OFF THE SET
Episode 3, Part 2

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[Back to the show!]
[Cause you're everywhere to me...]

HI, we're back with more of the torture you want to deal out to the cast of MegaMan Legends! We've been flooded with requests lately, and we've singled out this really solid one from Drago! He wants us to do something REALLY BAD to them! So, without further ado...

[LQ, wherever that is.]
[September 11, 2001]
[Yes, THAT September 11. Read on to find out why.]
We find our gang walking...in normal people's clothes...no armor...into the dark, spooky maze of LQ. They are unaware of what is going to happen to them.

R: Guys, I don't think this is such a good idea...

MM: Quit your whining and come on! What, are you too scared?

R: [yes she is] N-n-noo I'm not! Stop teasing me! ^_^;

Te: Don't worry, sweetie! I'll protect you!

R: You will? Thank you!

MM: Tch. Sissies.

T: Yeah! What he said.

As they go further in...a haze starts to come about...

MM: Don't worry guys, we'll be [VOICES SHRUNK HERE]out of here in...Hey!

Te: [SAME HERE] Ha ha! Your voice is...hey! Mine's shrunk too!

T & R: [AND HERE] Omigod! We're so squeaky!

[Data has his mouth covered like Speak-no-Evil.]
[Everyone is looking at him.]

MM: Oh, boy! I can't wait to hear this!

D: My voice is not squeaky!

Te: AWW DAMN!

R: He's a robot! His voice isn't affected by the helium haze that surrounds us!

T: Now he can't join in the humor!

MM: Anyways, we've gotta get out of here! I'm getting sick of my own voice!

Te: For once, I agree with you, kid!

Meanwhile, me and Drago headed to Bonne International Airfield and did something you'd never expected us to do!

[AX-4 Airship #1, 0500 hrs.]
[Bonne International Airfield, North Jersey Shore]
[All servbots will be denoted by the following: S## where ## is the servbot's number]

S21: Are you sure we can operate this ship? I mean...Tron isn't here! What if we crash?! Or get shot down!

S20: Don't worry! She's dating that blue fellow so I guess we're safe!

S21: Okay! I guess so...LET'S GO! ^_^

S20: Righty-O! Let's take her over New York! Then we can see three states from there!

S21: Full speed ahead!

And so they head off towards NYC with me secretly in the cargo hold. So does another, with Drago in their cargo hold. Only a few minutes later...

[Cockpit of Ship 1]
[Bud bursts through the door in full Rambo gear, brandishing dual M249s]
Bud: PREPARE TO BE MISERABLE! BUD MUNCHER HAS ARRIVED!

S21: EEK! IT'S YOU! X(

S20: I remember you! You were the guy who sent #19 under the train!

Bud: Actually, that was Trigger who did that... NOW LIE DOWN BEFORE I MAKE YOU LIE DOWN!

S21: Yes sir! [drops to floor]

S20: I'm not gonna let you take over this ship! Eat bomb! [brandishes a Servbot Bomb-ball]

S21: NO! DON'T DO IT!

Bud: No, dude, it's EAT LEADEN DEATH, PUNK! EEEEYYYYYYYYAAAGH!

[Bud unloads 50 bullets into S20 turning him into plastic Swiss Cheese with half the control panel. The un-activated bomb drops to the floor.]

S21: Please! Have mercy!

Bud: AS FOR YOU...I've got something special for you! :-)

S21: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! X(

[20 seconds later]

S21: Untie me you mean ol'...

Bud: [working the controls and pasting C4 on them] HEY HEY HEY! Shut your trap or you'll end up just like your friend there! [points to the smoldering wreckage of S20]

S21: *gulp*

Bud: [on radio] Drago, this is Bud, over.

Drago: [radio] I read you Bud, what's the situation!

Bud: Ummmm...I've planted the explosives and set the auto-pilot to Nowhere. How about you?

[Ship 2, cockpit]
[A Terminator-style Drago is at a C4-laden control panel, surrounded by the piles of nuts and bolts that were 5 Servbots.]

Drago: Let's just say that Miss Tron won't be hearing anything from them anytime soon. You got the parachute ready?

Bud: Yup, let's get out of here before we end up like them. Bud, over and out.

Drago: Roger, over and out.

