Hm, I wanted to make this chapter shorter, but since you guys had to wait over five days for this I decided to make it longer to make up for being gone. Enjoy~!
WARNING: This story is rated M so it will contain boyxboy lime/lemon in later chapters. You have been forewarned.
Disclaimer: I do not own Durarara or any of its characters. Nor do I own the song in this chapter.
Delic & Hibiya
Eighteen-year-old Hibiya held his breath, afraid that letting it out would get him caught. Not that he was doing anything bad, he just didn't want to be seen. He clenched his chest tightly, his face unconsciously scrunching up in pain as that sharp sting seemed to stab straight at his heart. He wondered if the pain was really there or if it was just his imagination.
Looking out of the corner of his eyes, he peered over the side of the door into the room, his eyes landing on the blonde inside. He never meant to but somehow his eyes could always find Delic in a room. Delic stood beside his bed, his hair messy as usual, his pink eyes as glowing as they always were in Hibiya's eyes. The only thing odd about his appearance was the soft, gentle smile on his face, replacing Delic's usual self assured smirk. How much Hibiya had always wished Delic would smile at him like that. But those smiles were always reserved for someone else. Someone who shared the same face as him, but wasn't Hibiya.
Hibiya's golden eyes then landed on the person Delic was looking at: his twin brother, sitting on Delic's bed and excitedly handing the blonde something. Delic took it in his hands, his eyes wide with shock and happiness. The blonde smiled softly again at Psyche. The pain in Hibiya's chest rose suddenly, and Hibiya had to bite his lip to keep back a cry of pain.
Why does he look at you like that? Why doesn't he show that smile to me? Why does he care so much about you? Why can't he care about me like that?
Why is it you?
Why isn't it me?
Why can't I be you?
What's wrong with me?
The thoughts swirled in Hibiya's head, making him dizzy. He slowly backed away from the door, the colorfully wrapped box in his hands suddenly seeming heavy. Once he was sure he wouldn't be heard, Hibiya whirled around and ran out of the house. He didn't stop running until he was safely locked in his room next door. His chest heaved with heavy breaths and his face was flushed from running so fast. He didn't notice that his hands were shaking until the box in them fell, making a slight thumping noise as it contacted with the ground.
Hibiya's golden eyes turned to it, and he could feel the sudden surge of emotion in his chest as he reached down and tore off the bright, hot pink wrapping paper. The paper was torn away to reveal a simple, white box and inside were a pair of white and pink headphones, something that Delic had been wanting forever. Something Hibiya had specially picked out for today.
It was Delic's birthday. And Hibiya had been hoping to surprise Delic with his gift.
But it looked like Psyche beat him to it.
Why? Hibiya thought again as he leaned against the wall, sliding down to the ground, looking at the headphones with sad eyes. For once, he hated his brother. They had fought with each other, like brothers do, but Hibiya had never hated his brother like he hated him now.
Psyche already had Delic's love. All Hibiya had was a twisted, sex relationship with Delic. Did his brother really need to take away more?
In a moment of rage, Hibiya threw the headphones at the wall opposite of him, the box smashing and crumpling as it fell back to the ground. The headphones were probably broken now, just as Hibiya felt. Hibiya looked up at the ceiling, holding his chest and forcing himself to not cry. He didn't cry. Crying meant he was weak. And he wasn't weak. But he couldn't help but think…
Why can't you love me?
Hibiya blinked slowly as he awoke, unconsciously frowning at the horrible memory that lingered in his mind.
"You have a nightmare?" a voice softly whispered in his ear, and Hibiya turned his head up to look at his right, Kadota smiling gently down at him. Hibiya tried not to blush as he realized he had fallen asleep on Kadota's shoulder, and then Hibiya remembered. They were on the bullet train to Kyoto, which was about a two and half hour trip. They were going to a music festival, and they were with Delic and Psyche.
"Something like that," Hibiya mumbled in response, shifting around to get comfortable and away from Kadota. But then Hibiya realized that the brunette had placed his arm around Hibiya, keeping him close.
"Hibi-nii, you and Dotachin must have a good relationship, huh?" The two turned to their traveling partners sitting across from them. Psyche was looking at them with a curious and calculating look in his eyes as he smiled slyly. Delic looked a bit put off as he looked out the window.
