Chapter Seven

Ignis & Ravus' apartment - late evening

Ravus & Jude's student house - Six years earlier

Jude doesn't knock when he gets to Ravus' apartment because he never does, it's late evening and he had today off anyway. It's dark inside and he can just about make out Ravus' form, silhouetted against the window; his former housemate doesn't acknowledge him so he flicks on the light and immediately turns it down low. He bypasses into the kitchen and can only find one whiskey tumbler so pours a drink into it for Ravus and puts his own in a mug. He's either going to sleep here or get Ludger to come pick him up, depending on the hour.

He goes back into the lounge and presses the glass into Ravus' hand. The other man looks down at it before turning to look at Jude. He looks awful. There are dark shadows under his eyes and he looks too thin, he's dressed up to the nines as well. Well damn. His boots are tightly laced, dark grey jeans grip his legs, a dark red shirt makes his face look even paler and he looks too small in a grey waistcoat and blazer.

"Want to sit down Rav?" He asks quietly, the other man looks at the sofa and shakes his head no. He extends his prosthetic hand with a wince and gestures to the kitchen. They take seats at the kitchen table and Ravus holds his drink out wordlessly for Jude to touch with his own, "Regis." They say in unison, both men taking a drink to the fallen.

Jude narrows his amber eyes at his friend, "you look awful."

Ravus snorts into his drink and his lips begin to tremble, he tilts his head forward to obscure his face with platinum hair and Jude knows that he is crying silent suppressed tears.

"May I hug you?" Jude asks, moving around the table to wrap his arms over Ravus' shoulders at the other man's nod of consent. He feels his friend let out a long breath and move to grasp his arms back, they stay like that as Jude remembers.


The front door slams shut and Jude winces in his seat at the kitchen table, he hears Ravus kick off his shoes and knock over the coat stand in rage. It's past two am, and Jude got off shift about an hour ago. He closes his amber eyes and tucks his laptop away in it's case before storm Ravus gets close enough to damage it. The storm reaches the kitchen as Ravus slams his bag down on the counter and throws his treasured white trench coat over the chair opposite Jude. It hits and slides to the floor in a heap, Ravus lets out a frustrated noise and turns on his heel, stomping up the stairs to his room. Jude gets up and picks up the coat, shaking out the creases before setting it back on the chair; he goes back to the front door and rights the coat stand. The young doctor returns to the kitchen and makes two mugs of tea, he holds them in one hand and positions Ravus' coat over his other arm before heading up the stairs into the eye of the storm.

"Rav?" He calls from outside his housemates door, he gets no response so opens the door with his elbow and puts the tea down on Ravus' chest of draws. The shower is running but the door is open, Jude hangs up the trench coat in its proper place on the back of the door. The thing is nearly the same size as him, it was Ravus' father's as he understands it, a treasured heirloom; that Ravus would treat it with such disregard disturbs Jude more than Ravus' obvious temper.

He hears something smash in the shower room and rushes in, Ravus is still dressed and standing in front of the now broken mirror. Steam from the shower billows around him and his face is screwed up in rage and something else, his breathing is fast and shallow; he is close to hyperventilating so Jude reaches out to touch his shoulder.

"Don't touch me!" Ravus shrieks at him and Jude leaps backwards in surprise, the much taller man backs himself into the shower cubicle still fully dressed; he slides down the wall under the spray and huddles his large frame into the corner.

Jude holds both hands up in surrender and steps towards the shower slowly, "Ravus… Ravus can you hear me? Do you know where you are?" he hisses as he reaches the water, it is scalding hot. He deftly switches off the shower and the silence is deafening. Ravus' eyes are wide and fearful, his breathing is still erratic and Jude sinks to his knees before him. He asks his questions again and Ravus nods, bringing his hand up to push his sopping hair out of his eyes.

"What has happened Rav?" Jude asks, "are you injured?"

"I said no."

Jude is confused, it must show on his face because Ravus clarifies; "I said no to him. I told him no. I'm disgusting Jude. I'm sick! Who is fucking afraid of sex? Who is this fucked up for no fucking reason?!"

"Rav." He says firmly, "there is nothing wrong with you. You are not fucked up. Do you hear me?"

"I'm a fucking pervert Jude! I found one person who could stand me and I rejected him and let him down and said no. Why couldn't I have just been a man and done it?!" His voice raises towards hysteria and he lashes out at the bathroom wall with his flesh hand before recoiling in pain. "Fuck!"

"Ravus Nox Fleuret!" Jude snaps at his friend, grasping his shoulders and giving him a firm shake. "You. Are. Not. A. Pervert. We've talked about this! Being gay is not a perversion! Do you think that I'm a pervert, or Ludger?"

Ravus shakes his head strongly, head down and teeth bared in pain, both physical and mental.

