Title: It's Crazy, It's Irrational, But It's There

A/N: This chapter starts off with the message from Chris.


"Hey, Lor, it's me... again."

I immediately lift my head in the direction of the foyer, within seconds Mom appears, and she slowly walks towards the answering machine. She bites her lip nervously as she refrains herself from looking up at Luke. I return my attention to Dad's message, "I know you're mad, I know you feel like I bailed on you - I understand that. I get it. But ignoring me isn't the solution. It's just not, and I'm done being ignored. I deserve the chance to explain myself. This isn't right."

I take notice in Luke's concentrated expression as he listens intently, "You can't just shut me out of your life like this. I miss you, I miss Rory..." there is a long pause, and then his voice emerges once again, "I'm not with Sherry anymore. I don't know if that means anything to you but - you're the reason why. The both of you are. Please... just call me back."

My eyes advert back and forth from Mom to Luke to Mom - Neither of them are saying anything, and I struggle to think of something to break the silence. This is the first phone call from him in a while, and this one really made an affect.

I try to remember what had taken place before the phone call. I then speak cautiously as I direct a suggestion to no one in particular, "Um, maybe we should just order something from Al's."

Mom looks over to me and quickly nods, "Yeah, yeah that's a good idea. Do you want to go in the kitchen and make a list?"

As much as I want to be by Mom's side as she explains everything to Luke, I know that she needs to do this on her own. I hesitate before nodding and agreeing, and then I quickly make my way to the kitchen.

- Lorelai's point of view -

I wait until Rory leaves the room, and then I take a seat beside Luke on the couch. He sighs and looks straight ahead, waiting for me to speak. I make sure to choose my words carefully, speaking softly, "Luke, this isn't something you have to be concerned about or - or waste your time thinking about. That message sounds a lot more... 'loaded' than it really is."

There is a sarcastic tone in his voice, "Really..."

"He was just... talking. Speaking totally for himself. There's nothing going on. I haven't been-"

He turns to face me, shaking his head, "Lorelai, I'm not accusing you of anything."

I fall silent for a moment, and then look up at him, "I know. I just - I don't want that to be a possibilty."

"I trust you." he lowers his head to look into my eyes, "I do."

I just smile softly. He returns a smile, it fades as he looks down at his hands, "But you're gonna have to help me, you know, to trust him. 'Cause I'm not so sure I can do that."

I nod, "That's understandable."

"I'm - I'm only gonna ask this once; are there any feelings that are... left over for him? I know we jumped into this relationshi-"

"No. I'm with you. Completely."

"Alright." he turns his head forward again and nods, "Alright."


After Luke left, I called Chris back. I agreed that he could come by this morning.

In all honesty, I have been planning to get in touch with him. I've been trying to prepare dialouge and I've been trying to forgive him for making a promise he couldn't keep - but at the same time, I've been trying to satisfy Luke. That sounded dirty, and the dirty things count too, but I mean trying to satisfy him in every aspect of our relationship. Having Chris leave a message like that isn't meant to bring a smile to Luke's face. I know he said he trusted me. I know he seemed okay with everything, but I can't help but have my doubts.

I am pulled away from my thoughts when I hear a knock at the front door. I let out a deep sigh and force myself to greet him.

I shut the door behind me, and cross my arms as I step onto the porch. Chris smiles weakly, and takes note in the fact that I'm not ready to jump up and down in excitement, "Hey."

"Hey. Rory's inside, so we should just stay out here."

"Yeah, okay. That's fine."

"I understand that you're anxious to get down on your knees and beg for my forgiveness, but I want you to know that I don't appreciate what you did last night."

"What? What did I do?"

"Chris..."

"I don't know what you're talking abou-"

"I'm talking about you leaving a message longer than the Webster's Dictionary on my answering machine. With Luke in the room! You know perfectly well that I'm in a relationship with him and you take complete advantage over fact tha-"

"Whoa - Wait a minute. I didn't know you were with Luke."

"How can you say that? I told you when you ambushed me at my mother's house!"

"I would hardly call that an ambush, and all you did was mention his name. You didn't say anything about a relationship."

"Well, it was implied."

"What, I'm supposed to be able to read minds now? Expectations are getting higher and higher each day..."

"You're unbelievable. You really are. I have no obligation to talk to you, to see you, to answer your phone calls, if I want you out of my life than that's my prerogative!"

"You really mean that? You really want me out of your life? Because I don't believe that for a second."

"Well it's a good thing I don't care about what you beli-"

"You're saying that after all we've been through you just want to slam a door in my face? No, that's your pride talking. I know it is. I know you better than anybody, and I know that all this hell you're putting me through, making me wait months for a simple phone call, is out of spite."

"That's not true!"

"It is true!"

"You can't just plant this fake baggage on me-"

"It's not fake! It's real! Why are you fighting this?"

"Chris, I didn't dump you, I didn't leave you - this is your fault!"

"I had - no - choice!"

"What? You think it's better to lead Sherry on and then leave, rather than just never begin anything with her?"

"Yeah, I get that now. I should've stayed with you and Rory, I know that. Why can't you just forgive me, and let us move on?!"

"You're too late, Chris! I'm with Luke! I'm happy with Luke!"

"He was a rebound, just admit it already!"

"He's not a rebound!"

"Lor, you want to be with me-"

"Chris..."

"I know you do."

"Stop."

"You want to marry me, you want to be a family, we've wanted it for years!"

"Stop!"

I notice every muscle in his body weaken as he looks straight into my eyes. My eyebrows furrow as I struggle to ease my breath and stop myself from slapping him in the face.

"I don't want to be with you, Chris."

His jaw tightens as he forces the tears to not emerge, but before long, they begin to brim his eyes. I can't stand seeing him this vulnerable. I try my best to steady my voice, "I can't - I can't do this, Chris. I'm sorry."

And then I go back inside, leaving him without another word.

I lean my back against the door, and then turn the lock, sliding all the way to the floor as the tears freely stream down my face. I repeat to myself over and over again that Luke is the man I want to be with, but I'm not the least convincing.


TBC

At this point, I know that apologizing for not updating this story is pretty lame. All I can say is, I was experiencing the absolute worst writer's block. But I somehow forced myself to sit at my computer and write. I've spent the last four hours finishing this chapter and I would really like to know what you think. So, please leave a review. I know that every Java Junkie pretty much hates Chris, so I'm interested to see what you guys think.

Keep in mind though, I am a die-hard LL fan, so this story will end happy. I'm just trying to create an interesting storyline.

Also, I'm in between like - four or two or three - I'm in the middle of a million stories right now so please just try to be patient with me. Thank youuuu