Judging by the dress on her bed, there was another party tonight. Lovely. She knew it made her mother happy…and knew that arguing was pointless. She'd tried several times to get her mom off her matchmaker riots, but to no avail. Her mother was aware she was in love with Anders, especially since he kind of lived with her, but it was too much fun for her to stop. She was hoping to restablish the Amell line in Kirkwall. Sangria wanted no part in it, and her mother probably knew it, but she also couldn't bring herself to take away one of the few things that put a smile on her mother's face these days.
With Carver in the templars, father and Bethany gone, and the fact the home she'd grown up in and was supposed to have owned all these years was owned by her daughter now, Mother had little to look forward too. She had mentioned her thoughts of remarrying, but thus far Sangria hadn't seen her Mother take an interest in anyone. Mother was beautiful for her age, young looking for it even, and Sangria had seen a few bachelors go for her. She wished her mother would focus on herself instead of dressing up Sangria and throwing her out to the wolves, but she couldn't truly begrudge her mother.
Least this year she'd have Anders to bring with her. He had made up excuse after excuse, but she won by saying he lived with her, and of course the guilt card, until he finally caved. Not to mention with mother's only slightly subtle suitors she wanted Hawke to end up with, she got Anders protective enough to want to be there and make sure none of them succeeded. She had already sent him to Varric to get shaved and Isabella was looking forward to doing something with his hair. No one would even recognize him, if they'd ever seen him to begin with. Then again, she was sure Anders had to make some money to keep his clinic running, he probably took on Hightown clients now and then.
She felt the empty echo in her heart this time around though. One of the last big parties like this, she'd coerced Fenris into being by her side. She sighed heavily, resting her hands on the bed she and Anders now shared to take slow, deep breaths. The last thing she needed was to burst into tears…again. Fenris had had a million excuses as well. They're reasons were different, Anders for fear of templars being around and Fenris for his discomfort over his markings and surrounded by people, but she'd won both of them over the same way. A touch of guilt and a few lies that even Varric would be proud of She missed him something awful. Granted, she still went over to teach him how to read every few days, but they were so guarded around each other, and she missed talking to him well into the small hours of the night. She talked to Anders at night sometimes, but most of the time he was exhausted, what with running a mage underground that he refused to let her help with or really even let her know about, healing clients all day, and still trying to be at her side on the missions she needed him for. And she usually tired him out herself.
Her mother had literally grabbed Anders and dragged him into the library near the fireplace with a rope, and taking his measurements with Bodahn in the firelight, insisting on getting him a suit. She smiled at the memory of Anders bewilderment as her mother fussed over him. It made her feel how lucky she was to have had a mother to fuss over her all her life. He had no idea what to do with it, and she took it for granted. It was part of the reason she'd stopped complaining too. Mother had so much love, she took care of all Sangria's companions whenever they stopped by, often quelling even Bodahn into accepting that she had a handle on things. That took some doing.
Mother had simply had to guess at Fenris's measurements, though the suit had somehow ended up being perfectly tailored anyway. She didn't know how Mother did it. Maybe having three kids she'd gotten used to noticing the differences in their bodies. Or maybe Isabella had helped her out. She bit her lip, her heart aching as she thought of that night with Fenris again in vivid detail. The suit had been amazing on him, a black waistcoat with a white shirt that was simple, only with a little bit of…ruffle she guessed she'd call it though there was probably a better name on the tongues of the fashion fevered, and the black dress pants had been a just looser than snug fit.
She'd seen the suit Mother had had made for Anders. She smiled at the thought of it. Dark blue waistcoat, with a soft blue shirt. The shade of blue would probably make his eyes look lighter, and he was rather pale from hiding in the depths of Darktown for the last three years, nevermind all his imprisonment years in the Circle. Dark colors would probably look great on him. She was curious what he'd look like properly shaved, and what on earth would Isabella do to his hair?
She kept thinking of Anders as she grabbed the dress off her bed and made her way towards Mother's rooms. When she got there her Mother laughed at her while she was finishing up her hair for the night. "My dear, with all these parties, I should think you could dress yourself by now!"
Sangria tossed the dress on the bed and muttered something under her breath, to the effect of "Hard to make myself purposely suffocate with how tightly you pull that thing on me." Leandra heard her, mothers always seemed to be able to hear everything regardless of how quietly you said them or how far away you were when you spoke. She put on her best grumpy face before turning herself, removing the short robe she wore in the estate and putting her arms up to allow Mother to do her thing. It wasn't long before the lung trap settled over her chest, soon doing its job by making her breath come in short gasps while she adjusted to it again. It had at least been a while since her mother had thrown a party like this, but hard to present your daughter as a lovely bachelorette when she usually had make-up running down her face and when smiles were hard to come by.