Jude knows that Ravus suffers from severe genophobia, specifically paraphobia, but he also knows that what he is seeing is not just a typical fear response; something has happened, something sinister. Ravus doesn't lose control like this, not ever. He hardly ever swears and is even less likely to raise his voice.

"Ravus we need to move." The heterochromatic eyes come up to meet his and they are so full of raw pain and panic that Jude for a moment forgets that he's a Doctor, that Ravus is nearly qualified; he feels like they are lost kids. "You wanna shower first?"

Jude sits on Ravus' bed and has time to drink both mugs of tea while Ravus scrubs himself raw in the shower; at least that's what he assumes his friend has been doing looking at his red skin that clashes violently with his white hair when he comes out of the bathroom with a towel secured tightly at his waist. His prosthetic stands out harshly against the skin of his well defined chest but Jude can also see bruising on his real wrist and arm. "Rav?" He asks, looking at his friend for an explanation. Ravus wraps his trench coat around himself instead of a robe and begins to speak in a hollow voice.

"We'd been flirting all night, he… he was engaging and good looking… He told me that there was no pressure, he just wanted to go somewhere we could hear each other better. I was quite drunk," he sits heavily on the bed next to Jude, "Gods Jude I'm such an idiot! I followed him and he… he… we did just talk for a while. Then he started touching me and I knew that I was panicking but I couldn't stop it. He thought it was just nerves and started kissing me. He took my wrists and he restrained me and I… I… We fought, I ran here…"

"Ravus, may I hug you?"


Ravus breaks out of Jude's embrace slowly, like he is just waking up and Jude goes back to sitting across from him. The larger man has stopped crying and his face is impassive, Jude doesn't re-fill their cups, he puts the bottle back in his bag and zips it closed.

"Balin sends his regards." He says quietly, "he also says don't hurry back, we have so many interns at the moment that all your research is still getting done."

"That's good." Ravus croaks, "but my shoulder is killing me. I think I need an adjustment."

"Show me?" Jude's area of the research that he, Balin and Ravus are doing is the bio-mechanics of bionic joint replacements and human tissue, but he can still take a look at the other man's arm; he did help build it after all. He hisses in sympathy as Ravus struggles out of his many layers of clothing; he knows better than to try and help the other man undress. The shoulder area is swollen and red, pushing into the cup of the prosthesis uncomfortably; Jude winces.

"You know that I'm going to have to ask you to remove the arm Rav." He says quietly and is very surprised when the other man complies wordlessly, he must really be in pain to expose his residual limb without protest.

Ravus gasps as he removes the heavy prosthetic, it burns and stings and throbs all at the same time and it is a relief to get the thing off. He can tell that Jude is sympathetic and the smaller man is about the only person that he will accept sympathy from. He knows that the sight of his naked torso is not pretty, he has vivid scars from the acid burns across his shoulders and collar bones that flow down his back. He works out so his chest and arm are muscled and well defined, but he does it for strength not vanity; he never takes his clothes off so what would be the point.

"Oh Ravus," Jude says, he approaches slowly and Ravus nods his consent at the silent request to touch him. The smaller man gently probes his shoulder and he can't contain the whimper that escapes his lips. "There is an infection here, it's got worse with time. I understand why you didn't deal with it earlier with all that's going on..." He falls silent in concentration and continues his exploration of the area.

Ravus stays quiet and stares off into space, trying to block out Jude's administrations, his thoughts drift inevitably back to Ignis. He's loved him since he turned up on his doorstep all those years ago. How else would he be able to touch the other man so easily, express kindness so easily, talk so easily. After the green eyed mans suicide attempt the two of them had gotten so close that Ravus almost experienced what a relationship would be like, obviously nothing intimate could happen and Ignis fully understood why, but the companionship had brightened Ravus' life. Then Regis had happened. The secrecy and the lies had almost torn Ignis' relationship with Noctis' father apart more times than Ravus could count but he'd always been there. Guiding Ignis through the tears, the tantrums and the excitement with no experience of his own to call on, only his wishes and overwhelming desire to see Ignis happy.

He moans loudly as Jude catches the edge of his residual limb, the doctor tilts his head knowingly and frowns. "I'm sorry, I know... I know it hurts." Jude isn't just talking about the arm, they both know that. Jude draws back and looks him in the eye.

"You need antibiotics, I'll prescribe them but you'll have to go pick them up. I insist that you do." Jude says sternly, "I'll need to take the prosthesis back to the hospital to remodel the join. You'll need to wear your spare for a while but I want you to keep it off as much as you can."

Ravus nods, and puts his shirt back on one handed with practiced ease. "I've not eaten for a while." He realises, and Jude frowns at him.

"You look too thin." Jude accuses, "And there is only one solution if you think about it."

Ravus allows a smile to spread across his face as they say in unison, "late night takeout!"

They order and pull the couch out into a bed, they build a nest of blankets and put on awful movies. The food arrives and they snuggle in for the night, just like the old times.