A/N: This time, the song used is by the beautiful Carrie Underwood – Blown Away! You really should listen to it; it's an amazing song!

We almost had 10 reviews for the last chapter and that is awesome! Thank you very much! Moreover, there are more and more readers who actually read our story, and it's really nice to know that you like it even though it is a really mature one, and not an easy one to read! We love you and, once again, thank you!

Oh and for your information, we want to repeat that everything should be answered in the next chapter. Some of you might be surprised where others won't be…

BLOWN AWAY

There's not enough rain in Oklahoma

To wash the sins out of that house

There's not enough wind in Oklahoma

To rip the nails out of the past

- Finn, it's Rachel.

- Oh! Rachel, I thought it was Santana, sorry. How are you? asked a surprised Finn. On the other end of the phone, Rachel could hear the happiness in his tone. Something great must have occurred and she was dying to know what.

- Yes, sorry I- euh- wanted to talk to you about something and I forgot my phone at home, that's why I'm calling from Santana's. You sound really happy for a guy who's in Lima. What happened?

Her curiosity took the best of her, and, ignoring Santana's glare, she left the kitchen and went into her bedroom.

- Well, I don't know if you've heard, but I was helping Mr. Schue with the Glee Club this past week to keep me busy. I swear, they sucked so much and had no passion or chemistry like you and I had. So I decided to help him and his students to find what was missing, and today were the Nationals. And they won! I'm just really happy for them, you know. And a little bit proud to be a part of something that I love so much and that reminds me of our teenage years. Can you believe it? said Finn, nineteen to the dozen.

- Yes, I do. You must have found what they were lacking, which helped them win. It's weird to imagine you as a teacher though, but I'm really proud. If someone could have done it, it was you for sure, she said with a tender smile on her lips. He really was a good man with a big heart, always ready to help others.

- Thanks Rach, it means a lot coming from you. It's cool to be back here, you know. You should come back one day; when your play will be over or something. Some of the Glee Club original members are here and it's fun. Kind of like the old times, I would say, trailed off Finn.

He hadn't even noticed that he was talking casually to his wife, to whom he hadn't spoken for over a week now, because he had preferred to just leave the City after having made sweet love to her. Yet, having a discussion with her this way seemed very natural and relaxing.

- You're tempting me, now. I'll try, I promise. Tell them hi from me please, asked Rachel, slightly jealous that he was having fun while she was missing him like crazy. She tried to be happy for him, but still, her fear was taking more and more space in her mind.

- I will, don't worry. What about you? How are you going? Oh I'm so sorry… Why did you call me again? Excited as he had been by what he had wanted to tell her, Finn had completely forgotten that she had been the one calling him, which meant that she must have had something important to say.

On her side, however hard she wanted to admit everything, Rachel didn't want to be the one to ruin his happiness. So, instead, she preferred to stay silent and just act as if there wasn't anything important happening or resurfacing in her life.

- Me? Calling you? Hmmm… oh yeah! Well I just wanted to know how everything was going for you. It's a bad habit, I guess. I'm glad you're doing well, Finn, truly. But I have to go now. Santana is waiting for me to go out so… She tried her best to sound nonchalant and to avoid confessing the real reason why she had called him. She knew that her voice could have sold her out, but, at the same time, her actress skills had gotten the best of her and she was quite sure that Finn hadn't noticed anything, hysterical as he was.

- Okay then. Well it was good talking to you. I'll call you another day if you want, so you can tell me more about you. Finn knew that she didn't have to leave, and he felt as if she was hiding something from him. As she hung up the phone, he could only hope that it wasn't something too important. She would have told him otherwise, right?


Rachel could have sworn that she was close to slap herself after she hung up the phone. She had to admit, though, that hearing his voice had made her feel better. She had missed his voice so much that the soft sound of it alone had brought her back to the very beginning of their relationship. If she tried, she could still feel his hands on her, his laugh echoing in her ear, his kisses gently placed along her neck.

This week had been good and yet horrible at the same time. She had moved on with her life, happy to know that he still cared about her, but, on the other hand, missing him was driving her crazy. She wasn't accustomed to not having him around, and coming home to an empty place without any life was just sad. She almost regretted the time where they would hate and yelled at each other because, at least, he was still there with her, at least they were still living under the same roof and married.

