And I am BACK, everyone! Yes, I am still alive, I just haven't been able to update this in FOREVER. What with being a senior in High School (which brings up college applications, getting a job, four AP classes, etc. etc) PLUS craziness over the summer, added on to the usual stuff in my life, I haven't exactly had a whole lot of time to devote to this.
Basically, in the intervening time, I had to worry about having Bell's Palsey. This is a paralysis of the facial muscles, which means that, in my case, I had little to no control over the left half of my face. Keeping that eye closed was a problem, and trying to make facial expressions with the working half was...irritating.
THEN we found out that it was caused by Lyme disease. Go figure. So I had to take antibiotics for a few weeks. As if to complicate things, I had to get my wisdom teeth removed in the meantime. So I pretty much spent the end of my summer nursing the holes in my mouth and trying to get the left half of my face to work.
But, all of that is fixed now, so YAY! =D
I'm back now, so without further ado, I present to you Chapter 7 of Outpost: Isil!
Disclaimer: TreeSkunk Productions, not me, owns "Outpost: Isil."
Chapter 7: History
Freng, Grundar, and Dundo had just finished getting Voldack's body out of the crashed Banshee and back to the base. They laid him on the floor and stared at it for a minute, thinking about what had just happened.
"What are we going to do now?" Dundo asked after a moment.
"I mean," Grundar suggested uneasily, "we could just eat him like Freng wanted."
"Eurgh," Freng said, disgusted. "No. He's been on the floor way too long."
"I'm amazed he's still in one piece!" Grundar observed in disbelief.
"Never underestimate the designs of Covenant craft," advised Freng. "Or overestimate the power of crappy human technology."
"What do you mean?" Dundo asked.
"You know those human teeth-sharpening devices?"
"You mean the blender?"
"Have you ever tried to use one? I nearly lost one of my mandibles trying to use one of those things!"
"Hell, have you guys ever seen a 'toilet?'" Grundar said, joining in. "I mean, seriously, who drinks from a giant bowl?"
Viper was in the garage, fiddling with some parts. He had found them scattered throughout the base and recognized them to be parts for a Hornet. He wondered for a moment how they managed to destroy both of them – destroying one on purpose was difficult enough – but he put such thoughts in the back of his head for later. He figured he would just ask Shadow or Rico about it later.
Speaking of which…
"Hey, Viper," he heard Shadow's voice say. "What's up?"
"Oh, hey, Shadow," Viper said, without turning away from his work. "Just building something."
"Building what?" Shadow sounded sincerely curious.
Viper turned to face him. "Well, it seems that you guys had a bunch of spare parts for a Hornet, enough to create one with a few parts left over in case some of them break."
"Oh, sweet!" Shadow said eagerly. "I wondered what we'd do with those parts."
"Something bothers me, though," Viper said uneasily. "You had enough parts to service two of these things. What happened to them?"
Shadow hesitated. "Oh, yeah, about that…we had a small accident…some fatalities…"
"Some?"
"Well, long story short, somebody left a Missile Pod in the hallway, and I tripped over it. It fired off, and boom – both pilots and flight crew killed. I mean, there were body parts everywhere."
Viper stared. "Dear God!"
"Well, don't worry," Shadow said reassuringly. "Those things happen all the time around here."
"That's supposed to cheer me up?"
"Well, it makes me feel better."
"What happened out here?" Viper asked in disbelief. "I mean, you have only four soldiers, and no vehicles! What happened to your tank and your Mongoose? And for that matter, what's happened to this outpost?!"
Again, Shadow hesitated. "Yeah…about that, you see…"
"The hell you girls talkin' about?" Rico asked, walking into the garage. Shadow whirled around.
"Oh, uh, nothing," Shadow said hastily. "Just Pinko Communism. Nothing you'd be interested in." He laughed nervously.
Viper sighed. "Shadow was just about to explain what happened in this outpost."
Rico looked at Shadow. "Go on, Shadow," he urged him.
