A/N: I would really recommend listening to the two songs I have mentioned in this chapter because they are perfect for the situations. Also I had to do research and look at many different pictures of the actor who plays that vampire dude ^^. And I know that Edward is kinda hard to get but we will figure everything out with the time being (so I hope…).

Please enjoy and thanks for reading!

The next time I opened my eyes we were in front of a big house in the middle of the woods. I had never been here before and thought it was a beautiful place to live.

Alice slept safe and soundly while Edward stopped the engine and looked at us.

"Wake up sleepy heads, we're home," he said and his gaze found mine again.

I didn't know why I had to look at him that often but there was something about him. Though I had enough problems of my own I wanted to know what he was all about.

"Already there?" Alice asked sleepily and opened her door. I followed her and we joined Edward taking out the stuff from his trunk.

"Your house looks beautiful Alice," I complimented her.

"Oh you haven't seen anything yet Bella. Mom did the decoration all by herself. You're gonna love it!"

As we had all our bags we went to the front door and just as Edward was about to open it a woman stood in front of us. There was no doubt that this was their mother.

Alice shared her lively green eyes and Edward her reddish hair colour. I liked her instantly because she looked so simply motherly.

"Well there you are! Did you buy whole Seattle?" She asked laughing and stepped aside to let us in.

"Hi mom. No we just bought the necessary. By the way this is Bella," Alice said waiving her hand in my direction.

Her mom turned to me and I reached out my hand. Instead of shaking she just engulfed me in a big hug.

"The infamous Bella. I'm happy to finally meet you; Alice has told me so much about you. Please feel welcomed."

"It's nice to meet you too Mrs. Cullen," was all I could reply because I was still a little bit stunned.

When we were finally inside I was surprised by the interior. Everything was so open and framed with glass. One felt like a part of the woods. Also the sun shone directly into the big foyer, so it was lively and warm.

"I'll leave you alone for a short time girls. I have to talk to the party company." Alice's mom winked and walked towards the garden.

There was this huge door which she opened and you could see a lot of flowers and green. The kitchen was to the left and the staircase a few steps away.

A few seconds later Edward disappeared to the kitchen while Alice and I went to her room.

One couldn't miss that it was hers. The walls were painted in a bright yellow and she had all kinds of pictures and posters on them. Also there was a big closet and a really comfy looking bed. In addition to that she had some stuffed animals on her window board. Mostly monkeys and one big dog.

"You're room looks cute, I like this painting over there," I said pointing right next to her mirror.

"My mom painted this when I was about four. She had placed me in front of the TV so that I wouldn't move that much."

"She really got talent as I could see so far with the house."

"Thank you and I'll give you a tour right away but first we should see what we managed to grab. Let's start."

She and I unpacked everything and lay it on her bed. There were all forms and colours. Shoes, dresses, skirts, shirts and underwear. It felt like we had shopped for a lifetime.

Alice had made sure to buy at least one outfit for almost every possible event. I didn't know if I would ever go on a cruise but who knew anyways?

Also I tried on several high heels. I still had a little bit to practice walking but they had already grown on me. I liked their form and these sexual vibes coming off them. I felt that I had a little bit more confidence while wearing them.

I inspected one pair of shoes while Alice stood with arms akimbo looking at everything critically.

"I think we did a good job," she said clearly satisfied with the result.

"I have to say you're right. I never had bought so much in my entire life but it's cool."

"Welcome to my club Bella," Alice said winking. "My brain is already sorting everything out. You will look fantastic tonight."

"You too Alice. We will make quite a pair."

"Yes we will and now let me show you around and then raid the fridge because I feel hungry again."

"There you go," I said and walked right behind her.

Hers and Edward's room were on the first floor and everyone had their own bathroom but it was quite funny because Alice's bath was directly next to Edward's room and vice versa. She said that hers was had a tub and she was the first to take a claim on it. Her mother slept in the second floor. There was also her office and a big balcony overviewing the big garden.

As we went downstairs Alice said,

"I really would like to show you Edward's room but I think he would throw us out. It's his hideaway and secret place. I can't even remember when it was the last time I had been in there. Sometimes he's just very emotional."

It was strange to me that Alice chose these words to describe his room. Maybe he did often did need a place to get away from it all.

When we were in the living room she showed me the big book shelf next to the fireplace. It had all kinds of literature in it and I almost couldn't turn my eyes away.

"Wow so many books Alice. Did your family collect them all?" I asked while looking at an old binding of Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.

