it's been nice. He always was the only man she's ever felt close enough to do this with, and she wouldn't want it to be with anyone else. Although, a nap sounds like a fantastic idea.
She's always loved these lazy days. Those mornings when they'd just find themselves in bed with each other and waste it away, watching the sun light float past the window until a need required too much attention to be ignored. Some of the time it was a member of the Twelfth bugging them or a family member, others it was a case, but most times it was just hunger after a long night of love making.
She lays her fingers down flat against the side of his leg and feels a nag pull at the back of her mind, the reeling in of an idea that won't let go until it's caught once she has it. "Rick." She tests her voice, cutting through the soft silence of her apartment, noised only by the sound of the heater cutting on and off. She pushes her shoulder up and flips herself over onto her back, his leg still her own personal pillow.
She can see him leaned back against the couch cushion with his eyes closed. His Adam's apple moves as he hums out his acknowledgement of her call to him, her eyes following it with a peculiar interest.
"How have you been since I left, really?" She asks, her voice still soft. He lets out a long, deep sigh and lifts his head off the top of the couch cushion, his expression hardening for just a moment before it starts to droop into hurt. "You don't…" She begins, feeling slightly guilty, "have to push yourself, Castle." His brow knits together has he turns down to look at her. "I know how it feels, okay?" She soothes, reaching up behind her to put her hand over his knee.
He shakes his head slowly and looks away. "It's not that, it's just…" He drifts off. He lets out another short breath and seems to cement his decision, hardening himself against the doubt he has of her reaction. "I never knew just how much I would lose if I ever lost you."
She feels her heart sink and turns her head up just a bit more to meet his gaze better, letting her arm slide down his leg. "What do you mean?"
He inwardly rolls his eyes to himself and looks forward. His eyes start to swim, seeming lost in haunting memory. "You know, everyone that's ever been a part of my life…" He starts, and her throat starts to constrict. He's pushing himself. She can see him prying open his heart to her, and she can see that's it's going to be too much. "… has always seen me as a means to an end."
Her heart feels squeezed. "Rick." She gently soothes him, her hand wrapping around his calve muscle. She can see him go back and forth, from his pride wanting to be strong and resilient, to everything else wanting suddenly to go toward the outlet she told him he had with her. "It's okay, babe." She encourages again, her voice steady and soft. "Just… go slow."
He shakes his head again and closes his eyes, craning his neck. "The only people ever to break that pattern… where the guys at the Twelfth… and you." She feels her heart explode into a heartbreaking love for him. "I mean, Ryan and Esposito are the only real friends I've ever had. And working there with you, it was actually meaningful."
"Castle, you didn't have to stop working at the Twelfth just because I wasn't there anymore." She tries.
But he rejects her with a nod. "Yes, I did. Gates made that pretty clear. No Beckett, no Castle." He says, feigning a joking tone. "But even if she didn't kick me out again… there's still…" He drifts off again with a solemn shake of his head, and she stays silent, encouraging him still with her fingers petting his leg. "Beckett, after I killed off Derrick Storm, the only reason I started writing again was because I met you."
She feels a smile tingle at the corners of her lips.
"I mean, the first words I wrote for Nikki Heat back then were the first words I'd written in months. And when you left…" She feels her heart being tugged again. The only times when she'd enjoy waking up alone in bed after falling asleep with him is when she'd see the light emanating from his laptop from his office, being inspired by a dream he had, which he always said was about her. "I haven't written anything since yesterday… when you came by my hotel room."
"Really?" She asks, her heartbreak being betrayed by her flattery.
"I spent… all morning… just staring at that stupid line, blinking me in the face, for hours before you knocked on my door. That's the only reason I ever agreed to do those stupid audio books, was to keep the publishers happy while I dealt with the writer's block. We only saw each other for a few minutes, at most, but… I sat down right as you left and…" His face finally softens, "it all started flowing again."
She can feel her heart being warmed, her spirit being lifted at that.
"Then there was the whole DIY home improvement thing." He says with a lift of his brow, looking down to his hand sitting on the arm of the couch. She awkwardly twists her neck to look at it, seeing him stretch and fan out his fingers. Her forehead creases and she looks back up to him.
"What are you talking about?"
He breathes out a chuckle, "It was stupid." He says as he smirks and shakes his head again. "Let's just say that when you pit a guy who's just gotten his marriage proposal rejected up against an inch worth of sound proof drywall, the drywall wins."
