Chapter 7 : Rejection
"Hello…" Xiao muttered, trying not to sound very weak. He blinked when he heard Mikkel's voice instead of Lukas.
"Xiao… Emil is in the hospital." His eyes widened when he heard the news.
"What?!" he almost shouted in shock; he composed himself when he received glances being thrown towards his direction. Mikkel told him the hospital Emil was taken in. The brunette quickly ran out of his university, trying to reach the hospital as soon as possible. Xiao gritted his teeth when his mind started to fill in with Emil.
'Emil… what happened?'
Mikkel raised his head when Lukas walked out of the room, looking mournful. Their eyes met for a second before the blonde's lips start moving.
"Still unconscious." He whispered, only loud enough for Mikkel to hear him. Sound of footsteps coming closer to them, made them both look at the person unexpectedly. Xiao gulped a little when he saw Lukas's dark glance. He slowly moved closer towards the elder in silence, those icy orbs seeming to penetrate deep into his soul. Xiao did not look away from him, his mind told him not to unless he wanted Lukas to turn suspicious of him.
"Did you know?" Lukas asked him after a moment staring at his brother's best friend. Lukas's brows formed when Xiao only stared at him confused.
"About the sleeping pills he has been taking." Mikkel continued Lukas's sentences, explaining to Xiao who seemed to just notice the Danish man who sat a few feet beside him. The fact made the Asian realize that neither of them knew about 'the kiss' like he was afraid of. Xiao let out the breath he had been holding. So, Emil hadn't told them yet, or been forced to, knowing Lukas's over-protective attitude.
"Yes."
"Why didn't you tell us?!"
Xiao winced when Lukas suddenly grabbed his collar. The Norwegian stopped when Mikkel grabbed his shoulder, shaking his head to his frustrated boyfriend. Xiao shrugged off the hand on his collar, leaving Lukas immobile for a second.
"How can I when I know the source of it was you." Xiao said, eyes turn madder as he watched them flinch.
"He has been in love you with his own brother, and you asked me why I didn't tell you about the pills he has been taking?! Emil is frustrated, disgusted even!"
"How could I know? I treat him as my brother. I… I never expect this to happen…" Lukas whispered with a cracked voice.
"You even mistook his feelings towards Mikkel." Golden orbs met deep-blue in a cold stare. Mikkel who was watching from the side, was growing worried. Lukas seems like a different person when Emil was the main problem. He loved him as a brother, he knew that. But sometimes, his over-reaction was way more than a brother should be. No wonder Emil mistook it for something else.
"He's still not wake up. The Doctor said he will be alright, but vomiting is to be expected. It's good to let the drugs out." Mikkel said, nodding towards the door.
Xiao caught the signal and quickly walked over and opened the door as silently as he could. Escaping from Lukas seemed to be a good idea right now. He closed the door behind him, still trying to act cool from Emil's brother's icy stare. The guy seemed so creepy with the lack of emotions… he was not the one to talk actually, but Lukas was much worse than him.
Xiao stopped beside the bed where Emil was laying down, being infusion, having a medication through a needle of a catheter. The Asian could feel his heart clench painfully at the state of his secret crush. No, it's no longer a secret. Xiao raised his hand to touch Emil's cheek. He looked look paler than usual. He dragged a small chair near the desk and sat down to watch his best friend. Taking Emil's lifeless hand in his, Xiao gave a soft sigh.
"I told you to stop taking those pills. But did you listen? Not at all. Why can't you just… blurt everything out to me, Emil? I can't believe when you went home and this happened. I even had the guts to confess to you last night, adding more to your problems. What kind of person am I?" Xiao muttered to himself as soft as he could. He wondered if Emil could hear what he was talking about. He gripped Emil's hand a bit harder, Xiao hated himself for not being able to make Emil look at him. He brought Emil's hand up and rested his forehead against the cooler pale hand. Closing his eyes in thought, Xiao didn't realize that the door was cracked opened slightly.
"I can't believe him! He still dares to say that he is Emil's best friend?! He could have told us… ME, sooner!"
"Lukas, you can't expect them to be very open about this. Especially since you are the 'cause' of it." Mikkel paused for a second before he decided to ignore Lukas's glare. Mikkel walked past the shorter blonde and stopped before the door.
"The other reason is probably because of… this" He silently opened the room to let Lukas know what exactly happened. There, the brother saw the way Xiao held Emil's hand, kissing it softly while his eyes never left the boy's sleeping face. As if he was afraid that if he blinks, his friend would be gone from his sight forever. Lukas's eyes gleamed with realization and turned sad at the scene before his sight.
"He should have let Emil know sooner…" Lukas whispered almost as if to himself more than to Mikkel.
"He didn't want to let Emil know since he knew his crush was falling in love with his brother. He doesn't want to lose his friend, Luke." Mikkel closed the door to grin at Lukas who rolled his eyes.