Alice shook her head and her eyes got a little bit distant.

"Most were bought by my dad. He loved books and especially collecting them."

Now I noticed that this was the first time she mentioned her dad. I had never asked her about it because I just assumed that he did live with them.

I wanted to ask her about him but didn't know if that would be such a good idea.

"It's okay Bella. He's not with us anymore. I mean he is not dead or anything. Just did leave us. That's all," she said bitterly and stared at her shoes.

"I'm sorry Alice; I didn't want to bring up bad memories."

"Nah Bella it's oaky. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Now let's see if Edward left something for us to eat."

She smiled but it didn't reach her eyes but I let it drop because she clearly didn't want to talk about it.

The kitchen was just as marvelous as the rest of the house. There was a lot of mahogany and white going on. It seemed that Esme, as I had asked Alice for her mother's name, liked to cook.

Edward was making himself a sandwich and didn't acknowledge our presence.

"Bella just sit down. I'll make us something easy."

So I sat down at the bar when I recognized that Edward did take a place next to me. Immediately my body got stiff.

He still held this power over me without even doing something special.

Taking big bites of his sandwich he watched Alice roaming the fridge.

After five minutes she came over and put a plate in front of me.

"Homemade peanut and jelly sandwiches. Hope you like them."

"Thank you. They look good," I said happily and started to eat.

Alice wanted to do the same when her mobile phone rang. She looked at the caller's id and her eyes beamed with joy.

"I'm sorry Bella, it's Jasper," she said and moved to the living room.

Now it was just me and Edward again.

It felt like the air around me changed and there was this energy surrounding him.

"You've lost your appetite?" Edward asked and pointed to my sandwich.

"No I didn't. Just thought about something."

"Don't think so much otherwise I will eat it," he said chuckling.

"I'm fine thanks," was my clipped response.

He shrugged his shoulders and continued eating.

My stomach rumbled and I knew it was time to finish peanut and jelly.

Because I really didn't like awkward silence I carried on with our little talk,

"Who was this Emmet guy you wanted to meet in Seattle?"

Edward swallowed the last piece of his food and answered,

"Emmet's our cousin. My aunt had moved to Seattle just after his birth."

"And he's bringing someone with him?"

"His girlfriend Rosalie. I've never seen her before. You're also bringing someone with you?"

I looked at my plate while shaking my head no.

"You?"

"Nope. Basically this evening is family business. So you can be honored that Alice invited you."

My eyes met his face and I noticed his stubbly chin. Actually it was almost a beard.

"That's nice of her." I searched for words. "You're… You're gonna shave for tonight?"

"You think I should?" He asked seriously.

I felt embarrassed because why on earth we talked if he should shave or shouldn't? But what else was there to say when there was this big elephant in the room.

"I don't know. It's okay I guess," I said trying to imagine him without the additional hair.

"You like it?" Edward asked and took a big gulp of water while still watching and waiting for my reaction.

My eyes looked for Alice but she was still busy talking with Jasper.

What should I say? I never had really thought about him and his looks. I just knew him this way and didn't care. Just knew what he was capable of doing to me.

"To be honest Edward? I don't know. Never had the time to agonize about this."

He turned his body and all of a sudden reached out to me.

"May I?"

What was he going to do? But on the other hand he had the decency to ask first and I was quite curious.

"Yes?"

His hand took mine and he led it up. A couple of seconds later I cupped his cheek.

"How do you think it feels?"

I was amused and also drawn to him. He closed his eyes and seemed to enjoy the skin to skin contact.

"It's kind of soft and hard at the same time. I like its roughness."

His eyes opened again and he gave me a smile. It seemed so sincere and untypical for him.

Now I was even more confused and noticed that my pulse had gone up when I had touched him. Immediately I pulled my hand away.

Edward's smile faded and he looked down. Just in this moment Alice returned.

"I'm sorry Bella but you know what can I do? And now I want my sandwich."

She walked over and stuffed almost the whole thing in her mouth.

"Alice when will you learn to eat like any normal person?" Edward asked amused.

"Just when you will act like any normal person," she countered.

"Hear, hear," he said suddenly turning moody again. "I'm off now. See you later." And so he went to the front door and headed out.

I looked after him and mulled over his reaction.

"Don't start to figure him out Bella. I gave up a while ago," Alice said with a concerning look.

"You stopped? Why?" Now my curiosity was piqued.

