Haha, this interview is going to be a lot of fun, unless Aizen kills me for asking some of the questions. Oh well, we'll just have to wait and see. This time, I am not bringing my laptop with me, since the bastard broke it in the last chapter... Now I'm borrowing Szayel's and he had it encased in titanium just in case... I wish I had myself encased in titanium as well...
Sosuke Aizen
Interview Questions
Aizen's Answers
Gin's comments
1. Why are you in Hueco Mundo?
In order to create my army of Espada's to use to defeat Soul Society. More like to run away from the Shinigami because they were so gay. Well, yes, that too.
2. Are you happy here? Why or why not?
Yes, here I may be surrounded by idiots but at least they listen to me... most of the time. You do know this will all be posted in the main Espada meeting room for everyone to see. I do, but I thought you wanted me to be honest in the interview. Yes I did, my apologies. You are forgiven. Psshh no you're not, he is incapable of forgiving people.
3. Who do you want to fight the most? Why?
Kurosaki Ichigo, he is the only worthy person I can even think of fighting. Everyone else is too weak for a sustainable battle to take place. Plus, he thinks young men are smexy. Gin! Silence yourself this instant. No, it's okay Gin, keep talking... why does Aizen think young men are smexy? Because of their lean forms and their awesome looking muscles. That's it Gin, you are now forbidden to talk. No you're not Gin; I have full power in this room, you, Aizen, have full power everywhere else. Does this mean you are challenging my power? No, you told me I could do anything I wanted in this room, and well, that makes it mine. No, it's mine. Mine! MINE! Technically it's mine... see, that's my name on the door. Oh...
4. Do you 'like' anyone?
No, I don't have time for that and liking someone more that someone else is bias, as a god I can't be bias. He likes all of his whores; they really are good at what they do. How do you know that? Well, they are whores right?
5. What is your sexual orientation?
Straight. I have no intention of being anything else. Really? But everyone else said that you and Gin are... you know... together... What! Who said that! That is a complete lie and I demand to know who these people are so that I can kill them! Remember, she said all of this will be posted later on. Ah, yes, I am looking forward to that. Note to self: Warn all the Espada's that said Aizen was gay to get the hell out of Hueco Mundo.
6. If you had to change it, with who do you see yourself?
I would change it to neutral so I wouldn't be with anyone. You would give up sex? Yes, like I said above, I. Am. Not. Frigging. Gay.
7. Are you happy with the way you rule?
Yes, of course, I rule with reason so there is no need to be unhappy. So, you would change nothing? Well, I do wish I wasn't so soft-hearted. Soft hearted? You threaten to kill your Espada's on a daily basis. Yes, but I never actually carry out my threats. Wait, so you didn't kill Grimmjow's fraccsions a couple of days ago when Grimmjow tried to pee on your bed? That was a one time... and he really pissed me off!
8. Do you think you will win the great winter war?
Without question, our plans are flawless so we will win. What if it was just you and no other Espada's, would you still win? Yes, I am perfect as well, so I would enjoy crushing all of those Shinigami. Where would I be at that time? You'd be dead. No offence...
9. Why do you hate Soul Society so much?
It was actually quite traumatic... back when I was a captain... they all called me the... Gay Barney of Soul Society. Hahahahahaha, seriously! That's so funny! It fits you perfectly Mr. Gay Barney. Yeah, Aizen it is funny, I don't understand why you never liked that nickname I gave you. You're the one that started it! Umm... no...? I hate you.
10. Who is your best friend?
Gin, he's been there as long as I can remember. Tosen's been there too. Yeah, but he's... how can I say it... Black? Blind? No, I don't care about that, what I meant to say was that he... drinks coffee. That's why you don't like Tosen? Wow, Aizen you are just full of surprises. Agreed.
11. If you could have anything, what would it be?
I already have everything that I would possibly want but if I could choose something I would want to have a water pump. A water pump? Of all things, why that? It stopped raining when I came to Hueco Mundo so we now have to import all of our water. Yeah, and before we did that we had to squeeze the blood out of hollows and then purify it.
12. Where would your dream vacation be?
Vacation? I am a god, I do not take vacations. Something could happen while I was gone and some idiot, namely Gin, would make the wrong decision. Aww come on Taicho, you just won't let that go now will you? What? What did Gin do? I went to the human world to hunt hollows once and in my absence Gin told all of the Shinigami in my squad to stop doing their paperwork and leave it in my room. When I came back, I couldn't even walk into my room. It was funny when the papers fell on your head and gave you a table head for a week.
13. What are your hobbies?
I read. He reads tonnes of romance novels, he reads about seven a day. Six, and so what if I read romance novels! Oh it's nothing, just that the statistics of people who read romance novels are 90% women, 6% gay men, and 4% normal men. I am in the normal category. Sure you are Taisho.
14. What would you do if you found a stray kitten?
Kill it, skin it, and then make myself a mug out of it. I wonder what will happen when Grimmjow reads this... I'm going to put a camera in the main espada meeting room... No, it's fine, you don't have to do that... I already did, technically it was Orihime but I' using it. Orihime has a camera in the espada meeting room? Smarter than she looks, that girl...
