Natasha sat on the edge of the bed, combing out her wet hair when she heard a knock on the door.
"Come in", she called out, prompting Frigga to open the door and step in, closing the door behind her. The queen ventured in cautiously, "I just wanted to see how you were faring, my dear…I know I did not have the opportunity to offer my condolences for your loss…"
Natasha nodded slowly, lowering her head, "Oh…thank you. You don't have to—"
"Yes. I do. I know how deeply a loss of that magnitude can affect a mother."
Natasha shook her head, "I'm no mother—"
"You have a child…just not one you can hold in your arms…"
The red head lowered her eyes as her eyes filled with tears, "I'm not good enough for your son."
"He loves you…and you love him. That's what makes you good enough", she said as she sat beside her. Frigga reached for her stomach, "I'm the goddess of fertility and childbirth. Would you mind if I helped you, my dear?" Natasha nodded slowly as Frigga placed a hand on her belly and began reciting an encantation. Natasha felt the ache in her womb subside and her bleeding stop. Frigga removed her hand, "You will have many healthy children when the time is right…"
Loki's emerald eyes met the thunder god's light blue gaze forlornly. He saw the change. The young god knew that he did. What did it mean? Why didn't his skin burn under the Frost Giants touch like everybody else's. Somewhere deep inside he knew why. He knew it in that instant though he didn't want to admit it.
"Volstagg!" Thor bellowed as he moved towards his brother as if nothing odd had just happened. "Help, Loki, carry him. We need to get Fandral to the Bi-Frost before he bleeds to death."
A sudden knock at the door and the uninvited entry of Odin quickly ended Natasha's heartfelt conversation with the queen. The Allfather stood there, staring at them for a few moments before he spoke.
"Come. There is trouble", he commanded regally.
Moments later, they arrived at Heimdall's observatory as Loki, Thor and their band of warriors arrived. The injured were immediately whisked away while Thor and Loki appeared to be unharmed…but by the way the brothers looked at each other, Natasha could tell something was deathly wrong. Before she could take another step toward Loki, Odin spoke, "Loki…let us speak in private."
"Whatever for?" Loki snapped as his dark green eyes narrowed. He could feel his heartbeat accelerating in fear of what he had just seen moments before. His mind was racing and his thoughts were scattered but he knew his father and he did nothing without a specific reason. "Why did you bring Natalia to the BiFrost?"
"I am sending her back to Midgard where she belongs," Odin revealed stoically. "Your mother was able to heal her. She is perfectly well for travel."
"Yes… of course, because all beings belong in their own realm," Loki bit off sarcastically. "What about me? Where do I belong? What am I?"
"Loki, you're my brother," Thor interrupted as he moved toward him.
"Stop it!" Loki shouted as he backed away from the thunder god. "Don't act like you didn't see… I know you did." He turned his attention back to Odin. His emerald eyes filled with anguish. "What am I really? Tell me!"
Natasha didn't know what was happening. Something had happened when they were away, and it had affected Loki very deeply. She watched as Odin spared her a glance, likely preferring a mere mortal wasn't here to witness such a major family spat. He turned his eye back to Loki and spoke slowly, "You are my son…"
Natasha watched as Loki's head shook. She started to move toward him, but Frigga put a hand on her arm as she spoke to her husband, "You are our son, Loki. We are your family…but there are things you need to know…it is time your father told you the truth."
"Frigga!" Odin commanded, warning her to be quiet.
"The truth… yes… why don't you, father," Loki snipped, his voice cracking as the emotion welled up in his throat. "I deserve to know."
"Just as your mother said we are your family," Odin exhaled as he took a tentative step closer to the young god. "No matter what, Loki, you are our son."
"And what more than that?" He insisted as he tried to hold back the tears welling up in his eyes.
"In the aftermath of the battle at Jotunnheim I found a baby in the temple, abandoned… suffering… small for a Frost Giants offspring… left to die. Laufey's son." Odin finally admitted solemnly.
"Laufey's son? I am that monster's son?" Loki exclaimed as the truth finally settled upon him. He was a Frost Giant. Those horrific beings that he feared since he was a boy and he was one of them.