She came back into the kitchen, almost laughing when she saw her best friend angrily glaring at her. For someone who didn't know Santana, she could be really scary. Luckily for her though, she knew that she would never hurt her and that, although she could be pretty strict and rude sometimes, she just wanted what was best for her.

- I don't want to talk about it, San.

- THE FUCK you 'don't want to talk about it'! It wasn't what we talked about before calling him, if I remember well! It WASN'T at all! Why didn't you tell him Rachel? We talked about it ten minutes ago, so don't tell me that you forgot. You better have a pretty good reason otherwise I might throw you out of this window and make it look as if you've killed yourself, yelled Santana.

- Are you seriously pissed off right now? said Rachel, trying to calm her friend down.

- Are you kidding me right now?

- Santana, I swear that I was gonna tell him, but he seemed so happy, I couldn't just ruin his mood for nothing. We're barely married.

- You fucked him not even a week ago, that's certainly more than barely married!

- First of all, you don't get to tell me that I "fucked him", because I am not a whore who fucks random people. It was my husband and we simply made love once before he had to leave for Lima, okay?

- Yeah right, if you say so… but I'm still mad at you for not telling him. Santana was actually starting to regain her temper, and she had finally stopped yelling.

- Believe me, I will if it gets worse. For now, though, I'm going to rest. But maybe tomorrow, okay? Jesse told me that everything was fine, so I think that I might just be covering a flu, that's all.

- Maybe you should go see him again, we never know… I'm going to work now, but call me if you need help or want something; you know I'll be there in no time. She went to hug Rachel before kissing her on the forehead, feeling how hot she actually was.

- Thank you for being here. I promise I'll call you if I really don't feel well, said Rachel.

- You better. Love you.

She then left, leaving a very tired Rachel alone in the apartment and thinking about life in general. The last few days, she had stayed in a lot, only leaving to go to rehearsal or to shop for groceries. Even just those two simple tasks had asked her a lot, and she really hoped that her tiredness would be leaving soon for the simple reason that an inactive Rachel Berry was far from being a Rachel Berry. Hudson. Her friend wanted her to call Finn to talk to him about her health, but now that she had heard how well he was doing, she was refusing to. If she wasn't feeling as great as usual, no need for her to also ruin Finn's happiness. She had already done enough in the last few months. Instead, she just did as she had done all week and sat in front of TV while thinking about him and replaying in her head their night of love that had been pure bliss. She wished that they could do it again, because she clearly loved him more than ever and missed him even more now that he was gone. She knew that he was her one true love and she fell asleep thinking of him. You could clearly discern a smile on her face as she was dreaming about his.


Some time later, Rachel woke up feeling nauseous and quickly ran to the bathroom. She lay on the cold ceramic for a while, scared that if she got up, she immediately would have to make another run for the toilet. While on the floor, she thought about the last few weeks. Everyday, she was waking up as if she hadn't slept at all and, although Finn had only been aware of it happening once, she had in fact fainted a couple times. Last Thursday, one of her co-stars had found her on the floor of her dressing room and, when she had tried to call 9-1-1, Rachel had had to bribe her so that she wouldn't say a word about what she had witnessed. She used to never be sick, and she was actually starting to feel ashamed of it. Her producers had without a doubt noticed that her best wasn't as good as before and one of them had even approached her to talk about it.

"Rachel, we love you, but we want to see your old-self. You're an amazing actress, but now you're almost average," she had said before asking her to restart her whole scene all over again. Average. Average. Her whole life, she had fought to prove to everyone that she wasn't average. Her nose was big? Fine. Her face wasn't as pretty as the other women's? Still fine. Her voice was average? Ordinary? Okay? Hell no. Her voice was beautiful, unique, and powerful; her voice was at the top of all the other ones. She was Rachel Berry and God knew that Rachel Berry didn't do average.