15. What would you do if one morning you woke up and you were fat?
I would go to Szayel so he would be able to get rid of the fat for me. I have to keep up good appearances in front of the world. You're not the only journalist we let in here. I'm not? Aww, I don't feel as special anymore.
16. What is the most embarrassing thing you've done?
It wasn't really embarrassing for me, but it must have been for Szayel and Grimmjow. One day, I walked into his laboratory and I found Grimmjow naked on his table, unconscious. Szayel was startled to see me so he accidentally ended up ripping one of Grimmjow's balls off... and it landed in the laundry... I quickly left after that, but later that day I heard Grimmjow screaming that he lost his ball. That is... interesting. Yes, I agree, I was wondering if Grimmjow was telling me the truth in his interview, and well, now I know.
17. Are you afraid of anything? Why?
I fear nothing. I am immortal and invincible, I have nothing to fear. Except for lightning. Lightning? What about it? Nothing!
18. What makes you sad? Why?
Nothing saddens me, because I'm a heartless evil bastard! That's definitely the truth. You should have seen him when he first came, he was way worse than this.
19. What would you do if you found Gin naked in your bed?
Since this is a regular occurrence, I would shove him off the bed and tell him to stop doing that! Every morning it's like that, but he just can't seem to get it through his head that I. Am. Not. Frigging. Gay!But Taisho, you send out such gay vibes. Gin, it would do you well to shut up or I will kill the interviewer. What! Why me, I have nothing to do with this! I can't kill Gin, so you're the only one left. Whoopee...
20. What would you do if you found Nnoitra naked in your bed?
Shove him on Gin, maybe then Gin will leave me alone. Oh gosh, please don't do that, I don't want to be raped by Nnoitra... Do it, do it! And record it on video!
21. Do you have any mental problems? Be honest!
No, like I said earlier, I am perfect so I have no problems. Hey, isn't there a name for that disease that makes you think you're a god? I just don't remember... Yeah... me either...
22. Would you ever betray the hollows to go back to Soul Society?
No, I have long ago burned that bridge. Plus, it's a little too late to turn back now, no one would trust me. Hinamori trusts you. Oh, yes... her... didn't I kill her? No, the Shinigami brought her back to life. How unfortunate... Maybe I should have stabbed her in the heart more than once... Yes, that would have been a good idea. Plus you would be covered in blood and it would make your exit that much more dramatic.
23. Are you and Gin are more than friends?
No, we are colleagues, nothing more. All of my efforts... wasted! Why Aizen-taichooooo! One, I'm not gay. Two, I'm NOT gay. Three, I"M NOT GAY! Hahaha, this is pretty funny. Shut up.
24. Tell me the truth, do you like tea?
Yes, why else do you think I would make everyone drink it? Cuz you're a heartless bastard that liked to make people suffer? Yeah, but not in this case, I truly love tea! More than me? Yes, Gin, YES.
25. Who do you think is the stupidest Espada? Why?
Grimmjow, he keeps disobeying me and acting like a retard. Even Yammy isn't that stupid. Oh, you know what I realized? Maybe Ulquiorra is the stupidest because he barely talks and if he does all he says is 'trash'. Good theory, but Ulquiorra talks a lot when he's with me so I know he's smart. How smart? Harvard smart. Wow.
26. Who do you think is the gayest Espada? Why?
Nnoitra, I don't think I need to explain. Yeah, that one kinda explains itself.
27. Do you want kids? If yes, how many and if no, why?
Yes, I would like three children because I need to spread my godly genes to someone. Oh, that's why you're not gay. Will you just drop that? No. Never, it's my job to piss people off. Ohh, does that make me a journalist too? If you start writing down what you say, then yes.
28. *Hides* What is your favourite colour?
Brown, and it does not look like crap. It does. It does. Why does everyone keep saying that? Cuz when you say brown the first thing a person thinks of is crap. Yeah, I agree.
29. On a scale of 1-10 what do you give you overall? Why?
I am a god, a simple ten does not work for me. I am a 100. Umm... can you do the math...? 1-10 does not equal a hundred. I have to power to change the laws of math, do not contradict me. Alright... why do you give yourself a hundred? Because I am a g- Don't say god Taisho, you've already said that too many times. I was going to say great person. Oh, never mind then. That's right, don't interrupt me.
30. What do you think about humans?
They are, in the words of Ulquiorra, trash. They are weak, pathetic, hideous creatures. But you look like a human. How dare you compare me to those... animals! Geez, you really are not very educated in the area of what journalists do. No, he's not; he barely reads the news or watches TV. Really? Then what does he do in his spare time? He just sits on his throne, looks in the mirror and mutters 'I'm so sexy,' Over and over again. Ahaha.
31. How do you feel about insects?
They are even worse than humans; they don't even listen to you. Uh... that's because they cant, that's why they are called insects and not humans. Don't contradict me. Fine, Gin, contradict Aizen. I like insects Taisho... and they are better than humans! Some of them are completely fuzzy. Oh! Those awesome fuzzy caterpillars? No, tarantulas. Oh, never mind... bleh.