"Oh yeah, we're very close," Kadota answered before Hibiya could say anything, giving Hibiya a quick hug as he winked suggestively at Psyche. The pink-eyed raven giggled while the blonde's mouth further downturned into a frown.
Hibiya just shrugged, looking out the window as well as he didn't really want to look at Delic or Psyche, the dream still fresh in his mind. But a small smile tugged on his lips as he began to see familiar trees and buildings. A voice came on the speaker system, announcing their arrival in Kyoto.
He was home.
Hibiya could hardly contain his excitement as he looked out the window of the taxi, taking the sights of his hometown. How much he had missed Kyoto. In fact, he was a little disappointed when the taxi arrived to their hotel. He really wanted to go out and explore. But they, currently, had quite a dilemma.
"Wait, why do I have to room with him?" Delic asked as he rudely jerked him thumb to Kadota. The brunette did not seem pleased with the situation either.
"Well, do you want to room with either me or Hibi-nii then?" Psyche asked. Delic paused while Hibiya grimaced. Hibiya didn't like the idea of Psyche and Delic rooming together, but then he didn't really want to be alone with Delic in a room either. He wanted a break from their relationship this week.
"Look, since I invited him, I'll room with Kadota and you can room with Psyche, Delic," Hibiya finally decided, grabbing the card keys from Delic before the blonde could say anything and dragging Kadota to the elevator. Once the two of them were inside, Hibiya let out a tired sigh.
"You alright, Hibiya?" Kadota asked in a quiet voice, soothingly rubbing Hibiya's back.
"I'm fine, just tired," Hibiya sighed, knowing Kadota knew just what he was tired of.
"Hey, how about after we drop off our bags, you and I go explore? I know you've been dying to get out there since ever we arrived," Kadota suggested as he smiled at Hibiya, hoping the raven would return his smile. And Hibiya did.
"Sounds like a good idea, Dotachin." Hibiya was really glad he asked Kadota to come along. Kadota was always looking out for him.
If only I could fall in love with you, Dotachin. Hibiya thought sadly as the elevator finally came to their floor and the two of them stepped out. Then everything would be so much easier.
"Look Dotachin, that used to be my favorite park as a kid," Hibiya said as he pointed out a quaint park with cherry blossom trees blooming, couples and families walking around, and kids playing their games in a playground.
"You must really miss being here, huh?" Kadota asked with a wide smile on his face, his hands in his pockets as he strolled through the streets of Kyoto with Hibiya.
"Yeah, I do," Hibiya murmured softly, a small, nostalgic smile on his face as he slowed his excited, fast pace to match with Kadota's more relaxed one. Hibiya looked around at the city, breathing in the familiar, crisp air. The sky was a bright blue and everything was beautiful. He could almost see himself as a kid, running through the streets of Kyoto with his brother as they hurried off to school. His memories were then interrupted when he felt warmth on his hand, rough fingers as a sign of a hardworking person intertwining around his. Hibiya looked down, willing away the blush that almost colored his cheeks as Kadota held his hand in his.
The brunette looked at Hibiya out of the corner of his eyes, only smiling softly as he walked on, his hand clasped with Hibiya's. "So since it's just us here, can I think of this as our trail date?" Kadota inquired curiously.
"I guess," Hibiya replied in a quiet voice, trying not to feel awkward about this situation.
Sensing this, Kadota led Hibiya towards a shop nearby. "How about we go in here?"
Hibiya looked up at the store sign, a simple wooden moniker with the word, "Créateur", on it. He allowed Kadota to lead him inside, where a woman greeted them with a warm smile. Kadota said something quietly to the woman, and Hibiya wondered what they were talking about as he saw the woman's eyes widen and a blush color her cheeks. She then smiled widely and motioned to Kadota to a corner in the building where a large, round object sat. Confused and curious, Hibiya just followed Kadota to the round thing and allowed the brunette to sit him on a bench. There was then a whirlwind of activity as the woman came back, a mushy, pliable object in her hands that she set down on the large round thing. Hibiya noticed it was clay when Kadota suddenly appeared out of nowhere and placed an apron on Hibiya, one on himself as well. Hibiya almost squeaked in surprise when the large, round wheel started to move very quickly, the clay spinning.
