Just a head's up to the douchebag that hacked my Fanfiction and my Gmail accounts this weekend. You're an asshole. I apologize once again to anyone who received threatening messages from either account as it was not me. I have several friends from RIT looking into this for me; hopefully I'll hear something back by the end of the week. Thanks for your patience and understanding to those I've chatted with since Friday.

Please, please remember not everything is as it seems in Fanfiction, and please don't hate me. I hope you enjoy this chapter! Please let me know what you think, and as always if you have anything you'd like to see or any fic requests feel free to PM me about them. Apologies in advance for any mistakes. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own or have any affiliation with Chicago PD, its characters, writers, cast or crew.


Erin snapped her head to the side, now fully awake, and looked up at the doctor. "Fetus?"

Dr. Peterson looked down at the chart in her hands and then back up at Erin. "Yes, you're almost sixteen weeks along and already in your second trimester. Did you not know Miss Lindsay?"

Erin shook her head. "It's not possible. I would have noticed if I was pregnant. I would have noticed."

"Well, working in a high stress environment as it seems you have been, you most likely wouldn't have actually."

Erin shook her head again. "But I haven't been sick except for earlier tonight. I would have been sick, right?"

"Not necessarily. Every pregnancy is different. Some women don't experience nausea at all throughout the entire duration of their pregnancy," the doctor told her.

"How could I not have noticed?" Erin asked, more to herself than anything. She took a shaky breath and ran a hand through her hair.

"I'm assuming this was unplanned," Dr. Peterson said a moment later.

Erin nodded and the doctor did the same. "Whatever your beliefs are on the subject is none of my business Miss Lindsay, but you do have options here. The state of New York legally allows for a dilation and evacuation procedure to be performed surgically up to twenty-four weeks of gestation. You may also choose an evacuation of the uterus to remove the fetus and the placenta."

Erin stared at the woman in front of her with unblinking eyes. "You mean an abortion?"

Dr. Peterson nodded. "Of course, there is the obvious option of continuing the pregnancy and keeping the baby or there is also adoption."

Erin sighed. "I've been snorting coke, and smoking cigarettes and consuming. What are the chances this baby would even make it?"

"Well, it would simply come down to how much you were doing in the last four months."

"Heavy drinking the last month or so. Smoking a few cigarettes every couple of days."

"And the cocaine?" Dr. Peterson asked.

Erin ran a shaking hand through her hair again. "A gram or two in the last couple weeks. Maybe a bit less."

"Obviously any amount of cocaine use is never a good idea, but given the vitals and test results, if you were to stop now? I'd like to hope the only problem you and your baby face would be premature labor and low birthweight. That goes for the cigarette smoking as well. A couple grams of cocaine over a period of two weeks honestly aren't as serious as one would think, even while being pregnant. I've seen addicts come in here sometimes that admit to using that much coke every few hours. My main concern for both of you at this point in the pregnancy would be the alcohol intake. You said you were drinking heavily. Fetal alcohol syndrome is an extremely serious condition. The alcohol you ingest, your baby directly ingests. An adult liver is able to breakdown alcohol in your blood stream. A baby's liver is obviously substantially smaller than yours and it is still developing along with other vital organs in its body."

"What else could it do?" Erin asked quietly.

"Fetal alcohol syndrome can cause defects of the organs, impair vision and hearing in the fetus. It can cause intellectual disabilities and behavioral problems. The baby can have trouble sleeping, sucking, and swallowing, and have extremely low birth weight. If you stop now and make the necessary changes to your lifestyle, I have no reason to believe the rest of your pregnancy can't run smoothly if you choose to continue it."

Erin nodded as she took in the information and looked away. She had tears in her eyes, and within seconds they fell and they wouldn't stop. She tried to take a deep breath, but ended up gasping for air as she sobbed harder.

Erin turned her head back to the doctor and shrugged her shoulders. "What do I do?"

The older woman sighed before offering a kind smile. "I can't answer that for you. The only thing I can tell you is what your options are, and the medical information that goes along with them. This isn't a decision anyone else can make for you, Miss Lindsay. I'm sorry."

Erin nodded. "So, what do I do now then?"

"I'll give you some handouts with the all of the information I've just explained to you. I'll also give you the contact information and brochures for several gynecologists and clinics in the area, as well as several adoption lawyers. You talk to them in further detail of your options, and then you go from there."

"Okay," Erin whispered.

Dr. Peterson stood up and walked to the door. She hesitated a moment before turning back to face Erin. "I'll get you a prescription for a sleeping aide that you can take during the duration of your pregnancy. While you're going over your options the next few days, it'll help you sleep without hurting the fetus. I'll also write down the prenatal vitamins you need to pick up as well. However, as you know, the decision to use them is yours."

"I'm really pregnant," Erin said to herself, shaking her head in near disbelief.