"You know some things happened in the past but he should finally get over it. Let go and move on. Instead all his feelings are still boiling up inside and then he leashes out or hides away. I don't know if it's mine story to tell but it's not always white and black. He's a shade of grey definitely."

"I can tell so," I said and still replayed the last minutes.

"Did you pack everything Bella? Toothbrush and stuff?"

"Yeah I did though you surprised me this morning. Oh by the way I should call my dad."

"Do this. I'm going to my room and you can come later?"

"Ok."

I took my mobile phone and called but no one answered. But it was very highly possible that they were fishing right now and had no connection. I would try it later again.

Before I could join Alice, Esme came back and looked at me.

"It's really nice that you're here today Bella. Alice did often talk about you."

"Thanks to you Mrs. Cullen. I really appreciate the invitation because Edward also told me that this is normally just for family."

"Family and friends I might add. And please call me Esme my dear. Do you also hang with Edward?" She asked and went to the kitchen placing the plates into the dishwasher.

"Not really. I just get to know him I guess."

"He's a nice guy though he can be hard to take sometimes, am I right?" She looked at me concerned.

"If you hint at the incident at school. Yes sometimes he can be but I think only time will tell and maybe we are going to be friends also." I said but felt bad about telling her with knowing that a friendship was not in the realms of reality.

She sighed relived.

"I'm pretty sure he will like you. And also I'm sure that we will have a blast tonight."

I just remembered the charity again.

"Regarding the party Esme. Can I also donate something?"

"Of course Bella. That would be nice. The money will go to a children hospice in Chicago and they could use every dollar. But also you can just mingle and have fun. Feel free to do as you want."

Esme smiled and I talked some more about the charity and the schedule for tonight.

After that I walked upstairs and joined Alice.

It was around four when she and I decided to take a shower and wash our hair. Alice wanted to make my hair curly and apply the makeup already. We still had a lot of time because the party would start at around half past eight.

I really liked being pampered by Alice. I just had to sit still and she would take care of everything. She was highly concentrated and I felt like a piece of art she was working on.

We listened to music and sang along to old Spice Girls songs. It was really girly.

During the curling session my dad called me back and asked how everything was going. I told him and listened to his stories about who caught which fish. After I hung up I tried to read a magazine but it was quite difficult because I couldn't look down the whole time. Therefore I had to hold it on arm's length.

"Will Jasper also be there?"

"Yes he will. He will wear a suit and will look damn fine."

"He will, I'm pretty sure," I said chuckling. "Are all men wearing suits?"

"Yes. It's pretty formal but everyone looks so fabulous. Just wait until you see Edward. Actually he hates these things but he pulls himself together for our mom because it's her evening."

My mind started to imagine Edward in a suit and I still tried to figure out how he would pull off the beard with the formal when someone knocked.

"Come in!" Alice yelled and her mom stuck her head in at the door.

"The party company will arrive in about an hour. Would you be so nice and give me some help later on?"

"Of course mom, we'll be there," Alice answered and Esme smiled.

"Thank you. And you're doing a good job, you look great Bella."

I blushed a little bit and wanted to return something when she was out of sight already.

After that I wasn't allowed to speak anymore because Alice started to put on the makeup and I had the bitter taste of hair spray on my tongue.

"Annnndd finished. When were done helping my mom I will make myself presentable and then we can dress. You're not allowed to look into the mirror yet."

I still had to cough from the spray because it lingered like a heavy cloud in the room.

"I won't and tell me if I can help you in any way."

"That's not necessary Bella. I know how to make myself up since I'm twelve. Now let's go downstairs."

While we went to the living room Edward had returned and talked to his mom. It seemed that she asked for his opinion about colours of the table cloth. Edward looked a little bit helpless.

Alice noticed his plight and came to his rescue. I just stood there and watched them. Edward had made a run and didn't look at me when he passed me.

Did I expect him to notice me? It felt like a truce between us. On the one hand he was touchy and nice and on the other he simply ignored me.

I didn't have time to think it all over again when Alice called me.

The party company had arrived fifteen minutes later and carried everything inside the house and in the garden.

There would be a big buffet, lights, music and so on. Esme was constantly on the move and Alice and I tried to be useful as much as we could. Edward also joined but seemed to be busier flirting with some of the stuff than actually doing something.

Right now I was checking a list Esme had gave me when I saw this blonde girl laughing about something Edward had said. I didn't know why but I couldn't avert my eyes and watched them. Unintentionally I moved a little bit closer to hear what they were talking about.