"Don't worry, I'll be here to help you out," Kadota reassured as he saw the apprehensive look on Hibiya's face. Hibiya didn't protest when Kadota suddenly sat behind him, his chest pressed against the raven's back. He allowed Kadota to grab his hands and guide them to the clay, Kadota's fingers circling around Hibiya's as their hands rounded out the edges of the clay. It felt squishy and wet against Hibiya's fingers as Kadota guided them up and down the length of clay, making the clay about a foot tall.
Hibiya then began to relax, trusting Kadota to guide him as their hands moved together, forming the clay into a creation. Kadota's hands felt rough against his but warm, and Hibiya wondered again why he couldn't fall in love with Kadota. Sure, Kadota wasn't Delic, but wasn't that the point? Didn't he want to get away from Delic? Didn't he want to escape heartbreak? Why reject a man who loved him so much? Kadota was so caring towards him all the time. Kadota knew everything about him, and Kadota knew how to make him feel better. Hibiya found that he didn't really mind the idea of being with the brunette.
Maybe it's finally time to end this, Hibiya thought as he leaned against Kadota. Of course, he was referring to ending his relationship with Delic. To unrequitedly love someone for over six years…it was too much. Maybe Kadota finally confessing was destiny's way of saying that Hibiya should give up on his love for Delic. And Kadota wasn't a bad choice. He was good looking, kind, hard-working. He wasn't cocky. He treated Hibiya special. And most importantly, he loved Hibiya. And that's all Hibiya had ever wanted from Delic. To be loved by him. To be the most important person for once, instead of his brother.
Hibiya watched as Kadota guided his fingers to press down into the clay, thinning out a part of it so that the top curved outward like a spout. It was quite amazing that he was here, creating something new. Briefly, Hibiya looked up, seeing Kadota's intense concentration on correctly molding this piece of clay into something beautiful.
Hibiya resolved something in the back of his mind. As he made this clay, he would remake himself. He would give up on Delic, and try it out with Kadota. Like with the clay, a relationship with Kadota would take concentration and hard work, but in the end, if he did his best, he would get something beautiful.
It was the first night of the week long music festival. Psyche had said that there would be something special about the first night. Hibiya wondered what it was as he clutched the bag that held his safely wrapped pottery. He thought of the initials and date Kadota had carved out on the bottom and his thought from earlier came back to his mind. He would definitely end his and Delic's relationship today. Once they got back to the hotel, he would ask Delic for them to speak alone and he would end it. Hibiya felt his heart twinge slightly at that thought, and he wondered if the pain would ever go away.
But he didn't have long to think about it as he heard his brother call out, "Hibi-nii! Dotachin! Over here!" Psyche waved them over to a place close to the stage. Hibiya and Kadota made their way through packed bodies, Psyche scooting as much as he could to make room for them.
"Where's Delic, Psyche?" Hibiya inquired when he saw that the blonde wasn't with his brother.
"You'll see," Psyche said mysteriously with a mischievous spark in his magenta eyes.
"Ladies and gentleman, boys and girls of all ages," a loud voice boomed from the stage just as Psyche did an excited jump and squealed, "It's starting." A tall, milky-skinned man stood on the stage. Hibiya noted he wore a bandage wrapped around his forehead and under his right eye, and Hibiya wondered what it was supposed to be for. The man's coffee colored brown eyes shone with excitement as one of his hands placed a tan fedora over his red-brown hair as the other hand grabbed the mic and put it close to his mouth, "Are you guys ready to rock?"
A bunch of cheers sounded throughout the stadium in response to the man's question. The man made an abashed expression, as if someone told him something he didn't want to know. "Aw, come on now, I know y'all can do better than that." Increasing the volume of his voice, the guy screamed, "I SAID ARE YOU GUYS READY TO ROCK?"
The crowd screamed louder, the guy nodded his head in satisfaction as he smiled. Hibiya wondered if all music festivals were like this. "That's more like it. Now I know you all are excited and looking forward to your favorite bands performing, but as you know it's a tradition here on the first night for new and upcoming talent to perform. You see, our sponsors of this festival always look forward to signing on new talent, but only one, that's right, one, performer can be signed onto their label tonight. And that's where you guys come in. You guys get to pick which performer you like best later on tonight when we hand out the ballots." There was an excited cheer throughout the crowd again.
Hibiya's eyes widened as he realized what Psyche meant about this night being special. "Psyche, don't tell me Delic's performing?"
Psyche smiled widely as he nodded vigorously. "Just listen, it gets better."
