Chapter 7 - Sketch Glitch 2, Relm Eats Herself

A/N: This glitch was brought to my attention by a reviewer, and after watching the video of Relm inhaling herself with La, I just had to write this. This is also a continuation of sketch glitch part one, and follows directly after Relm's failed attempt at sketch.


Edgar was still in the process of examining his silver hair and fantasizing about women, when suddenly a cry rang out through the cavern. He looked up and saw his friends gathered around Relm, who had collapsed and was lying on the ground towards the back of the cave.

Gau knelt down beside her, whimpering softly as he nudged her hand. "Relm wake up now," he murmured. He waited for her to move, then looked at Terra. "What happen?"

"I don't know." Terra looked at the members of their group. "Does anyone have any phoenix down? Maybe we can revive her with that."

"I've got some." Locke reached into his pocket and came out with a glowing tuft of crimson feathers. But even that wasn't enough to revive the unconscious pictomancer.

"This happens sometimes when she throws a magical tantrum," Strago explained. He was the only one who had managed to stay calm while the others fussed over Relm and worried about what to do with her. "It takes a lot of energy for her to summon those objects from the sky, which causes her to faint after the sharp decline in her magic. But don't worry, it should only be a two minute wait before she wakes up again."

"You sound as though you've had some previous experience with this," said Locke.

"Yes, well, remember the flame rods they were storing in the house she set on fire?"

"Yeah."

"Relm has thrown so many tantrums that we had to build a house to store all the objects that she summons. She's the only one in the village that can do this, though we don't know how or why. We assume it has something to do with her being a pictomancer. Her magic focuses on the creation of things. And so whenever she's upset she creates a hail of objects falling from the sky and turns people different colors with her paint."

"Damn, this kid's got some power." Locke looked over his shoulder at the mounds of treasure he'd collected. "Hey, Setzer, you mind if we load that stuff onto the Falcon and take it with us? Seems a shame to leave all that perfectly good treasure behind."

Setzer rolled his eyes. "And what're we supposed to do eighty dirks?" he asked, holding up one of the many weapons Relm had magically summoned from the sky. "I can't imagine needing all of these."

"We could sell them," Locke suggested. "Then use the money to buy more supplies."

Setzer sighed and tossed the dirk onto the pile of armor, weapons and relics. "I think we have enough, Locke. And aside from the dragoon boots, most of this junk wouldn't earn us much gold if we sold it anyway."

Their conversation was interrupted by a low moan as Relm opened her eyes, sitting up slowly and gazing about the cave. She was disoriented and confused, her stomach growling as she doubled over and wrapped her arms around her waist. A voice in her head was singing, repeating the same word over and over again. A simpering smile spread across her face, and she started rocking back and forth, singing along with the voice in her head.

Gau took a step back, looking somewhat anxious and afraid as the little girl chanted, "Lalalala lala lalala lalala la."

"Oh no." Strago took one look at her and shot up off the floor. "Run!" he shouted, not bothering to give them an explanation as he bolted towards the mouth of the cave.

They watched the old man flee the cave, then looked back at Relm and saw that her eyes were shining like the headlights on the Phantom Train. The ground began to shake, and driving winds with the force of a hurricane sprang up out of nowhere. It took a moment for them to realize that the wind was coming from Relm, but by then it was too late.

Locke clung to a stalagmite, holding on for dear life as his feet left the ground. His bandana was whipped off in the wind, and he screamed as Terra went flying past, disappearing into Relm's mouth as she inhaled her teammates.

One by one the little girl devoured her friends, and when she was finished with them she ate herself as well.

.oOo.

Setzer groaned, coming too slowly and looking around. He was sitting in a dark room with brown, squishy walls, his hair and clothing soaked with some sort of clear fluid. A light was shining overhead, illumining the bodies of his unconscious friends who had gotten sucked into Relm's belly. And there in the middle of the room was Relm, lying face down in a puddle of the same fluid that coated his hair and clothes.

None of this made any sense, and Setzer was beginning to wonder if it was nothing more than some sort of bizarre dream. He crawled across the floor on his hands and knees, slipping in a pool of fluid before finally making his way over to the unconscious pictomancer.

"Relm?" He put his hand on her shoulder and rolled her over onto her back. "Relm, are you alright?"

Edgar awoke with a start, followed by Locke and Sabin.

The King blinked and gazed around the darkened room in silence. He wiped the slime off his forehead and exhaled sharply. "Phew! What a woman! A shame she's only ten. I'd like to see what else she can do with that mouth when she's older."

Terra, Mog and Shadow woke up next, looking around in confusion at their new surroundings. When they spied the little girl on the floor next to Setzer, they rushed over to see if she was alright, and was relieved when she opened her eyes and started moving.

Relm sat up on the floor, groaning and holding her head with one hand. "I'm sorry," she muttered, her words slurring together like she was drunk. "Didn't mean to do that... Ugghh... I feel sick."

"Wait a minute," said Locke. "If she's here then she must have eaten herself. But how can she do that? How is any of this possible?"

Edgar looked at him and calmly stated that it is possible to eat yourself.

Locke sweatdropped. "Have you ever eaten yourself?"

"Once, when I was really lonely," the King replied.

Sabin put his hands over his ears. "Would you please shut up!" he shouted, his brother laughing at his reaction. "We don't need to hear that! I don't need to hear that!"

This, of course, made Edgar laugh even harder, and he fell over onto his back with a splat, clutching his stomach as he landed in a pool of clear fluid.

"Relm." Setzer put his hands on Relm's shoulders. "Listen to me. We need to get out of here. Do you know how we can escape?"

"Up there." The little girl pointed at the light shining from the hole in the ceiling. "Just step into the light and you'll be warped back to the surface."

Setzer put his arms around her, picking her up and carefully positioning her over his shoulder. "Everyone to the light!" he cried, motioning for them to follow as he sprinted uphill towards the one ray of light that pierced the darkness of Relm's stomach.

Relm groaned, her sight swimming as she was engulfed in shining light. The next thing she knew she was on her hands and knees in an unfamiliar world, vomiting into a patch of dead weeds. Setzer was beside her, rubbing her back as she retched and gagged. Terra and the others were there too, staring in wonder at the strange landscape.

They were standing in the middle of a barren wasteland. The ground was parched, with deep fissures and cracks running through the petrified soil. The only plant life that existed in this world was either dead or dying, with tumbleweeds blowing across the open plains.

Edgar raised a hand to shield his eyes from the bright glare of the sun. "Where are we?"

"It looks like Relm inhaled everything in existence," said Terra. "Is that... Is that even possible?"

"Way to go, kid!" Sabin exclaimed. "You sucked all the life out of the planet! And you!" He turned to his brother, who was already grinning and was just about to make a comment. "Don't say anything."

"What?" Edgar feigned innocence, taking a step back and glancing at Relm, who was trying her best to stand on her own two feet again.

Setzer, who was the only one in the group who seemed to have any sense, stated that it was impossible for Relm to have drained the life out of the planet. "Strago said her magic focuses on creation, and this is the opposite of creation," he said, motioning towards the ruined landscape.

Relm stumbled and fell forward into Terra's arms. "I wanna go home," she whined. "My tummy hurts. I wanna go home and see grandpa."

Shadow sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger. This was why he didn't have anything to do with his family, because the last thing he wanted was to be held responsible when his daughter accidentally destroyed the world.