Shadow finally relented. "Well, you see, the trouble all started here when…"
Shadow was walking over the top of the hill on his way to see Captain Enders. He had to ask him a few things about Rico; his moonshine making had him worried. One of these days, he thought, the explosion was going to get them killed, he was sure of it.
All thoughts of Rico's moonshine-making habits, however, were dashed at the sight that awaited him. He looked over near one of the caverns and saw a couple of dark figures walking through the back entrance.
"That's where the Captain takes his naps," Shadow said, worried. "I'd better go check it out. From the looks of things, he's having some kind of slumber party."
He ran over to the cavern to investigate. From around the edge of the entrance, he saw Captain Enders on his knees, a gun held up to his head.
"This isn't a slumber party at all!" he said, finally moving in front of the entrance and pointing his gun at the culprits. "Hold it right there, ya Nazi – "
He stopped. Holding the weapons to Enders' head was, not a couple of Germans as he thought, but a couple of…
"…Elites?" he wondered aloud. "Where did you guys come from?"
Enders rubbed his temples. "Oh, God…" he said dejectedly. "Of all the people to come to my rescue…"
"Seriously, Captain Enders," Shadow pressed on. "I didn't know there were any Elites on this world anymore."
"Shadow, you have got to be the most retarded person I have ever met."
"Is that a good thing?"
"Jesus Christ, Shadow, what do you - ?"
"Silence!" the Elite holding the Brute Shot said. "Move, and the captain dies!"
"Hey, buddy," Shadow said irritably. "Having a private conversation here. Stop being rude and interrupting, man."
"You came alone?" the other Elite, the one with a Needler, said mockingly. "You are totally inept."
"Um, not really," Shadow said. "My zodiac is a Libra, and –"
"Shut up!" the first Elite ordered. "Walk away now, or so help me, I will do him, right here, and right now!"
"…Okay, that's just disgusting," Shadow said. "I didn't know there were gay Elites out –"
"Shadow, call for help!" Enders said urgently. "Do something intelligent for once in your fucking idiotic, stupid, retarded-whatever life!"
"What? This pussy?" the first Elite said, indicating Shadow. "He can't tie his own shoes, let alone call for help!"
Only one word seemed to have registered with Shadow.
"Pussy?" Shadow said quietly. "Pussy?!"
"Uh-oh," the second Elite said nervously.
"Can a little itty-bitty kitty cat use this?!" Shadow took out his trademark Rocket Launcher and pointed it threateningly at the Elites, who took a surprised step back. "Now, I'm gonna count to five, and if you don't let him go, this kitten will use its claws!"
"Is this guy for real?" the Needler-Elite said.
"Two…"
"He knows that, in these tight spaces, you're dead if he fires that."
"Are you kidding?" Enders said. "He's so stupid, he probably thinks he's still in the kitchen."
"Wait…he's a cook?!"
"Three…"
The Brute Shot-wielding Elite finally relented. "Fine! You can have him! I don't give a flying - !"
"Four…!"
"What did I do, God?" Enders said exasperatedly.
"Mother of Fore - !"
The Elites never finished the exclamation; Shadow fired the Rocket Launcher into the cavern, killing both the Elites and Captain Enders, whose bodies flew out of the back entrance.
"And that, kids," Shadow finished, "is how I defeated Jesus Christ."
"My God, man," Viper said incredulously, staring at Shadow as if he'd never seen him before. "You killed Captain Enders? What the hell is wrong with you people?!"
"You people?" Rico repeated. "That's just Shadow! And hell, you ain't heard the half of it yet!"
"You mean he's done more damage to the command structure?" Viper asked.
"Yeah," Rico confirmed, nodding. "First Lieutenant Greeson was his next victim."
It was on Greeson's birthday. Shadow, Rico, Skippy, and Lieutenant Jacobs were staring down into the darkness of the lower armory, the part where they kept all of the Covenant weapons that they had stolen from the Elites. Shadow was holding a large, heavy looking bat.