Finally getting up, she got out of the bathroom and thought about calling Finn again. Maybe Santana had been right after all, maybe he deserved to be notified of what was happening in her life. But yet, she couldn't understand why he would really care. She knew that what she had wasn't that serious, at least not enough for her soon-to-be ex-husband to bother about it. He had expressly chosen to leave for Lima so that he could have a break from her and their public life, not for her to call him whenever she didn't feel right. No, she didn't want to be a burden and, instead, she just decided to go see Jesse again. He may even give her some medicines that would force her to stay in bed for a few days and that would hopefully put her back on the right track. The last thing she needed right now was to lose her job. Being wildly famous, she would never see the end of it and she couldn't even be sure if she would ever work again.

Leaving their –or her- penthouse, she made sure to grab her keys, a hat and some giant sunglasses on her way out. She didn't want people to start speculating on her health or, like last time, on what was allegedly growing in her stomach; she was going to try her best to pass unnoticed. Unfortunately, she met her neighbor, Dave D'albertis, in the hallway and slightly waved at him. She noticed that he was taking out the trash and wondered why he didn't have someone to do it for him. Usually, people who lived in her building were all rich and could easily afford to pay a maid or, in most cases, four or five. Except for Finn and Rachel of course. When they had first moved in, they had wanted to live a as boring and normal life as possible, and they had forbidden the use of any sort of help in their house that wasn't Kurt's. At the beginning of everything, he wasn't even supposed to help too, but then he kept saying annoying comments on the decoration so they had had no choice but to let him in and give him the permission to do all that he wanted to. Once he had received the go card, he had been like a child on Christmas Day and, a week later, their penthouse was unrecognizable. In a good way, of course.

- Hey Rachel! How are you doing today? You look beautiful, as always, asked, or flirted, Dave. No matter what, he had never seemed to understand that Rachel was married. Every single time that she would talk to him, she would always make sure to include the words "My husband" and "Finn", but it was to no avail.

- I'm great, thanks. But I really gotta go-

- Wait, just before you leave me alone with my trash, what do you say you and I go out for a drink one of these days? I've heard about what happened with you and Finn, and I really cannot believe that-

- Goodbye Dave.

Just like that, she left him standing there alone and ran out of the building. She couldn't believe that he had tried to make a move on her. Sure she and Finn weren't technically together anymore and he knew it, but still: what kind of guy did that? Dave was good-looking, charming, tall, strong, and Rachel was sure that he wasn't used to being turned down by a girl, but dating was the very last thing on her mind right now. For all she cared, he could be the most romantic, nice and kind-hearted guy on Earth that she still wouldn't have said yes.

Furious at her neighbor and his incapacity to have empathy, she rapidly walked toward Jesse's office. People passing by didn't seem to mind her at all, and she kept her eyes focused on the ground and didn't make eye contact with anyone. Around her, she could hear bits of random conversations and cars storming. Her stomach was chunking and, although she kept repeating herself that everything was fine, a small part of her still didn't want to believe that and, unfortunately, that part was just becoming stronger with every passing second. Her legs were moving, but her mind was miles away. She simply wasn't able to concentrate on one single thing and almost fell on the floor more than once. Some persons were starting to look at her strangely: Who is this woman so captivated on the dirty sidewalk? What is she mumbling? they must have all been thinking.

A few minutes later, Rachel finally arrived at Jesse's office and hurriedly went in. Without saying a word to the receptionist, she went up and didn't care if he had a patient or was on his lunch break: she had to see him. When you live in a big city like New York and when the one person keeping you grounded has deserted, you have got to find some Anchors, some things that will reassure you and help you figure out how to live your life. However, you'll often meet on your path what some people may call Tentacles and it's when you do that those things keeping you at peace become more and more important. In her case, Rachel was starting to feel as if she only had tentacles and no anchors at all, so going to see Jesse was the only thing that could make her see that she wasn't becoming crazy and that, in fact, she was just a woman in need of love, in need of the one thing that she couldn't have anymore.

- Jesse? It's me. I know you might be busy, but I really need to see you right now, she said while knocking on his door.

- Rachel? Jesse opened the door and his face, although surprised to see her, was full of concern and worry. What is it? Is something wrong? Why are you dressed like that? Come on in.

