I left you kind of bummed out at the end of chapter 6, didn't I? I promise this next chapter makes it all worthwhile. ;-)
XXXXX
Chapter 7 – FRIDAY night
The cab pulled to the curb in front of Hanna's apartment building. She paid her fare and got out of the car. Then she quietly walked inside the house and all the way up to her front door. She checked her phone to see if Caleb was still online.
He wasn't.
No surprise floor show by the door like she had been planning it in her tipsy condition. After Emily and Alison had left the restaurant, Hanna and Aria had ordered another bottle of red wine and were dishing out about each other's love lives. Aria had confided her troubles with Ezra in her, drowning her sorrow in lots of alcohol, while Hanna had tried to stay low-key. She had nothing to complain about right now.
Seeing Caleb had last been online half an hour ago, she felt a slight stab of disappointment in the pit of her stomach. She had been looking forward to finding him on the couch, still awake and waiting for her with that irresistible smile on his face.
But he seemed to be asleep already. Hanna sighed and pulled her keys out of her purse and tried to open the door as quietly as she could manage so she wouldn't wake him.
The apartment was dark and utterly silent. For a moment, Hanna hesitated, thinking if she should rather make some noise in order for Caleb to come out of the bedroom so she wouldn't have to cross the dark living room alone and sneak into an even darker bedroom, afraid of what she might find in there.
You could never be sure these days.
But then she shook off the feeling and tried to remember some of the techniques she'd read about in her self-help book last night. She failed due to her slightly clouded mind.
Suddenly, she saw the Chinese take-out boxes neatly stacked on the kitchen counter and her heartbeat slowed down a little, assured that Caleb would most definitely be safe and sound in their bed.
Their bed.
The thought alone triggered her adrenaline to kick in, and she set her body in motion to walk all the way to where their bedroom adjoined to the living room.
Just a few steps later she noticed that the bedroom door had been left ajar, and a narrow stream of light came shining through the door crack.
So he was still awake after all? Her heart skipped a beat, and Hanna instinctively began combing through her hair with her fingers but dropped it, remembering how Caleb had told her that he liked her hair when it wasn't perfectly trimmed.
She pulled the door open and paused at the sight in front of her.
There he was, lying on his half of the bed with his eyes closed, propped up on his pillow, an open book clutched to his chest, breathing evenly and… wearing…. glasses?
Hanna furrowed her brows. She wasn't that drunk. Was she?
When did he get glasses? What else am I going to find out about this man?
The peaceful look on his face made her smile. So, is this what it was going to be like for the rest of their lives? With him trying to stay up until she would come home late at night after she had been out with the girls alone?
Another sigh slipped from her mouth. Then she took a step forward to cross the distance between her and Caleb.
But suddenly, Hanna stopped dead in her tracks when she saw the part of the book title that wasn't covered by his arms and hands.
"…Trauma…"
Trauma?
Oh no!
A look of terror appeared on her face, and she ultimately turned her eyes to the drawer of her night table.
It was open.
She winced at the idea that Caleb might have found her secret hiding place. For a second, her knees seemed to go weak, and she had to sit down to keep herself from falling.
She sat on the floor leaning against the bedside, thoughts running through her mind.
She hadn't meant for Caleb to find out like this. Like she was still keeping secrets from him. She had wanted to tell him about her trauma therapy and her self-help book. She wanted to be able to look him in the eyes and explain how she had ordered the book many weeks ago in the wake of her breakup with Jordan… when the loneliness of her empty apartment had almost overwhelmed her with fear.
A single tear had emerged from her eye. The feeling of regret was nagging at her. At this moment, she wasn't even able to tell why she had kept the book secret at all.
If you love somebody you should be able to tell them anything.
Didn't she use to say that?
Her mind was thrown back to that moment some time ago when her doctor had confronted her with a diagnose. All those nightmares, all those fears in the most unpredictable situations… They had made Hanna feel so powerless, so bereaved of her self-confidence. She had seen her life falling apart. The shed, the torment, her breakup, Caleb and Spencer together, A.D. closing in… She had had to take action to keep herself from breaking down altogether.
