That Which Destroys Me
Chapter 7: What Would Granger Do
Disclaimer: It's with a reluctant and heavy heart that I must admit that Harry Potter does not belong to me.
"Why are we not telling your parents?" Pansy complained.
"I second that," Theo piped up before anyone could answer her.
Blaise rolled his eyes and without looking up from his lap, he said, "Do you want to be the one to tell Narcissa Malfoy her precious son is dying of an unknown, possibly incurable, illness?"
"No, but you know what a Malfoy on the warpath is like. She'd burn everything in her way to find a cure and that's exactly what we need. A damn cure," she grumbled. "Right, Draco?"
Instead of replying, Draco let out a sigh and looked away from the calm waters of the Great Lake to mutter, "Hurry up, will you, Blaise."
Blaise's gaze was firmly fixed on his fingers as he carefully rolled the blunt he'd been working on and lifted it to his lips to lick the edge of the paper. Once he was satisfied with his work, he gestured for his friends to sit and used the tip of his want to light the spliff.
"Salazar, I love magical marijuana," he said under his breath after taking a hit.
"Pass that here," Pansy scowled, but her features smoothed away once the smoke filled her lungs. "This is honestly the best idea we've ever had."
"Cheers to our brilliance and deep pockets," Theo exclaimed before taking the blunt from her. "Here's to the rich getting richer, and the stupid getting stupider."
"What does that even mean?" Blaise chuckled.
"I think he's referring to the fact that wizards are falling over themselves to buy our products when they could easily get it for much cheaper in the muggle world," Pansy pointed out.
Draco waited until he'd taken a few hits before blowing the smoke towards the sky and finally speaking up, "Our weed is in a whole other league than the muggle kind. Once you've had a taste of this, you can never go back to that simple stuff. Besides, do you really think any of these people would go out into muggle London or even know where to start looking for a dealer?"
It was completely true, of course. In fifth year, the four Slytherin's had introduced marijuana to the Wizarding community and formed a small company as another branch of Malfoy Enterprises. They did so by combining magic with the muggle plant to create a drug so flavourful and diverse. They created about a hundred strains or so, each with a different type of high. It had been Blaise who'd come up with the idea while Draco and him were smoking on a beach in France. Draco excelled in potions, a skill that extended to chemically altering the muggle herb, and Blaise had a knack for working with legal documents and charming investors. Theo was staying with Draco that summer after a particularly nasty encounter with his father and loved to come up with weird combinations for Draco to create just so that he could test them out as well. For Pansy, it was a way to avoid her mother's lessons on how to run a household and ensnare a Malfoy, and it just so happened that she turned out to be a marketing guru. After the success of a drug that had barely touched the Wizarding world before then, they expanded their horizons with muggle alcohols. It was safe to say that no witch or wizard had expected there to be an entire world of alcohol. They'd been making due with Firewhisky for so long that when the assortment of brands of alcohols hit the markets, it hit with a giant mallet. Draco thought it was actually disgusting how much money the already rich Purebloods raked in with that.
"Is this helping though? With the pain and stuff?" Pansy asked, nodding at the blunt in Blaise's hands.
"A bit," Draco admitted. "Filch convinced Dumbledore to keep the doors to the Great Hall locked at night so I've had to use my broom to fly out of the courtyard. Bloody difficult with all those paintings and that blasted cat."
"Maybe if you explain to Dumbledore he'll give you permission?"
The three of them gave Theo incredulous looks, which he ignored in favour of slowly shredding a leaf into tiny pieces.
"He's the last person I want involved in my issues. The batty old fool will probably leave me to die and then use my corpse for experiments."
"In times like this, I think to myself, W.W.G.D."
"Uh, yeah, no more for you," Blaise remarked, leaning over to grab the blunt from Pansy.
She shot him a glare and held it out of reach, before realizing it was finished. Then, she pouted at her friend, but he rolled his eyes and lit another blunt. When he took a whiff instead of passing it to her, she pouted and stomped her foot.
"Who would gobble dicks?" Theo mused after a moment.
Draco burst into laughter, while Blaise stared at him with faint amusement. Pansy used the distraction to grab the blunt from Blaise's hand and reached over to pat Theo on the head.
"You poor, sweet child," she cooed.
"Rich," Theo said, rolling his eyes. "Poor, rich, sweet child. And I'm not a child."
"Careful, Pans. You're starting to turn into your mother."
Pansy looked aghast at Draco's words and snapped, "I'd rather join you on your deathbed."