"I wonder in a time like this, where your stupidity goes to on times like these, Mikkel." Lukas huffed when Mikkel pouted.
"That's very rude, you know! Come on, let's grab something to eat. We can leave your baby brother to that Asian guy!" Mikkel slapped Lukas's back which received him a painful jab in the side.
"Not so loud, damn it!" The Norwegian hissed, totally ignoring Mikkel winching in pain.
Xiao raised his head as something cold pressed against his cheek. His eyes found Mikkel grinning widely at him, offering the cold drink he brought along with a plastic wrapped sandwich from the hospital. Letting go of Emil's hand with flushed cheeks, Xiao took both items in his hands after mumbling a quiet thanks and put them on top of the small table near the bed.
"He will be fine…" The deep voice made Xiao look to his other side. Lukas was staring down at Emil, brushing his brother's bangs away from his eyes. Xiao watched him with a hint of jealousy, but he tried to ignore this fact since Lukas didn't share the same feelings towards Emil. Realizing his caresses toward Emil made Xiao go rigid, Lukas's lips curved up to form a small smile.
"You should be more straight forward to him next time." Lukas muttered, turning around to leave. He gave Xiao a pat on his shoulder before he left Xiao blinked at the gesture for a moment. He threw a surprised look to Lukas's back. Receiving a chuckle from Mikkel, Xiao's eyes focused on his lap in shame. The Dane followed his boyfriend when Lukas stopped before the door waiting for him. As the door closed, Xiao slowly took Emil's hand in his again, lips curved up.
Emil slowly opened his eyes, blinking a few times he discovered someone looming over him. Once his eyes starts to focus and the blurry vision turned clear, his blue eyes met golden orbs. Those eyes that were staring at him changed from worried to joyful. Xiao quickly stood up from his seat and clutched Emil's hand tightly.
"Emil! Are you alright? Do you feel anything?" Those blue eyes were now staring into their clasped hands before frowning. Emil looked around his surrounding and noticed that he was being infusion. His eyes widened when he recognized the place where he lay. Sitting up with a gasp made him wince from the pain that shot through his arm where the needle had been inserted into his skin.
"Emil! Don't move about just yet…" Xiao pressed his hands gently on Emil's shoulder, pushing him to lie down. The Icelander refused to do so as he pushed the Asian away from him by force.
"Don't touch me!"
Surprised, Xiao stepped back a bit causing his knee to accidentally hit the chair. It fell down with a crash while his elbow accidentally knocked the glass on the table beside him. It landed on the floor with a loud crash for a second time. Those crashing sounds could be heard in front of the room, the door opened and Lukas and Mikkel walked in with concerned expressions.
"What happened?" Lukas asked Xiao when he noticed the scattered glass and Xiao's surprised look.
"Nothing…" Xiao muttered as he took a few steps back, he tried his best to avoid eye contact with Emil.
"Emil!" Lukas quickly went towards him with a happy tone.
Mikkel who watched the two could read that something had happened between the two.
"I will call the doctor." Xiao walked away from them with heavy steps. Mikkel watched him in silence, he was about to chase after him but his mind wanted to stay with Lukas and Emil. He was concerned for the brothers.
"Emil, are you alright? I'm glad that you're conscious!" Lukas wrapped his arms around Emil, pulling his brother closer to him.
"Why am I here?" Emil whispered with a hoarse voice. His head swarming with the thoughts of his brother finding out about his problem. He felt he was about to vomit anytime soon.
"Please don't scare me like that anymore, Emil. I don't want you to kill yourself. Please…" Lukas's embrace only made Emil feel suffocated, but he did not push him away when he heard a sniffling sound coming from the older. Emil's eyes clenched shut, feeling his own eyes become hot with tears he was trying to hold back.
"Lukas…" he didn't know what to say to his brother, but this feeling of rejection was starting to chew inside of him. Emil didn't know if he should bring that up again. His eyes met Lukas's when the blond pulled away to stare into his eyes. Emil blinked for a few times, biting his lower lip.
"Emil… promise me you won't do that again?" Lukas asked him, but Emil's answer never came. His brother refused to look him in the eyes.
"Emil!" Lukas clasped his cheeks, forcing Emil to look him in the eyes. He could see Emil's pupils were trembling.
"Don't touch me! Let go!" Emil suddenly pushed Lukas away, surprising his brother. Lucky enough that Mikkel was alerted; he supported Lukas as he looked at Emil worriedly.
"Emil, are you alright?"