But as it tightened even more about her chest, she forgot about being depressed about Fenris again, trying to quell the panic she always felt when her air was constricted, reminding herself this was a semi-willing torment rather than an injury or enemy forced torment. Her mother left her for a moment, giving her time to regulate her breathing again, before smiling at her daughter, settling the dress in a neat pool on the floor for Sangria to step into. Normally a dress like hers would go over her head, but she was nearly a head taller than her mother, it was difficult for Leandra to pull the fabric down and easier to pull it up.
She allowed herself a small moment of pleasure at the feeling of the velvet riding up her body, brushing against her skin. She purposely never looked in a mirror while her mother dressed her though, she wanted to wait to see the whole picture before she knew what she looked like. She could visualize the deep red velvet hugging the curved the corset gave her. Not that she was particularly lacking herself, but the corset emphasized what she had. Much as she hated it she did like how it looked.
The dress was heavier than she had expected, but that was probably due to the layered peek-a-boo colored skirt that belled out, the outer layer like petals almost, a deep red, that had a slightly poofed thinner material of a reddish pink color along the edges and covering some of it, which was layering a soft cream silk triangle of fabric. She frowned slightly, it would be even more annoying to be running around in this, but at least it wasn't one of the poofed out skirt styles, it just fell heavily from her hips down. She really should consult a fashion aficionado about proper terminology, but in the end, it didn't matter to her. She knew what she was talking about and that was that.
She heard the deep intake of breath from her Mother when the dress was finally on, and turned to see her mother tearing up a little, like she had in the blue dress Sangria had worn the night with Fenris. It had had a similar skirt style, falling from her hips, but it had been pleated almost, folding here and there to form what was surprisingly a nice dress. Sangria wondered if it just seemed to happen that her mother found a dress that evoked tears from her whenever she had someone she loved or if it was planned. She wouldn't be the least bit surprised to find out Mother had specifically had dresses designed just for her when she could catch the eyes of other bachelors while the guys she cared about were around.
But she was bustled to a chair in the corner of mothers room soon as Leandra was over the teary-eyed such a pretty girl moment and didn't have a chance to come up with her mothers crazy schemes any further than that. Her hair wasn't overly long, but Mother always seemed to find a way to make it look like it was. She felt hair being pulled and tugged in all different directions, wincing a few times. It was a while before it stopped and her mother circled the chair like a vulture looking at its next meal. Her mother frowned a little and pulled some of the hair she'd just pulled back down, covering the corner of Sangria's right eye with bangs she hadn't even known she still had under there. The bangs didn't last long though, as her mother had been lightly heating a rod over the fire crackling softly in the other corner. She wrapped Sangria's bangs around it until they were little circlets she could see a little.
Then her least favorite part. The make-up. And that said a lot considering the dressing and hair annoyed her quite a bit. Her mother stared at the herbs and such that blended to create the make-up so many used these days. Sangria closed her eyes, not wanting to see what her mother chose for her. Her face was brushed poked and prodded for another while before her mother tapped her chin as a sign she should open her eyes now.
"Am I finished yet?" She was getting restless and impatient with sitting still and dealing with things beyond her control, and really hoped it was over. Leandra laughed. "When you say things like that, I almost wish I had more to do to you. I love when my daughter looks like a girl and not a bedraggled warrior. But alas, you're finished."
Sangria rose from the chair and bit her lip, before feeling the funny smelling thick stuff her mother had put on it that was probably some kind of color and releasing it again. With a deep breath she turned to look in the mirror. And saw…someone else. That couldn't possibly be her right? Mother definitely went above and beyond the nights she had someone at the parties with her. Her ice blue eyes were framed with a thin line of black, the brightness of their color standing out, and the soft brown powder that covered her eyelids added to it. Her lips were a soft reddish pink, light enough to not look awkward against her pale skin but dark enough to stand out.
Her hair was in a bun sort of style, but the bun was created by braids twined together rather than just hair pulled back like she normally wore her hair up like. The loose ringlets that framed her face actually made her smile a little.
And the dress, corset be damned, looked great on her. The cream corset was crushing her lungs still, but the upper part of the dress was rather tight fitting, consisting of criss-crossed strands, thicker versions of the golden embroidery that was artfully embedded into the deep red velvet as well as decorating the corset itself. It would be a very revealing top if not for the corset, and she had a lot more cleavage than she normally would because of it as well. The neckline was non-existant considering the dress was an off the shoulder style with slightly puffed material at the shoulder line before long sleeves that were tight on her upper arm but hanging from her lower arms ended the dress.
She ached to tell her mother she needed to stop this, that she loved Fenris…no not Fenris, she loved Anders. Maker the night was messing with her head. She had gotten so much better, but even though she looked different, the aspect of the night was so similar to the night she'd shared with Fenris she couldn't seem to get him off her mind. She had a feeling her mother knew, but Sangria just didn't have the heart to tell her mother she wasn't interested in carrying on the Amell line she felt no bond to. She was a Hawke, like her father, and like her mother had become, she didn't want to be nobility for life. But her mother had so few pleasures the words always died on her tongue before she could voice them.
