There was once a fox cub. Some called him Nick and others Nicky. A small mammal that became a big mammal called him 'my boy' and all of these were true names. There was once a bright light in him, an unconquered sun that brought joy to all who saw him. But everything crumbles and falls apart. A muzzle conquered that sun and from that day on the fox made a life of playing on people's emotions, drawing them in and stealing bit and pieces of warmth from them. This fox was also called Nick or Nicky or my boy.

And then came a day when a dumb rabbit fell for his hustle. She hustled him in turn and forced him down a new road. There was light at the end of this road. They thought they had won and she stood there on that podium giving a speech.

And all he remembered was that muzzle from so long ago.

So he confronted her and that light disappeared. Because how could he be so foolish to think there was still good in the world.

Months, three of them, passed in which his home was racked with pain and strife. But what hurt most was the light being taken away again. He thought of her day after day because she was like lightning and wildfire and sunlight; she was warmth and heat and life. So when she returned, how could he not forgive her, not when she came back holding his life in her hands? They won and saved the city and saved his life.

Four years of warmth and light and budding love, nurtured by every kind word and cutting joke. She challenged him as did his job—no, a job is dreary; what he did was a badge of honour that he willingly took up each and every day. He made friends; an arrogant tiger and a dour wolf; two smart lions and even a dedicated and hardworking pig, now passed away. This grown fox, now afire with light and love and joy and justice and everything good in the world, this fox is still called Nick or Nick and my boy. The darkness is still there, the apathy and despair that took over two decades of his life still reside within him. Yet in the face of one who is warmth and life and justice, that darkness was held at bay.

Now that fox stands in a bright hall. There she is, dressed in a gown of the brightest purple. Her smile raises his heart, lifts him past whatever murky depths had risen in her absence.

Their friends are there, speaking or laughing or just being. He takes in their warmth, their joy, letting it fill the dark corners of his mind.

A smirk on his face, the fox that is Nick or Nicky or my boy walks up to her and takes her paw. There is music and together they dance round and round for an eternity. He twirls her around and she does the same to him. She is his equal but he will always see her as being taller and greater and more.

And the music ends and they stop dancing and there are people clapping. He pants, tired and yet invigorated.

"We've never done that before, have we, Judy?" he asks though he knows the answer.

Her smile is sunlight given form. "We should go again, darling." Two steps back and then she's out of reach. But not her warmth. She kneels, removing something that he has yet to see. There are gasps and whispers and exclamations from those around them.

"Will you marry me?" she asks and now he sees there is a ring in that black box. What words can be said when all of your hopes and desires come true? Only tears. "You've been taking your time, old man. If we waited for you I'd be in a retirement home."

The simple answer is yes.

Life is never so simple.

"I wish I could," the fox who has known despair and exultation whispers. "I wish I could but you're not here sweetheart, and I wish this was true but it isn't. I saw you die and it was beautiful and it was heart-breaking." A paw to his chest and he feels the steady beat of his heart. And maybe it shouldn't beat. Not when his reason for living is gone.

"You died as you lived, Judy Hopps. My sly bunny. My best friend. The only mammal I ever loved." He kneels so that he is eye-level with her. Only now does he notice the emptiness that surrounds them. Only darkness but for the light around and within Judy.

"You died in glorious revelation. You died protecting me after you made me swear an oath to stay alive. I hate you, Judy, because I can't join you just yet. And I'll always love you for the gifts you gave me."

She walks to him, her steps leaving pools of light in the dark. Her paw is gentle as it brushes aside the tears and her smile is the greatest sight he has ever seen. "I love you, my dumb fox. And I'm sorry."

He takes her in his arms. Just, to feel her one last time. His soul is at ease with her so close even though he feels the finality of this. This is not see you later. This is goodbye.

"Don't be," he whispers fiercely, gripping her tighter. "Don't ever be sorry for being you. I don't… I don't want to let go."

"But you have to."

"You gave me purpose."

She pulls away once again and no matter how much he struggles she slips out of his grasp. "We are who we are, sweetheart. Go start that park, Nick. Find purpose again, and then, when you're old and surrounded by loved ones you can join me. I'll always be waiting for you."

A burst of light and she disappears, leaving him alone. All that remains of her are the puddles of light. And maybe one day they'll grow till they shine brighter than the darkness. But for now, all that matters is the emptiness.

