By Barclay's count it had been six months since their arrival at the House. But of course, he couldn't really tell. There wasn't a clock in the house. He measured by the salesperson a day thing. Barclay was amazed that he and Q had had no more mishaps. In fact, they had gotten along rather well after the first few days.
Barclay sat up in his bed, staring at the wall in boredom. He was about to say something to himself when he heard a knock on his bedroom door. Which was odd, so far Q hadn't knocked on his door once.
"Err, come in?"
Q slowly opened the door. "Barclay?" He asked with uncharacteristic restraint.
"Yes, Q what is it?" Barclay slid off his bed and stood facing Q.
"Hmm, I think we are supposed to go chop down some trees for firewood."
Barclay tilted his head. "Why would you say that Q?"
"Because, ever since that insurance salesmen came we have been experiencing weather, two handheld saws have just appeared, along with a hatchet, one of those maul things, and a wood burning stove in the main room." He shrugged. "Of course, I may be jumping to conclusions."
Barclay stared at Q open-mouthed. "Ah," he said brilliantly, "I see." He looked around his room briefly, then turned to Q. "Shoo, out, roust, etc. I need to change."
Q looked surprised for a second. "Oh! Oh, right." He left without any other hesitation.
A few minuets later Barclay and Q stood outside their house, staring at the expanse of woods before them.
Barclay slid the saw off his shoulders, "Where- no, sorry, when did this come?"
Q looked around, examining many of the nooks and crannies of the trees. "Judging by decomposition, light, texture, and," he sniffed, wrinkling his nose slightly, "smell I'd say it's been here about, oh… Five minutes."
Barclay grinned, "Well, okay then. Now that we're here, what do we do?"
Q looked at the trees as though they held the answers to all lives problems. "We… Make them fall down, then, make them smaller. And finally! We burn it all!" He laughed in an egomaniac manner. "Isn't it grand?"
"Sure Q, whatever." Barclay hoisted on of the axes and stepped up to a tree. He took aim for several seconds, and raised the axe above his shoulder. After a brief pause he swung the axe with all his strength.
A small chip of bark fell from the tree, which was totally unfazed.
Q immediately collapsed into a heap of giggles. "Oh! This is just too much! Oh, let me try!" He leapt up, snatching the axe from the stunned Barclays hands and lining up his shot.
Within seconds the tree was lying on the ground and Barclay was staring dumbfounded at Q.
"HOW!?"
"What?" Q said, obviously not disconcerted with the fact he had felled the tree in mere seconds.
"You- that- the tree- falling… Guwah."
"Brilliant, Barclay, really brilliant. Should we try three words next?" Q kicked the tree, "Tell you what, I'll use my mad skills to chop down the trees, you see if you can't cut them up real small like m'kay?"
Barclay nodded, still untrusting of his voice.
"Good. Have fun Broccoli."
"Don't call me that."
"Why? I should be able to call you what I wish." Q crossed his arms and leaned non-chalantly against a nearby tree.
"Anything but Broccoli." He begged
"Fine, for now." Q hoisted his axe and began his chopping again.
Within the space of several hours, three trees lay on the ground and Barclay was struggling desperately to keep up.
"Q, slow down. Too many trees, can't keep up." He panted.
"Not very fit, are you?" Q said, leaning against another tree. He hadn't even broken a sweat.
"My. Job. Is. Harder." He said, punctuating each word with a swing from his axe.
"I think you're exaggerating." He raised his axe again. "One more tree and we are done!"
"Sure. Q. Whatever."
"You doubt me?"
"Yes."
"Why would you doubt me?"
Barclay leaned on his axe, still panting. "You. Are. Stupid."
"What!?" With that, Q took another swing at the tree. But he wasn't looking and totally misjudged his aim. With the final blow, the tree cracked and groaned. Leaning precariously, it swung round and slowly slid towards Q.
Q stared at the tree falling towards him. "Shi-"
"Q!" Barclay took a leap and pushed Q out of the way, at the same second the tree crushed him.
"Oh my god! Barclay!" Q scrambled towards the crushed form of Barclay.
"I'm f-fine, Q." said the obviously not fine Barclay. He lay face down in the muck of the forest floor. A river of blood pouring from beneath him. "Totally okay. No Hck, problems here."
"Shut up, Reg. Talking will not help."
"Oh, oww, Kay."
"Shut up!" Q scrambled around the log. He knew he would be unable to lift it using strength. Instead he grabbed another near log and stuck it under the one crushing Barclay. Using his brain, he quickly calculated and placed pressure on the smaller log. The one that had injured Barclay rose to the air and crashed down the ravine behind them.
"That, did, not, feel good." Barclay said, trying to rise.
"Hold still idiot!" Q rushed over. "Are you oka- uh, is anything broken?"
"No…"
"Then hold still." Q grabbed Barclay and hauled him to his feet. He roped and arm around Barclay's middle and in this way they walked towards the House.
But Barclay lost consciousness long before then.