"Can you give me your number Edward? Maybe we can meet later on?" She asked in a high-pitched tone.

"Give me yours. I'll give you a call. I promise Amber."

And then he gave her that lopsided grin. I practically saw her melting before his eyes. She was wax in his fingers. But all I recognized was his movements and choice of words. I didn't care that he looked good and that I would might fall for him if I wouldn't know him.

Right now there was no real space in my head for him and any form of desire. He still was this jerk from school. Though I remembered Alice words of grey.

Slowly the company build everything up and it started to look like a real party location.

I let myself get carried away by Alice's joyful mood and had a lot of good laughs.

Later she dragged me to her room again and started to make herself even prettier. She went with the theme of green and got everything fixed from eyeshade to the colour of her toe nails. I had to give her that, she was really quick.

After that we helped each other with the dresses. Hers was a dark shade of green and touched the ground. It looked so elegant. She could go to the Oscar's right away. Her neckline was covered and also the top of her arms but not her shoulders. Her back was covered but also wasn't. It was a little bit hard to find the right words.

As I tried on my dress I still felt comfortable in it. It was a perfect fit for me. Alice gave me the right pair of shoes, black peep toes, and my outfit was complete.

"Bella, now it's time to reveal the new you. You can look now."

I turned around and what I saw took almost my breath away. There I stood but I almost couldn't recognize myself because I looked so different. My hair was falling in soft waves on my shoulders and my makeup was brilliant. She didn't put on too much but it was quite enough to enhance my features.

Also I got blue eye shadow and black finger and toe nails. Everything matched perfectly.

"Alice you did such a great job. We have to take photos because I'm pretty sure I won't look that good again in a long time." I said pulling my hand through my hair carefully. It was smooth and smelled good.

"You're welcome. Just go with it and hit the party. They will love you."

"But you do look awesome also. Jasper will be head over heels for you."

She blushed and added,

"I'm pretty sure there will be some guys hitting on you tonight."

I felt strange because this was so new to me. To maybe get attention and actually trying to flirt. I was pretty sure I would suck at it.

As we were done Esme came to look after us and squeaked when she saw us. She took some pictures with her phone and got herself dressed.

We still had some time to waste, so we started to watch some movies and helped Esme if she needed us.

By eight fifteen some of the guests started to arrive. Esme greeted them all on the front door and everyone got a cocktail from one of the three waitresses.

There were some people I also knew but many of them came from all over the States and of course from Chicago. Alice tried to tell me names but I couldn't memorize them all. Edward was also with us and threw in some commentaries if needed. Also they supported their mom while they chit-chatted with the many guests.

An hour passed and some people were on the little dance floor in the garden when I was at the bar and ordered a non-alcoholic cocktail. Alice was with Jasper and Esme did talk with some old friend. Also I hadn't seen Edward in a while. Maybe he met his cousin. Of course I also had talked with some of the people and there were some interesting topics.

In half an hour Esme would make a little speech and try to collect some more money.

I was drinking the sweet swill and sat down on a garden bench when I saw his mop of hair. It seemed that he headed directly to me. There was this tingly feeling again. I hadn't had the time to take his appearance in yet because everything was so busy.

And I must say that Alice had been right. He looked pretty good. Lean and fit, just made for this suit. He didn't try to change his hair and also didn't shave. His eyes were piercing through me as he made his walk to me.

I chewed on my straw while he sat down next to me. Everything seemed so nonchalant.

He didn't look at me but was staring at the moving bodies in front of us.

"You're enjoying yourself?" He asked.

I mimicked him and stared into the cold air.

"Yes, you too?"

"You could say so." Silence. "But right now it's a little bit boring."

"Why is that? What about your cousin?"

"He's here. Already talked to him. Wanted to get something to drink and saw you. But now I think I just should go because you're wasting my time."

Slowly I turned my head to look at him. He still hadn't moved.

"What did you expect Edward? You were the one who came over to me. You could also start a topic or just enjoy the atmosphere. Don't start that shit again."

"Uh the kitten comes out to play?"

His head turned and he looked at me amused.

I rolled my eyes. I really wasn't in the mood to fight or let myself down. So I just went with ignoring him and didn't reply. Maybe he would just go away.

"I knew it. You're such a bitch. A damn and stupid bitch. Nothing more, nothing less. I have enough. I'm going to my room now. Bye… Bitch."

These words really hit home.

My mouth fell open and I watched him in slow motion getting up and making his way to his room.