Dr. Peterson smiled kindly at her once more. "I know it may seem like a horrible thing right now, given it was unplanned, but maybe it's a blessing in disguise."

Erin sniffed back new tears that had begun to form. She gave another quick nod of her head and then Dr. Peterson left the room.

Thirty minutes later Erin and Olivia had returned to Olivia's apartment. Erin made her way to the couch and flopped down onto it while Liv thanked her detective, Amanda Rollins, for watching over Noah. Amanda said her goodbyes and soon left.

"I'm gonna peak in on Noah real quick," Olivia said, tipping her head in the direction of the little boy's bedroom.

Erin nodded and Olivia disappeared down the hallway. When she returned several minutes later she saw Erin still sat on the sofa with her head tilted back and her eyes closed.

Olivia walked towards her, trying to keep quiet, but a creaking floorboard caused Erin to open her eyes and look up.

"I'm sorry I woke you," Olivia said.

"I wasn't sleeping," Erin told her.

Olivia took a seat beside Erin on the couch and turned her head to look at her. "You've been awfully m quiet since we left the hospital. Wanna tell me what's going on?"

"I just feel really tired. Just drained out, ya know?"

Olivia nodded and then Erin pulled a small, square-sized piece of paper out of her jacket pocket. Erin handed it to her and then looked down at her hands resting in her lap. "The doctor gave me a prescription for a sleeping aide. She also wrote down which vitamins I need to get."

Olivia's brows knitted together. "Vitamins? What for?"

Erin cleared her throat and then locked eyes with the woman beside her. "Prenatal vitamins. I'm four months pregnant."

Olivia's eyes widened and her lips parted as she breathed in, and then released a gasp of air. "What?"

Erin scoffed. "Yeah, my thoughts exactly."

"Do you know who the father is?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah, my partner. Well, ex-partner," Erin said. Her voice shook as she said the words and she had to sniff back more tears.

Olivia raised her eyebrows. "Halstead?"

Erin nodded. "He's the last guy I was involved with. He's the only guy that could be the father."

"I thought there might have something going on there. Does Hank know about the two of you?"

Erin scoffed again, running a hand through her hair. "Yeah, he's kinda the reason why Jay and I ended things between us."

"Are you gonna call him?" Olivia asked.

Erin looked up. "Who?"

"Jay. You're gonna tell him right?"

"What's there to tell?"

"Erin, you're pregnant with his child. Don't you think you ought to tell him that?"

Erin shook her head. "I wasn't planning on it. Besides, it's not like I'm keeping it anyways."

"What are you saying?"

"The doctor gave me some information about my options. I don't think I could go through with an abortion, but I also know that I can't keep the baby either so I'm going to check out a few adoption lawyers and see what they have to say."

"Erin, you just found out you're pregnant. You should take some time to really think about things and then make your decision. Especially before talking to any lawyer." Olivia told her carefully.

"I've already decided," Erin said.

"Erin, you know I'll support whatever you choose, but is this really what you want to do?"

Erin laughed then though there were fresh tears that still lingered in the corners of her eyes. "Olivia, look at me. I'm a struggling drug addict with a drinking problem. Do you want me to tell you how many times I considered running from that hospital and scoring? I can't have a kid."

Olivia raised her hands almost defensively. "That may be true now, but we're gonna get you the help you need. We'll get you setup with a therapist and you'll go to meetings for the cocaine and alcohol abuse. You already took that first big leap. You let me get rid of the cocaine. You're on the path to getting better, to healing yourself."

"Yeah, until next time. I'm a screw up, Olivia. Bad news. I was born into it – my dad, my mom, my brother. I'd only screw up this kid, too. And God knows we don't need another Lindsay running around."

Olivia sighed. "Regardless of how you feel right now, you still need to tell Halstead."

Erin shook her head. "No."

"Erin, if you go through with this and you don't tell him, and he finds out – which you know somehow he will, it will destroy him. And not telling him will be a decision you will regret for the rest of your life."

Erin shook her head again and looked back at Olivia as the tears in her eyes fell. "You don't get it, Olivia. You don't know him. If I call Jay and tell him I'm pregnant, then he'd be on the next flight out here to try and get me back to Chicago. I don't want that. I don't want him wasting his time on me anymore than he has already. Trust me, I'm doing him a favor. Jay deserves something normal. Something easy. Something better. Not a kid with some washed up alcoholic that can't keep her nose clean."

"Erin – "

"Look, I appreciate what you're doing for me with everything else, but this is the one thing I don't need help with, okay? I already made my decision. Please, just leave this alone. You can say whatever you want about the drinking and the coke, and I'll go to the meetings and I'll see whoever you want me to, but just let me do what I have to about this, okay? I made my decision before we even left the hospital. Please, just let me do what I have to."

Olivia sighed, and nodded wordlessly.