"NO! I'm not alright! I'm sick of this place! I don't want to be here, I'm going to go home, now!" Emil angrily pulled out the needle out from his vein, not carrying the blood starting to show up at the force. His arm felt numb as his eyes caught a single drop of blood. He grabbed the nearest tissue and wiped the blood away. Emil started to walk away from the bed, but his feet stumbled on the weight of his body which still felt light. His head start throbbing irritatingly making Emil wince. Mikkel caught him in his arms before he fell on his face. Whipping his head towards the Dane, Emil gritted his teeth.
"See? You shouldn't move around just yet." Mikkel said while Emil adjusted on his weight.
"I'm alright… I just want to get out of this place as soon as possible." Emil swatted his hand away, he felt his body trembling when he forced himself to stand on his own.
"Let's just go home, shall we?" Lukas stepped beside him, taking Emil's arm to prevent him from falling.
"But, Lukas…" Mikkel stopped when Lukas shook his head. The taller man gave a loud sigh. Sometimes Lukas was just too soft towards his brother.
The doctor arrived with Xiao following behind when they were about to get out. Lukas explained that Emil wanted to go home, making sure that his brother was alright so that the doctor will let them go. Lukas could understand that the doctor did not approve, but he was worried what Emil might do if he did not allow him to go. Knowing his brother, sometimes Emil could be so furious that he started to break things, even if those times rarely happened. The doctor insisted on checking up on Emil before they took him home. Emil groaned when he was forced to sit down for another check up. After a few minutes, he gave them a recite for medicines and let them go.
Xiao who was watching from the side felt his heart pierce when Emil walked past him without a single glance. The brunette watched them go without a word.
Yao looked up from the book he was reading when he heard Xiao coming inside the house, looking gloomy. Raising an eyebrow to his brother's state. Each day his aura got darker and heavier. It was starting to worry him. Closing the book in his hands, Yao rose to his feet and followed his brother silently with a frown. As Xiao closed the door to his room, Yao scratched his head in confusion. What happened? Xiao was not a person who was very open when it was about his problems so Yao wasn't sure what he was supposed to do when his brother was in such a state. Yao sigh, a bit frustrated with himself that he couldn't do anything to help him out. Despite the fact that he did not want to see his sulking brother in his room, Yao's feet brought him to his door anyway. His hand slowly reached the door knob, thinking whether he should just barge in without knocking or not. He was surprised when suddenly the door opened and Xiao almost bumped onto him.
"Ah… Xiao, aru…" Yao forced himself to smile but it turned out awkwardly.
"What's the matter?" the brunette asked him with one eyebrow up, demanding an answer.
"Nothing, aru…" Yao waved his hand in panic, unsure how he was supposed to react. Xiao sighed at the Chinese guy and shook his head.
"I'm alright, gege. Nothing to worry about." He murmured, making sure that Yao's worry will go away. The guy was still over-protective as ever. He knew that his brother had been standing in front of his room for a few minutes. As if he didn't feel the presence of his brother from inside the room. He learn Wushu not for nothing.
"If…" Yao started, directing Xiao's attention back to him. Their golden eyes met for a moment, waiting for any continuation. Yao took a deep breath before he continued.
"If you need any help… anything… Xiao… I'm willing to help". Yao finished his sentences with a soft sigh. Xiao stared up at his brother which was only a head taller than him. His mind immediately went to Emil who acted violently toward him all of the sudden. He didn't know if he should tell his brother about his friend who just walked out from the hospital today. Nor that he wished his brother knew about the boy who had slept over the night, wanting to drug himself to sleep. Xiao knew his brother could be too possessive when it was about his safety. Biting his lips as to hold any words in, Xiao shook his head in disapproval.
"I'm alright. I can still handle this… madness. Thanks anyway." Xiao gave a firm look to Yao who was still unsure about his sentence. He lifted an eyebrow at the word 'madness' Xiao just said. Yao knew his brother can be so hard headed if he wanted to. Sighing in defeat, Yao put his hand on his shoulder reassuringly.
"If you say so, aru."
Xiao watched his older walk away from his room, not blinking when Yao turned to look at him for the last time after a few steps. Shrugging at the emotionless boy before him, Yao walked away without another word.
"I'm sorry, Yao…" Xiao whispered when his brother had gone away to the dining room. Someone tapped his back and Xiao looked at his other sibling who was grinning. Xiao rolled his eyes at his big-annoying grin.
"What?" he walked into his room, not driving his half brother away and let him closed the door.
"Had I told you that someone would turn to suicide after holding all his problems inside?" Yong Soo whistled when Xiao threw him a death glare.
"Where did you hear that from? And what makes you think that I will do that?" Xiao threw himself on his bed pulling the pillow to hug it tightly against his face.
"That story originated in me, da-ze!" His Korean sibling dodged when a pillow was thrown towards his direction.
"Get out, Yong Soo" Xiao grumbled, supporting himself with his elbow.
