(A/N) Here comes another heavy, long chapter. I promise you that there will only be two more, then you will get a fluff reprieve before the push towards the end. I think it will end up over 20 chapters, but I have to tell you, I have really enjoyed writing this story. I thought it was going to be more of an intro to explain the next fic, but this has made me a better story teller and helped me work out my style. Thank you all for bearing with me and telling me what I do well and not so well.

Thank you very, very, very much for the reviews from falconrukichi, HitomiCagalli, sayap hitam, Cero Oscuras, Winly Elric, Aizawa Ayumu Oz Vessalius, CharmedNightSkye, Rukes, MaN6Al0v3r, IchigoKurosakiSotaicho, Silver-Memorykeeper, darklover, pauLinian4eVer, CutieTea, shirayuki-zepyhr, Karel Ritza, kurukurupa, Powerful-phoenix, Yuna-TheAnimeLuver, blissbeat, frejalou, Rikku The Legendary Guardian, novicestar, Thunder Claw03, Rukia's Reflection, teshichan, Kkaayyllaa, SeraphinaDonna, deliciouskamepi, KuchikiKurosaki, Hekka, Elisya, and DarkSmile!

I got lots of reviews this week. KYAAA! I believe that I got back to all of you. Some of them put me to task to explain why things are done. I welcome them. While there are some things that I do pull out of my ass, most of it has a reason and you will get to see it over time. However, you always have the right to question ^_^ And, many of you were right. Ichigo was such an ass in the last chapter that he deserved a good blessing out from Rukia. In this chapter, as promised, you get to see why he is the way he is. Though I know that I said I would lay off the song fics, the next couple chapters are because the songs fit so well into my story.

Since I won't give you a lemon in this story and the lemon in the next story will be well into it, I have been toying with the idea of creating a spicy and adult two or three shot for Christmas with Ichigo and Rukia quite a bit older. Let me know if you are interested.

Thank you for reading, reviewing and adding me to your favourites lists. It makes me warm and fuzzy inside.

-KuroKuchiki

Disclaimer: I own neither Bleach nor its characters. I also do not own the song Fountain of Sorrow. I have to thank Jackson Browne for that.

Chapter 7- Fountain of Sorrow

Mizpah is an emotional bond and agreement of tolerance between people who are separated by physical obstacles such as distance or spiritual such as death: "The Lord watch between me and thee, when we are absent one from another."

Rukia is running down the stairs as if she is being chased by the devil himself. She can neither hear nor think; all she can do is run. Though she is barefoot, it is of no consequence. She absolutely has to leave the house.

As she gets to the bottom of the stairs, Yuzu catches a glimpse of her as she blows through the front door. She then calls out to Rukia. "Rukia-Chan, are you-"

SLAM!

In a quiet voice, Yuzu finishes, "okay."

Yuzu then hears a muffled scream come from her brother's room. "FUCK!"

She simply closes her eyes shakes her head. Though Yuzu figured that the discussion between her brother and Rukia-Chan would be a heated one, she never expected it to go as it had. While she couldn't hear all of the conversation, much of it had been public due to its volume. And, of what she heard, Rukia-Chan had really been in a serious situation. Whatever had taken place in the place called Soul Society where she's from, was something that she had no control of and only participated in because she was forced. Onii-Chan, for whatever reason, was very upset with her; up until the point that Rukia-Chan explained everything in a complete scream.

The girl lets out a sad sigh. Onii-Chan has really outdone himself, this time.

"Where's Rukia-Chan?" a flat but feminine voice asks.

Yuzu turns around swiftly to see her twin looking at her expectantly. "She ran out of the door about five minutes ago." Yuzu answers quietly. Her face shows a bit of distress.

Karin turns her head towards the door as if expecting it to open. In an almost distant voice, she adds, "That was one hell of a fight. I don't think I've heard Ichi-Nii yell like that in anger in a long time."

"Yeah."

"Did she look okay when she left? The way she screamed at him and slammed the door, she sounded like she had finally gone crazy." Karin inquires.

Yuzu answers quietly as if she is afraid to break the recent peace in the house, "I don't know. I didn't get a good look at her before she stormed out of the door. From what I saw, she didn't look okay. Poor Rukia-Chan." Yuzu shakes her head again, and looks sternly at the linoleum.