Hanna turned her head around to look at Caleb's face again. Wiping away another tear, she smiled at him. Relief was washing over her that she didn't have to hide anything from him anymore. She knew she had no reason to be ashamed.
She got up from the floor and started undressing. Every so often she looked up to check if he would open his eyes. At that, she suddenly saw that it wasn't her book he was holding. Hers was still inside of the drawer, in plain sight. She just hadn't seen in before. But she was convinced that he on the other hand had.
It dawned on her that he was reading an entirely different book! And he had already read through two-thirds, judging by the small bookmarks that had been inserted every few pages.
With the slightest touch possible, Hanna removed the book from his clutch. She hesitated for a second when Caleb stirred in his sleep. But when he lay still again, she turned it around to read the cover: "A Practical Guide to Understanding and Connecting with Your Partner after Trauma".
A sudden wave of love seemed to overwhelm her, and she tried hard to fight back her tears. She got all choked up thinking of how much Caleb seemed to care about her.
She flipped the book open to where he had last read to put another bookmark inside. Then she put it in the drawer, right next to hers.
After she had snuck into the bathroom to brush her teeth, she turned off the ceiling light and flicked on a considerably less blinding night light by her bedside.
She got under the covers and for a long moment, she just lay there staring at the ceiling in rapt amazement. Suddenly, she felt very clear in her head, all signs of tipsiness gone. God, she loved this man. She loved him with all her heart.
Then she turned to lie on her side and watched his sleeping shape. As she carefully tried to remove his glasses, Caleb gave a start and opened his eyes.
"Oh hey, baby", he said lovingly. "I must have fallen asleep. How long have you been staring at me?"
Hanna chuckled: "I just got in." She held out his glasses for him. "How long have you had these?"
"About a year." He spoke with a calm voice, glad to see her face after she had been out and about at night time. "They're reading glasses, that's why you've probably never seen them on me." He chuckled. "Did you have a good time with the girls?"
"Yeah, it was all right. I had to take Aria home first and tuck her in, she drank way too much. It's really too bad how things with Ezra are going at the moment. And then, you know, Spencer should have been there, too. It wasn't the same without her."
"I'm pretty sure they're going to release her from the hospital soon." He tried to make her feel better, and she smiled weakly at him.
"So, what have you been doing while I was out?" She asked tentatively.
"Um," he tried to remember in a state of drowsiness. "Let's see… I ate all the Dong-Po for dinner, did some research for potential job openings… a little bit of reading." His eyes searched the room for his book but failed. "Where did you put it?" his last question sounded, and he looked at her in anxious anticipation.
"I put it in the drawer." Hanna paused, avoiding his gaze. "Where did you get that book?"
"Toby gave it to me. He said that it helped him a lot after what happened to Spencer at the dollhouse." Caleb looked down at the glasses in his hand. Then he bent over to his side, put them on the bedside table and settled back against his pillow.
"Hanna, you know that you can talk to me about anything, right? I care about you more than I care about myself and I just want to help you." He looked at her intently, but she ignored him.
When she remained silent, he pursued his efforts to get a response from her. "Are you mad at me? That I'm reading this book, I mean?" His voice had taken on a sad undertone and his gaze was fixed on her fragile frame, waiting for her eyes to reconnect.
His question had struck a chord, he could see it in her eyes staring into the far distance, fighting to blink back a tear. He anxiously swallowed down a lump in his throat.
He had been wondering about how Hanna had dealt with her mental state following all the horrific experiences she'd had to endure after A. or A.D. had stepped into her life. He had wished for her to have some kind of an outlet, some other confidant whom she could pour her heart out to.
He had been too afraid to touch the subject, unsure of how she would react if he confronted her with his observations. He had learned early on in their relationship, back when they had still been in high school, that Hanna would build walls around her heart in order to protect herself. It had taken a lot of effort from his side to get past those walls.
And just because she had let him in once, it didn't mean that she was ready to do that again.
His question lingered in the air, unanswered until Hanna turned around and looked up, right into his warm brown eyes.
