Akatsuki Crack Theatre

Kisame snuck into Itachi's room, intent on finding something new. Why was he so intent on finding some blackmail? Well, it could have been that Itachi found out about the fish food underneath his bed (damn Mangekyo), but it was also because Kisame did not want to lose to that Uchiha bastard. Not that he really hated Itachi or anything—they had really recently been getting along, due to their 'game'. But, still, he had to find out something about Itachi.

Kisame shuffled through Itachi's drawers. Nothing interesting, or rather, nothing he hadn't seen before. Discolored house socks, regular house socks, Akatsuki-print boxers, cloak, t-shirts, pants, regular socks, sharp shiny dagger, kunai, shuriken...

Kisame closed all the drawers, finally giving up on the dresser. He had about fifteen more minutes before Itachi came out of the shower. He glanced underneath the bed, pushing items aside to look for anything that he could use. Finally, he saw a novel. He pulled it out from underneath the bed and looked at the cover.

"Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince?" he asked aloud. He sighed... Well, it wasn't great, but it could be used. He pushed it aside. He turned to Itachi's desk and shuffled through its contents. Nothing interesting was in there. No odd photos (no photos at all, in fact), no weird documents, no journal...

"Ahem," Itachi coughed from the door. He was leaning against the doorframe, glaring at Kisame as he went through his desk.

"Itachi! I misplaced my pen, did you happen to see it?" Kisame's cover-up was immediate and without hesitation—maybe, just maybe, Itachi would believe him...

"Yeah, right. You don't use pens. You use pencils."

Kisame couldn't help but look at his partner oddly. "How... how would you know something like that...?"

"I pay attention," Itachi commented. "It comes in handy. Out of my room, Mr. Fish Food," he added, simply, though it sounded stupid, to remind his partner he had blackmail on him.

"You read Harry Potter!" Kisame exclaimed.

"Don't you think Harry and Hermione should end up together?"

"Gross! Harry and Ginny!"

"Sounds like you read it, too." How did Itachi know to say something like that? Well, truth is, most people read Harry Potter, so there was a good chanceeveryone in the hideout at least knew about it.

Kisame cursed under his breath. Why was he so good at making the well-earned blackmail null and void?

"You have until Deidara and Sasori come home to find some dirt on me. Get out of my room," Itachi ordered.

"Right, right..." Kisame muttered, depressed. He had to find something out, or else his reputation (however much it paled in comparison to Itachi's) was at stake.

----

Kisame couldn't sleep that night. Deidara and Sasori were due to come back to Headquarters the next day. He rose and walked out of the room, grabbing the fish food for a glass of (tasty) water.

He was about to walk past Itachi's room and to the kitchen when he paused. Was that sleep-induced muttering? Kisame paused and listened at the door. He could barely hear what Itachi was saying, but he could hear it.

"Shisui... I'm sorry... You need to die... Forgive me..."

Kisame paused. It wasn't quite 'juicy' blackmail, but it would still ruin his reputation. Itachi felt bad about what he did to Shisui! It did make sense, considering that Shisui was Itachi's best friend growing up, but since Itachi always pretended that he didn't care... It was perfect.

With a smirk, Kisame walked back to his room, no longer needing the fish food-induced water to get him to sleep. He would be relaxed enough to sleep that night.

----

"Still haven't found anything, have you?" Itachi asked with a smirk. When Kisame turned to him with an evil smirk plastered on his face, Itachi nearly panicked.

"Do you remember what you dreamt about last night?" Kisame asked coolly as he sipped at a glass of milk.

"No," Itachi replied.

"You dreamt about Shisui, didn't you?"

"I don't remember."

"Either way, you know, I heard you call out in your sleep... Something like that you're sorry and asking for forgiveness..." Kisame looked at Itachi, who simply continued to stare forward. Kisame hadn't really expected Itachi to lose his cool, but honestly, the look he was giving Kisame was way too collected.

"I never asked for forgiveness. It wasn't needed. Shisui told me to kill him."

"Oh, reall—what?"

"It was assisted suicide. He told me to kill him so that I could get the Mangekyo, but he was planning on killing himself. It wasn't completely moral, but it wasn't like I committed murder. I have nothing to feel sorry for."

Itachi turned to walk away. "That doesn't mean you can't feel sorry, Itachi," Kisame halfway-muttered, just barely audible to Itachi. Itachi paused before continuing to walk away.

In that moment, Kisame felt like he understood Itachi a little bit more. He still thought that Itachi was an asshole, but he wasn't heartless.

Kisame believed the former statement less and the latter statement more when Itachi didn't tell Deidara about his fish food.