"Have I told you that you smell like a hospital?" Yong Soo picked up the pillow from the floor after it bounced against the wardrobe. Black eyes met Golden right after he finished his question. The Asian quickly sat up properly, surely surprised with the question. That guy who always wanted to know anything about people's problems, who can't even stay quiet for a few seconds, was always the first to know new things. Xiao was surprised that he couldn't even hide things from his half brother.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Yong Soo sat down on the floor before Xiao, waiting patiently. Xiao bit his lips.
"I will tell you, but don't tell Gege."
"I can keep a secret." Yong Soo clapped his hands together and hugged the pillow closely to his chest.
Emil stared at Lukas when the blonde wrapped his arm around his shoulder, trying to balance his brother to the trip back towards his own room. He had been vomiting which according to the doctor is normal, to let the drugs out. Lukas was certain that he won't let his brother over dose on the sleeping pills. He had thrown any pills he found in Emil's room away, other than the new medicine he got from the doctor. He should be the one to clean his brother's room from now on and that's the way he wanted it to be, if he wanted Emil to stop with those drugs.
Emil was certain that he couldn't get away from Lukas anymore now. His brother who was over-protective was even worse than before. Something made the silver haired Icelander fully annoyed that he needed to be watched over, even for small things as 'going to the toilet'. He was mad at himself for taking too many pills at once in a hurry that time, had he not, Lukas may never had found out and he could continue to try and enjoy his miserable life; even if that meant Lukas would never look at him any other way than being just a brother. Emil clenched his fists in anger. He quickly pushed his brother away, surprising him at the sudden attack. Lukas found himself on the floor in shock of his brother's violence.
"Emil?!" He slowly stood up, unsure what the cause of his attack is. He was sure that the doctor told him about 'hallucinations' part during the last examinations.
"Stop it. Stop being so affectionate towards me. I don't need it." Emil said, glaring at his brother who was still crouching down on the floor. Lukas eyed him, surprised that he would describe his actions as affectionate.
"Emil, I was just worried about you."
"Yes, that. Its super annoying that you keep being worried for nothing, it even makes me feel worse. Especially when you knew how I feel towards you. I've had enough, Lukas. I want you to get away from me." Emil gritted his teeth, feeling his emotions going up. He wasn't sure what he was saying anymore, deep inside he was asking himself whether that's what he really wanted his brother to do. He felt his vision start to get blurry; he ran his hand against his forehead, clutching it tightly when it started to hurt. He felt a hand wrap around his shoulders, his brother's worried voice seemingly far in the distance, though he was practically in front of him.
"Lukas, let go!" Emil tried to break free from his arms, pushing with all the strength he could muster.
"Let's just… go back to your room so you can rest. I will leave you alone after that." Lukas said sadly, it hurt watching his brother in this state. What he hated the most was that he couldn't even help him feel better. Everything he did seems so wrong to Emil. Lukas gritted his teeth as he pulled Emil's wrist toward his room, not caring if Emil could walk properly catching his steps. Once they were inside Emil's room, Lukas watched him drift back to sleep almost immediately when his head met the pillow. Long fingers brushed away those fringes from Emil's closed eyes. Lukas's eyes flickered forlornly when he remembered what his brother had said. Should he really move away? Lukas shook his head and walked out of the room, shutting it quietly. He flipped his mobile phone and dial Mikkel's number, walking faster downstairs.
"Hello? What's wrong, Lukas?" His boyfriend's voice sounded worried that something bad might have happen again.
"Mikkel… Is it okay if I just… move to your house for a while?" Lukas whispered while running his hands through his hair in confusion. A pause coming from the other line, before he finally heard a sigh coming from the Dane.
"I don't mind at all, but what about Emil? Doesn't he need to be watched over?"
"He wants me to get away from him…" Another pause and Lukas could feel that Mikkel was also in a deep thought.
"That kid needs therapy."
Lukas sucked on his breath when he heard him.
"Do you still remember your cousin, Tino who worked as a psychologist? Maybe he can help your brother. I don't know, you think maybe he doesn't need one, but I think he does need therapy. I'm sure Tino won't charge you for the medication, since he knew Emil so well. Like a family member. What do you think, Luke?" Mikkel waited for a few moments for Lukas to agree. He was a bit disappointed that Lukas immediately answered.
"No, its okay. I… I will just get away from him and he will be fine."
"But, Lukas…"
"I will… stay at Tino's place instead…"
"Lukas, wait-"
Lukas cut the line before Mikkel finished. What does he think Emil is? Emil is healthy, it's true that he is quiet sick right now, but that's just Lukas being careless about his brother. In the end, Emil will be back to normal once he got away from him. Lukas paused for a second thought. Tino is a good cousin of his, and he always listened to every single thing when people were troubled. Maybe he could talk to him about this when he stayed at his place. Lukas sighed heavily and walked toward his room. He needed to start packing his stuff.
TBC
