A/N: Samantha and I have random outbursts in which we feel it necessary to write stories in which married men have squabbles about the most simple of things. That is all. WARNING: Same-sex pairings. Only you can prevent wildfires.
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He ripped the sheets back with tremendous force. Pillows were thrown to the floor and forgotten, along with a few items of clothing. He jumped on to the bed, causing the springs to creak slightly. Finally, the sheets were pulled back over him, and...he picked up a large, dark green book with silver lettering, taking out the bookmark as he did, and began to read. "Perfect," he said to no one in particular. He turned to the night stand, where a fish swam in a small bowl beside him; it was all too simple to convince Severus to let him keep a spare bowl in their bedroom, just in case. "So, Calypso. Where shall I start?"
"Where the potions master's husband is hexed into oblivion." Sirius looked up to see an enraged Severus looming down on him, his arms cross intimidating over his chest. "Comfortable?" he asked. Uh-oh, Sirius thought. He knew that stance well, and he knew, that he was in for quite a tongue-lashing. In an attempt to dodge the inevitable tangent, Sirius decided to take the 'cute' approach. "Why yes, Severus. I am," he smiled. His attempt had quite a coincidental effect. Severus seemed, if possible, more fuming than before. Ripping the sheets off of him, Severus spoke to him in a gruesome tone.
"You. Up. NOW." Sirius put his bookmark in quickly, and scrambled out of the bed. Severus shoved him up against a wall, his face inches from his lovers. "WHAT have I told you, Sirius?"
"Um...I don't remember." This was bad. This was VERY bad.
"Well then you best THINK, Sirius. Think VERY hard." Oh god. Sirius was dead. Dead where he stood. Now he had to calm down, and think of a neutral response to the situation.
"...........um........." Brilliant, Black. Severus sighed deeply.
"Stay there Black. I am going to make the bed the correct way, so you best take notes." Sirius slid down the wall a bit, slouching, arms crossed, head tilted, waiting for Severus to commence his lesson.
"Yes, oh mighty evil one," he said. Severus was less than amused. He walked over to the bed, stripped it, and began the process.
"Alright. Lesson one. After stripping the sheets from the bed, we separate the sheets from one another for washing." Sirius watched lazily, and Severus continued. "Lesson two. Next, we get new, clean sheets from the linen closet." Sirius looked puzzled. "The one with the extra towels." Epiphany struck Sirius as his face returned to it's previous annoyed stare. "Lesson three. Take the fitted sheet, that's the one that's stretchy, and stretch it over the ends of the bed, so it is smooth over the matress' surface." Sirius stood making faces behind Sirius' back. Severus turned around, just as Sirius' face turned to its original, dull state. Severus sighed. "Lesson four. Now that we have our fitted sheet on the bed, we take the flat sheet, the one that's flat," Sirius gave Severus a murderous glare," and we put it out flat over the mattress and fitted sheet to that the sides of the sheet drape over the sides of the bed." Sirius mocked Severus, making faces, shaking his head back and forth, using his hand as an annoying, jabbering mouth. Once again, Sirius stopped his actions just as Severus had turned around. "Lesson five. We take the comforter, and put it over the flat sheet. Make sure to smooth it out before you start the next step, though." Severus smoothed his hands over the green and red blanket, emblazoned with both lion and snake. "Lesson six. Making sure that all of the sheets are tucked under the mattress like so," Severus tucked the sheets into the mattress obsessively, and continued," Take the first eight inches of both sheet and comforter, and flip them over, together, to the top of the comforter." At this point, Sirius had stopped paying attention to Severus, and had become enthralled with a piece of lint floating through the air. "Lesson seven. Finally, we place the pillows on the bed accordingly, and it's ready to sleep in." Severus looked at the bed, accomplished, and then to his husband, who was playing some game in the air with his fingers. Severus sighed, pinching the bridge of his abnormally shaped nose. "You didn't hear a thing I said, did you?" Sirius looked down from his fingers, into his lovers eyes.
"Of course I did, honey," he lied. "You take the stretchy one, and then, the lion goes over there, and you flip it, and then, the pillows go on top," Sirius finished, smiling, and to his astonishment, he received a smile back.
"Well, at least you tried," Severus smiled. "Besides. I can think of at least a dozen things you can do in that bed that I could never do." Sirius walked a bit closer to his lover, shoving him on the freshly made bed, and smiled.
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Sammie: I never ever make my bed, unless we have company, I think - and apparently so does Sirius- that its more comfy that way.
Joceline: I agree with Severus. I will ONLY sleep in a properly made bed.
Sammie: Were those steps your steps for making a bed.
Joceline: Why yes Samantha they were, any other questions?
Sammie: Nope :) Please people REVIEW!