"Yeah. " Karin starts in a remorseful tone. "She got such a raw deal. She protected our family only for Ichi-Nii and me to accuse and hate her. Hell, after all she had done, she let me hit her. God, I feel like such an asshole."

"Well", an older masculine voice interjects, "you should."

Both turn to find their father looking at them with a most serious expression. "You need to apologize to Rukia-Chan for the way you acted and for what you said and I want it done tomorrow. Period. Am I understood?" His eyebrow is cocked and he has a look that says that he is in no mood to be trifled with.

Karin very rarely sees such an expression on her father's face. Normally, he is goofy and silly. But, because it is so rare, when she does see it, she knows that he means business. For once, she has to agree with the ignorant joker. Rukia-Chan has been put through the wringer. It sounds like she was sneaking in, checking up on them, then sneaking back out. It surprised Karin, earlier, when she found out that Rukia-Chan came to her soccer practices and followed Yuzu. While her brother had been her strongest protector all of her life, Rukia-Chan was right behind him. Karin stupidly thought that Rukia-Chan was staying away from Ichi-Nii because she didn't care about him. Sadly, Rukia-Chan stayed away from her brother because she cared about him. If Karin feels this badly, she can only imagine how Ichi-Nii feels. He must feel like an asshole the size of the Mt. Aso crater. Looking at the linoleum herself, she answers with a penitential edge to her voice, "Yeah. If she comes back, I definitely will." She then nods, "You are understood."

"Good. We all owe it to her to show our appreciation for what she had to endure on our behalves. Now, it's pretty late. Why don't you two go to bed. I'll wait up for Rukia-Chan." It is a statement.

"Shouldn't we go looking for Rukia-Chan? It's chilly, she was still wearing shorts and she didn't have any shoes on. She could catch a really bad cold!" Yuzu says very worriedly.

Isshin looks at his sensitive daughter and says in a kind fatherly voice, "Don't worry sweetheart. She'll be fine and she will come back. She just needs a while to collectivize. Hopefully, your dumbass brother will have it together by then." After a brief sigh, he adds, "'Night, my beautiful girls. See you in the morning."

"'Night."

"'Night, Tou-San."

Isshin watches the twins ascend the stairs with his fatherly smile plastered on. Once he is sure that they are up the stairs and in their room, he sits down in his chair and picks up his cell phone. After dialing a set of numbers, he waits for the ringing to stop. When it does, a voice comes over the speaker.

"Moshi-moshi! The most handsome and talented Urahara-San speaking!"

"Shut up, jackass. I really do have a reason for calling, Kisuke." Isshin says familiarly to his old friend.

"Ah, Isshin. What can I do for you? Did Ichigo-kun find out about Rukia-Chan's…predicament?"

"Yeah," the Kurosaki male says breathily. "He didn't take it so well."

Urahara scoffs, "Did you expect anything different from your son? We all knew that he would just blow it out of proportion. You were right, it was best not to tell him."

Isshin snorts, "Of course. I know my boy. It was in both of their best interests that we kept that from him. However, we have a problem."

"Oh? What is that?" Kisuke asks.

"Rukia-Chan ran out of here after they had a fight. Has she come over there?" Isshin asks in worry.

"No, she hasn't and I haven't felt a gate open, so she's still here. Isshin, they fight all the time. This is no different." Kisuke reasons.

"Nah, Kisuke, this was different. She wasn't mad when she left here; she was something else totally different. I'm just worried about her. Bya-kun will chop of our balls if something happens to her and I will bet money that she has no soul candy."

In the background Isshin hears some wrestling and the clicking of the line as the phone seems to be arrested from the original user. After hearing a man scream, the older Kurosaki hears a feminine voice come on the line, "Tell Ichigo to get his head out of his ass and get to looking for her. It's his fault! Make him do the dirty work. That's the problem with you two. You figure out and set up these elaborate plots for them. Point them in the right direction and let them work it out. We'll keep a look out for any hollow activity since Rukia is without her phone or soul candy." Yoruichi says.

"I suppose you might be right…" Isshin says as he thinks through her words.

"Are you still there? Get! Off! Your! Ass! Kurosaki Isshin!"

"Yes, Yoruichi!" Isshin shouts as he hangs up the phone. She is one scary chick! She always was.