She saw it. A fear, and if she knew one thing about Caleb Rivers, it was that he usually wasn't afraid of anything. It was the same fear she had felt just a couple of minutes ago when she had thought he had been reading her book.
Suddenly, she remembered some wise words Spencer had once told her.
Sometimes people wanna tell you things, but they can't look you in the eye and say it. Because they're afraid of what you'll think of them.
What had she been afraid of? He was the most understanding person in her life, and the most caring. He wouldn't have thought any less of her if she had told him. She was sure about that now. She wanted him to be that person… the one person she could tell anything. He just needed to know.
Hanna lifted her upper body to a sitting position. There was only one answer she could think of.
She closed the distance between them and brought their lips together for a tender kiss. When she opened her eyes again, she saw the surprised look on his face. She put her hand on his face and gently stroked over his jawline. Then she spoke with a sincere voice: "I love you, Caleb."
He exhaled a breath he didn't know he had been holding. His gaze unwavering, he said it back: "I love you, too."
For a long time, they simply stared at each other, trying to grasp the significance of this moment. Then their mouths found each other in the warm glow of the night light.
Caleb eventually broke the kiss, breathing her name "Hanna!" before letting his forehead drop against hers.
Through a thin veil of tears, her eyes smiled at him. As she sobbed and sniffled quietly, he brought his hand to the back of her head and pulled up her face so he could kiss her again.
While keeping his lips in touch with hers, Caleb pushed the covers away. He wanted her to be his blanket for the rest of the night.
When their kiss broke, he saw that she was only wearing panties and a flimsy tank top.
Hanna looked at him with hazy eyes. On the spur of the moment, she raised her arms above her head. Instinctively, his hands grabbed the hem of her tank top and lifted it over her arms. Then he tossed it on the floor and took in her sight.
"You are so beautiful," he whispered.
Hanna smiled and reached for him, pulling him in for a searing kiss. As his mouth explored hers, his free hand wandered a path from her hip upward, tracing random patterns along her stomach and side before reaching the underside of her breast. He traced the swell with a feather-light touch until Hanna arched and moaned beneath him, making it clear what she wanted. His hand covered her breast, squeezing gently and rolling her hard nipple between his fingers, making it even harder.
His lips left hers again, kissing their way through the cleft between her breasts and then around their soft undersides. Hanna threaded her fingers through his hair, urging him wordlessly. He capitulated easily, covering her breast with open-mouthed kisses before capturing the peak and sucking gently, his tongue trailing along her sensitive skin.
All at once, the contact was broken and Hanna whimpered in protest. But her cries became whimpers of pleasure when his mouth found her other nipple and gave it similar treatment.
After a minute, he shifted beside her, removing his mouth from her breast and trailing a meandering path over her ribs to her stomach.
At that point, Hanna took over control by gently pushing his body down on the mattress.
"Nobody's gonna come in here. I locked the door. Twice." She smiled wickedly when she saw that he was hesitating. Then she whispered: "Just lie down and relax."
He followed her instructions, sinking back into the bed, lifting his arms to rest them above his head. Hanna's trail of kisses found its way to his bellybutton and her tongue darted out to explore the shallow dip, eliciting a soft groan of pleasure. Then she moved lower. He lifted his hips automatically, aching for her touch. The thin material of his boxers could not hide his excitement, and he longed for her touch on his naked skin.
Hanna knelt next to him, and he lifted his hips slightly so she could tug his boxers down with shaking hands due to her own agitation. After his underwear had been tossed on the floor, Hanna quickly shimmied out of her panties herself.
Then she worked her way back up his frame, her fingers drifting lightly over all his trembling body. Toes, ankles, calves – he was perfectly formed. In spite of his obvious arousal, he seemed content to let her explore. When she brushed her fingertips over his knee he shivered.