Epilogue

Nick woke in a single moment. The lights were dimmed but Nick looked around, seeing the hospital room. A monitor beeped steadily, a heartbeat that he couldn't feel. He looked around and found no one waiting for him. That only happened in movies, he supposed.

His body was tired but not half as much as his soul. A button rested innocently near his right paw. Nick tapped it, wondering why he wasn't in pain.

Thinking about it made it real. His crushed leg felt as if someone had replaced bones with a sizzling hot pole of metal. His shoulder throbbed dully. He groaned, tears prickling at the corners of his eye.

The door opened. A badger in a white lab coat entered, its eyes shocked. "Mr Wilde, you're not—"

"Do I know you?" he asked, his voice coming out as a dry croak.

"Yes, you're the one who arrested me a few years back," the badger said, pressing another button. Nick felt the pain subside.

Helping him sip from a bottle of water, the badger asked, "How do you feel?"

"I think you can guess from my expression," he remarked. "I feel like I lost a fight with an elephant. What's the damage?"

"Sir, I think you—"

"Should go back to sleep? That what you were going to say." His words came out harsh, harsher than he expected. "Just tell me what's wrong."

The badger sighed. "You shoulder had a few fractures and you had some bruises and scratches here and there. You might have a few scars but that was the easiest to deal with." The badger shook her head. "You leg was the main problem. Most of the bones were broken or shattered. You've healed remarkably well but we had to replace your knee joint with a prosthetic. We have a nano-mesh reinforcing your femur and tibia. Unfortunately, we've had to completely replace your fibula."

Nick grimaced. "How long until I'm out."

The doctor frowned. "Your body has healed quickly, almost unnaturally so. And if I'm being completely honest, you can probably go free after three days of observation."

Three days passed by in a blur of, his only visitors being mammals in dark suits waving credentials from the highest levels of power. He was a hero, they said. They gave him an award that he hardly glanced at. They tried prying information from him. But he couldn't speak, couldn't mention it because he always saw Judy in that final moment.

His doctor came to visit him often, keeping his company with her commentary on his healing. All of it hardly mattered a lick to him. In the silence and the peace he was left with his thoughts—always thoughts of Judy; what could have been and what will never be; all the mistakes he made, how his arrogance killed her.

At the end of those three days, they had a mammal pick him up and take him to his apartment. He refused the wheelchair, opting instead for the cane. Because Nick was not an invalid no matter how much they sought to treat him like one.

He hobbled through the apartment building, his cane tapping with each second step. The sound grated, tearing apart his ego with each tap against the tiles.

Click, clack. Click, clack. Click, clack. Over and over again, a constant reminder of his failures.

The apartment had been cleaned. He checked the fridge. Absolutely empty of all perishables. Three weeks in the hospital, they told him, under an induced coma.

The freezer had some protein substitutes and one of those microwavable pies. He waited the ten minutes patiently and then consumed it all, having been unaware of how ravenous he really was.

He didn't look to the other room of the apartment. No, it was empty now and no one would ever come out like a tornado, brightening his day and bringing back the warmth he sought so hard for.

Nick slept.

He woke with sunlight streaming on his face. 0734. Late on any other day. Nick took a shower then threw on his uniform. There was one last thing to do. He made sure the taser was strapped on properly before departing.

The Zootopia 1st Precinct was different. There was a fresh coat of pain, technicians and engineers scurried around, doing whatever it was that they did to fix the damage and upgrade security—he saw pressure sensors being installed; a few entrenched positions and choke points; shield walls that would retract into the ground when not in use.

The inside was the same. The tiles still reflected his face. But the sound of the cane was new. He had his trademark smirk on as if nothing had happened. The usual collection of mammals was there from rookies in a rush to detectives chatting amicably. But they fell silent as they noticed him. Nick didn't let that bother him. There wasn't much left to be bothered.

Clawhauser was at his desk, a doughnut halfway to his gaping mouth. The cheetah managed to compose himself in a reasonable amount of time. "Nick." There was awe and maybe wariness in his voice.

"Hey, Clawhauser." He plucked a doughnut from the box, taking a bite as if it was just any other day. "Chief in?"

The cheetah nodded slowly and Nick walked up The Route to the buffalo's office. He knocked sharply twice, only hearing the Chief's breathing, and opened the door.