"Who would grow dandelions?"
She rolled her eyes and said, "No, dearest Nott. What would Granger do?"
"Oh." Blaise looked mildly impressed and nodded to himself.
"Shit," Draco swore and threw down his finished blunt. Checking his watch, he groaned and rose to his feet, pulling out his wand to clean the dirt off his trousers. "Buck-tooth will strangle me if I'm late to for patrol."
"Even at half your strength you could take the mudblood," Pansy snorted. "Don't tell me you're scared of that swot."
Draco threw her a dirty look and scoffed, "I'm a Malfoy."
"Does he not realize that that's not an actual answer for everything?" Pansy wondered, watching the blond rush back to the castle.
"And yet it somehow works out as the best answer too," Blaise added.
"Library!" Theo exclaimed.
The other two looked at him questioningly and exchanged looks when he gestured wildly.
"Please take your time. We have all night to play this bloody game," Pansy muttered.
Theo sighed and shook his head at them. "That's the answer to your question, Pans. What would Granger do?"
"Library," Blaise and Pansy said at the same time, excitement beginning to spread across their faces.
Draco found the bushy-haired girl sitting on the steps outside the Great Hall, scribbling furiously onto a piece of parchment. He came to a stop before her and watched her for a moment before clearing his throat softly. She jumped and blood rushed to her face when her wide eyes took him in. He noted that she was rushing to shove the parchment into her robes before he could see what was written on it.
"You look awfully guilty," he remarked, arching a pale eyebrow at her flustered form. "Plotting to stab me in my sleep tonight?"
She shot him a glare and snapped, "No, I'm going to wait for when you least expect it."
"Good. I would be worried if you weren't up to par."
She snorted and said, "Yeah, right. Draco Malfoy worried about me?"
"Worried in regards to you, not about you," he countered lightly.
"This illness must really be getting to your head," she mused, shaking her head. He stared at those wild curls that flew around at their own accord, mesmerized by that mess of varying shades of warm brown. Medusa…perhaps if she were in Slytherin he could even dare say her hair resembled that of Medusa's. Except not as deadly. Or creepy. Or slippery. Or scaly.
"Malfoy?"
"Hmm?" He broke out of his thoughts and realized he been staring at her hair while they walked and missed what she'd just said.
"Why are you staring at me?"
"Lint," he blurted out before panic could claw up his throat. "Your - uh - hair has a piece of - you know."
He watched her run her nimble fingers through her hair, her brows furrowed in concentration. Eventually, he decided to put her out of her misery and reached out to remove the nonexistent piece of lint. He mimed tossing it to the side and cleared his throat.
"Why are you so flushed?" she noticed, looking at him weirdly.
"I - no - why do you ask so many questions?" he retorted, his cheeks pinking as he realized just how antsy weed made him.
"Do you smell that?" she interrupted, her cute little nose twitching. He eyed her with fascination, wondering if she was aware how rabbit-like that particular mannerism of hers was. "Malfoy? Tell me I'm not losing my mind. There's no way I'm actually smelling marijuana in Hogwarts of all places."
"You - what?" He stepped away unconsciously and looked everywhere except at her.
"Um, it's a muggle pla-"
"I know what it is," he cut her off shortly, kind of annoyed that she thought he wouldn't know something so basic.
"Oh, so do you sm -"
Three figures came bounding down that hall, not bothering to slow down at the shouts of both the Head students.
"No running in the halls!" Granger yelled.
"What are you lot up to? Where's the bloody fire?"
"Kitchens," Theo huffed out. "Cheesecake."
"Library," Pansy called over her shoulder.
"Do you even know where that is?" Draco retorted.
"Come find us after," Blaise added.
"Fuck you," Pansy panted loudly before turning the corner.
"Your friends are definitely odd," Granger finally said after a moment of stunned silence. "And don't think it hasn't occurred to me that if it were Harry and Ron running by like that you wouldn't hesitate to take points off."
"Watch it, Granger. You take any points from Slytherin and I'll be sure to return the favour with Gryffindor twice as hard," he scowled, ignoring the fact that her nose was beginning to twitch again. "Come on, we still have quite a bit to go."
"I knew I smelt it," he heard her mutter to herself.
He quickened his pace, leaving her to hurry to catch up to him.
"Are you ever going to explain that first DADA class?" she asked after a couple minutes of beautiful silence.
He sighed. "No."
"I deserve to know."
"No, you don't."
"What do you mean? It was my body on the fl-"
"Can you ever keep your big mouth shut?"