He takes a big sigh and looks at his watch. She's been gone about 50 minutes. He then looks up the stairs. He sighs again. Time to go deal with his self-pitying dipshit. Come on, son, do the right thing.


After his cathartic scream, Ichigo plops to the bed, puts his head between his knees, and covers the back of it with his fingers and laces them together. He closes his eyes and attempts to calm himself. Oh, how wrongly this has gone. Rukia came back, she talked to everyone in the house, she was going to stay here, he and she talked and then….and then…it all went up in smoke. Just like that. The blink of an eye, the tick of the clock, the beat of a…he really did break her heart.

Damn, damn, damn! He didn't mean to…yes he did. He wanted her to know just how badly he had been hurting. He wanted her to understand the level of pain that he felt for so many months. He wanted her to know how much he had missed her. How angry he was at her for letting this much time pass and for choosing to stay away from him. How resentful he was that she didn't care about him the way he had cared for her. He wanted her to feel the hurt in her heart the way he had. He lets out a contrite sigh. It never occurred to him that she felt something even more excruciating; even more agonizing.

Sitting up enough to put his face to his hands and his elbows to his thighs, he tries to work this out in his mind. How did this get so seriously sideways? He was supposed to control his anger and not let it get the best of him. He was supposed to listen to her answer and then reason it out…but he didn't like her answer. With each word from her mouth, he became more and more enraged until he just exploded. He said so many things that he wished that he could take back. It would be a lie to say that he didn't mean them. At the time, he very much meant them. But now…how could I be so dumb?

This was supposed to be an awesome day. It is the day that he has waited for two years. He has dreamt of this day with so many scenarios. Though they all involved an argument of some type, that was normal. He and she had always argued. That was how they communicated. Somewhere along the line though, this went from an argument to a vicious, hurtful fight that, he is actually ashamed to say, he goaded her into.

If she would have just shown me her eyes, then it wouldn't have come to this. If I could have just seen what was in her soul, I would have immediately known what went on. Therein lies the problem. If he had seen the depth of her eyes, he would have been ashamed and his pride would have been dust. But at least he would have never accused her. He could have continued on his happy tour for another couple of days. No, I wouldn't have. I would have been angry at her for seeing it and accused her of spying. Rukia really was in a no win situation.

At least I now know the truth. He just had to get down to the truth. Truth. What is truth? It is the inconvenient answer that somehow overshadows the answers that we hope for. It is the answer that, no matter how improbable, must be reality. He doesn't know what he had hoped for, but he certainly didn't expect the words that she finally let go. The truth was that the mask wasn't there to protect her completely. Some of it was trying to save his dignity. What she did for him and his family…he owes her his deepest gratitude. Why didn't she just come out and say that? Because she would have had to call you defenseless. She had been trying to save what little hubris he had left by skirting around issues like what she saw and heard. Truly, she did know him.

Still, she came for me. She had seen and heard it all; the dates, the tears, and the accusatory things he said about her when he thought he was alone. Yet, she didn't hate him for it. She held him in his night terrors. She risked her life to try to continue grease the wheels of life as she had so artfully and thoughtfully done before. She just decided to save him one more time.

He can't believe he basically called her a coward. She has never been anything of the sort. He was supposed to believe in her. He had hoped that she was waiting for him while he refused to wait for her. How's that for the quintessential double standard? While she had been his biggest fan, he didn't come through for her. The way you looked at me really hurt…even more than the cold glaze of your eyes.

He shifts his positions to lace his fingers together, and rest his chin on them while staring a hole in the closet door.

The glaze…It was her defense mechanism. It only appeared when certain questions were asked or certain words were to be said. Like when he questioned her fortitude or when they talked about his dating life. Whoa… Why didn't he just leave her comment alone? Why did he get so pissed at the type of comment that he would have blown off two years ago? Because he felt like she was looking down at him, calling him a philandering pig. Well, from her perspective, it probably looked that way. While he said that he didn't care what she thinks, that is a total lie. He very much cares what she thinks. He believes in respecting the person he will be with for the long haul by saving the one thing that he knows will be theirs and theirs alone. While it isn't seen as the cool thing to do among the general male populous, he wants that experience to be as sacrosanct as the day he gets married. Though that part of the conversation was very tense, at least he's relieved to know that she hasn't been with anyone either. Why it relieves him, he doesn't know. Besides, it wasn't as if he was dating to find a wife. None of those girls had the certain quality that would make him even entertain the thought of marrying them. He was looking for a close friend. The kind that…the kind that Rukia is. Doesn't she know that he was dating to find another her? He doesn't want her to think of him like she does those other jackasses that she knows. He wants her to think of him as special…the exception…her exception…her closest friend, companion and confidant. He wants no one above him. Even that snooty-assed Nii-Sama.

