Blimey... there's been a lot going on this week.
First being that Barack Obama has won the American election! (As if you didn't already know XD)
Another (for fellow Brit readers) being it was Bonfire Night on thursday - fireworks galore! They're still going off even now... :( the headaches.
Last being that I myself have more GCSE Mock exams coming up - so I hope that explains my late update. Again. Revision people... revision.
Anyway, I'm really pleased with the response I got for the first chapter of my story Youkai Flesh - Thanks to everyone who reviewed! Or faved, etc... It does mean a lot, as I'm sure every author on here knows.
I do not own InuYasha, or, to play it safe, neither do I own Twilight.
7. Melancholy
Kikyou stepped out of the shadows, her body basked in ethereal moonlight. A vision of elegance, grace and beauty. And a posture of great sadness and regret.
InuYasha stared into her dark brown pools, remembering the days he'd spent with her all those years ago, before Naraku interfered. She rarely smiled back then either, but that had only made her smiles all the more special. Back then, she tended to reserve her smiles for him and him only. Well... admittedly she smiled for her younger sister Kaede. She smiled for the village children, the village folk. But those smiles, no matter how genuine, always held a slight strain behind them.
But, when Kikyou was with him and smiled, that strain vanished. She seemed well and truly happy to be with him. To be without a care in the world. To be free for just a little while of her miko duties.
Oh, how InuYasha grew to love those rare but special smiles. They were further evidence that someone in the world had been happy to see him. Someone enjoyed his company.
He would always be thankful to Kikyou for that.
And, because of all that Kikyou had shown and taught him before, that there was kindness in the world, he felt ever more guilty about what he was about to do.
"Kikyou... I... "
He couldn't get his words straight. How could he tell the woman he'd vowed to protect and once promised to live with...
That his heart now belonged to another?
Since being ressurected, Kikyou had suffered plenty. He blamed himself for her pain. Now, she would suffer even more because of him.
Kikyou seemed to sense his unease. She knew why he was troubled. Why he struggled to form the right words. The words that what shatter her last ray of hope...
Yet, when InuYasha did get those words right, it the great heartbreak she'd been expecting never came.
"Kikyou... I can't promise to come to hell with you anymore. I... I just can't. I can't leaver her behind Kikyou, I can't leave everything... all that's she given me, my friends... my family. I can't leave and just forget about that..."
Kikyou lowered her eyes, slightly astonished that her heart was still intact.
"Kikyou... I, I don't know how to say this... you don't deserve to hurt anymore, but... I... I don't..."
Kikyou held up a hand, finally returning her gaze to his.
"It is alright, InuYasha. I know what you wish to tell me... and, I am here now to tell you that I... I understand."
InuYasha was taken aback.
"You... You do?"
Kikyou lowered her gaze once more.
"InuYasha... I relieved you of your promise to acompany me to hell long ago. I realised, after seeing through my hatred... that I could not do such a thing to you. I can not kill the man I love. I could not truly do it back then... and I cannot now."
InuYasha's eyes glistened with emotion.
"Kikyou..."
"InuYasha, before we say goodbye... may I hold you? Just one last time?"
InuYasha had her locked in a warm embrace before she could speak another word. He held her gently, and rested his chin on her head.
"Kikyou... thank you. Thank you for all you've done for me, for what you've shown me. Everything. And I'm sorry, so sorry that things didn't work out the way we wanted it to all those years ago... "
Kikyou nodded once into his chest, allowing him to say what he needed to, then speaking up herself.
"InuYasha... this doesn't change a thing. Long ago, I met you, I fell in love with you... but after what happened with Naraku, I realised I didn't really trust you. Not enough. But I know even now in my heart, after everything that has happened... that that first love is still there. You gave me hope, you gave me joy and acceptance, and I am eternally grateful to you for that."
InuYasha closed his eyes and savored this final moment.
"Kikyou, I think... No. I know I loved you once, maybe I still do, but... it's not enough. It's not enough for me to leave her Kikyou. I can't leave Kagome. I... what I feel for her is..."
"I know, InuYasha. I know."
Kikyou pulled back from their embrace, and took a step away from the hanyou, who found his voice once more.
"Kikyou... I will protect you from Naraku. You can count on that, and I will still avenge your death, but after we defeat Naraku..."