[Drago kicks open the ship's exit and leaps out. Sometime after he deploys his parachute and lands safely near Verrazano Narrows. Bud does the same thing sometim afterwards.]

We had just completed half our mission and made it out, but then something really tragic happened.

[American Airlines flight whatever. 0845 hrs.]
Terrorist 1: Are we there yet?

Terrorist 2: Almost there. Go say your final prayers. The Americans will have never suspected our attack.

Terrorist 1: Right.

Terrorist 2: Just a few more seconds and the Second WTC will...WHAT THE!

About here, they spot our two rigged Servbot Ships.

Terrorist 1: THE AMERICANS FOUND US! QUICK! EVASIVE MANEOUVERS!

Terrorist 2: I'm trying to evade them!

Terrorist 1: WAIT! YOU TURNED THE WRONG WAY!

Terrorist 2: OH SHIT!

[Camera gets disabled here]
[Back in the Studio]

Yes, that was a very tragic day. Bin Laden was so pissed that he sent three more planes to try again and sadly, he succeeded with two of them, while the third was averted from greater disaster at the cost of the lives of the evil terrorists and the great men and women who tried bravely to stop them. As for the airships, they disappeared near Shanksville, Pennsylvania...

AMERICA FOREVER!

Now back to what matters here. The next day...

[Sept. 12, 2001. 0900 hrs.]
[LQ]
[And when I close my eyes, it's you I see...]
We tracked down our friends to the LQ maze. It appears they are getting out of the frying pan, and into the fire...

MM: *exhausted* Oh BOY am I glad to be out of that hell hole.

Te: You and me both brother.

T: Now what?

MM: I think I need something to get my energy back. I KNOW! [leaps onto Tron and makes out with her]

Te: JESUS CHRIST! THIS IS TERRIBLE!

T: No, it's a move I learned in the Karma Sutra, stupid!

R: Well, in that case... COME HERE TEISEL! [leaps onto Teisel and does the same]

Bud: [in nearby bushes, 2-way radio] YOU ready on your side Drago? [arms something]

Drago: [in other nearby bushes, same type radio] Roger that, buddy, let's get ready to roll!

Bud: This is gonna be great!

MM: [putting his clothes back on] Do you hear something suspicious?

T: [same] I think it sounds like someone's in the bushes!

Te: [ditto] It's probably Bud again. OKAY BUD, GAME'S OVER! COME OUT WITH YOUR CAMERA UP!

Drago: [leaping out of bushes with paintball gun] GUESS AGAIN LOSERS! AHAHHAHAH!

T, Te, MM, R: NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Drago starts firing and all heck breaks loose! Look at the colors! After 4 wasted paint cartridges, our 'heroes' are all on the ground, screaming for mercy!

Drago: HAD ENOUGH YET!?

T: *Sobbing* YES! YES! STOP IT! PLEASE HAVE MERCY!

R: *same as Tron* NOTHING COULD BE WORSE THAN THIS!

Bud: [stepping out of bushes] Except THIS! Now you're gonna get it!

T, Te, MM, R: NOOOOOOOOOOOO! NOT AGAIN! AAAAAAAAAAAAGH!

12 cartridges later they were unconscious. Roll was in a coma! But they were so covered with color we could have used them as a gay pride flag! However, we here at BMP pride ourselves for being YAOI- & YURI-bashers, so me and Drago threw them in the nearby river, where they were found washed up near Hudson Bay 2 days later! I thought it would be easy, since all the police had to do was follow the trail of color they left behind!!

[Back in the Studio]
All right folks, its time for OFF THE GAME! The part of our show where we take our antics off the Legends crew and onto the X and Classic MegaMan set! This OTG is special, though, as we've set up our friend Trigger over to Future City, Nevada for a family reunion with his little brother X! We also paid Zero (he still doesn't know we planted the Dildo-Saber on him last time) to screw it up! Muchas gracias to Mr. Anthony Bault again for the idea!

[Note. Trigger was 15 as of MML2, therefore he was born 1985, making him the oldest sibling]
[Future City, Nevada, SW of Las Vegas]
[Maverick Hunter HQ Reception Desk]
[And everything I know that makes me believe...]
MM: Excuse me...

Re[ception-bot]: [the I-don't-care gum-smacker gangsta type] Yeah, can I help you kid?

MM: Ummm...Can I see X please?

