Ok, so I had some issues with uploading this but I finally got it done with the help of my friend Sarah! Also, the credit for the creation of the word asshat which is used in this chapter goes to Sarah so everybody clap for her! Ok anyway...{insert disclaimer here}

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I woke up when Kyle turned the light on; I hadn't even heard his alarm go off. To my pleasant surprise I hadn't had any nightmares. At least I wouldn't call it a nightmare, I dreamed about school, nothing special, but some people are stupid enough to call it scary. I looked at Kyle who was across the room trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes. I yawned and rolled onto my stomach trying to fall back asleep but, of course, Kyle wouldn't let me.

"Kenny get up." When I didn't move he came over and slapped my back to make sure I was awake.

"Five more minutes." I mumbled into the pillow.

"No get up now." I looked up with pleading eyes; I was exhausted and didn't feel like moving at all. Kyle looked like he was about to give in but instead he shook his head. "Just get up now Kenny." He sighed and I rolled out of bed reluctantly. We went downstairs for breakfast and got ready for school but were still late to the bus stop somehow. I didn't have any of my school stuff but Kyle gave me a notebook I could use to take notes.

We arrived at the bus stop last and the fact that I hadn't come from the direction of my house, was with Kyle, and wearing his clothes didn't go unnoticed. Cartman began laughing and we all waited for him to talk, knowing full well he was about to say something to make Kyle angry. "Hey Stan, I think the gay couple spent the night together!"

"Shut up fatass! We're not gay!" Kyle yelled turning a dark shade of red making Cartman laugh more. Kyle began yelling at Cartman, who continued to laugh, I inched away from him and towards Stan, it felt safer over there for the moment.

"He does have a good point." That was Stan's way of asking for an explanation.

I sighed, if I didn't give him an answer he would bother me about it repeatedly or just assume something that's really untrue. "I just can't go home right now so Kyle convinced his mom to let me stay with them. I don't want to talk about it." I added the last part when he looked like he wanted a more extensive explanation. I didn't hear Kyle yelling anymore, just Cartman, and I looked over to see Kyle giving me a concerned look. I gave him a quick smile to tell him I was fine and he continued yelling at Cartman for calling him a stupid Jew.

I really didn't want to go to school, no one ever did, but I just wasn't in the mood today. Stan finally broke up the fight and I grimaced at the sight of the bus off in the distance. Kyle came to stand next to me as Stan took over his spot of yelling at Cartman. "You don't look too thrilled about going to school."

I looked at him and put my hands in my pants pockets gloomily. "That's probably 'cause I'm not."

He seemed to be considering something for a second. "Then let's skip." I continued to stare at him but now in shock. Was I hearing him correctly? "You could use a break from all of the shit that goes on in school and I don't care about my attendance. We can go see the new Terrance and Phillip movie." We probably should have outgrown such a childish show but we still watched it from time to time. "Unless you're looking forward to Mags yelling at everyone for not reading last night." When I knew he wasn't just joking I quickly agreed and we slipped away without Stan or Cartman even noticing, the last thing I heard of their fight was Stan yelling something about Cartman being an 'asshat' or something along those lines. "We didn't have a very big breakfast this morning, let's go to IHOP." Kyle suggested once we were free of the obligation to go to school.

I hungrily agreed, Kyle hadn't noticed but I hadn't eaten a single bite of my cereal this morning, I just didn't like whole milk. At IHOP we chatted about normal stuff, it was just useless conversation while we enjoyed our endless pancake feast. When we first entered we were questioned by the manager about why we weren't in school but Kyle, being as smart as he is, told yet another lie that there was a teacher's convention and we had the day off, you would never imagine how amazing it was to watch his smarts in action. It was an enjoyable breakfast and by the time we left we had each eaten our own weight in pancakes.

We walked over to the movie theatre to find the same ticket guy that had always been working there sitting in his booth looking almost bored to death. He didn't seem to take much notice of his movements as he gave us tickets, which Kyle paid for since I didn't have any money, and we made our way into the empty theatre taking seats in the very middle. After 10 long minutes of beginning credits the movie started, but I just couldn't get into it. The movie was funny and all but I just didn't laugh and I began to question whether or not I was bipolar. My mind just wouldn't let me enjoy the movie and I cursed it, all I wanted to do was laugh at the immaturity of the jokes that really weren't all that funny but somehow we still found amusing.

Random thoughts ran through my head, most of them incoherent ramblings. A strange tightening sensation gripped my stomach and crept into my chest as my thoughts diverted to all of the events of the past few days. My head began to ache and I felt as if I was going through another withdrawal. I looked down at my arms as they were struck by a pins-and-needles sensation and I immediately knew what my body wanted. In the short time of one week I had gotten this addicted to self harm, I had gone through withdrawal before, like I said I have a very addictive personality, and the only way to feel better was to fall back on my addiction, otherwise I would just feel worse. I couldn't do anything about it though; Kyle would surely find out if I did anything, it was surprising he hadn't noticed what was already there. I started scratching my arms in the hopes that a tiny bit of pain would hold me over until I was able to inflict more damage.

My headache subsided slightly and I thought about what I was really doing. Kyle sat completely oblivious of the questions I was asking myself but didn't want to answer. Why did I always get so absorbed in such stupid self-satisfying endeavors? I didn't even see how this would be worth it in the end but the thought to stop never crossed my mind, I didn't have it in me to stop anyway. I wasn't doing that much damage was I? This certainly wasn't as bad as any of my earlier addictions, and I was able to think clearly through the sick thrill I was achieving. But was it really any better? There was more evidence, that was true, but I was putting myself in less danger this time. I also felt slightly better that my inner turmoil was now projected on the outside as physical scars, it was a twisted feeling but it was how I truly felt.