As he thinks about it, she had set him above the rest. She didn't tell anyone about where she was going or what she was doing. She held in everything to spare his and his family's lives as well as his pride. After a deep sigh, he realizes that he wants no one to be above him because there is no one above her. There is not one person alive that is of higher stature than Rukia in his life. Quite ironic given her height. He has to chuckle a little. By now, she'd be kicking his ass for even thinking such a thing. But that is the truth. She was on the same level as his family. She isn't like a sister to him. Actually, that thought kind of grosses him out. The way he feels about Rukia isn't sibling like. It isn't friend like. He doesn't know what category she's in, but he would kick anyone's ass at any time anywhere for her benefit. If anyone ever hurt her, he would kill them slowly, callously and painfully…if he only had the power.

He exhales out another sigh. He doesn't have the power. She had to protect him because he couldn't have protected himself and he really couldn't have done anything about her predicament. Maybe that was some of the problem. He kept seeing the events as if he is, currently, who he was. She was right. She couldn't have beaten all of Soul Society and he couldn't have done anything about it.

There is a small area of guilt that is growing by the second. He couldn't have saved her from Soul Society, he didn't wait for her, and then he accused her. All he wanted was to have her with him and to protect her. But he can't protect her and now, he doesn't even have her with him because he was such an unadulterated ass. She had taken over his role of protector for his sisters, his Chi-chi as well as him and he had the nerve to hate her for it. God, I'm such a dick.

This was supposed to be the day of jubilation in his soul. Until their fight, he hadn't been miserable at all the entire day. He had forgotten how crappy he had felt. That lachrymose feeling that he sometimes gets didn't even enter his brain. The reason for his wussy behavior was here and in seconds flat, she came and dried all of the rain. Whatever. He didn't even act appreciative of that little thing that has such a big impact on his life. He was too stupid to appreciate her when she was here before, and he was too stupid to appreciate her when she came back.

When he takes a moment to go through a total retrospective of the last couple of years, it had been one of the toughest times of his life. He has missed people before, especially his Ha-ha. He has missed Rukia on many occasions and he just worked through it. But this…this was different. Before, he was left with reiatsu. Inside of his reiatsu was a small little piece of heaven. His reiatsu was mingled with something that used to make his world go 'round. Inside of his reiatsu, was hers. When he lost his powers, he lost not only himself, but her in the process.

At first, he wasn't as irritated by it. Or at least it he didn't acknowledge that he was. The first week was pretty easy. He kept telling himself that this was like the other times and she would be back when he least expected it. Even if he couldn't see spirits, he thought of it as a vacation from the annoyance that they presented. He would come home and check the closet to see if she had been by. He kept expecting that she would come through the door in homeroom or to his window at night. But she didn't. He kept thinking that his reiatsu would recover and he would go to Soul Society to surprise her. The first week became the first month and the month became six months; then a year. It was odd because at first he felt bored, then lonely, then sad and then…he finally let go went down the path that turned him into a sniffling idiot.

About eight months ago is when the wheels finally came off. The road to his depression was a long and arduous one. One morning, he looked down the sidewalk on the way to school and realized that he missed the being able to see all that there was in the world. He didn't like having on the blinders that other people saw as standard. He didn't like not being able to see Rukia. He didn't like not being yelled at. He didn't like being unable to protect an innocent soul. He needed someone to guide him though this insane maze of uncertainty and he couldn't see that light that had been at the end of the tunnel for him an innumerable amount of times. He kept looking for her and when she didn't turn up, it got more painful by the second. The hopelessness became a slow, dark and powerful vacuum; the kind that pulls you down without your knowledge. It was as if, everyday, a little of his hope and will just dissipated. His powers weren't coming back, he couldn't see spirits, he had no real purpose, he couldn't see Rukia and he couldn't feel her either. He started to think that he would never see her again. That's when he started dating. If he didn't get that void filled, and soon, he was going to go nuts.