32. Do you like Justin Beiber?
Yes, I love his songs, very, very much. But I have to say that I wish he was a hollow. Maybe you should go down to earth and kill him and then make him a hollow? Maybe I will. I'll take care of everything while you're gone. Never mind.
33. What do you think about the anime 'Naruto'?
It is all useless garbage, but I do like that Uchiha Madara character. He is strong, smart, and immortal, like me. The only thing I don't understand is why he had wrinkles... if he's immortal he should stop aging right? Well, at least he has muscles. I like Uchiha Itachi; he's a cutie with funny looking lines on his face.
34. Do you like the author of Bleach?
Yes, so far in the Great Winter War we are winning, so I have no reason not to like her. I like her too, she killed Tosen!
35. Would you switch anime's? Why?
No, victory is so close here, I wouldn't dare. I would go for a quick visit to pinch Itachi's squishy little ass. How disturbing... I should get a messenger to warn him. Actually, on second thought... he's dead so I don't think I should even bother to. He's dead! NOOoooooooooooooo! It happened like... two hundred chapters ago... You should have been caught up...
36. Do you drink?
No, I don't want to be drunk, confused or disoriented. Yeah, with Nnoitra and me around that's a good idea.
37. Do you smoke?
No, I must be perfect, and if I have lung cancer I won't be perfect. Although it would be funny if near the end of he winter war you just suddenly died of cancer.
38. Do you gamble?
No, it's just plain silly. The odds are against you. He always looses, that's why.
39. Would you like to have a pet?
Yes, I would like a giant fire-breathing dragon, but since those ore extinct I can't have one. Yey Taisho! Now I know what I can get you for Christmas! Where are you going to get a dragon? I know satan, he might give me one.
40. What would you do if a bird pooped on your head?
Chase is down, kill it, and then nail it to my wall as a sign of power. Oh yes because a rotting dead bird just screams 'power'. Don't mock me. Too late for that Aizen.
41. What would you do if Wonderweis pooped on your head?
I would make Tosen clean the mess up, then go take a long, soapy bath. Not a shower? No, I need time to make my hair all nice and clean. It takes a long time to keep up such a good hair style. Three hours to be exact. You timed it? Yes, I got bored...
42. What would your dream house look like?
Like this, but it would have a lake beside it... you humans judge everyone that tries to import water into a hole in the sky. There are others that import water into holes? Yes, there was this one tall man that looked like he was half shark. He was wearing a black cloak with red clouds on it and he had a huge scaly sword on his back. Oh, that's Kisame! I was wondering where he got the water to have that giant shark tank in his room. A shark tank in his room? How exciting, Aizen Taisho can I have one too? No, Tosen might accidentally walk into it and die. So? Yeah you're right, you can get one.
43. Do you ever see yourself getting married? Why?
No, I may want children but I have no intention of getting married. Too much commitment. So, in other words, you have commitment issues? No, I just don't want to stay with one woman. That's commitment issues. Shut up. No, keep talking; I like what you have to say. Thank you. Say one more word and I will kill you. Oh, but we're almost done the interview! Had I know you were going to kill me I wouldn't have even started this. That was twenty-two words; I have to kill you twenty two times. Aww come on Taisho, don't be so mean. Fine, but I want this interview to be perfect. It will be. Wipe that grin off your face.
44. Do you like snow? Rain? Sun?
I enjoy the sunshine; it makes me feel all warm inside. That's because you don't have a heart to do that for you. I do! I showed an ultrasound picture of it to you! Oh right, I remember that!
45. What is your lucky number?
It is the greatest number in the existence of all numbers... it is the number... 0. In mathematical theory, the number zero stands for all the numbers in the world. If you divide zero by zero you will get a sign that looks like glasses but without the little arms. Really? I'm going to check... zero... divided... by zero... is... Result of function is undefined. What? It means that it will be infinity. Wow, Taicho, you're so smart. Damn straight.
46. If you had to change your name, what would your new name be?
My new name would be Godzilla. Like that giant dinosaur monster thing in Japan? Yes, but better and way sexier.
47. Would you ever let your fan girls/ boys into your room?
No, unless they were hot women... I could use a couple more whores. You man slut. Don't go insulting me... my fans will get you! Dream on... Be careful, a couple weeks ago Aizen got mad at a reporter and he sent his fans after him, the reporter is dead. Ouch. Maybe I should watch my tongue. And it took you this long to figure that out?
48. Are you a pimp or a bitch?
Pimp. I have so many whores that maybe 'pimp' no longer covers it. You have two whores, how is that a lot? Shut up Gin, you're embarrassing me again.
49. Do you take any medication to enhance your power?
No, it is fake. He takes Viagra, does that count? O.o... no...
50. How do you feel after the interview?
Like it's about time I killed you, give me the interview and I will edit it to make it that much better. You can't, I have to transcribe it on the computer first and plus, if you kill me I won't be able to do Gin's interview. Aww Taisho, you can't kill her now! I want to get interviewed! Fine, but my interview must be perfect. Don't worry, it will be nothing but the truth, the cold, naked, ugly truth. What do you mean by that? Nothing... Thank you for letting me interview you, and Gin your turn is next. Yessss.
Any thoughts?