- Oh Jesse, if only you knew. I'm just so tired and every time I try to get up, well it's like God doesn't want me to. He's always, always pulling me down by my feet and I just can't get up no matter what I do. I lie in bed and think about everything, and when I finally go to work, my producers tell me that I'm not good enough anymore. I just can't do it. I'm sorry, but I can't. This life is too difficult. Why can't I have the life I've so long yearned for? Why can't He just give me that?

Slouching on one of the two chairs in front of his desk, she had her head in her hands and tears were coming out of her eyes. She wasn't just tired; she was weak, insecure, feeling unloved and bored of her life. She wanted more than anything to escape from this hell and to become someone completely different. Some people on Earth still thought that Elvis wasn't dead but just on an excluded island, so why can't she get an invitation too? She'd jump on the first plane to nowhere if she could.

- Oh Rachel-

- Please spare me your pity. The last thing I need is-

- That wasn't what I was gonna say. You should have told me that you were feeling that bad. I think you need some vacations, Rach.

- I know I do, but I can't. My play is opening in two weeks; I can't let them down now. It's a completely new and original play, they need me; they need all the Tonys that I've gotten. You were in the business too once; you understand how competitive it can get. If I leave now, who says if I'm ever gonna work again. No, what I need is some medicines that will keep me awake during the day, but asleep at night. I need something that will make me forget the pain. Can you do that for me?

- Euh, I really don't know if I should.

- Please?

- Listen, I'm gonna do it, but only because I can see how tired and weak you look. Have you lost weight by the way? 'Cause that could actually be the cause of your problems, you know.

- No I haven't. I had gained some a few months ago, but quickly lost it after… well after I had set my mind on going to the gym…

- Ok, well if you say so. Now, here's what I can do for you. I'll prescribe you some pills that you'll have to take twice a day, no more, no less. And you take one at a time, obviously.

- What if it doesn't work? Can I take a second one?

- Rachel, listen to me. This is really serious. Those pills that I'm prescribing you could be fatal if you take more than one. Especially if you indulge them with anything other than water. So please, please, don't. I swear they're gonna work.

- Okay, I'll try them. But I'm warning you, if in a week it still doesn't work, well I'm coming back and you'll have to give me something stronger. I can't live like this anymore, otherwise I'll die. I have to meet Santana at my place now. I'll see you later.

Kissing him on both cheeks, she left his office with that little, but oh how so important piece of paper in her bag. She immediately went to the drug store as it was on her way home, and, trying to be as subtle as possible, she picked up those pills that could change her life forever. She didn't know what would happen, but one thing was sure: she was tired of being lost. And if that meant that she needed to drug herself to forget about everything else, then that was what she was going to do. No matter what, she had promised herself that she would never ever let herself be like that again. Ever.


The walls were spinning and everything around her looked blurred. If she closed her eyes tightly, she could almost even see a face coming out of the new vase that she had bought a few weeks ago. Wait, was she falling? Why was she falling? She had only taken one, she swore. She had listened to everything that Jesse had said, but it seemed like God had once again found a way to pull her back to the ground. Why couldn't He leave her alone for once? Before she could think of anything else, her back hit the floor, and all the shapes and colors around her gave way to blackness. Her eyes slowly closed themselves, and she felt herself being drawn. She finally let go and, like a fish that couldn't swim anymore, lay there with nothing around her. Alone. Weak. Tired. Powerless. Invisible. But she couldn't care anymore, not now, not ever.


"Finn? This time it really is Santana. It's about Rachel. Please call me back as soon as you can."

And the call was off. Finn had never heard Santana that devastated in his life before, and he cursed himself for forgetting his phone at home while he was at his parent's house. His heart was beating hard as he called her back while pacing around, silently praying that Rachel was okay, that this was just a terrible nightmare.

Please God; don't take her away from me. I need her. Please.

Shatter every window 'til it's all blown away,

Every brick, every board, every slamming door blown away

'Till there's nothing left standing, nothing left of yesterday

Every tear-soaked whiskey memory blown away,

Blown away


A/N: Soooooo… What's happening in New York? Any idea?

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