The Sword of Mushrooms
Chapter VII - Blooper Attack
Luigi vigilantly stuck close to Mario as they trekked through the first tunnel. He kept a very close eye on everything, especially the water flowing in a channel on their left for Bloopers. Nasty buggers with bad attitudes and a penchant for spraying their victims with sticky black ink. Just thinking about them made Luigi shudder with bad memories. Gooey, sticky, awful memories.
For Mario, Bloopers weren't his only concern, though they were the biggest. The other thing they had to watch out for were the hooligans that had taken up residency here. Dark Koopas and Gloombas of all kinds, these sewer-dwelling ruffians were as unfriendly as they came. Simply being spotted by one would almost instantly result in a fight. It was no wonder at all why nobody in town ever came down here.
Mario and Luigi reached a Warp Pipe at the end of the tunnel and traveled below. The next tunnel was wider than the last and terminated at a junction going left and right. There were only two more levels below this one, and the Warp Pipe to the Dark Shroom Mountains was on the third. Mario led the way and they took the right, coming to an entry way. So far, so good, no muss, no fuss. But all that, unfortunately, came to a screeching halt the moment they entered the next room. Sitting in a circle by the next Warp Pipe were a pair of Dark Koopas, a Paragloomba, and a Spiked Gloomba playing a game of cards. They glared at the Mario Bros. and dropped what they were doing as they stood up, the Paragloomba fluttering like a little mushroom-shaped bat.
"Well, what do we have here?" said one of the Dark Koopas. He appeared to be the ringmaster.
"We're just passing through," said Mario calmly. "Let us use the Warp Pipe quietly, and you fellas can get back to your game, okay?"
"You want to use the Warp Pipe, is that all?" the purple-shelled Koopa said warmly, which Mario and Luigi knew was fake. Then he stuck his hand out and his expression darkened. "That'll be fifty coins."
"What?" Luigi asked incredulously. "You want us to pay a toll?"
"Nothing gets by you, beanstalk. This spot here is our turf, and we decide who gets to use the pipe. Now either cough up the dough, or get lost."
"No, here's how it's going to go down," said Mario in a fake, warm tone of his own. "You're going to get out of our way and let us through now, and we won't have to knock your big, empty heads around. My patience with Koopas has worn very thin today, so you don't want to push me."
"You really don't," Luigi warned them. He could see how serious Mario was.
The Dark Koopa merely smirked at Mario and cracked his knuckles. "Well, boys, it looks like we're about to have ourselves a little rumble. Let's teach these punks a very painful lesson they won't soon forget."
"Nothing ever comes easy to us, does it?" Luigi said as he and Mario drew their hammers.
At that moment, the two Gloombas backed away as a pair of small whirlwinds began to whip up around the Dark Koopas. Mario and Luigi knew what this was. The dreaded Dizzy Shell attack. True to its name, anybody hit with it was inflicted with severe dizziness. It was to be avoided at all costs.
"Ha! You fools don't stand a chance!" the leader Koopa said over the sound of the rushing winds. "One shot of our ultimate attack, and it'll be curtains for you! Scared yet?"
"You wish," Mario replied, his eyes narrowed and his grip tightened. He was focused to the max.
The Dark Koopas withdrew into their shells and began spinning, increasing the velocity of the whirlwinds. Mario and Luigi were ready to counterattack. This was it.
BLOOPER!
Mario and Luigi looked back, mouths gaping, as a colossal Blooper shot of the water. Never had they encountered one so huge before. It was a wonder how it even wound up in the tunnels in the first place. The Dark Koopas halted their attack.
"Oh crud!" the leader cursed. "I can't believe that thing managed to follow us up here! You know the drill, boys!"
"Uh, flee like cowards?" The Paragloomba asked.
"Bingo!"
And just like that, the four of them hightailed down the Warp Pipe. A wise move, the Mario Bros. thought. But just as they were about to do the same, one of the Super Blooper's slimy white tentacles reached into the room and snagged Luigi by the leg.
"MARIO!" the younger brother panicked as the Blooper attempted to haul him in.