If Rukia had actually paid attention to the girls he went out with, sans the first one, she would notice that they all had something in common. The first girl was tall, busty and had legs that went on for days. She was only about 5 inches shorter than him the only thing that made her passable was her dark hair. She had a sweet demeanor and he just couldn't stand it. She was too tall and too nice. All of the other girls had the same description. Five to five and a half feet tall, black shoulder length hair, large eyes, pale skin and a killer smile. He scoffs. It's a good thing that she didn't notice, because she would draw some uncomfortable conclusions. But, ultimately, they couldn't give him what he needed or wanted. And with each one, each search, he felt the hole in his chest get bigger and bigger.

Then, one night, he was on his way home from a date when he saw a small girl matching the standard description staring at the window of the Chappy shop.

Flashback

Ichigo had dropped of his date at her house. He could tell that she wanted a good night kiss, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He just felt…weird being that close to the girl. He bid her good night and expeditiously made his way toward his home.

He turned the corner into the Kurakura-cho shopping district. He saw all the lights and the people standing in front of shops and windows. As he neared the end of the second block, he saw a small girl with black shoulder length hair, about sixteen or seventeen, facing the glass of the Chappy shop. Ichigo stopped dead in his tracks. Is that? Could it? Before he told his feet to move, he was already in the middle of the street. He damned near got hit by a car, but it didn't stop him. He pushed his way through the people and got about two feet away from her. He studied the girl's shoulders and though they weren't quite the same as Rukia's, he figured that maybe it was because Rukia had gone through physical changes just like he had.

He put his hand on her shoulder while simultaneously turning her around. It sucked being scared and hopeful at the same time. "Rukia?"

She looked up at him with her brown eyes and spoke in a soft feminine voice. "I'm sorry, do I know you? My name isn't Rukia."

He stood planted in his spot trying to kill his nerves when another man came and put his arm around the girl. The man looked at Ichigo questioningly, and Ichigo simply ground out, "I-I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else. Have a good night."

Ichigo walked briskly to his house. Something was welling up inside of him. He couldn't identify the feeling, but he knew that it was bad. He felt like his throat was constricting and his chest had this weird pain. His eyes were starting to burn and it hurt to swallow. There was so much pressure building in his brain that he had to get to his room as soon as possible.

Coming through the door, he went right to his room not acknowledging his family at all. He didn't trust himself to speak and if he stopped, he would be questioned.

Once inside his room, he sat down on his bed and brought his knees up to his forehead. Circling his arms around his legs, he braced himself tightly. The pain, the unrelenting pain, was getting to him. He had to release the pressure of it. He couldn't hold it in anymore. Suddenly, he felt liquid run down his nose and pool at his lips. When he stuck his tongue out to capture it, it was warm and salty. The water on the inside had manifested itself on the outside. For the first time in 8 years, he let the tears just come forward. The once powerful Kurosaki Ichigo was reduced to crying. It hurt like hell and he hated it. He absolutely detested it. But he was alone and if it could bring him some relief, he was in no position to object to his heart's demand.

End Flashback

Little by little, night after night, that is how the heart dies. With each passing day, he became more and more numb to what went on outside, and more and more in tune with what was happening inside as he got sucked down into the vacuum. What was going on inside was so encasing, that he spent all of his energy holding it off. He tried everything. He tried studying more, working more…hell, he tried drinking it loose; that didn't end so well. He just couldn't make the torrential rain in his heart stop. He felt under water. He was drowning; he was fighting for his emotional life and no one could save him. Well, someone could, but he thought that they were too selfish or uncaring to do so. He was all alone in the world.

He was used to it before he met her. After Kaa-san…died…he didn't let anyone inside. He kept everyone at a distance. They didn't know him in depth and they were easily fooled by his little masks lies and excuses. Then, Rukia had come along. They spent enough time together that they began to see the little subtleties within each other. He felt like he could tell her almost anything or let her see just about all of him and what he didn't overtly reveal, she covertly dug out of him. Once he knew what a really deep connection to another person was like, he couldn't go back to the way it was. Rukia's departure wasn't like having a playmate move away. It was like having your soulma-…let's not go there.

