White. Everywhere. White. He looked around slowly, his eyes wincing against the bright light. Was this heaven? No. Heaven wouldn't hurt this much. He heard a soft voice from somewhere next to him and turned towards the source. There she was. His goddess.

Buffy: Angel? Can you hear me?

He tried to speak but his voice was hoarse and his mouth dry. He indicated to the water jug and she quickly poured him a cup, lifting it to his mouth as he drank from it. He smiled at her softly.

Angel: Buffy

Faith walked in with a doctor who proceeded to poke Angel seemingly everywhere, reminding him of just how much pain he was in.

Doctor: You were very lucky. The blade didn't puncture any major organs. You should be able to go home next week

Angel: Next week? But –

Buffy: Angel

He sighed in acceptance and lent back against the pillows. He couldn't deny Buffy anything. Not after the way he'd behaved towards her. The others came in to see Angel, then left him and Buffy alone again, where an uncomfortable silence settled.

Angel: Buffy…

Buffy: You don't have to say anything Angel

Angel: No, I do. When you came to see me, I was hurt and angry. Everyone died and I knew it was my fault. I couldn't save them

Buffy: You can't save everyone Angel. They knew the risks when they went into the fight

Angel: It doesn't matter. I should have protected them. Christ I couldn't even save Fred…I didn't want to blame myself and when you came…I guess I used you to try and make myself feel better. I tried to convince myself it was your fault, not mine

Buffy: I should have come earlier

Angel: You didn't know. It wasn't your fault. I said everything I knew would hurt you. I used Nina to get back at you

Buffy: Nina…why isn't she here?

Angel: I haven't seen Nina for over a year

Buffy: But you said –

Angel: I know what I said. And I didn't lie…completely. She was my girlfriend before the fight. Then I gave her tickets telling her to get out of town. I said I'd come and find her afterwards but I couldn't

Buffy: Why not?

Angel: After the way I'd treated you, I knew I didn't deserve her or anybody. She would have made me happy, not perfectly happy, but happy. And I didn't deserve any kind of happiness

Buffy couldn't help but be hurt. Another woman could make Angel happy…jealousy bubbled slightly and she tried to suppress it. It was ridiculous really. Angel left her because he couldn't give her a normal life, then he went and got together with another normal girl, regardless of that.

Angel: What's wrong?

Buffy: It's just…you left me to give me a normal life…and then you start dating another girl? How's that fair?

Angel: She wasn't just a girl. She was a werewolf

Buffy: And I'm a Slayer. Big deal

Angel: Buffy please, let's not go over this again. You know why I left, that's in the past

Buffy: Is it? It's always been between us and it'll never go away until we sort it out

Angel: There's nothing to sort out. I wanted to give you –

Buffy: Angel, stop fooling yourself. We both know the real reason was because you were selfish

Angel: Of course, I was being selfish. I couldn't bear to be around you without touching you and I knew what would happen if I did. Sorry if I didn't want to unleash my evil self on you

Buffy: Angel –

Angel: I didn't want to put you and everyone you loved through hell again, and I pretty much didn't want to turn into a monster. And I knew eventually you'd come to hate me

Buffy: How could I ever hate you?

Angel: We'd be so frustrated we'd argue, I wouldn't be able to take you anywhere you wanted to go, or do anything you wanted to do –

Buffy: All I wanted was you! I didn't want anything else!

Angel: Then. But you were young, you'd change and you'd want more

Buffy: You can't know that!

There was a long silence and Buffy sighed deeply, before looking down.

Angel: See? We can't even spend five minutes alone together now without arguing

Buffy: If you weren't so blind and goddamn self-sacrificing, maybe you'd be able to open your eyes a bit

She grabbed her bag and walked out of the room, leaving Angel to curse himself angrily.