Re: You got any affiliation with him?

MM: I'm...um...his brother.

Re: Oh, you must be that kid your friend sent here to meet X, eh?

MM: Yeah...My friend?

Re: Goes by the name of...ah, what the heck. I'll call X right down. You wait right here. [leaves desk to get X]

About a minute later, the Reception-bot brings X (in armor) down to the entryway where Trigger is waiting.

Re: Okay, Trigger, meet your 'long-lost brother' X.

X: YOU'RE my big brother?

MM: Yep.

X: But...but you're SMALLER than me!

MM: You remember those Bulls brothers from FF8? You get the idea.

X: FF8? What's that?

MM: Aaah, forget it. Hey, you wanna get a burger or something?

X: Sure!

[Denny's, 2 miles S of MHHQ]

MM: Dammit this steak is good! Hey, I didn't know robots like you could eat!

X: To tell you the truth, we're actually mostly human.

MM: Like Seven in Star Trek: Voyager?

X: Ummm...yeah. Whoever that is.

Z: [coming in] Hey, X! Who's the wee man!

MM: WEE MAN?!

X: He's supposed to be my big brother.

Z: HA! No way! He's smaller than you!

MM: DID YOU JUST CALL ME A WEE MAN?

X: [to Zero] He says it's like those two bulls in FF8, whatever that means.

MM: [grabbing Zero by neck] EXCUSE ME, DID YOU HEAR WHAT I JUST SAID!?

Z: Sheesh, little man! Cool down! You look like you could kill
somebody!

X: Hey, bro! Put him down! He's my best friend!

MM: YOU CALL ME LITTLE ONE MORE TIME AND I SWEAR I WILL HAVE THOSE MAN-BOOBS BROKEN!

Z: OI! WATCH THE LANGUAGE, KID!

MM: What!? [mocking] You sensitive about those BREASTS of yours?

Z: Okay, NOW YOU'RE GONNA GET IT! HIYAAAH! [impales Trigger through stomach with saber]

MM: Ugggggggghhhhhhhh...[collapses to floor, bleeding out]

X: [getting up from seat] Hey! Look what you did to my little brother!

Z: Tch. He shouldn't have over-reacted like that.

X: [grabs Zero in headlock] You will go the phone RIGHT NOW and DIAL 911 to rescue my brother or I will PERSONALLY rip your HAIR off!

Z: [worried] NO! Not the hair!

X: Then you're gonna go the phone. NOW! [throws Zero to ground in front of scared diners who are staring at Trigger's corpse]

Z: Man, you're crazy! [heads to payphone outside]

X: I'M WATCHING YOU! [arms big-ass laser]

Well, looks like it's all over for the reunion, or is it?!

Z: [into phone, worried] Bud, it's me, Zero! You gotta help me! X's gone crazy!

Bud: [back in the Studio] Right. I'll send back up right away. First tell me where you are.

Z: I'm in Denny's near the HQ. PLEASE YOU GOTTA HELP ME! X IS ABOUT TO AAAAAAAAAGGGHHH! [cut off, dialtone]

Bud: Hello? Hello? DAMN! [puts down phone] I'm calling 911!

[back at Denny's]

X: [staring at Zero's mangled corpse with clenched fists] NEVER mess with my BROTHER! Or me for that matter but my brother was more important.

Suddenly, the heat arrives!

SD1: [Security Dude] FREEZE! PUT YOUR WEAPONS DOWN!

X: But I didn't do it!

SD1: I SAID FREEZE OR I WILL KILL YOU!

X: Geezus! [runs for it]

SD1: HEY! COME BACK HERE! [takes off in pursuit in his new Chevy Impala]

[back in the Studio]

X was apprehended by MH Security and deactivated until X7 is released whenever that is. In the meantime, Trigger and Zero were treated for serious laser burn and are still in the hospital as of writing!

Well, folks, that's all for tonight...I guess...and remember, KEEP THOSE GODDAMN REQUESTS COMING!

Coming up in our next episode...we receive an unexpected present from above! And we'll see just how long our heroes can survive the hardest levels Dance Dance Revolution at the arcade!

[END OF EPISODE 3!]
[I'm not alone...]

This episode was paid for by Bob and George. Faking their identity to use their credit card accounts was easy.

I hate Michelle Branch...