"Well…hope your happy mom. Can we please have a long break between now and the next party though? My heads going to hurt from this hairstyle, there's definitely a chance of it taking months, maybe years to heal. One never knows how much damage this could do."
She felt her mother gently smack the bare skin of her shoulder even as she heard the soft laughter her mom always had when Sangria complained about having to be feminine. Sangria muttered something about her mother being evil under her breath while watching her mother head out the door. The guests were already downstairs, on her way to her mother's room she'd heard the commotion that signaled the party was starting, but Bodahn always handled the beginning so that her mother could waltz down the stairs and make noble jokes about running late to her own party and all the ladies with their wigs and heavy make up could laugh and joke about it.
Sangria found herself muttering Tevinter curse words she'd heard when she had first seen Fenris at the last party. He had been trying to hide in the crowd and muttering about what she could only assume had to do with how difficult that task was. She didn't even know what the words meant so why was she saying them? She sighed and headed out the door, making her way through the estate towards the spacious hall that served as a ballroom in her house. She wished she wasn't going to be making a grand entrance by making her way down the stairs while the party was getting started and the nobles gossiped amidst each other, but there was no other way into the ballroom from the top floor.
As she smiled politely and made her way down the stairs, her eyes were slowly moving across the people there. She needed Anders by her side already, Maker how she hated these occasions. She hoped he would be there soon, or be there already. Especially when she saw Mother talking with Seneschal Bran. Maker, why that man even bothered to show his face here she didn't know. The man oozed hatred for her, dreaded ever having to ask for her help for the good of Kirkwall, but he apparently wanted his son to have a name for himself. That or Mother was just that amazing at conversation. Maybe both. Maker knew her mother often mentioned Seneschal Bran's son. Hawke had yet to actually meet him. She had hoped it would stay that way.
But of course, her luck kept to its patterns and she saw a man about her age practically hiding behind Bran, a man who looked too much like him to not be his son. He wasn't exactly ugly but he was very painfully average. Nothing like Fenris or Anders. Fenris was obviously exotic, his white markings swirling around tanned skin, and his snowy white hair. But she didn't let herself think of him for long. Anders had the amazing rugged charm she'd always found herself attracted too. She was really hoping Anders would be there.
She tried to keep to the far side of the stairs to avoid Bran and Mother, but of course mother followed her. "Sangria darling, Seneschal Bran is here, as is his son! You haven't had the pleasure of meeting each other yet! Sangria, this is Daniel. Daniel this is my daughter Sangria whom I've told you so much about."
She politely said hello and greeted him, but in her mind she was studying his features. She remembered having seen Seneschal Bran in Anders clinic. Apparently even a man like him needed to…let loose now and then, and he seemed to be another of the STD victims Anders seemed to end up with a lot. She wondered if whatever Blooming Rose whore he'd slept with was the mother of his child, she could hardly imagine someone ever being interested in him enough to sleep with him without his coin purse.
Daniel stuttered his own greetings and she glanced over at Bran to see him shaking his head at his son's severe lack of self-confidence. However, once she continued to be polite to Daniel, he started practically rambling at her. He talked about what he was studying ,what he thought about his father, about Viscount Dumar, about her, about Mother. Seemed once he got started the boy didn't shut up. But her eyes had been moving around the entire time he talked, and when they finally caught what she wanted them too, she smiled and curtseyed to Daniel. "This has been a lovely chat but I must excuse myself. There are other guests to attend too. Enjoy the party."
Maker she hated how fake she had to be, but she had seen Anders and she wasn't about to spend another minute in that boys company. She refused to look at Mother, not wanting to see the disproval in her eyes, and made her way through the crowd. She was stopped a few times, having to say hello, before she heard her mage nearby. She hadn't really seen him, just a flash of hair and blue, but her heart had leapt at the sight and she'd just instinctively known it was him.
She turned around and saw him doing much of what Fenris had done, trying to hide in the crowd, keeping to the wall. He was…gorgeous. She found herself just staring at him. His face was completely smooth from the fuzz he usually had, least it looked it, and she wanted so badly to touch his skin and see if it was as soft as it looked from here. Looked like Isabella had decided to keep his hair simple, but it had obviously been brushed out before the front of it had been braided into a half ponytail that resembled the style he usually wore. She wondered if Isabella had chosen it or if she'd been forced to compromise with him.
However what really made her laugh was that she saw his words forming curses about the party. His phrases usually included "Andraste's tits" or "Andraste's knicker-weasels". Where he'd come up with the latter she had no idea, but she had to force herself to keep from bursting into laughter at how much he looked like Fenris, leaning against the wall with his arms crossed under his chest and muttering things under his breath while trying to keep as low a profile as possible.