"Can you be honest for once, you lousy git?"
He barked out a laugh, his lips pulled up into a sneer.
"Honest? I'm a big, bad Slytherin. Don't you know? I'll twist words on my silver tongue and seduce your panties off."
It didn't escape his notice that her cheeks flushed at his last words. It always gave him a sick sense of satisfaction that the Gryffindor Princess was affected by him. Like a personal victory over Pothead and Weaselbee.
"Disgusting pig." She kept her eyes ahead.
"Bossy harpy," he retorted. At least when she was arguing she didn't ask questions.
At the end of their patrol, they neared the library on their way back to the Head dorms and that was when she finally broke the silent treatment.
"Your friends are waiting," she reminded him, nodding at the big double doors and slowing her pace.
He shook his head and gestured for her to keep going. "They can wait some more. I'm walking you back to our common room first."
"That's suspiciously chivalrous of you, big, bad Slytherin," she remarked, looking pleasantly surprised.
"I'm a Malfoy and an aristocrat such as myself would never allow a young witch to walk these halls at night," he said nonchalantly, his lips beginning to curve into his usual smirk.
"I can protect myself," she protested quickly. "I'm not a weak damsel."
Not bothering to point out that it would take him a bare second to disarm her and have her pinned against the nearest wall, he said, "Weasley has the manners of a troll and so I can't fault you for your lack of knowledge of proper pureblood societal protocol. Besides, Mother would have my hide if I didn't ensure the lady got home safely."
Though she turned away to hide it, he saw the small smile that graced her lips. It really was a shame that she was only ever exposed to the atrocious manners of either muggles or a Weasley. Any self-respecting witch knew that a gentleman - even a roguish one like himself - would accompany her to ensure her safety.
Arriving at their common room, they parted ways to their own rooms. Draco grabbed his school bag, figuring if he was going to the library he might as well get some work done. It was nearing closing time for the library but he was surprised the Head girl wasn't holed up in the library every night like he expected her to be.
He found his friends in a secluded corner, closed in by towering shelves and enjoying the warmth of an ornate fireplace. Theo was laid out on his stomach in front of the hearth, stacks of books next to him while he perused a large textbook and shoved a large slice of cheesecake into his mouth. Blaise was stretched out on a couch, his ankles crossed and an open book resting on his stomach. Pansy was curled up on an armchair, scribbling away furiously on a piece of parchment that rested against one side of an open, thick book.
"Are you guys seriously wasting your high on studying?" he asked, tossing his bag aside and picking up one of Theo's books. "Dark Magic of Wizarding Ancient Egypt?"
"Oi, that's my 'already read' pile. Put it back before I waste another half hour skimming that snore-fest," Theo said, looking up at him with a scowl. "Besides, I'm already coming down."
"Grab a book and get started," Pansy said without pausing from her frantic writing.
"Get started on what?"
The three of them exchanged glances and Pansy said, "I've got this."
Finally putting her quill down, she rose to her feet and cautiously approached Draco like one would with a wild animal.
"We're researching this - this thing that's going on with you," she said, her nose scrunching up at the word 'thing.'
"Pans, really? I don't think -" Draco began to say exasperatedly, but he was cut off by the look of disgust on her face.
"Are you kidding me?" she cried, throwing her hands up in the air. "You're throwing in the towel, just like that?"
"What else am I supposed to do?" he argued, his tone making it clear he didn't appreciate her nosing around his problems.
"Find your balls and fix this!" she snapped and stepped forward. Poking her sharp, manicured nails at his chest, she growled, "You're Draco fucking Malfoy. I never thought you'd been one to run with your tail between your legs, but clearly I overestimated you. Don't be such a bloody coward and do what you're always good at. And just in case you've forgotten what that is, it's finding a way to get what you want. Definitely not sitting back and rotting to death."
"I never told you to place me on a pedestal," he snarled, narrowing his steel eyes down at her. "We fought a fucking war and that changes people."
"War didn't make you a coward. You did!" she yelled, refusing to back down. "I know the Dark Lord fucked you up, trust me I know. I see the darkness in you. I know you're afraid of losing control. But are you seriously going to let that be the reason you're acting like an idiot Weasley? Draco Malfoy doesn't sit back and let life fuck him over. No! Draco Malfoy makes the rules and fucks life over, everyone else be damned. The Draco Malfoy I grew up admiring would look Death in the face and tell him to go screw himself. Every time there's been an issue, with any of us, you're always the first one to take action. That brilliant, cunning mind of yours is always finding ways to keep the chessboard in your favour, thinking ten steps ahead. So what's different now? Your logical, incredible brain should be elated to have a challenge for once."