"And not only will the winning performer get a chance at a record deal, but tonight, if they win, they get to walk out of this festival with $5,000. Yup, you heard right. That's $5,000, in cash. Now are you all ready to see our lucky performers?" Loud cheering again blocked out the noise of the speaker as Hibiya looked up at the stage.
"Alright then!" the speaker smiled widely as he did a flourish bow and gestured to the group walking into the stage. "Please give a warm welcome to the first performer of the night: Psychedelic Dreams."
Hibiya felt his heart twist in pain again at the sound of the name. It was Psyche and Delic's name put together. Did this mean they finally had told each other their feelings? Hibiya watched as Delic appeared on the center stage, people cheering in the crowd. He wore a pure white suit with a bright pink black stripe button up shirt. Delic loosened a black tie around his neck slightly with one hand as the other held his electric guitar. He began to strum a soft tune on his guitar before his voice joined in. Everyone in the stadium hushed as Delic's voice, smooth like honey, filled the air.
"D'you breathe the name of your savior in your hour of need,
And taste the blame if the flavor should remind you of greed?
Of implication, insinuation and ill will, 'til you cannot lie still,
In all this turmoil, before red cape and foil come closing in for a kill."
Right before the chorus there was a slight pause before suddenly the music became louder. Delic strummed his guitar more, grabbing the mic as he swayed his head slightly with the music, singing as loud as he could:
"Come feed the rain
'cause I'm thirsty for your love dancing underneath the skies of lust
Yeah, feed the rain
'cause without your love my life ain't nothing but this carnival of rust."
And then it was quiet again, the music slower, his voice softer.
"It's all a game, avoiding failure, when true colors will bleed
All in the name of misbehavior and the things we don't need
I lust for after no disaster can touch, touch us anymore
And more than ever, I hope to never fall, where enough is not the same it was before."
And again, the music grew louder, his voice grew louder. More emotion was put into the lyrics as Delic grabbed the mic, singing his heart out. Hibiya could hardly take his eyes off of the blonde, the crowd also the same. It was like Delic had put them all in a trance. Hibiya wouldn't be surprised if Delic won in the end.
"Come feed the rain...
'cause I'm thirsty for your love dancing underneath the skies of lust
Yeah, feed the rain
'cause without your love my life ain't nothing but this carnival of rust
Yeah, feed the rain
'cause I'm thirsty for your love dancing underneath the skies of lust
Yeah, feed the rain
'cause without your love my life ain't nothing but this carnival of rust."
Delic dragged out the last note of the chorus before he stopped, the music fading out slightly before coming back. Delic spoke the next part softly at first, his voice growing in volume with each word:
"Don't walk away, don't walk away, oh, when the world is burning
Don't walk away, don't walk away, oh, when the heart is yearning
Don't walk away, don't walk away, oh, when the world is burning
Don't walk away, don't walk away, oh, when the heart is yearning." (1)
Again, Delic dragged out the last note before he stopped singing and the other instruments faded. Soon it was just Delic's guitar letting out a simple tune before it too stopped. And for a moment, there was nothing but silence in the stadium, and then the crowd erupted into a roar, people cheering and whistling. A chant of "Psychedelic Dreams" began throughout the crowd, and Hibiya saw Delic smile.
And Hibiya could feel it. In his chest, his heart welled with emotion and overflowed with love. He would never be able to get over Delic. Even when he tried, the blonde somehow made his way back into his heart.
I've got to stop this, Hibiya thought as he closed his eyes, holding his hand to his chest to feel his heart beating. I've got to stop this before I'm trapped. Before it's too late and I can't let go.
Hibiya added onto his resolve. Tonight he would not only end his relationship with Delic, he would stop all contact. He would tell Kadota what he decided, and he would ask Kadota if they could leave Kyoto. And once they got back in Ikebukuro, Hibiya would pack up and leave. He would leave behind everything that reminded him of the blonde. He would start new, start fresh.
He would get as far away as possible from Delic.
Meet me in my room at ten tonight. That had been what the text he had sent to Delic said. Hibiya breathed out, trying to calm himself. He had told Kadota what he was going to do, so the brunette had agreed to leave them alone for a while. He went off to the hotel bar to kill time while he waited for Hibiya to resolve his business with Delic. Kadota tried not to blatantly show it, but he was happy that Hibiya finally decided to end his sex friend relationship with Delic.
