When we got home I went to my room to put away my new clothing. There were a lot that I was excited to wear and would look for an excuse to wear it. I set the clothes on the bed and folded them before putting them in my dresser. Once all the clothes were put away I went to get the books that had arrived before we returned. It took a while to get the boxes into my room, but I managed it on my own. The captain had offered to help, but I had dismissed him. I didn't need his help to move just a few boxes of books.
I was organizing the books into alphabetical order by author when a knock came at my door. I didn't turn around bust simply called out, "It is open."
The door opened and I could hear the captain moving behind me as he replied, "So I've got a surprise for you."
I looked back at the captain who was leaning against the doorframe with his arm crossed over his chest. His biceps were flexed just a bit in a sexy relaxed way. I bit the inside of my cheek and broke away from that train of thought.
"What is it?" I asked him, glad I was able to keep the tremor out of my voice.
He smiled and shrugged, "Guess you'll just have to come out here and see for yourself."
I looked at the piles of books that surrounded me and my bed. I sighed and nodded, "I will be right out."
The captain looked at the books and nodded, "Why don't you just use your magic to put them away. You can do that right?"
I shrugged and stood up. "I like to put them away myself."
"I can understand that." The captain nodded and gave me a quick smile. "We'll be waiting."
As the captain left I stood up intrigued by his use of the word 'we'll' instead of 'I'. Curious, I left my room and went to the kitchen. As I entered the room, I froze upon the sight.
On the wall by the window was a new sketch that hadn't been there before. It was framed in a green frame that was ten by ten. I walked towards the drawing in amazement. It was a sketch of me standing on top of Stark Tower, dressed fully in my Asgardian leathers, the scepter in my hand. I stood, proud looking out over the New York skyline, yet there was an odd expression on my face.
"Who drew this?" I asked, my voice in a whisper.
"I did," came the captain's response from beside the stove.
I turned to look at him with shock, "You drew this?"
He looked at me and nodded. "Yeah, I drew it about a month after the battle. I drew it from memory so most the details aren't right, but next time I'll get it."
"Next time?"
The captain smiled and nodded as he went back to cooking. "I'd like to draw you again but I would need your consent, of course, as I'd like for you to pose for it."
I looked at the captain confused. "Why would you want to draw me again?"
"Why wouldn't I? Any artist can see you are a beautiful proud specimen that just needs to be drawn and shown to the world. I'd make sure to use color next time to make sure I capture the true beauty." The blond looked thoughtful as he thought about the next piece he'd create. I studied his features before looking back at the drawing.
"Why do I look lost?"
The super soldier shrugged, "I guess it was because I drew it after I learned about your true heritage and I felt like you were lost. Like you were searching for true meaning to your life after everything had been ripped away from you."
I nodded and turned away from the drawing. "It is decent, thank you."
The captain smiled at me, his blue eyes almost shining with happiness. "Of course. Next time it'll be better, I promise."
"If I may, Captain, why would you want to display this in the center of your home? Do you not think your team mates will find it rather odd?"
"They might, but I don't care. It's my artwork and I can display it wherever I want to. I like the sketch and I think it fits."
I shrugged as I went over to stand beside him. "What is that you are cooking?" I was trying to change the subject and hoping that the captain would understand that.
And of course he did. "Just grilled cheese. I figured something simple would work for tonight after all the things we did today."
I nodded. "And what is grilled cheese?"
"It's a sandwich that you grill and it consists of just cheese. I'm also cooking tomato soup which is really good to dip the grilled cheese into."
"Sounds...interesting?"
He laughed, the sound was almost hypnotic. I had to shake my head a bit to hear what he had to say next, "It's good. Trust me, you'll like it."
"If you say so. So far the food you have introduced me to have been decent enough to pass as food. I shall not doubt you again."
Blue eyes turned to looked me in my green eyes and the color almost reminded me as the crystal blue waters on Asgard. I almost wished to dive into his eyes and get lost forever. Getting lost in his eyes, I almost missed what he said but I managed to pull myself away. "I promise I'll introduce you to the best food that Earth has to offer."
I nodded and looked away from him. I must be coming down sick, my stomach was starting to twist into knots. There was no other explanation for it. Well there was, but there was no way that would be the case. Besides, it would be pointless for it to be that. The captain has already shown his opinion on the matter.
Noticing my slight change in mood, the captain cocked his head to the side and tried to get me to look into his gorgeous eyes again. "You okay, Loki?"
I scowled and moved away from him. "I am perfectly fine, Captain, you need not to worry about me. You wouldn't understand even if you tried."