Hanna scratched her nails lightly through the hair covering the muscles of his thighs until she was back where she had started. She took a quick peek at his face – his eyes were heavy-lidded with arousal and she felt a surge of confidence that she was having this effect on him. She ran her fingers slowly up the length of him, circling them lightly over the velvet-soft skin of the tip, causing him to shiver again. Hanna loosely wrapped her hand around him, while nervous excitement tightened her belly.
Both eager and flustered that it wouldn't be too much longer before they were joined, Hanna leaned down to kiss his mouth. At first, their kiss was slow, almost chaste. Hanna realized that he was letting her take the lead. She deepened the kiss and straddled him, lowering her body to his so she could feel the solid heat of his erection against her. She moved against him, enjoying the friction.
She lifted up, her thighs quivering slightly in anticipation as she took hold of his erection again. He was slick from her arousal. Hanna grinned at him as she guided the tip of his erection to her entrance. She faltered for a moment at the sensation and then pressed down. She sighed at the pleasurable stretch as his body filled hers.
"Open your eyes," he whispered. She complied, struggling to focus. When she met his gaze, her heart clenched. Through the mist of arousal and passion, she saw love and tenderness. "I love you," he whispered, holding her gaze as he eased into her slowly until he was sheathed to the hilt, filling her completely.
Hanna rose and took a deep breath before sinking onto him again with a slow exhale.
Caleb watched in wordless wonder as she moved on top of him. He had missed her, had missed this, more than he had realized. He had missed the way her hair fell over her eyes, swinging and swaying as her body rocked. He had missed the way her eyes half-closed as she concentrated. The way her mouth opened, her lips swollen from their kisses. He had missed the sensation of her fingers smoothing over his skin. He had missed the pressure of her hands braced flat on his chest. Had missed the delicate patterns her nipples traced in his palms as he cupped her breasts. He wanted to show her everything she meant to him.
Caleb grasped her hips, drawing her down firmly as he thrust up.
"Oh god," Hanna moaned.
She circled her hips on her next downward movement. She repeated the motion yet again, and when she heard a muffled whimper, she wasn't sure if it was she or Caleb who had made the noise. "You like that?" she asked, delighted by both the sensation and his reaction.
"God, yes." His eyes closed. "Don't stop."
She watched his responses as she varied the speed and pressure of her thrusts. When she clenched her inner muscles, his head tossed restlessly on the pillow.
And then he sat up. This new position drove him in to the hilt at a steeper angle and Hanna moaned at how amazing that felt. Caleb took hold of her back, thrusting up sharply as she lowered her body on his. Hanna moved her legs and crossed them behind his back. Now he was able to sway their aligned bodies together more freely, allowing for different angles and heightened sensation.
"Oh!" she gasped, as he drove, smooth and deep, into her while at the same time bending down to suckle on one of her nipples. "Oh my god, just like that."
When Caleb reclined and changed the angle, Hanna wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face below his chin, and inhaled the heady scent of their mingled arousal. The slide and press of her breasts against his chest was electrifying. His hips rocked, steadily and relentlessly increasing the pressure building inside her.
She closed her eyes, concentrating on the stretch and lift and rock and heat of his body buried inside hers. The first tug of an impending orgasm tightened her spine. Hanna stiffened, trying to catch hold of the sensation, but it dissipated.
She let out a strangled groan that turned into a deep-throated cry of relief when he cupped one of her breasts and started to roll the nipple between his thumb and index finger.
All sense of time left her and it seemed like an eternity, yet way too soon, when she felt her orgasm rushing toward her. Her breath caught in her chest as leaned forward just a little more, increasing the friction between them and sending her over the edge. Her fingernails dug deep into his shoulder, grasping for a hold on his sweaty body. Beneath her, she felt Caleb take over, thrusting into her a handful of times before crying out and releasing, filling her.
Caleb rode out his own climax that he had been holding for her until their bodies went slack and fell back down on the mattress.
Hanna lay with her head resting in the crook of his neck, still breathing raggedly. The only thought her mind was capable of thinking was how this moment right here and now felt like coming home.
"I love you." She repeated what was written all over her heart, whispering it into his ear. In response, Caleb tenderly stroked over her back, all the way down over the delicate curve of her butt, causing her to stretch her legs until she was sprawled on top of him, covering him like a blanket.