The office was just as he remembered. The same carpet and worn desk. The same awards and pictures. The only difference was the buffalo that looked to be… uncertain? That was certainly a first.

Nick took the only seat there. "Hey, Chief," he said first. "What, were you expecting me to stay at home all day?"

Chief Bogo recovered. "Wilde. What the hell do you think you're doing back here? I knew you were dedicated but this…"

"I never did get a debrief," Nick said.

And so he told Bogo the story of how one murder turned into a conspiracy that would have changed the nature of the city. He explained every errant thread that now made sense looking back over the event. It took a long time because Nick had to tell the story as it was, not leaving out even the smallest details. Chief Bogo listened patiently, only interrupting to ask for clarification.

"What happens now?"

The buffalo exhaled deeply through his nose. "That comes down to you. What do you want to do?"

Nick smiled. It wasn't a happy expression. He thumbed the badge on his uniform.

"I think I'm going to retire." He unclipped it, placing it on Bogo's desk. Next was the taser. "I'd give you my pistol but I have no idea where that is."

The Chief was quiet for a long time. Then, "Losing a partner is never easy and what you went through is more than most will ever go through. But I need to know, why. I need to know if you're certain."

Nick chuckled, bitterly. "I joined this office because of her. Everything I did was because she made me want to be better. And now she's gone." He looked at the badge almost in regret. "Four years ago we set out to save the city. We did. We did it again a month ago. I'm thirty-six and crippled and my partner's gone. I think I've given enough."

Chief Bogo hummed. Then he stood. "Walk with me."

His pace wasn't slow and Nick struggled to keep up with his long strides. Yet, it made Nick smile to know the chief would never coddle him.

"You two have caused me enough grief," he said as they descended the stairs. "But you've done a lot of good." The lobby was empty and Nick wondered why. "You're right. You've given enough for the blue."

Chief Bogo pushed open the wide lobby doors. Without his sunglasses the harsh light blinded him. But they adjusted quickly. Four lines of ZPD officers and detectives and even members of Special Response, all standing solemnly and each holding a rifle.

"Present arms!" Chief Bogo boomed.

The officers turned on the spot. Nick gaped, wondering for a moment if he was still in a coma. But the sun felt too real, too hot. He smelt the sweat and construction dust and metal too clearly for this to be a dream.

"You are a credit to the blue, Nicholas Piberius Wilde," the chief said loudly, strongly, solemnly. "You have conducted yourself as befitting your station; with honour and dignity and diligence. Never once did you hesitate and because of that you have saved this city, not merely once, but twice. Your decisions required courage beyond measure. You have sacrificed and you have lost.

"Your actions ennoble all of us and they will not be forgotten. You will always wear the blue."

Then the chief saluted. Over forty other mammals saluted as well. Why? Why would they do this? This was no victory. Nick didn't deserve this. And yet he forced a smirk on his face. Even now there was warmth in his soul.

Bogo spoke once more, this time in a whisper: "The car will take you wherever you want."

So Nick walked down the stairs and down the corridor of saluting officers, his cane tapping constantly on the ground. The sound didn't bother him half as much. The driver, a jackrabbit, opened the door for him, closing it after he entered.

"Where to, sir?"

He thought for a single second. "Bunnyburrow. It's time to go back one last time. Some apologies that need to be made."

"Of course, sir."

And then the car set off. Nick watched the landscape change from the city's high-rise buildings to much smaller ones, eventually becoming open land on either side of the road. He dosed off. Some feeling, the evolutionary feeling of being watched and hunted, woke him up and he cracked a lazy eye open.

"You might not want to reach for that gun," he said tiredly, analysing distances and reaction times quickly. This was a fight he would win, Nick decided, even injured and unarmed. "I'd rather not have to explain why I broke your neck."

The jackrabbit chuckled. "They told me you were good and I've seen the files but…" The rabbit shook his head. "My name's Jack Savage and I have a job to offer you, Mister Wilde."

Eighteen Months Later

It was time. The labour of a year and a half would come to fruition on this day. Nick felt the warmth of the mid-morning sun hit him harshly. It was a hot day, almost painfully so even with the environmental controls.

He rested heavily on his cane, his new and improved cane and not the hospital-issue one. The handle was silver and the design simple unlike some of the others he had seen. The main body was a wood so dark as to be black, careful carvings dotting the surface, and silver stripes running down its length. It was a work of art in its own way.