"You are our son, Loki," Frigga entreated as she moved forward to touch him.
"Don't touch me," Loki cried out as he backed further away from all of them. Getting closer to the edge of the Bi-Frost. His dark green eyes turned back toward the All-Father. "Why did you take me? Why didn't you just leave me there? You were knee-deep in Jotunn blood, what was one more?"
"You were an innocent child," Odin whispered softly.
"No… You took me for a purpose… You never do anything without a reason. What was it?" the young god seethed vehemently.
"I thought we could unite our kingdoms one day. Bring about an alliance… a permanent peace through you," The All-Father admitted.
"Why did you lie to me? Why didn't you tell me from the beginning?" Loki frothed as the tears began to fall from his eyes unbidden. He could not keep them back. "I'm nothing more than another one of your stolen relics… another addition to your precious vault… locked away until you might have use for me."
"No… No, Loki… you couldn't be more wrong," Odin insisted as he attempted to move closer but it only made Loki back further away. He didn't want to be near them. He didn't belong with them. He didn't belong with anyone. "You are my son. I only wanted to protect you from the truth."
"The truth… that I'm nothing more than a monster? I'm the monster that parents tell their children about at night?" the young god sobbed as he brushed his fingers through his hair, shaking his head back and forth. Wishing he could wake up somehow. Wake up and this would all be a dream. "It all makes sense now. Why I always felt different… why I never felt like I truly belonged… why nothing I did was ever good enough for you… No wonder you favored Thor all these years. No matter how much you claimed to love me… you could never forget what I really am."
"Loki, stop!" Thor shouted suddenly. "You're too close to the edge. Come here, brother, before you fall."
"I'm not your brother," Loki whimpered as the tears flooded down his cheeks. "I never was."
Natasha couldn't believe what she was hearing. Loki was one of those creatures…
Once that fact sunk in, she remembered that she was a monster too…only she didn't look that way on the outside. She didn't need the glossy veneer to cover what she really was. Loki was still the man that loved her, and that she loved. Whether she could openly admit it or not.
Odin tried to grab her to keep her from approaching him, but she shook away from him, holding up a shaky hand to Loki, "You belong with me, Loki. I'm right here, and I will never leave you. I will never lie to you. Come away from the edge, please. Please come to me. I know it feels hopeless right now, but it will be alright if you just take my hand. Please…you can't leave me. Not after what we just went through together…don't give up on me now, baby…please."
"My whole life is a lie… everything is a lie… you always wanted to warn me away from you," Loki murmured as the tears continued to descend down his face. "But it's you that needs to go away from me. I'm nothing but a monster. No different than the beasts that took away your baby."
Natasha adamantly shook her head as she dropped to her knees, "Loki, please! Get away from the edge! You are not a monster! I don't care who or what you say or think you are! You are wonderful and good and you've treated me with more love and respect than anyone in my miserable life and I won't survive without you. Please don't leave me!"
"This isn't even me… my skin it's…when they touched me… it was all blue… I am just like them… I am them," Loki sniffled as he stared and stared at his hand, the heartbreak clear in his voice. "You've never seen the real me. I've never seen the real me."
Natasha shook her head, "I don't care! I don't care, Loki! I know who you really are! It doesn't matter what's on the outside. I know you're the man who loves to stroke my hair and kiss my neck and whisper sweet nothings in my ear after we've made the most passionate love I've ever experienced…please."
"I don't know who I am anymore," Loki murmured as his eyes drifted towards the edge of the BiFrost. "I don't know anything anymore."
"Loki, listen to her please," Thor pleaded. "You're my brother… my best friend.. we've spent our whole lives together, we grew up together… got into trouble together. Nothing can change that. Please, brother, come away from the edge."
"I remember sneaking in your room late at night when we were little and we would try to scare each other with spooky stories" the young god muttered softly as he continued to gaze at the abyss. "You remember what use to scare me the most, Thor."
"Loki, please!" The thunder god begged. "Please, don't."
"I don't want to be that thing," Loki gasped. His mind felt like a fog. There was nothing left but heartbreak and despair. "I can't be." He whispered as he stepped forward.