They held each other for a long time as the ripples of pleasure subsided, leaving them satisfied and fulfilled, hands resting on soft skin, just holding on.
He started to shift, but she stopped him before he could roll away, savoring the reality of his body so close to hers for another moment.
Eventually, he rolled to his side, taking her with him, and they lay together in a jumbled pile of limbs for an indefinable period, drifting between wake and sleep.
Finally, the heat of their passion cooled and the night air caused Hanna to shiver. Caleb rubbed his hands up and down her arms to warm them for just a second. Then their lips met in a short soft kiss.
As Caleb settled down under the covers, Hanna got up and went into the bathroom. She returned a few minutes later and saw that Caleb had already dozed off.
She put her panties back on and quietly surrounded the bed. When she came to her side, she glanced at the flower bouquet that Caleb had bought for her the morning after another one of her nightmares, and her vision was drawn to the little card attached to one of the red roses. She read through the words, written in a familiar scrawl, leaving her bewildered.
"You can always count on me. CR"
Meaningful words. They conjured a smile on her face. How could she have doubted him? She read the card again, thinking hard to find a second yet hidden meaning.
In the next instant, her eyes took in the flowers again, searching for a pattern.
Eleven red roses.
Five white roses.
And suddenly, it dawned on her.
The pattern!
She couldn't believe it. After all these years… He still remembered?!
Eleven and five. November fifth. It had been their beginning. The beginning of everything, actually.
Her fingers played with the little card. Flipping it over, she found a neat imprint.
"Hold my hand and let's walk to infinity
On this road of love, joy and serenity.
You complete me… You're my period, my exclamation point.
There is no question mark, we are a team, we are joint."
It made her heart explode with love. She felt touched. All those sweet little gestures, everything he said, the way he looked at her all the time, the way he always made sure she didn't miss out in bed together... Everything was proof to the point that he truly did love her, and the realization just now filled her with deep contentment.
She struggled to keep the tears from falling. Once more she thought of a funny need to pinch herself. Being back with Caleb again was all she had wished for. And so much more. Like a dream…
But if it really was one…. She didn't want to be woken up.
Hanna put the card on her night table and got under the covers, too. Then she snuggled into him, resting her head on his shoulder and flinging one arm across his chest.
"I know it's way too tacky, but I saw it at the flower shop, and it made me think of you", came Caleb's drowsy voice from beneath her.
Hanna swallowed and lay absolutely still in his arms, relishing the safety of his arms around her. Then she quietly said: "I love it."
They lay side by side without speaking, almost surrendering to sleep until Hanna's voice broke the silence. "Caleb?"
"Hm?" came his mumbled response.
"Thank you," she murmured into his chest.
"You're welcome." He gave her a sweet kiss on her forehead.
"Not just the card." It was barely a whisper. "Thank you for always looking out for me."
He wanted to say something but she stopped him by gently laying her forefinger on his lips. After another minute in silence, her face turned around so she could see him. She took in his facial features for a long moment, gently drawing invisible lines along his jawbone and the shape of his lips with her finger before she softly approached him again.
"Caleb?" She hesitated to see if he was still awake. When he stirred slightly to rest his hand on her head she ventured on.
"This… The look on your face right now? Promise me, you'll always save it for me, okay?"
Remembering their conversation about a certain almost face, he smiled inwardly. Then he opened his eyes one more time and looked at her intently: "Just for you, baby."
After they had shared another passionate kiss, both succumbed to sleep, letting the dream go on…
to be continued…
See, I can't torture them for too long. This chapter basically wrote itself, it was such a blast. I'd like to say that at this point, it's my favorite chapter. Especially, after the last one was kind of a let-down - smut-wise. LOL
I really hope you enjoyed reading it. As always, reviews are highly appreciated. Thank you so much! Zip
Lastly, credit where credit is due: the poem was written by Paris Joy Ector. I found this by accident and thought it fits the situation perfectly. And we know about Caleb's infatuation with exclamation points... ;-)