Mario dove for Luigi's arms but was pulled out along with him. The Blooper lifted them off the floor and flung them aside into the wall with a loud smack. Mario and Luigi dropped like a pair of bricks into the water and swam back up. They were soaked to the bone. The Blooper, meanwhile, was busy poking around inside the chamber for more victims. These bothersome sea-creatures never had a good reason for attacking people other than for the heck of it. As soon as it realized the Mario Bros. were right behind it, it spun on its ten heels and bore down on them.
"Here it comes, Luigi," said Mario. "Ready?"
"Ready!"
As soon as the Blooper got close enough, Mario and Luigi leaped high, dodging a spray of jet-black ink from a tiny mouth-like opening. They bounced off the squid beast's giant soft forehead like a trampoline and flipped over to the other side. Had this been at the Olympics, they would've scored a perfect ten. But the Blooper wasn't as slow as they had anticipated. With surprisingly quick reflexes, it grabbed Luigi by the leg again as it twisted around and dragged him back.
"Not again!" Luigi cried.
Oh, for crying out loud!" Mario moaned as he shot back to the rescue. He raised his hammer high and slammed it down on the Blooper's tentacle, freeing Luigi from its grasp. But that proved to be a bad mistake. A really bad mistake. The Blooper, mad with fury, roared and ensnared Mario before he could react.. It then reclaimed Luigi once more by the leg and hoisted both brothers up. They were in the same predicament as before, only this time the Blooper had no intention of letting them go. And then, something else happened, something that had Mario and Luigi shaking in their boots. The Blooper's entire body turned an angry red.
"I think you made it mad, Mario!" Luigi exclaimed as he dangled upside down.
"Gee, no kidding!" Mario grunted, his arms bound to his sides. "What I wouldn't give for a Fire Flower right about now!"
The Blooper then swung Luigi like a pendulum and conked his head against Mario's, knocking both of their hats off.
"Ow, that smarts!" said Luigi, shaking away the stars around his head, only to have it cracked against Mario's a second time. He could've sworn he felt his brain bounce around in his skull that time. The Blooper chuckled sadistically. It was toying with them! But for how long? "What are we going to do?" Luigi panicked, his voice slightly slurred.
"Seeing as how my arms are tied up at the moment, I can't do much of anything!" said Mario. "You're going to have think of something, Luigi! And be quick about it!"
Easier said than done. Luigi could barely think at all with the all the blood rushing into his throbbing noggin. But after enduring another head smash with Mario, he saw Mario's hammer on the floor and immediately came up with an idea. He had to act quickly, though, before things got even worse. Please, don't mess this up! he prayed as he grabbed his hammer from his belt and then threw it, decking the Blooper right in its left eye! What an amazing shot!
Mario and Luigi landed back on their feet as the wailing Blooper reeled. But it wasn't over yet. With its bruised eye, the beast was more furious than ever. They had to end this now. Mario and Luigi quickly recovered their hammers as the wrathful, red Blooper lunged forward and threw them with everything they had. POW! POW! The air burst like cannon fire as the flying hammers smashed the giant squid in the head, finally bringing it down. Its red coloring faded away as it lay there in a twitching heap. Mario and Luigi didn't waste any time patting themselves on the back. They snatched up their hammers and their hats, then tore back into the chamber and dove headfirst into the Warp Pipe.
In the tunnel below, Luigi spat out the other end of the pipe like a Bullet Bill and plopped onto the floor. Mario was but a second behind and dropped right on top of him. He thought he felt something crack.
"Geez, Mario," he whined, nearly out of breath, "you're a lot heavier than you look! I think it's time for you to lay off the pasta."
"Like you're one to talk," Mario said as he removed himself from Luigi's back, then pulled him to his feet. "I should've been sent to the emergency room after you nearly snapped my spine in half the other day. Maybe you need cut back on the sweets."
As if that would ever happen. So, after agreeing to call themselves even, Mario and Luigi hastily proceeded through the tunnel and entered a small room on the right just half-way up. Inside was a blue Warp Pipe on a raised platform. This particular pipe was different from most. It was a one-way passage only. Once Mario and Luigi went through it, they wouldn't be able to use it to return. It had been made this way long ago to prevent enemy forces from using it against them. One had to think carefully before using it.
"Once we free the princess and safely make it back through the mountains, we'll head to Mushroom City and use the Warp Pipe there to get back home," Mario explained to Luigi, knowing he was thinking of that very dilemma.
Luigi nodded, and down the Warp Pipe they went.