Natasha let out a blood curdling scream as she rushed forward, but Thor caught her around the waist as Odin ran to the edge. She fought feverishly to get to the edge of the BiFrost, but his grip was unrelenting, despite his obvious grief.
She kept screaming Loki's name, her face wet with tears as she hit and pushed against Thor, but he wouldn't let her go. She would have surely thrown herself over the edge with him. Natasha weakened against the god and collapsed in a fit of sobs against his chest.
Thor was in disbelief, "I…I do not know what to do…father…what do I do?"
Odin called for Heimdall, "Take her. Return her to her realm."
Thor quickly spoke up, "You cannot send her back, father. Loki was trying to protect her from a direct threat. It was the only thing he cared about…"
"Her fate is not of your concern. She is to be returned at once", Odin stated as Frigga looked on in horror. Heimdall took Natasha by the arm and led her into his observatory. She didn't fight…she said nothing. She couldn't even feel anymore. She felt numb. The only thing she could feel was the terrible emptiness that Loki's death had caused.
….and she hadn't even gotten the chance to finally tell him that she loved him back.
Natasha was returned to Loki's apartment in the city. She stayed there, holed up like a hermit for days. Some of his clothes were there, so she wore them around the apartment, like a lonely widow who had suffered a psychotic break. It took weeks for her to finally leave the apartment.
She couldn't keep surviving on saltines.
Eventually, she started to function. She held onto her grief and limited her interactions with others, but she started eating, bathing and behaving like a "normal" person. At night, she wept for Loki and the child they'd lost, but during the day, she forced a mask of normalcy to replace the embittered woman she had become.
One day, while she was out for a run, she noticed a man with short cropped hair following her. She decided not to go to her apartment, and instead went to a coffee shop. She wondered if he was from the Red Room. She didn't recognize him at all…
If he came to kill her, she didn't think she cared much about stopping him, so she sat in the coffee shop, nursing a caramel latte for nearly an hour before he took a seat at the table beside her.
"Natasha Romanoff?"
The Black Widow stiffened slightly as she set her cup down, "Who's asking?"
"I'm Agent Clint Barton of SHIELD…and I think I can help you."
A year later, Natasha sat at her desk at SHIELD Headquarters, looking through paperwork. She'd just gotten finished posing as Tony Stark's assistant and was filling out her debriefing forms.
Clint hopped up on her desk, "Quittin' time, Romanoff. Let's go get a drink."
"No thanks, Barton. I'm going to finish this paperwork, then go home for a nice hot bath."
Clint smirked, "I could join you…"
She laughed a little and shook her head. She and Clint slept together a month ago, but she immediately regretted it. They were partners, and she was still pining away for Loki. Natasha made him promise that it wouldn't affect their work relationship and, most importantly, it wouldn't happen again.
She sighed her paperwork and put it on Fury's desk as Clint followed behind, "So you really don't want to hang out tonight, huh?"
The redhead shook her head, "No. I'm good…thanks. You should go out. Have fun."
Clint sighed and leaned against the elevator door frame, "You are a mystery, Natasha Romanoff. But don't worry. I happen to enjoy solving mysteries in my spare time."
Again, she laughed and shook her head as the elevator doors opened. She stepped inside, "Goodnight, Barton…"
That night, when she arrived at her apartment, she poured herself a glass of wine, stripped out of her clothes, and put on one of the dress shirts Loki left behind. It had been over a year…and she missed him just as badly as she had missed him the day it happened.
Loki fell into the abyss, into a never ending nothingness and had it stayed that way it probably would have been a blessing. There were no thoughts, no words, no feelings just the void. Just the sensation of falling and the currents of air rushing around him but then abruptly it stopped. And as he landed on the hard cold surface all of the pain and anguish came rushing back.
"Well, look what we have here." A voice taunted in a deep rumble. The young god picked up his head slowly from the ground. He had never felt so weak and every cell in his body was throbbing with pain. His dark green eyes gazed up at the huge purple beast before him. His crimson eyes staring down at him as his grotesque mouth upturned in an evil grin.
Natasha was dreaming of Loki. He was staring at her, but his eyes were different. He was glaring down at her, pointing a scepter at her throat, accusing her of never loving him…and suddenly, she was awoken by the loud chirping of her SHIELD-issued cell phone.