Hibiya thought back to earlier that night. Like he had predicted, Delic had won the competition. He had been a crowd favorite, and they had even asked for an encore. Of course, Delic had obliged. It had then taken Delic a while to leave the festival as he spoke with the sponsors about his record deal, and Delic collected his cash prize.
There was a knock at the door and Hibiya felt his heart jump in his chest. It didn't calm down even as Hibiya took in a deep breath and slowly walked to the door. His heart just thumped louder in his chest as he placed his hand on the doorknob and turned. Delic stood on the other side, his signature smirk on his face as he greeted Hibiya, "Hey there Hibi-kun. Good timing with your message, there was something I wanted to talk to you about."
"Let me speak first," Hibiya quickly stated, wanting to get his news over with as fast as possible. Delic nodded in agreement, stepping into the room and shutting the door behind him. Hibiya felt slightly awkward standing there with Delic's eyes on him. He took in a deep breath again and looked at the floor. It gave him more courage to do this if he didn't have to look into Delic's eyes. "Delic, I want to end this. Our relationship. I don't—" Hibiya stopped as he tried to think of the right words. "I don't think this is working out for me."
It was quiet. Hibiya looked up slightly—to see how Delic reacted—and was shocked to find pure rage expressed across the blonde's face. Hibiya didn't even have time to think about this as he was suddenly grabbed harshly and pushed against a wall, Delic's hands pinning his arms to it. Delic's voice was angered as he spoke, "Is this all because of Kadota? Did he—" Delic stopped, his mouth in a tight line as his eyes narrowed. "I don't agree to this."
Hibiya felt his face turn red but red with his own anger, "It doesn't matter whether you agree or not! I started this, so I can end this whenever I want. Now let go of me, Delic. I'm going home!"
"Are you leaving with Kadota?" Delic demanded. "Is he the one who put this stupid idea into your head?"
Hibiya felt himself get defensive as he glared at the blonde, "Don't try to blame Kadota for this! This was my own idea! Kadota's been nothing but supportive of me! He's done nothing wrong."
Delic snorted in disbelief rolling his eyes, "Why the hell are you defending him? Have you been sleeping with him too, is that why you're ending this? Tired of one guy so you just move onto the nex—" Delic didn't get a chance to finish his sentence as Hibiya pulled his hand free and slapped Delic across the face as hard as he could. Delic's cheek stung and it was red as he turned to look at Hibiya shocked. Hibiya had never felt so angry with Delic as he did now.
He could feel his eyes water as he hissed, "You're such an ass."
Before Delic could say anything else, Hibiya pushed him away and ran out of the room. He ran into an elevator an elderly couple was conveniently stepping out of and pressed the button for the lobby. He could feel his body shaking, his heart erratically beating in his chest, water pooling at the corner of his eyes. Once the elevator dinged and the doors opened, Hibiya ran out. He bumped into Kadota, who called out worriedly to him, but Hibiya didn't stop. He ran out of the hotel, into the streets, and just kept running. He wanted to get as far away from the hotel as possible.
But then he felt it in his chest. That stinging pain. And suddenly it was hard to breathe. Hibiya stopped as another sharp pain tore through his chest, his knees growing weak. He fell to the ground, clenching his chest as it felt like a thousand hot needles were poking at his heart. He gasped for breath but found it difficult to do so. His mind was spinning and his vision with blurring, because of the tears or the inability to breathe he didn't know. He could hear someone shouting his name with worry, but he didn't know who it was. All he could think of was the pain in his chest, in his heart.
And before he blacked out, he wondered again, was it possible to die of a broken heart?
I'm so evil leaving you guys with a cliffhanger. I'm sorry.
But I do have good news! Because of how this chapter ended, I've decided that the next chapter will be told from Delic's POV. This is because I pretty much told this entire story from Hibiya's POV, and next chapter you guys will get to see how Delic viewed this entire story along with what Delic did behind the scenes in each chapter (mostly this one). So next chapter will be a pretty long chappie I'm hoping. Not sure yet if I'll make the next chapter the very last chapter of this story (it depends on how long it ends up being). But I'm thinking it might not be.
Anyway, I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter and sorry for the wait.
Thanks for reading and reviewing!
-Xaleria
(1) These lyrics are from the song "Carnival of Rust" by Poets of the Fall. It's a great song so please feel free to look it up! The singer's voice is just how I imagine Delic's if he were to speak English. XD