"What?" She asks, her blood starting to race as she turns over and quickly reaches for his hand, grabbing it and bringing to her as she lays on her stomach. She examines his hand with concern, running her fingers gently over his knuckles and down across the top, resting his palm flat against hers. She turns back up to him with a deep arch in her brow, seeing him still forcing a smirk. She can always tell when he has to force it.
"It still hurts when it rains." He says as his fingers twinge a bit in her hands.
"Castle." She pushes.
He cocks his neck off to the side and relaxes his hand in her soft grasp. "Suffice it to say… I've had a rough time since you left also." She just deepens the arch in her brow, trying to convey even more concern for him and his wellbeing than she is already and engulfs his hand in hers. "I refused to take pain medication just because I was afraid I was going to develop an addiction… with everything else I was going through. Alexis bugged me about it constantly."
"Castle, a boxer's fracture can be serious if you don't treat it right." She lectures. "Tell me you went to a doctor."
"Yes, Beckett, I went to a doctor." He answers, pulling his hand out of her grasp like a child who's been needlessly lectured by his mother. "A broken hand gave me something to distract myself from the fact that the love of my life had left." He says, his tone dropping in an instant.
Her heart flutters in her chest again, a tug-of-war being waged between guilt, worry, and love at the fact he keeps calling her that. And honest surprise that it doesn't scare her. She smiles to herself and pushes herself up, crawling across the couch and turning over, coming to rest sitting in his lap, her arm going across his shoulders and her hand softly cupping his jaw.
She finally decides to give into the pull once her hand scratches against the shaven scruff on his jaw. The tingle on her lips, the need, the butterflies in her stomach, the flutter in her heart, it's exactly like how she remembers. Her eyes drift shut as she pulls him to her lips, feeling the air crackle between them as she opens her mouth to him. Her spine twinges with excitement, and explodes with electricity once his lips meet hers in the first kiss they've shared in months, only now realizing just now long they've felt.
Her back crawls with a fireworks display of excited nerves as she sucks in the first breath through her nose that feels like it has pure life in it. Feeling his soft, soft lips respond to her, her heart quivers inside her chest, her lips pressing deeper against him with every passing second they're pressed against his, her thumb caressing the skin just below his eye socket, her arm draped over his shoulders softly tugging him closer to her. As he moves his head against hers to deepen the kiss even further, feeling his hand slide up her spine, the breath that he draws from her turns to a long, deep, throaty moan.
She lets his lips go, albeit reluctantly, still cupping his jaw and pulls back, feeling her lips beg her to return to where they belong, tingle and crawl with unquenched desire. She heavily opens her eyes and sees his lips still puckered, his eyes closed, making her giggle. "What was that for?" He asks, his voice deep and husky, making her stomach flip-flop.
Her thumb reaches over and softly grazes against the territory she had long before claimed as her own, "That was the second time you've called me the love of your life."
His eyes soften, gazing into hers as his other hand finds her thighs that are draped over his legs, his other hand going around to softly grasp her side. He's looking up to her with such love and certainty, she can't miss it. "That's because you are, Kate." Her heart erupts into pieces inside her chest, bursting with the love she has for him, the fact that he's so certain what he feels for her is true. "I've never loved anyone like I love you."
She smiles brightly again, moving her hand from his jaw to his hair. She lets her eyes drift shut and leans forward, leaning her forehead against his. "Castle." She starts, her voice teasing the edges of getting soiled with emotion, her fingers petting their way into his hair, "if there's any man I would say yes to, it would be you." She can feel his breath fan off of her in a quick sigh, "I promise." She pulls back and opens her eyes, seeing his eyes shine with love, yet vulnerable and uncertain. "And when the day comes, I will say yes. But we need to be there first… okay?"
"Then…" He says, his voice tight and strained, his eyes looking to her with longing, his shoulders shaking under her arm for just a brief second before he shakes it all away, shaking his head just once and looking away from her in a short sigh.
"What?" She pushes, not wanting him to shut down now. "You were going to say something, Castle. What was it?"
He looks up to her with yet another forced smirk. "It was nothing."
"It was not nothing, Rick." She says, moving her hand out of his hand and down to his chest. "I know that look when I see it, what were you going to say?"
His shoulders harden under her hand, his expression hardening as he looks away from her. There's a brief, but thick pause between them as he takes in a hard breath, her heart wanting and waiting in anxiousness as to what he wants to tell her, pulling it out from him. He looks back up to her with a stone set expression and is speaking again. "Then come home with me."
A/N: Kind of a slow and short chapter, but felt it was a good place to end it. Let me know though.