Looking through some photographs I found inside a drawer
I was taken by a photograph of you
There were one or two I know that you would have liked a little more
But they didn't show your spirit quite as true

Uncovering his face, his amber eyes fall onto the ajar drawer of his desk. He pulls it open, and there is the black binder that he's looked at every day for the past eight months. When he picks it up, he sees a manila envelope with an 'R' on the front. Setting the binder to the side, he pulls out the envelope. Once he opens it, he reaches in and pulls out the contents. It's dozens of pictures featuring a certain Shorty.

He looks through each one, remembering the reason for the picture. He hasn't looked at them in a while because it hurt so badly. But tonight, it doesn't seem to hurt at all. In fact, it brings a little happiness to his heart. Each one is a good memory. They are little snapshots of what their life together was like before. In each of them, there is a specific expression of hers that is captured. Some of them show her frowning, some have her smiling, some have her laughing and others just show her candidly when she thought no one was watching. Then, he sees one that makes him smile sadly.

You were turning 'round to see who was behind you
And I took your childish laughter by surprise
And at the moment that my camera happened to find you
There was just a trace of sorrow in your eyes

Right before Renji and Byakuya captured her, he had gotten a digital camera for his birthday. He took lots of pictures trying to become an expert at the thing. However, he ended up with lots of really bad pictures trying to use all of the functions. The memory card was full of crap, but he kept this one because even though it was supposed to be a disposable and mistake picture, it seemed so perfect; so her.

Flashback

"Ichigo, what is this contraption?"

He and Rukia were at the park near the children's' playground. She was pointing at the seesaw. Evidently, they didn't have these in the Seretei. "It's a seesaw. Two people of about equal weight get on it and lift each other up."

Rukia tapped her finger to her chin, trying to comprehend the mechanics. "Ah, so, each person's weight is used as leverage and the other person is just lifted off of the ground but still sitting on the seat."

Ichigo was still jacking with his camera, so whatever she said was really of no consequence. "Yeah." He replied in an offhanded way.

"I think I want to try. Come on, Ichigo, and help me."

He looked back at her like she was crazy. "That is for kids! I am not a kid, neither are you and we would look stupid! My reputation would be ruined!"

Rukia rolled her eyes, "Don't be such a stupe. Besides, what is a little harmless fun? Who the hell is here to even see you?"

"I don't know, but I don't want to find out! Anyway, I weigh almost twice what you do. Maybe you should get one of the kids over there to help you. I am sure you weigh as much as a sixth grader."

SLAP!

"OWWW! Dammit! Rukia!"

With a fire of pure determination, she pinned him with a glare and made her demand. "You will get over there and help me. You only have to do this for five minutes. Then we can go. More importantly, I AM NOT THE SIZE OF A SIXTH GRADER, YOU ORANGE HAIRED BUFFOON. NOW, GET YOUR ASS OVER THERE!" Her little hands were on her hips and her scowl let him know that she was not to be questioned or further violence would ensue.

"Bitch. Fine. Let's get this over with. Five minutes, that is all!" Ichigo said while holding his cheek.

"Works for me. Let's go!" Rukia said while almost running to the equipment of discussion.

While Ichigo was making his way there, he had an idea. He was going to scare the crap out of her, take the picture and put it on the refrigerator at home just to piss her off. She and he were alike in the respect that they didn't like the idea of anyone knowing when they were afraid. He can't wait to see the look on her face when she walks past it in the morning. Priceless. He will have to get up a little early for this one.

Rukia sat on the side closest to the ground and looked at him expectantly. "Well?"

"Hold on with your demanding ass. Let me get something straight and secure my camera." Ichigo got the setting ready, secured the camera around his wrist, and put his finger on the button. When he was satisfied with his preparations, he asked her, "You ready?"

She snorted, "Of course. I'm waiting on you; as per usual."

He put his hand on the seat up in the air. "Okay, you got it."

In one smooth move, he pushed the seat down harshly, swings his leg over the side, sits on it, and falls to the ground. While Rukia is flying upward, he captures the picture of her face as well as when bounces on the seat due to his side colliding with the ground.

After her uncharacteristically childish shriek and giggle, she says excitedly, "Make it do that again!"

Though he didn't do anything special or heroic, she thought he had the power to make her laugh and smile. If he were a superhero, he would have the lamest power ever. But, for unknown reasons, he didn't mind that Rukia thought it was cool- even if she was being demanding.