How could I think myself safe? Now he just had shown his real face again. But this time I didn't feel tears in my eyes but blind anger. Who did he think he was?

Within a record time I drank my coconut kiss and hurried to get to him. On the way I was held up by some people who wanted to talk to me but I got rid of them easily by saying I wasn't feeling very well and needed to go upstairs taking a rest.

As I walked up I had all of these thoughts and words running through my head. I really had to confront him! Finally I made my way to his door.

I put my ear on the cold wood and heard loud music.

I knew this song!

If I had to
I would put myself right beside you
So let me ask
Would you like that?
Would you like that?

It was Diary of Jane by Breaking Benjamin.

I loved that song because it had so much forceful energy.

And I don't mind
If you say this love is the last time
So now I'll ask
Do you like that?
Do you like that?

No!

Something's getting in the way.
Something's just about to break.
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
So tell me how it should be.

Something inside of me shifted and I remembered his cruel words from before. My fist pounded at his door and I heard him moving.

"What the fuck?" He asked when he saw me standing in front of him.

I didn't waste any second and pointed my finger directly at his chest.

"You fucking idiot haven't the right to tell me what I am or how I should act or what's wrong with me. You bastard made my life a living hell and you're gonna pay for it!" I shouted.

Try to find out what makes you tick.
As I lie down
Sore and sick.
Do you like that?
Do you like that?

Edward was stunned and didn't know what to say. He went backwards and I couldn't stop my words now that I had started.

"Because of you I shed too many tears and doubted myself. I wished you had never come to Forks and would stay the fuck away from me because I don't know what your problem is with me!"

There's a fine line between love and hate.
And I don't mind.
Just let me say that
I like that
I like that

He was looking at me intensely and I noticed that the song was on repeat. It gave me the power I needed to go through with my little tirade.

I talked myself into a rage and didn't let him talk once.

"If I could, I would like to beat you up and let you know how it feels to be humiliated. I'm so fucking mad because of you! Answer me now Edward. W h a t i s y o u r f u c k i n g p r o b l e m?"

Instead of answering he walked to the door and locked it.

I looked at him incredulously and felt a little bit of panic rising.

"What are you doing? Why are you locking the door?"

Something's getting in the way.
Something's just about to break.
I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
As I burn another page,
As I look the other way.
I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane.
So tell me how it should be.

"You know Bella how long I've waited for you to explode? To demand answers and yell at me? This little spark causing a big fire. And there you are in my room, screaming at me. It's just strange how things work out sometimes."

He shook his head in disbelieve and I started to quiver.

"What do you mean? I don't understand…"

Desperate, I will crawl
Waiting for so long
No love, there is no love.
Die for anyone
What have I become?

Edward's eyes met mine and he took a step forward. But I didn't move and stood my ground.

Again his hand reached out to touch my face but I beat him to it. My hand slapped his cheek very hard due to the fact that I had put all my anger in it.

"Don't you dare to freaking touch me!" I screamed at him.

His fingers stroked over the red skin and a smile appeared on his face.

It was getting more absurd with every minute.

"I didn't imagine you to touch me in this way."

"Edward, are you mental or something? I hit you, I screamed at you but you're acting totally strange. What's wrong with you?"

"Bella if I would start to explain right now I don't know if I could ever stop. Just seeing you here. It's so surreal. Is this really happening..?"

"Should I slap you again to remind you what's real and what's not?" I asked frustrated.

He didn't answer and just looked at me.

"Edward. I think you are the freak. You really are. Just look at you. If you don't have to say anything maybe I should just go and continue to pretend. To pretend that everything is fine and that we can have a normal relationship. But that's not the fucking way." I got angrier again because he still didn't move and leaned against the door

"Please stop that shit already. I know that this situation is fucked up between the two of us. And no, I cannot tell you why I act this way around you. I don't understand it myself. I didn't turn the lock to give you answers."

"At least we are on the same page," I said drily. "So why did you locked it?" I asked annoyed.

The look in his eyes changed to a predatory one.

"Because I'm used to get what I want."

I crossed my arms in front of my chest and huffed. This was really getting ridiculous.

"And what do you want Edward?"

All of a sudden he grabbed my arm and turned me around. Everything went so fast.

Within a few seconds I was pushed against the door with Edward holding me tight.

"Put your arms around my neck," he ordered and I complied.

He took my legs and lifted them to his body.

"What the fuck?"

"I want you Bella, just you."