"Shadow, you retard," Skippy said. "Hit the piñata, not the birthday boy!"
"What?" Shadow said, turning to Skippy with a confused expression. "That's not what Rico said."
Everyone turned to look at Rico. Rico stuttered for a moment before saying, "I didn't think he'd take me too seriously!"
"Bullshit, Sergeant," Jacobs reprimanded the Texan. "You knew exactly what he would do. To think he promoted you after the Rocket Accident."
Their attention shifted back to the armory when they heard a voice from where Greeson fell.
"I'm actually fine," Greeson said. "I landed on this box in the armory…but I'm fine, it broke my fall…I think…"
Rico breathed a sigh of relief. "You're damn lucky, Shadow. I mean, if he did die, you'd be – " He suddenly stopped and listened for something.
"Wait a second…does somebody hear a hissing noise?"
Jacobs froze. "Wait…what was in the box?"
"These little blue orbs," Greeson answered. The other four looked at each other in horror. "They're hissing now, and they kind of burn."
"Oh, shit," Jacobs said nervously as the four of them – Rico, Jacobs, Shadow, and Skippy – backed away.
Greeson was unaware of their departure; at the moment, he was too busy looking at the orbs, which he thought looked slightly familiar –
"Wait…are these…?" His eyes grew wide in terror as the hissing noise got steadily louder.
"Aw, fu-" he started to say, but an explosion cut him off.
"…and that's the truth of it," Rico finished.
"I still think you set me up," Shadow told Rico, eying him suspiciously.
"If I did, you can't prove it now."
"So," Viper said, "I'm guessing that the energy sword that killed Jacobs…didn't bounce, did it?"
It was the same day of Greeson's death. Shadow had gone into the armory in search of the Lieutenant's body. Jacobs was standing outside the armory, wondering how they could have been stuck with someone as incompetent as Shadow, when that very person came out of the armory, carrying some kind of handle.
"Hey, cool!" he said as he activated it, revealing it to be a Covenant energy sword. "Lieutenant Jacobs, check this out!"
"Check what out, Sha-?" Jacobs never finished his sentence; Shadow tripped and accidentally sliced the Lieutenant's head in two, killing him.
"Rico, I am glad that you outrank me," Viper said gratefully.
At that moment, Skippy walked into the garage. Viper thought he didn't look too good, and his suspicion was warranted: When Skippy spoke, his voice sounded strained, as if something was wrong with his throat.
"Hey, Rico, have you seen - ?" he started to ask.
"Holy shit!" Rico said, panicking as he looked at Skippy. "We have an intruder who's gone and killed Skippy and is now wearing his armor!"
"Rico," Shadow said patiently, "did you break into Skippy's stash again?"
"Didn't you hear his voice?!"
"Yeah," Skippy explained. "Laryngitis."
"He came down with it a while ago," Shadow said.
"Oh," Rico said, his face lighting with comprehension. "Oh, so that's what that note meant! Why didn't you just write 'Skip has a fucked up voice?'"
"What did you think it was?"
"Oh, I just thought that was a clever observation I made when I was drunk," Rico said, slurring his words a bit.
"The words 'Rico,' 'clever,' and 'drunk,'" Skippy said, "shouldn't be put in the same sentence. Ever."
"What were you saying, Skip?" Shadow asked, bringing them back to Skippy's original intent.
"Actually, I came down here to find my medical charts. You guys seen them?"
"We're keeping them with the rest of the secure documents in the crate we buried behind the Pelican," Rico said.
"You mean the crate that you guys didn't find?" Skippy reminded him.
"Oh…" Rico paused. "Right."
"The same crate the Elites have?"
"No."
Rico and Skippy stared at each other. It took a moment for Rico to remember what he had said about where the crate was…on the day that Viper was attacked by the Elites.
"Aw, crap."
And there you have it! I'm hoping to get another chapter done in the next few days, but I'm not entirely sure. Read and Review in the meantime, please!