I didn't want to die, that wasn't it at all. I wasn't that selfish, I knew I had friends and I didn't want to cause them any pain like that. Even if I wanted to die I wouldn't be able to kill myself, I wouldn't be able to stand not having Kyle around when I needed him. I guess you could say I was starting to get addicted to Kyle's presence and it didn't seem like I would ever be able to move on if I lost that sense of comfort and just the simple fact that somebody actually cared. Out of my few friends Kyle was the one who took the time to ask me if I was alright whenever I was feeling down, not to mention he had uncanny ability to read me like a book. Simply put he had always been there when I needed him most and I always wanted him there no matter what happened. It may sound weird, and I'm not sure if it's even possible, but I was addicted to Kyle.

There was a very big difference between my two addictions. The cutting gave me a short-lived rush but there were so many possibilities where it could go wrong. On the other hand I could enjoy Kyle's presence for hours on end without a single drawback. Even when he wasn't around a single thought that included him could easily brighten my day just a little bit more. It was weird I had no idea why he had so much control over the way I felt but he did, he probably didn't even realize it either.

I let out an audible sigh causing the little Jew sitting next to me look up and catch my eye. Did he realize how one look from him could stop me dead in my tracks, make me think about things I've never thought, feel things I've never felt? I had never really thought about it before that second, but it was true, when I was around him I felt like I could stop time itself just so I could pay more attention to him and the feeling confused me. He was just my friend, why was I thinking about him so much anyway? I wasn't gay was I? No, definitely not. There was no way in hell I was gay! Although I hadn't had a girlfriend in years, but that wasn't the point, I just wasn't gay.

Somebody once told me that denial was the first step to love, but that was ridiculous and there was no way it applied to this situation. Plus, it wasn't denial if it wasn't true anyway, was it? I shook my head vigorously, forgetting that Kyle had diverted his attention to me earlier and he raised a questioning eyebrow. Oh, shit. What was I going to say? If I told him I was just thinking he would ask what about and pressure me into telling him. I couldn't possibly tell him any of the thoughts I was having; especially not the fact that I had questioned my sexuality, even for one second, and what made it worse was that I was thinking of him when I began to question it. Oh my god…did I just admit to myself that I may be gay for Kyle? Yes that's exactly what I admitted; these thoughts were going to kill me one day I just knew it. I didn't say anything just stared at him feeling my face heat up at the thoughts that wouldn't leave me alone. He leaned forward and I leaned back not wanting him to see the reddening of my face.

There was a tense silence that not even the loud voices of the movie could penetrate, maybe I was the only one who felt tense but then again I was the only one with something to hide. In this time of nerve-wracking silence I could tell Kyle was trying to read my features, meanwhile I was trying to calm myself so he wouldn't be able to. It was almost as if we were having a silent mental battle that would decide who got possession of my thoughts. He couldn't find out, I wouldn't allow it, if he did it could ruin our entire friendship and that wasn't something I could live through.

"What are you thinking about?" Damn, he asked the one question I didn't want to answer, why did he have to be so intuitive?

"Nothing I'm just watching the movie." I lied pathetically, he could easily disprove this but how else was I going to respond to his question? Tell the truth? Pfft no way!

I watched Kyle roll his perfect green orbs, there must be something I do when I lie that only he notices because he was the only one who could catch me in every single lie I told them. "Kenny, we've been close friends for, what, 12 years now? I don't know exactly it was before we could count; but you think I wouldn't be able to tell when you're lying? Something's bothering you again and I want to know what so tell me. Don't try to say you're watching the movie; you haven't looked at the screen once in the past half hour."

I felt like I was backed into a corner and wasn't sure what to say. I shrunk down into my seat and looked anywhere but at him. I had the urge to tell him everything, it was on the tip of my tongue but I bit back the words that I said I would never speak to anyone. I stole a glance at my friend to find him waiting patiently but expectantly, could he tell I wanted to talk? Well I wasn't even attempting to hide it anymore; I bit my bottom lip contemplating my options, but there really weren't any. I could either tell him or not and not telling him didn't seem like much of an option, he would inevitably force all of my secrets right out of me and I should've known that the minute I went to him for help.

"I know you may not want to talk but I think you would feel better if you did. I just want to know what's wrong so I can help you Kenny." Kyle said sympathetic of a situation he didn't even fully understand.

"I just…I'm not ready to talk about it." I finally spoke truthfully.

I turned my head to judge his reaction only for him to place a soothing hand over my still-damaged cheek and something told me that this was his way of protecting me from further pain and I felt even safer with him than I already had. "I understand, but please tell me as soon as you feel you can." I gazed into those emerald eyes and gave a slight nod. He didn't move his hand away just watched me slowly take a few deep breaths as my thoughts focused on his skin touching mine. I could have easily told him if it weren't for my worries on what he would think of me. He would just have to wait until I had the courage to tell him.

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Well thanks for reading, I'm almost done with chapter 8 already so you won't have to wait long for that. I'll have more conflict in the next chapter sorry if you found this one unexciting. Oh yea, I just recently realized that Kenny has a little sister...I completely forgot about her...but because there's no way I'm going back and changing anything let's just pretend she doesn't exist ok? At least she doesn't in my story, just like Kenny doesn't die repeatedly, it's something that I made different...I guess?