End Flashback

Now the things that I remember seem so distant and so small
Though it hasn't really been that long a time
What I was seeing wasn't what was happening at all
Although for a while, our path did seem to climb

Her eyes are wide open and a goofy smile is planted on her face. He can see her palette and all of her back teeth. She was frightened out of her mind. He laughs quietly. The look on her face is truly priceless. As he studies the picture in more detail, her eyes tell a different story. In hindsight, she knew that they would be coming for her even then. She knew that she would have to leave and that she would lose her life when they caught her.

At the time, he didn't understand why she was on edge. She seemed to be watching around every corner. He thought that she was just being overly cautious as she always was. But she kept going. She kept him on his duties as a shinigami. She pulled him out of his dark world and gave him a real purpose in life. She let him live up to his name. She let him protect while she protected him. They lived and worked in tandem.

Then, she came back after he saved her. Even before she had her powers back, she came to him. From the Bounts, to the sons of bitches in Hueco Mundo, she just kept coming back….until she couldn't.

But when you see through love's illusions, there lies the danger
And your perfect lover just looks like a perfect fool
So you go running off in search of a perfect stranger
While the loneliness seems to spring from your life
Like a fountain from a pool

When she didn't come back the last time, he fell into his own private hell. He stupidly thought that it was the presence of a person that would make it all better. He would show her that, just because she left him, it didn't mean that he couldn't move on. He was tough and had been through lots of shitty things. This was just one more on the list. He wouldn't let her have that much of an impact on his life. It just took a while before he realized that she was the person that he was missing. She was irreplaceable and, finally, all of the lying caught up with him on that night eight months ago.

It was so unnerving how his sorrow broke through to his consciousness. Each subsequent date became a grueling task. His quest to replace her cut through him and burned more and more with each effort. Keigo was right; he was very, very lonely. He couldn't shake it, he couldn't fix it, and he couldn't cover it. He couldn't lie to himself anymore. He hated her for what she did to him. She broke him down to a point that he couldn't go back to who he was before her.

Fountain of sorrow, fountain of light
You've known that hollow sound of your own steps in flight
You've had to hide sometimes, but now you're all right
And it's good to see your smiling face tonight

He closes his eyes and shakes his head. While he was busy hating her and trying to pacify his growing pain, she was being the decoy. She was running and fighting while he got to stand still. She fought alone.

Rukia has been on the run ever since he's known her. Whether it from her past, her brother, Renji, Soul Society…someone has always been after her. She never gets to live in peace. She's always making haste for the next area of refuge. She's always protecting in her journey. And when he was running, he was taking care of himself, trying to get away from his life. When he heard his footsteps, he should have known that there was another, lighter set making that sound as she carried him on her back and his pain on her head. It was the sound of his little death angel who was clearing the path in front of him. She held him up until he could walk on his own; as she always has. Thank you, Rukia.

Now for you and me it may not be that hard to reach our dreams
But that magic feeling never seems to last
And while the future's there for anyone to change, still you know it's seems
It would be easier sometimes to change the past
I'm just one or two years and a couple of changes behind you
In my lessons at love's pain and heartache school
Where if you feel too free and you need something to remind you
There's this loneliness springing up from your life
Like a fountain from a pool

He had always believed that, after Aizen, he and she would have a normal life. They would go to school, go to college and do the things that normal people did with the exception of kicking a little hollow ass from time to time. At some point, probably in his late 30's, he would more than likely join the Gotei 13, she would be his side captain and they would have the most ass kicking squad there. They would go on missions together and live just as they always had; it would be she and he against the world. It was going to be the Ichigo and Rukia show- the strongest guy with his trusty side kick curing shitloads of injustice in the world. But with the loss of his powers, that daydream had been derailed. He believed that she derailed it-willingly. However, it was his actions that caused him to lose his powers and the actions of others that made the derailment her will since his living and his dream of her being there were dynamically opposed.

She was right to not tell him. He wouldn't have taken it well and he would have been all over Urahara to come up with a way to get him his powers back- directly. If she had come in a gigai, he would have let it slip that she had been there. Hell, if anyone heard him yell at her, they would know. Eventually, he would have wanted the situation to come out of hiding. If the shoe was on the other foot and he would have had to do what she did, he wouldn't have had the will to keep away from her. He never has.