The dark-haired girl was breathing heavily by the end of her tirade and her face was screwed up in frustration. She craned her neck to keep eye contact with him, trying to communicate with her dark eyes. She watched as a myriad of emotions flashed in his eyes, the only place anyone could see through his emotionless demeanour. Anger. Disbelief. Shock. Confusion. And finally…resolve.
"Fuck, Pans," he muttered before turning and punching the stone wall.
Neither of his friends even flinched, having seen him lose his temper plenty of times before. This time however, his hand wasn't the only casualty. Theo got to his feet and peered closely at the large, bloody crack Draco had caused.
"Uh, Draco? What are the odds you're turning into a giant?" he asked over his shoulder.
"Tell me you're joking," he muttered, falling back into an armchair and clutching his aching hand to his chest. "This is literally the first day in weeks that I've felt close to normal and then all this happens."
"I think it's time you tell us everything," Blaise finally spoke up. "What happened with Lupin?"
"Wait," Pansy interrupted when Draco opened his mouth to answer. "Let me write this down. We need all the information if we're going to solve this mystery."
"Mystery," Theo snorted. "What are you now? A private investigator?"
She threw him a dirty look and gestured with her quill for Draco to begin.
And so he did, beginning with the nightmares he'd been getting every single night since the Dark Lord moved into his house. How the aches from his injuries never actually stopped, instead changing in the location on his body every few days. Shivers constantly ran down his spine, and yet his pallor remained feverish. He still recalled quite vividly the way his bones protested painfully one morning to his sudden increase in height. He even admitted that despite his sickly condition, he'd been getting stronger in the past couple weeks. It had been quite an adjustment period in getting used to his own strength - Salazar knows how many priceless Malfoy heirlooms had met an unfortunate end by his hands in the past month. It was a strange sensation to be very strong physically and yet crippled by the constant torture you faced.
"You don't smell any different," Theo said decidedly after leaning over to sniff him.
"Of course not. A wolf can detect all kinds of things your human nose can't," Blaise remarked dryly.
"This is…this is good," Pansy said excitedly, her hand moving frantically across the page. "Now did you do anything different right before DADA?"
"No," Draco said with a frown, thinking over the events of the past day. "Nothing out of the ordinary."
"Could his scent change or momentary good health have anything to do with the potions he's been messing around with?" Blaise asked, ignoring the dirty look the blond gave him.
"I don't know about the scent thing but his symptoms suddenly disappearing a few hours ago? Maybe," she said.
"No, that's not how potions work. As far as I know, it would take something very potent to change someone's scent. It's distinct for every person, unique to their biological makeup," Draco said, staggering back and falling into the sofa. "There was a book in the Manor library that explained this concept called 'pheromones'. It's one of those muggle science things. Remember all the research we did on biochemistry back when we were creating our weed?"
"Biochemistry? That's the one that studies how our bodies work and the chemicals that are responsible for that pale blonde hair being passed down the Malfoy line?" Pansy asked.
"Maybe we should be asking Granger for help?" Theo suggested, looking confused. "She's got the muggle and magical knowledge."
"How would muggle concepts explain magical illnesses?" Blaise countered.
Theo's frown deepened and he cautiously said, "I think we're dealing with something a lot bigger than we can handle."
Draco swallowed hard and shook his head. Steeling his composure, he straightened up and reached for the parchment in Pansy's lap. "No, she's right. Sitting around and waiting for me croak isn't going cut it. We're going to figure this out once and for all. Or at least die trying."
Blaise cracked a smile but Pansy shook her head at Draco's dark humour. Theo didn't look convinced, instead looking around helplessly.
"If I can survive Voldemort turning me into a monster, then I can endure this as well."
Blaise suddenly sat up at Draco's words and stared at him with wide eyes. Without saying anything, he grabbed the parchment in Draco's hands and read it over carefully. Nodding to himself, he looked up at his confused friends and waved the parchment around in the air.
"I can't believe we missed this before. Maybe if you hadn't been moping," he gasped and arched a brow in Draco's direction.
"Are you going to tell us already?" Pansy said impatiently.
"You said Snape lost his shit over your dreams and occulomency? He said it had everything to do with your problem, right?"
"Yeah, so?" Despite his doubtful words, Draco was leaning forward with eyes anxious.