"Yes. After Naraku is obliterated... I shall pass on into death. For many months I have longed for rest, for peace InuYasha... but only can I pass on when the enemy is defeated. Only then will I have served my true purpose.
The talk of her death sent a great sadness through InuYasha. He still cared for Kikyou, but he knew deep down that after Naraku, she would want to pass on. She was tired of suffering, tired of fighting... she no longer belonged in this world.
The miko's voice brought InuYasha from his thoughts.
"Farewell, InuYasha. For now."
With that, she turned and left, her soul collectors gliding through the air around their mistress. The hanyou's ears drooped.
"Goodbye Kikyou."
'Only two weeks later... Kikyou was tainted by Naraku's spiderwebs, and lost her life. I couldn't remember ever feeling so guilty. After telling her that even though I was leaving her, I would still protect her from Naraku... and then failing to do so... it was the worst feeling.'
InuYasha's eyes were grave and remorseful as they stared at the ground. He refused to meet Kagome's gaze, but only for a moment.
"I had a vision of Kikyou... "
'Come with me...'
Kagome looked up at his face, her own sadness showing through her brown eyes.
"InuYasha... did you want to go?"
Now, he really wouldn't look at her. He chose not to awnser her question.
"Your voice... your voice brought me back to my senses."
Kagome sighed. That hadn't been what she wanted to hear...
InuYasha spoke again.
"I was unable to save Kikyou, that hurt but... I thought it was something I had to bear on my own. I didn't realise that you... that your feelings were..."
Kagome could see this was hard for him. He was never good when it came to expressing his feelings. She wanted to help him, to make it easier for him.
"It's okay."
The hanyou finally looked up at her. He was going to protest.
"No. Kagome its- "
"-okay. Kikyou's death is a subject that causes all of us pain, but you... you were the one hurt by it the most. That's why it's okay."
InuYasha felt himself taken aback. How could Kagome be so...?
"Kagome... how can you be so strong?"
It took a moment, but an angry fire suddenly burned in the young miko's eyes, and set them aflame.
InuYasha fell back a step, surprised at her sudden change of mood, and suddenly very afraid of her... The talk had been going well. Or, so he thought.
"This isn't being strong stupid!" Kagome bellowed, effectlively causing InuYasha to fall backwards onto his butt, his body rigid and his mind preying that she wouldn't osuwari him...
"It's how can I be so kind, right?" Kagome finished.
InuYasha sweat dropped.
'THIS is being KIND?!'
'Back then, when Kagome asked me whether I wanted to go with Kikyou or not... I didn't answer her. I... I think a part of me wanted to, but only because I wanted to make Kikyou happy. I wanted to put an end to her suffering, but... a much bigger part of me didn't. Kikyou would never have wanted me give up my life like that, and, like I told Kikyou, I would never leave Kagome or my friends... She... they mean more to me than words can say.'
"Kagome will lose to her fear of the darkness... She will wish on the jewel, become trapped within it, and a new battle of the souls will begin... and so the neverending cycle of the Shikon-no-tama will continue... That is the reason Kagome was born."
InuYasha's teeth gritted together, displaying his anger.
"That is NOT the reason Kagome was born!"
He brought Tessaiga down, unleashing the Wind Scar and destroying the few youkai that dared to say such things. It wasn't true! Kagome was born to-
"Kagome taught me."
'How to trust people, to be trusted by people... being kind, and relying on other... Kagome taught them all to me... It's because of Kagome that I have friends.'
InuYasha had a sudden realisation.
"Kagome was born to meet me, and I too, for Kagome's sake..."
'Yeah. That's what I believed, and believe. It's the one thing, despite all that's happened, that I know is true. Losing mother, having a conceited bastard tear me and Kikyou apart, having Kikyou pin me to that godforsaken tree with her own arrow... losing Kikyou all over again... all that crap was hard, but... with Kagome, having Kagome at my side, made all that stuff worth the pain.
'So why couldn't I keep her? If we were meant to meet eachother, why did the Kami tear us apart again? Three years we spent apart, and just when we were finally reunited, I had to lose her all over again...
'...'
'So... what the HELL is happening right now?'
XxXxX
InuYasha awoke with a start, panting, reaching out with a clawed hand...