The line was long, stretching down past the street and all waiting anxiously for him to get on with it. So Nick smirked, using the cane heavily as he walked to the red ribbon. He took a pair of scissors from an attendant in purple clothing. Her favourite, he thought.

He coughed once. "I won't keep you waiting with some boring speech," he said, his voice carried by the speakers embedded all round. "I just want you to remember one thing: have a wild time." Then he cut the ribbon to cheers and roars and claps.

Nick watched as the first mammals bought their day-passes from the attendant in the booth before heading through the large arch. There was a sign there, one that always made him sad but always brought a smile to his face. It read:

Judy's Wild Times

He thought she might enjoy it. He hoped she did because this, all of this, was for her. It always would be.

A gaggle of young mammals, rambunctious and earnest ran around him, chattering away so fast any other mammal would have failed to keep up. Nick answered their questions, keeping up with them easily. They called him Old Man Wilde for the white streaks on his muzzle and neck, and the cane he used. He never told them the white fur was from his scars and the cane from having an elephant crush his legs. Their guesses were too entertaining, to tell the truth.

They ran past after they were done, waving their golden tickets—week long entry passes. Nick watched them wondering when his smirk had become a soft smile.

He inhaled, smelling the polar bear before he approached. "Hey, Koslov," Nick said, turning to face the gargantuan bear in his perpetually dark clothing and gold chains. "And hey to you, Mr Big, Fru Fru."

The small shrews were held in Koslov's paws, sitting on what looked to be rather comfortable settees. Mr Big wore casual clothes—a two-piece suit which was as close to casual as he would ever get—whilst Fru Fru wore a dark green dress. It was pretty and brought out her eyes. He said so. She blushed, giggling nervously and clutching the tiny—tinier?—shrew closer to her.

"Nicky, my boy," the slightly reformed crime boss said. "You've done a good job with this."

"I aim to please. Now, whilst I might be one of the attractions, there just happens to be a section for smaller mammals."

"Daddy, let's go. This little one wants to see everything."

Mr Big sighed but there was a certain fondness for it. "Koslov, take us."

They walked past him leaving Nick relatively alone. He still spoke to and greeted the mammals here—his charm was part of the attraction—but by and large he saw no one he knew. Which bothered him because he knew the entirety of ZPD had week-long passes as well.

"What's wrong with you?" a deep voice asked.

Nick turned, taking in Finnick. "Aw, have you lost your mommy. Come, let me help you find her."

"Wilde, I'll break your other leg."

A chuckle. "You can try. So what, you don't like some of the rides. I promise if you show your ID they'll believe you're older than six." He lifted his leg away from Finnick's kick. He would have replied if not for a loud voice calling his name.

It was Benjamin Clawhauser, wearing civilian clothes for the first time. And behind him were other mammals he knew well; Fangmeyer and Delgado, Wolford and Francine, and all the rest. Nick walked to meet them half-way.

"I can't believe you actually did this," Ben exclaimed. "Like I mean I heard you were doing it but I didn't believe it."

Nick smirked. "I am unbelievable, aren't I?"

"Not in a good way," Fangmeyer said. "I don't know about you mammals but Bogo wants us back in two hours for the next shift. So bye." And with that she left, Francine and some of the others following her.

"Shifts?" he asked, watching her go bemusedly.

"Yeah. four shifts, two hours each just for the opening. Chief's really nice," Ben said. Nick glanced at Wolford who simply shook his head. "So what's the best ride?"

"Try the Big Hop," he said. "I promise you'll find it interesting."

"Thanks for the tickets, Nick."

Wolford, wearing a simple blue vest, made a sound that might have been a snort or a chuckle or a huff. It was hard to tell with the grumpy wolf. "Cub's ride."

"You know me," Nick said, wagging his brows. "I didn't think this was your beat."

"No. Came to see how you were." Nick tilted his head. "None of that easy smirking and misdirection. The truth, Wilde."

He stared at the wolf, silent for a beat. He shook his head.

"I'll live. I've got this to keep me busy." He looked back at his amusement park, seeing the Ferris wheel and the roller-coaster. He owned the land next to the park and he planned on expanding as soon as possible. "There's no getting over what happened. She was more than my partner. But I know she'd be upset if I didn't die an old man."