"Guys, we're ignoring the most important piece of information of all. All of this began with the Dark Lord nearly killing you in an attempt to make you his successor. Even Lupin thought so. The methods he used, they all involved occulomency, did they not? What if whatever he did to you isn't over and it's worsening over time?" Blaise wondered, his dark eyes trailing over all of them before coming to rest on Draco. "You need to tell us everything he did to you."
His reaction was instant - face closed off and tremors rocking down his spine. He shut his eyes tightly against the onslaught of memories, but it was useless considering he lived through it again every night. Swallowing down the bile rising in his throat, he shook his head tightly.
"I wouldn't ask if it weren't necessary," Blaise added quietly.
"It's bad enough I had to endure all that. You three don't need to hear it," Draco insisted roughly. "It's gruesome. Not something that can be unheard."
"If roles were reversed, you'd ask the same of me because you know it's the only way to fix this," Blaise insisted. "Let me do this for you. Please, brother."
Draco watched the resolve the covered their anxious faces, so eager they were to suffer just to help him. He hadn't told anyone before now, but Blaise knew pieces - the least horrific ones. Theo, precious little Theo, had lived a miserable life and knew pain better than most people. Out of them all, Pansy was the least touched by darkness and it killed him to be the one to taint her soul now.
"Fear," he grunted out, leaning back into the sofa and staring blankly up at the ceiling. "It was always about fear with him. He wanted me to conquer pain, which he claimed was simply in the mind. He actually believed that if one could overcome pain in face of fear, they would be unbeatable."
None of them said anything when he paused to let out a heavy breath. Slytherins knew better than anyone that the best way to get someone to talk was to remain quiet.
"I - I can't tell you the specifics. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't be able to choke the words out without throwing up," Draco said firmly, the muscles in his neck visibly tense. "He would inflict so much pain that I would be thrown into my own mind, trapped until he willed it. It was in there, in my own fucking head, that he would force me to endure the most loathsome tasks. Then, when it was over, I would wake up with broken bones in a pool of my own blood. The same blood he claimed to fight for, the purest of blood that ran through my veins, he spilt it like it was nothing."
He hesitated, feeling as the aches returned to his cold bones. His shoulder blades burned as cold daggers pressing into his spine. He was looking forward to a scathing hot shower after this.
"When I showed up at the Order's doorstep with Granger, I was very nearly dead. There were so many gashes on my body…I had been drained of my precious blood," he sneered. Ignoring Pansy's gasp, he swallowed hard and ploughed on. "I should have died. Dark magic prevented the wounds from healing and it took them three weeks to stabilize me enough to say that I had a chance of surviving."
Their faces mirrored the revulsion that shuddered through their bodies at his words.
"Draco, fuck, I'm sorry, but what did he do to you in your mind?" Blaise interjected softly.
Draco frowned and muttered, "There was a beast, each time."
"A beast?" Theo repeated, sounding utterly confused. "Like a werewolf?"
"Worse. He towered over me and he stalked through the maze I'd created to protect my mind. He would maul me to death before I could find a way to escape. There was no escape, except…," he trailed off, wondering once again what he'd done to deserve something so awful.
"Except?" Pansy repeated in a hushed voice.
"The Dark Lord would tell me to perform the most atrocious tasks and unless I did, I would be trapped in there until the beast ate me alive. In the beginning, I fought back, I didn't want to do those things," he spat out and shuddered as he recalled the crimes he had committed. "But eventually, I wasn't strong enough. I just wanted it to be over so he'd throw me back into my cell. The things I did, you don't understand. They were horrid, horrid acts and I'm going to burn in the deepest pits of hell for it."
"It wasn't your fault, Draco. You know that, right? He would've tortured your mother to death and made you watch if you didn't comply."
Draco shook his head and looked up at his friends, imploring them to understand. "You don't get it. That's not it." Darkness filled the lines of his face and his voice took on a rough tenor as he murmured, "Some sick part of me enjoyed it. Not the acts themselves, but that rush of adrenaline. That amount of power, you can't imagine how it feels flowing through your veins."
I was planning on updating earlier but I got caught up in sudden vacation plans for the long weekend. So! The pieces are starting to come together. It's a little slow, I know, but I don't want the answer spelled out for our favourite blond. And what did you think of Pansy's wake up call? I really like her character and felt like she can be a lot more as Draco Malfoy's arm candy. I have some good stuff planned for her as well.
Please Review! Review! Review! and let me know what your thoughts are. I really love it when you guys guess what Draco's strange affliction might be!
