I ran down to the river, where the others were convened, before I took a breath. The monster inside me dispersed with that cleansing breath, and I felt wretched. Jasper glanced at me once, and hung his head in shame.

"Edward, I … I'm so sorry. I never meant to … I didn't want to …" He struggled with his words.

"Jasper, it's fine. Bella is fine," I whispered.

"It's not fine, Edward. I could have …"

"But you didn't," I snapped, not wanting him to finish his sentence. "That's all that matters," I said more softly.

"I'm so sorry," he repeated, and walked away, guilt-ridden.

I wanted to be angry with him. I wanted to be angry with Alice for wanting the stupid party. And I wanted to be angry with Bella for being so clumsy. But how could I be angry with any of them, when I was the one who was meant to protect her, but could barely control my own desire for her blood. I was a monster.

"How are you feeling, Edward?" Esme asked, walking over to me.

"I'll be fine, Esme. As long as Bella's okay, I'll be fine."

Alice flitted down to us then. "Are you okay, Edward?"

"Yes," I said, blankly. "How is she?"

"She's okay. Carlisle will be done soon. I'm so sorry about tonight. If I had seen, I wouldn't have put the party together."

"It's not your fault, Alice. It wasn't a conscious decision, that's why you didn't see."

I began thinking of when Bella first arrived in Forks. I had left to protect her, and now I couldn't help thinking if I had stayed away, none of this would be happening. I should have stayed away.

"It's no ones fault but mine," I whispered, looking toward the house.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

I sighed, and shook my head. "It doesn't matter," I said, as I started walking toward the house.

"Edward?" Alice called, but I just held up my hand in response.

Yes, this was all my fault. I should never have returned to Forks. The responsibility lay with me, and the guilt on top of the disgust I felt for myself, was overwhelming. Could I make this right? Was there any way I could?

I got to the door just as Carlisle said he would take Bella home.

"I'll do that," I said, walking through the door.

"Carlisle can take me," she said, looking down at her blood-soaked shirt.

"I'm fine," I said, my voice cold. "You'll need to change anyway. You'd give Charlie a heart attack the way you look. I'll have Alice get you something." I walked straight back out, so she didn't have a chance to argue with me.

I got back to Alice, who was with Jasper now, trying to console him.

"Alice, could you get Bella something to change into please?"

"Of course," she said, frowning. "Edward, what are you planning?"

"I'm not planning anything," I said, as we walked to the house.

"Jasper feels awful about tonight. We all do."

"I know, Alice. I'm not blaming him."

"Then why is your future all messed up?" she asked, her eyes unfocused.

I sighed. "I don't know what to do, Alice. I can't keep putting Bella in danger like this. If the party was with her other friends, this would never have happened. What kind of a person … a monster … am I, when I am always putting her in harms way?"

"It's not your fault, Edward. It was an accident," she whispered as we got to the house. "We'll talk later, promise me?"

I nodded as we entered the house. Alice hurried over to Bella, but I hung back, indecision burning inside me.

"C'mon," Alice said. "I'll get you something less macabre to wear." They left and headed upstairs.

"Edward?" Carlisle asked. "You know Jasper didn't mean for any of this to happen. I'm sure he is disgusted with himself."

"I know Carlisle, I'm not angry with him," I said, my voice controlled, but unemotional. No one could be more disgusted with themselves as I was with myself, right now.

"Son, what is it? Why are you so distant? Yes, tonight was bad, but it could have been so much worse."

"Yes. It could have been. And I just keep pushing her toward danger, Carlisle. It will happen one day, it's inevitable," I said harshly.

I headed to the front door, to wait for Bella, without saying another word. Edward, please, he thought, but I ignored him.

Alice and Bella came down the stairs, and I held the front door open.

"Take your things!" Alice called, as she grabbed the gifts for Bella. "You can thank me later, when you've opened them."

Bella hurried down the steps to the truck. I opened the passenger door for her, and she climbed in without argument.

I couldn't look at her just yet, so I kept my eyes on the road, driving a little too fast, toward Forks. I couldn't talk, as I didn't know what to say to her, so the drive back was silent.

"Say something," she begged, as she broke the silence.

"What do you want me to say?"

"Tell me you forgive me," she whispered.

What was she talking about? This wasn't her fault. Anger started to seep in over the emptiness I felt. "Forgive you? For what?"

"If I'd been more careful, nothing would have happened," she said, looking at her finger.

"Bella, you gave yourself a paper cut - that hardly deserves the death penalty."

"It's still my fault," she whispered.

No. it wasn't her fault, it was mine, and the floodgates to my anger gave way.

"Your fault? If you'd cut yourself at Mike Newton's house, with Jessica there and Angela and your other normal friends, the worst that could possibly have happened would be what? Maybe they couldn't find you a bandage? If you'd tripped over a pile of glass plates on your own - without someone throwing you into them - even then, what's the worst? You'd get blood on the seats when they drove you to the emergency room? Mike Newton could have held your hand while they stitched you up - and he wouldn't be fighting the urge to kill you the whole time he was there. Don't try to take any of this on yourself, Bella. It will only make me more disgusted with myself."

"How the hell did Mike Newton end up in this conversation?" she demanded.

"Mike Newton ended up in this conversation because Mike Newton would be a hell of a lot healthier for you to be with," I growled.

"I'd rather die than be with Mike Newton," she protested. "I'd rather die than be with anyone but you."

"Don't be so melodramatic, please."

"Well then, don't you be ridiculous," she hissed.

I didn't answer her, my mood was black. How could she think I was being ridiculous? She had almost died because she was with me. But, she was determined to take the blame. Apologising for bleeding! The disgust I felt started to drown the fire of my anger. We got to Charlie's, and I killed the engine. My hands remained clenched on the wheel, though, my anger not quite smothered.

"Will you stay tonight?" she asked.

"I should go home," I replied. I wanted to stay with her, badly. But my mood was such, I would be no company tonight. I wasn't sure I could look her in the eyes without thinking about the thirst I felt earlier.

"For my birthday," she insisted.

"You can't have it both ways - either you want people to ignore your birthday or you don't. One or the other."

"Okay. I've decided that I don't want you to ignore my birthday. I'll see you upstairs."

She hopped out, not giving me a chance to answer, and gathered her gifts. I frowned.

"You don't have to take those."

"I want them," she answered immediately.

"No you don't. Carlisle and Esme spent money on you."

"I'll live," she said, slamming the door shut. I was out and by her side in an instant.

"Let me carry them, at least," I said, taking the packages off her. "I'll be in your room."

"Thanks," she said, smiling an incredible smile.

I sighed. She really was beautiful. "Happy birthday," I said, leaning down to kiss her. She reached up, wanting the kiss to last, but I pulled away, still disgusted with myself. I tried to give her a normal smile, and bolted around the house.