She dodged the few people who stayed out of the main hustle and bustle of the center of the floor and came up on Anders side, giggling when he jumped horribly as her arms locked around his shoulders. His eyes were both afraid and angry when he felt the contact, but when he realized it wasn't him getting clapped in handcuffs and nothing else was happening, his eyes softened on her face.
However, soon as he knew it was her, his eyes widened again and he stepped back. His beautiful amber eyes, emphasized better than she'd imagined by the colors and lack of facial fuzz, trailed over her, as if soaking in her appearance. The man almost looked as if he was seeing the Maker or Andraste themselves. A similar look had been on Fenris's face when she had stood before him in her beautiful blue dress, her hair partially braided, falling in curled ringlets against her shoulders. Both of them had looked at her. She wished she'd been in the place with Fenris that she was with Anders now, she'd have appreciated the look on his face more knowing everything it meant. She almost kicked herself for how oblivious she'd been to the feelings between them beforehand.
However, Anders broke her recollections before she could tear up again, while he glared at a noble who'd bumped into him while trying to interest a young noble woman. "How you got me to this place I don't know. I've treated several of these people for diseases that just shouldn't exist. Hanging out with them was the last thing I wanted to do."
Sangria giggled and finally touched his cheek, stroking the skin lightly before turning his face all the way towards her and going on her toes a little to kiss him lightly on the lips. It was a soft kiss, and ended all too soon, but in a place like this with the appearance she had to make, she couldn't afford to be out in the open like this. She had made enough of a point by having Anders move in with her, she didn't need to add to it by outright making out with him in public. Though she had to admit to herself, she really only cared about how that would affect her mother. No one else in this place mattered to her.
"I should bring you to places like this more often then. I'm more than happy to boast that I know all their dirty little secrets. And it's all the better that you're an apostate, makes a point that I'm a mage and I support mages, and I want everyone to know. Plus, you look amazing. Though you being in these clothes makes me want to rip them off you more."
Anders chuckled, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling their faces close again for a moment. She looked up at him and, for a moment, saw the same tender look on another's face. Fenris hadn't laughed when she complimented him, hadn't even smiled really, but all the same she'd seen the reaction she needed in his eyes. Of course that had been before she knew what to call it, before she'd known she loved him, he'd just been a really close friend she enjoyed a lot and whom she constantly tried to make blush. And of course his arms hadn't been around her pulling her closer.
She was about to say to the Void with those around her, but then the band started to play a slower beat, and the hired Bard's voice, emphasized somehow she couldn't tell, broke through all the chatter. The room dissolved, many stepping back to the corners while couples settled into a slow dance in the center of the room. She looked over at Anders, stepping out of his embrace but grabbing his hand and tugging him lightly towards the dancing couples.
Anders stared at her in horror, the last thing he wanted was to be center stage, but Sangria wasn't about to waste a slow dance with Anders, or the opportunity to show off her mage lover, both for the suitors and for those who believed mages were all just hazards. Especially Daniel, she hoped Daniel would see her dancing with Anders and give up. She could not listen to his still a little too high for his age voice go on and on about things she didn't care about.
Mainly though, she just wanted to feel Anders against her, and the music sang to her body and mind. "Please?"
He must have known beforehand he was doomed to lose the fight, because with a heavy sigh he let himself be drawn onto the dance floor.
She smiled softly at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing herself close against his body. It was a moment before she felt his arms lock shakily around her waist, and she saw his eyes darting around to see how many people were really paying attention. So she brought one of her hands to his face and made him focus on her, shaking her head. The rest of the world didn't matter to her right now.
Finally, though she'd had to start it before Anders took the lead that was expected of the male, they started making slow circles, his coat tails and her dress making soft noise in the motion. He was a bit clumsy at first, but seemed somewhere along his adventures he'd learned how to dance. Once he fell into the rhythm with Sangria, the world around her dissolved until it was just her and him and the music in the background. For a while they just danced, but it felt a little off to her. She had dragged Fenris off to the dance floor as well, but in his years as a slave he obviously hadn't really learned how to dance. She'd kept them off to the side while she showed him how simple slow dancing was, and even once he'd gotten it mostly down, she had to stop to get them onto the same pace again. Anders knew what he was doing even if he was nervous about doing it around all these people.
Finally having had enough of the heartache impeding on her time with Anders, she slammed her mind down on thoughts of Fenris, but her last thought of him was how much she missed him, and a prayer to the Maker that she could either make up her mind between the two or find some way to make things work with loving both of them as much as she did.
Even when she fell into bed in a tumble of man and woman desperate to get each other clothes off that night, she couldn't help but feel like some part of her was missing.