Erin stood from the couch. "Do you mind if I take a quick shower before I try to sleep?"

Olivia shook her head. "Go ahead. The guest room is right across from the bathroom when you're done. I'll put your luggage in there for you."

"Thanks," Erin said quietly, and then she walked off.

Olivia stared after her as Erin slipped into the bathroom, and then Liv stood from the couch. She rolled Erin's suitcases down the hallway to the guest bedroom before she made her way back out to the living room. She could hear the shower running in the bathroom so she pulled out her cell phone from her pants pocket.

Olivia took a deep breath and dialed. It rang twice before picking up on the other end.

"I told you I'd keep you in the loop," Olivia spoke into the phone.

XXX

The following morning Erin woke to the sunlight seeping in through the window of the guest room. She groaned as she stretched out and turned on her side in the bed. The events of what happened earlier that morning came rushing back to her and she mechanically brought a hand down to her stomach. She was pregnant.

Erin was pregnant with Jay Halstead's kid. She didn't know whether to laugh hysterically at the karma of her life or cry again. She chose neither, and instead pulled herself out of bed. She stretched again and let out a yawn. She shivered and grabbed a hoodie from her suitcase. She pulled it on over her gooseflesh arms and headed out of the room. She made her way down the hallway and towards the kitchen, ready to face Olivia and whatever she had planned for her, but as Erin came out of the hallway she froze.

"So, you're pregnant with Halstead's kid."

"What are you doing here?" Erin asked quietly. She crossed her arms over her chest as she stared at Hank Voight sitting at the kitchen table in front of her. He held a newspaper in his hands and had a cup of steaming liquid in front of him.

"Olivia called early this morning. I caught the next flight out. You slept a while. It's nearly two in the afternoon, kid."

Erin shook her head. "I can't believe she told you. You weren't ever supposed to know."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Hank asked her.

"Just what I said," Erin told him as she uncrossed her arms and dropped them to her side. She felt hungry for the first time in weeks and made her way to the bag of bagels sitting on the counter. She dropped one into the toaster and then turned to the refrigerator. She pulled out a carton of orange juice and poured herself a glass. When the bagel popped up, she spread some cream cheese over it before carrying it and her juice over to the table. She took a seat and then a bite, and chewed while keeping her eyes down.

"What exactly were you gonna do when this kid is born? Have it be a surprise to everyone?" Hank asked her as he folded the newspaper up and set it down on top of the table.

Erin swallowed and then took a sip of her juice before looking over at Hank. "I guess Olivia didn't tell you everything then, did she?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm going to put the baby up for adoption. I'll check around with adoption lawyers in the city. I guess I'll be staying in New York for a while."

"Erin –"

Erin shook her head and held up a hand to stop him. "Don't. Don't try to make me feel guilty, like I'm doing something wrong because I'm not."

"And how does Halstead feel about you giving up his kid?" Hank asked her with a raised eyebrow.

"It's not his decision," Erin said quietly.

"It's his right. You're gonna take that away from him?"

"It's not actually. Jay and I aren't married. We're not even in a relationship. You made sure of that. I'm sure if he wanted to he could petition and fight the system all he wants, but I don't think he would get too far."

"Think about what you're saying here, Erin. You're gonna give this kid up and what? Stay in New York? Work with Benson at SVU? What exactly is your plan here?"

"I honestly don't know what I'm gonna do yet. I just wanna have this baby and be done with it. I'll go from there."

Hank sighed deeply and gripped the back of his neck with one hand. "You have to tell him, Erin."

"I don't have to do anything," Erin told him.

Hank set his eyes on Eriin's and stared at her hard. "If you don't, I will."

Erin chuckled. "I was waiting for you to say something like that. Go ahead. Tell him whatever you want. It's not gonna make a difference. I've already made up my mind."

"You're upset and exhausted and aching for a hit. You're not thinking clearly and you know it."

Erin shook her head at Hank and kept her eyes on him. "I've made up my mind. I already begged Olivia to stay out of this, and now I'm gonna ask you. I'll see whoever you guys want me to, but when it comes to the pregnancy just leave me alone. Don't try to make me feel bad about my decision. Just let me do what I need to, alright?"

"You're making a mistake, Erin," Hank said to her.

Erin dropped her gaze as she felt her eyes glaze over with tears. When she finally looked up she blinked, and her tears fell as she stared back at Hank. "I guess that's all I'm good for then. Making mistakes. At least I'm consistent at something."

Erin stood from the table, ignoring the rest of her breakfast and ignoring Hank as he called after her, and walked back to the guest room. She closed the door behind her and moved to sit on the bed.

She put her hands on her knees and took a deep breath as the tears continued to fall from her eyes. Maybe she was making a mistake. Maybe she shouldn't go through with this. Maybe she shouldn't have this baby at all.