She quickly picked it up and heard Phil Coulson's voice, "Romanoff. We got a Code Red. We need you to bring in the big guy. Clint Barton's been compromised."
Within 24 hours, Natasha had successfully brought Bruce onto the helicarrier, but she had no idea why. Then again, in her field, she was used to taking orders and never asking questions.
They sat down at a table and were joined by Captain America, who was still wearing his suit. Natasha furrowed her eyebrows at that. Where had he been? She cleared her throat and sat up, "Who else are we waiting for?"
Just then, Tony Stark walked in…with Thor.
She shot out of her seat as he gasped, "Lady Natalia…"
A newly arrived Nick Fury raised an eyebrow, "Uh…do you two know each other?"
Natasha stayed quiet as Thor cleared his throat, "Sir Fury. Might I have a moment alone with Lady Natalia?"
"Her name is Natasha Romanoff, and I'd like to know why in the hell one of my best and brightest agents is on a first name basis with an extraterrestrial! Now time is of the essence and that cell isn't going to hold Loki much longer!"
Natasha gasped, placing a hand against her chest, "Loki?!"
Thor put a hand on her back as he watched her sway. Fury and Thor took her aside, and there, they hashed everything out. Fury explained Loki's violent arrival just two days prior, Natasha explained her connection to Loki, Thor and Asgard.
At the end of it, Fury was dead set on getting Natasha off that Helicarrier because he was concerned she might compromise the mission. Natasha insisted that she could get Loki to talk, and begged Fury to allow her to see him…alone.
After a lot of convincing from her and Thor, she was given the code to the cell. When she walked in, she felt weak in the knees. She thought she might pass out. Tears sprang from her eyes, "Loki…oh my god…"
She rushed to the cell, pressing her hands against the glass, "I thought you were dead!"
Loki thought that he had been in pain when he arrived in whatever godforsaken realm he had descended upon but that was nothing compared to the unending torment that this purple creature put him through. The titan knew him somehow. He knew everything about him and he wanted something from him although the beast never divulged what it was during his torture sessions.
Loki's heart grew harder and colder with every scourge that was doled out by Thanos and his cronies. Through every painful beating he could hear Thanos' dull rumble of a voice speaking to him. He would talk about Asgard, Jotunnheim and even Midgard. He loved to rile him up, to make him angry. The Titan took to calling him Laufeyson, a name that he knew he hated with every fiber of his being but that was the whole point. Thanos loved to talk about the events of the young god's life but his version was darker and more insidious than the way things had been in reality. Somewhere deep inside Loki knew that but it receded further and further until it was barely a whisper of a voice in the back of his mind.
Then the torture stopped as the Titan suddenly offered him a partnership. A way that they could help each other. He wanted to know if Loki had ever seen a glowing orb in his travels to Midgard. A magical piece that he called the Tesseract. The young god knew of it and he knew where they kept it. Thanos grinned widely when Loki told him this. He offered him Midgard. The realm would be his to rule and all he had to do in return was return the Tesseract to him. The trickster agreed, after all, he had been to born to rule.
His plans had been going perfectly with the help of the scepter that the Titan had gifted him with he was able to pull himself through the portal and onto Midgard. With the mystical jewel inside of his staff, he could turn anyone of these pathetic humans into his servant. He had taken over many such pawns. Unfortunately even the best laid plans had unforeseen problems and being captured by his former brother and his cohorts was the young god's current misfortune. Not that he was worried. He knew his minions would be coming for him and once he set up the tesseract he would have an army of Chitauri at his command.
Loki sat in the clear glass cell that they had placed him in. Waiting patiently for the next phase of his plans to begin. When he saw her walk into the room. He froze for a moment at the sight of her. It wasn't that he didn't know that she was a part of the team. He, unfortunately, knew that all too well. It was that he didn't expect to still feel the way he did when he saw her. Emotions were something he had long since shut off from his existence. As fast as the feelings came, he pushed them back down. He wasn't that man anymore.
"Nice performance," Loki drawled as he gazed at her with cold eyes. "It would have been more believable coming from you had it been a little more understated, pet."