He cringes when he thinks about how much she had to have been hurting for the last couple of years. Rukia has had to and been able to bear so much pain that he can't get his mind to wrap around it. From her life in the Rokangai, to Kaien, to Renji, to Byakuya, to the twins she raised, to…him, she has had to be insanely strong. She may not have as much spiritual power as he had, but she definitely has more heart. More resolve. She knew that he couldn't bear it because he wasn't as emotionally mature as she is. Rukia is stronger. She fought for him, his life and his family.

Fountain of sorrow, fountain of light
You've known that hollow sound of your own steps in flight
You've had to struggle, you've had to fight
To keep understanding and compassion in sight
You could be laughing at me, you've got the right
But you go on smiling so clear and so bright

So, she went on the run again. In the darkness of night, she kept watch while he slept. She has fought her heart out to stay out of the clutches of bitterness and jaws of hatred for all of those who have transgressed against her…including him. To her, his pain had been her pain. She had to watch it progress until he couldn't bear it anymore and that is probably when she knew that she had done the right thing no matter how much she hated it; no matter how much it broke her to see him break. She still embraced him in every sense of the word. She chased his nightmares away and carried them in her heart so that he could rest from the pride swallowing siege he called life. After all of the heartache she bore, she was still kind, compassionate, generous and willing to keep fighting so he could be free to harbor resentment. She had no time to do so. She had to keep running.

She had every reason to scream at him the way she did. He had no right to be angry at her; she had every right to be angry at him. She had given him the gifts he needed that he never knew enough to even ask for. And she never asked for one damned thing in return while he wanted everything.

Fountain of sorrow, fountain of light
You've known that hollow sound of your own steps in flight
You've had to hide sometimes but now you're all right
And it's good to see your smiling face tonight

What he and Rukia have is much more than anyone else can see. What they have is stronger than friendship. He doesn't know what it is and he doesn't give a damn. All he knows is that he's miserable without her. She's like this weird compass. Every time he looks for North to lead him home, she's always there. Now, if she will let him, he will take his rightful turn at carrying her on his back and her pain on his head. She could use a real friend right now. Not one who expects the world from her in inordinate amounts and had the fucking nerve to weigh out their acts of kindness in milligrams. No, she needs one who will always believe in her and never question the intent of her actions; the kind of friend he used to be to her and the kind that she has always been to him.

It is time to bring her home. It is time to be a superhero to her so that she can laugh and smile. It is time to let her sleep while he drives. It is time to stop begging her to come into his soul and then making her beg to stay. If she will let him back into her soul, he will covertly reach in and rip out whatever hurts her; he will protect her with what little power he has. He will step in front of whatever comes to harm her so that she can live her life and stop running; even if it's me.

He gathers up the pictures and puts them back in the envelope. After closing it, he puts it and the binder back in the drawer. He then stands, stretches and grabs his jacket. Time to go get what he begged the gods and his mom to bring back to him. It may not have come back the way he wanted or when he wanted, but has no claim to be ungrateful. For the first time in two years, his resolve is on fire.

Rukia really is my true North…she's my truth.


As Ichigo bounds down the stairs, he is met by his father at the bottom.

"Son…"

Ichigo looks his father in the eyes with sheer determination. "Tou-san, I know I was a complete asshole. I'm going to find her and bring her back. Did Urahara-San bring her stuff by?"

Isshin simply blinks at his son. He thought he was going to have to go up there and do an intervention. However, that seems to be unnecessary. "Yeah, about two hours ago."

"Alright. Could you ask Yuzu to go into her luggage and grab out the stuff she will need for tonight? I'll take the rest of her stuff upstairs when I get back." Ichigo speaks strongly and without waver while putting his shoes on.

"Sure. Call me when you find her. I'll call you if she comes here before you get back."

"Thanks. I'll be back soon."

With that, Ichigo opens the door to leave but his father stops him. "Ichigo!"

Said boy turns around. "Yeah?"

Isshin walks over to the couch and pulls the blanket off of the back of it. "Take this with you and wrap it around her. She left in what she had on earlier with no shoes. She'll probably be cold."

The younger man gives his father a deadly look. "Why the hell didn't you tell me that earlier? She just got here and now she'll have a damned cold! You're supposed to be a doctor for fuck's sake!" After snatching the blanket, he goes straight away through the door closing it harshly.

Isshin looks up at the ceiling with a small smile. "What would I do without you, Masaki?"