A grunt. Then a paw ruffling his head. "You already are an old man." He watched Wolford catch up with the other cops and ignored the ache in his heart. That was another life and it wasn't a life he wanted to go back to.

The day had gone well enough and it gave him the chance to see some mammals he hadn't spoken to in a while; Flash with his ever-slow speech; a conversation with Judy's parents and some of their many, many children that was hardly as awkward as he was expecting; a gruff greeting from Bogo; and, shockingly enough, Gazelle and her backup dancers—each coming at different intervals so as to not attract attention—and hadn't that conversation been entertaining, especially after he told her he would have the attendants deny paparazzi entrance.

So now he walked down the streets of Zootopia, taking in how little the city had changed. It was still loud; the sky tram whizzing high above; the road rage of drivers with too little patience and empathy; old squabbles finding new people; cubs laughing and crying; at least five shady deals going on his vicinity alone; and the ever present warmth of new love and old love.

It was beautiful and nothing else could compare. This was home and though he might no longer wear the blue—and whilst he thought the square named after him was a bit too much, or the statue in front of the Judy Hopp's Memorial building too small, well those were minor issues that he could overlook—he would always protect it.

But it wasn't perfect.

Nick placed his weight on his good leg, the right one and swung the cane to the side. It caught the mammal's leg and it tumbled to the ground. Nick looked at the downed mammal dispassionately. Flicked his cane across its snout and watched the light go out of its eyes—unconscious.

There were two more, an elk and a leopard and both had terribly maintained guns on them. Nick shifted slightly to the left half a second before the leopard finished pulling the trigger. The bullet flew harmlessly by his shoulder.

Nick leapt forward, landing on his good leg. He shifted aside from the wild punch. His cane lashed out rapidly, striking the leopard faster than it could react. It collapsed to the ground.

He ducked beneath the next bullet, noting the elk's reaction time. Then he lunged forward, cane swinging and knocking its weapon out of its hand. A curse from the elk that scrambled back rapidly.

"Let me guess, you're some small time hicks that thought you could make a name for yourselves by attacking me," Nick said as the elk pulled out a wickedly long blade. "I personally don't care about that."

The knife was a blur of silver to any ordinary mammal. Nick wasn't ordinary. He stepped out of the blade's arc, arms lashing out and gripping the knife-paw as he stepped forward, placing his leg behind the elk's leg. He pushed forward, taking the elk down. It landed hard on the ground. Nick placed the butt of his cane against its throat, stepping on the knife-paw.

"Who's supplying you with the serum?" he asked calmly. "Because I would get a refund if I were you. The shaking means your dose was spliced with something. And your reaction time tells me your dose was diluted. Now, tell me all about your supplier."

"Fuck you." Nick leant out of the way of a wad of spit. "I ain't ever speaking and you ain't no cop."

"You're right, I ain't a cop. I'm much worse." He took out his badge, enjoying how the mammal's eyes widened. "But I'll let my co-workers deal with you." There was a depression on his cane that he pressed. The silver running down the wood electrified and the elk convulsed until passing out.

Nick took a step back and wiped his paws against the lapels of his dark suit. He adjusted the charcoal suit tie. Then he made a phone call.

"Hey, Savage, I've got three mammals hopped up on Cobra Blue." He cut the phone, looking up to the setting sky. He knew what the badge read:

Agent Nicholas P. Wilde

Special Investigations Group

He took a deep breath, feeling Judy' absence like a blow to the gut. Nothing ever felt right without her next to him, offering a smart remark or challenging him at every step. He couldn't smell her scent—lavender and leather and gun oil. Couldn't take in every variation in her fur. But he always remembered the promise he made.

"Well, Carrots," he said, looking to the sky. A tram passed by on the sky railing. "I guess I'm in for one last ride."

The End


Author's Note:

This story was fun to write, very fun. I hope all of you who made it this far enjoyed it.

Judy's death hurt but not half as much as the first scene in this chapter. I hope you all felt just a fraction of what Nick felt.

As for Jack Savage. He was originally the main character during the planning stages of Zootopia and he was in essence James Bond.

During some of the later planning stages Nick was meant to wear a suit and I think he was supposed to be a spy or something along those lines.

Once again: you're all awesome and I hope you enjoyed it.