"Kagome..."
"Lady Kaede look! Lord InuYasha is awakening!" The hanyou heard a young girl squeal.
Rin.
"Aye child. Lord Monk, help me ease him up."
Kaede.
InuYasha felt two arms latch under his shoulders and around his back, hoisting him into a sitting position.
"InuYasha?"
Miroku.
"Kaede I gathered some more of the herbs for... Oh! InuYasha you're awake! Thank goodness!"
The heavy patter of a pregnant woman making her way across the hut and over to them reached his ears. The questions all came at once.
"Are you feeling alright lord InuYasha?!"
"Child? Does this hurt when I..."
"InuYasha... how are you feeling?"
"Let me fetch you a pale of water..."
God. How he wanted them to just stop.
He managed to drown out the voices of his friends, and instead found himself listening out for another. When he realised that the voice he was seeking wasn't in amongst the others at that point, he began to panic. He sniffed the air, and couldn't find a trace of the scent of the one that beautiful voice belonged to...
He reached out with his hands madly.
"Kagome!" He yelled, jumping to his feet and looking around the hut like a wild animal.
"InuYasha! Sit back down man! Allow Kaede to finish-!"
"SHUT UP damnit!" The hanyou bellowed.
Miroku looked slightly startled, taking a step away from the frantic young man, who was now glaring fiercely at them all.
"Where is she?!" He demanded.
Sango spoke up. "Where is... who?"
"Don't through that bullshit at me! Where's KAGOME?!"
For a moment, everyone was stunned into silence, no one was sure how to respond. Finally, Miroku broke the silence.
"InuYasha... you... you know that Kagome is... that she..." Miroku took a deep breath, choosing his words as carefully as he could, for InuYasha's and everyone else's sake too.
"Kagome... is no longer with us, InuYasha... You know this."
InuYasha didn't appear to listen.
"No! She was there! I SAW HER! You did too Miroku! And that old fart Kyotsu! She appeared after that Ketsueki attacked you dumbass!"
They looked at InuYasha like he'd just grown two heads.
Once again, Miroku was the one who dared to speak to the disgruntled (putting it mildly) hanyou.
"InuYasha, Kyotsu left us two days ago to help with rebuilding his village... No one has attacked this village though..."
InuYasha stared at Miroku like he had grown two heads.
"What... what are you talking about Monk?! You were there! And all the villagers! You were all there when that bastard Ketsueki attacked! He attacked and wounded me, and then Kagome came and..."
Miroku gave InuYasha a sympathetic look that InuYasha just hated at that moment.
"InuYasha... you have been out for a good three days. A mad bear youkai attacked the village, and you had a bit of a tough time fighting it. You defeated it, but you were severely wounded... there was no Ketsueki."
InuYasha's golden eyes widened at what he was hearing. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"But...but Kagome was-"
"InuYasha. Kagome. Is. Dead. She's not coming back... not this time."
The pain and confusement in InuYasha eyes made Miroku feel terrible about what he had just pointed out to his friend, but it had to be done.
Kagome was gone. She'd been dead for a whole six months now. There had been no Ketsueki, the one who Kyostu spoke of, and their late miko friend had certainly not turned up.
InuYasha... he missed Kagome so much. Still, even now, six months on, he was struggling to cope. While he had been unconscious, he must have dreamt of her, seen her again his subconscious.
That must have been it.
InuYasha started to shake his head, his long silver mane flying out all around his, his rosary beads clanging together.
"You're wrong... Kagome. Was. Here. I know she was... I'd never mistake her scent damnit! I'd never mistake HER! I'd know her anywhere!"
With that, InuYasha sprinted out of the hut, apparently not aware that his haori and undershirt had been removed in order to heal wounds on his chest.
Miroku sighed sadly, looking back over his shoulder.
"What are we going to do now?" Sango asked, a melancholy look and tone about her all.
-----
Hmm... a little confusing eh? Don't worry, the story should start to pick up in these next chapters, and ALL will be explained!
But please let me know what you think. Do you really think that meeting Ketsueki and Kagome... was all just a part of InuYasha's dream? Kind of a cruel twist wouldn't you say? I hate doing this to poor old Inu, he's suffered so much in my story already :(