I heard the click of the stove being turned off before the captain's voice called to me. "I only don't understand because you refuse to tell me what is wrong with you. I'm willing to help you as best I can, Loki."
I spun and looked at him, anger building in my chest. "You can not help me!"
The captain stood, leaning up against the counter, his arms crossed over his chest as he looked at me. "Only because you won't let me."
"I do not need help from a midgardian."
"You just don't want help."
"Exactly! I do not need, nor want help!" My hands gripped tightly into fists at my side but the captain didn't seem to react to my anger in any way.
He sighed before detaching himself from the counter and coming to stand in front of me. "It's okay to ask for help, Loki. You can't be strong all the time. Trust me, I know. I was unable to fight for myself before the serum, my best friend was always finishing the fights and I was mad at him. I didn't want his help, I wanted to do it all by myself."
"That's different. If he didn't help you, you would have ended up dead in an alleyway."
"It's not that different. You can't hold it all in, Loki, you can't live that way. Eventually everything will catch up with you and you will self destruct. You can let people help you, it doesn't mean you are weak, it just means you've been strong for too long."
I could feel like walls shattering and I started to shake my head, trying to get him out of my head, "You know nothing about me, Captain. You could never possibly understand what I have gone through."
"I could never understand full, I know that. But I do know a lot of it has to do with your family, why you are so upset."
I shook my head faster wishing he would just stop talking. "Shut up."
"You probably feel abandoned by your mother and father-"
"He's not my father!" I shouted.
The captain took a deep breath and gave me a concerned smile. "Did he not raise you?"
I looked at him confused, my breathing short and labored as my anger grew. "What?"
"You say he's not your father, but did he not raise you?"
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"How did you get to be Thor's younger brother?"
I paused trying to figure out the captain's point. Deciding to see where he would take this I answered, "Odin found me as a small babe cast out from my race because I was small. He took me to his home where he kept me so he could unite the two kingdoms."
The captain nodded, "And in that time that you were growing up, did you not know him as your father?"
"He lied to me. Made me believe that he was my father, Frigga my mother, and Thor my older brother."
"But he raised you. Called you his son. Taught you how to battle. Right?"
I nodded, starting to understand but not knowing what to think. "Yes."
"I don't know how it is on Asgard, but here on Earth a parent isn't always the person that you share blood with. A parent is someone who loves you and raises you. Odin must have loved you in order to raise you as his son. He could have brought you to Asgard and had you raised as a servant, but he didn't. Instead he raised you to know him as your father and Frigga as your mother. Whether you want to see it or not, Odin does love you, he just doesn't know how to show it." The captain smiled at me, a kind gentle smile.
I looked away from him and shook my head, "He still lied."
"This coming from the god of lies." The captain chuckled before gently putting his hand on my shoulder and squeezing it.
I looked up into his blue eyes and scowled, "What do you mean by that?"
He shrugged and dropped his hand. "People lie, Loki. Sometimes to hurt others, but most of time it's to protect the one they love. Odin and Frigga must have kept the truth from you fearing your reaction. Parents don't always let their children know the secrets they must keep, in order to protect them from being hurt."
I nodded and looked at the floor. Whether I wanted to admit it or not, he was right. That doesn't mean it hurts any less. "You are a smart man, Captain. How is it you could see this when I could not?"
"Because you are blinded by the hurt and anger you feel, which you have every right to feel. It's not fair to be lied to, no matter the reason behind it."
I nodded and took a step away from the captain before going to sit down at the table. "I will try to remember that from now on, but that does not mean I will be forgiving."
He shrugged as he made two plates, on from me and one for him, before coming to sit down with me. "Maybe in time you will learn to forgive them."
I shrugged and started to eat. It was a bit cold, but it still tasted good. The captain was an excellent cook and I made sure to tell him so. We spent the rest of the meal in silence before both getting up to take care of the dishes and heading towards our rooms for the night.
Before I entered my room, the captain paused beside me and gently rested a hand on my shoulder to stop me. I turned to look at him and saw he was smiling. He smiles a lot, and it looks good on him. "You have a good night, Loki."
I nodded and turned to go towards my room when I stopped and turned to the blond again and quickly kissed him. It wasn't anything special. It was just a quick press of my lips against his soft ones. It lasted for less than two seconds before I pulled away and rushed into my room slamming the door behind me. I leaned up against the door and rest my head against it.
"The hell did I do?"
I didn't mean to do that. It was just impulsive and I did it without thinking. Normally all my actions are calculated and with purpose, but that was completely unplanned. I shouldn't have done that, and now that I have the captain is going to hate me.