His body was pressed into mine and I didn't dare to move. His whole presence screamed for aggression but he hold still.

"Why Edward? Why are you still doing things against my will?" I asked him, my voice sounding defeated.

I saw his lips moving but couldn't comprehend what he was saying.

"Because I just can't help myself when I'm with you Bella. There is this urgency inside of me. And I want to see if there is still hatred in your eyes."

That was cryptically.

"So basically you are saying that you detest me but want to touch me nonetheless? Why can't you just go on and fuck Lauren?"

I could feel his rapid breathing and smelled his cologne. Also I noticed that his tie hung loosened around his neck and the top buttons of his shirt were open, revealing his skin.

"I don't detest you. I just can't cope with you. Lauren is just… Well Lauren."

"Please Edward spare me your words. Maybe you should go see a doctor if you can't make up your mind. It's exhausting to be pulled into two different directions…"

"I see where you're coming from and what you must be thinking. But it's not like that Bella."

Gently he brushed his fingers over my cheek.

"You look beautiful," he whispered and I got goose bumps. "So damn beautiful. You're torturing me, you really are."

It was crazy. My mind screamed the one thing and my body reacted to him instantly. It was like his words were calling it to act. I stared at him none the wiser but felt that my resistance was crumbling down. Pure adrenaline was running through my veins.

Then I felt his stubbly skin and a soft breath of air on my ear.

"Try to find out what makes you tick. As I lie down sore and sick. Do you like that? Do you like that?" Edward was singing along the lines and every time he sang Do you like that? he pushed into me.

"Oh my God," I yelped and felt all these sensations down below.

"You like that, don't you? Oh Bella, you don't know what you're doing to me."

"What Edward? What am I doing to you?" I had found my voice again but closed my eyes.

"Everything I don't want but need. Please let me touch you, just once," he pleaded.

"You've already touched me and I did too. So what would be different?" I asked breathing heavily.

"Your lips. Just one kiss Bella."

This would be my first kiss.

Should I really get it pressed against a door by the guy who had bullied me over several years and who I couldn't understand? Of course not but I wasn't coherent anymore. His proximity changed my thinking. To feel his warmth and strong body. To hear these words from his mouth. It would be the stupidest thing I could ever do.

"Do it Edward."

He moaned and I shivered because it was kind of arousing.

But before he did anything he changed the music to Colorblind by Coldplay.

Then he slightly moved his head and we looked at each other. There wasn't something evil in his glance but something more. Something deep. There was this other side again which he had showed me before.

"I let go of your legs now," he warned me and slowly let me down.

Due to my shoes we were almost the same height and I took a look at him.

But all I could see were his lips. Cherry red and oh so ready.

Edward was coming a little bit closer and his hands were holding my face. His thumbs stroked over my skin and I parted my lips.

This was really him. Edward was about to kiss me and I was ready. I didn't know why but it felt right.

"Bella…" He whispered and his tongue ran over his lips.

I was full of anticipation and didn't know what to expect.

His face neared and suddenly it was just us. I didn't hear the music or people downstairs anymore. Didn't hear my breathing or remembered his words from before. I just felt.

Gently he moved his lips and it didn't feel wet or uncomfortable but nice. Though his beard did itch my skin a little bit but it was ok.

Slightly I opened my mouth and he nibbled on my lip.

A moan escaped my throat and he sighed while still lingering on my lips. It seemed that he didn't want to stop but neither would I.

I knew that he had to hold himself back. He wanted more. Wanted to be inside me with his tongue and taste everything.

But I wasn't ready for that. Just one chaste kiss.

As the song ended he let go of me but there was sadness in his eyes.

"Thank you Bella. I… Maybe you should leave now."

I nodded.

"Bye Edward."

I turned, unlocked the door and didn't look back. I couldn't stand to see myself mirrored in these haunting eyes.

Walking straight to Alice's room I made my way to her big window.

What did you do Bella? I asked myself.

I just let myself get kissed by Edward and I didn't know why. Still I got this prickling feeling in the depths of my body when I remembered him closing his eyes and leaning into me.

He did look sexy. Yes, he did. And I also got turned on by this whole situation.

But still there was this whirlwind of emotions under the surface.

Looking at the people having fun I felt changed. I wasn't the same Bella as I had been before.

I felt this longing. Longing to have this feeling of want and desire again. It just had been there for a very short amount of time but still I felt like it could become addictive.

My fingers brushed over my lips and I still could feel his taste on them. Tasting like hope and despair at the same time.