Chapter Nineteen

"Avon, do you want to get better?"

Cally's whispered question echoed through both their minds as Avon turned to look at her. His face was expressionless but there was a tightness of the muscles that betrayed what was going on inside.

For a brief while, they had shared Cally's deepest feelings the previous night. The sorrow, pain and anguish. It had bound them together; one pain touching another. It wasn't just that Avon was able to feel her greatest emotions; he understood and shared them because they mirrored his own. The misery of guilt and a deep sense of responsibility, the kind that seeks pain.

They were both similar characters in that respect. Cally's guilt over surviving when all of her Saurian Major friends had died, had driven her to want to destroy until she was destroyed. Seeking in that destruction and self-destruction a way to pay the debt of surviving.

She knew that it was what Avon had tried to do with Anna. Of all the ways he could have chosen to find Shrinker, Avon had chosen the most painful and self-destructive way. She had felt then that he was punishing himself for her death; trying to drown out the guilt and agony of going on alone.

Avon had worried her in his obsession over Anna. Guilt could do terrible things to people; making you lose all perspective and engage in self-destructive behaviour. They both knew it only too well.

Cally knew that Avon was wracked by another guilt now. Until Dr. Kendric had mentioned that Avon had to pay for his flaws, Cally hadn't realized how much guilt had been driving him. Avon was a man who paid his debts.

She wondered about those three years that Avon had spent at the Detention Centre. Servalan had tortured him to the breaking point; destroyed his mind and body, tormented and humiliated him and made him into a helpless puppet. Had part of him wanted it?

Cally asked again, "Avon, do you want to get better?"

The pain in Avon's eyes deepened. Slowly and agonizingly, he shook his head.

**********

"You know, we really should be getting out of bed," said Corinne.

"Oh, I don't know. I could stay here for a couple of more hours." Vila as he ran his fingers down her arm, feeling the silky skin.

"I'm hungry."

That did it. At that moment, an embarrassing rumble came from Vila's stomach.

Corinne smiled. "I think part of you agrees."

Vila looked down at the offending area and said, "Traitor."

"We could come back here after we eat," offered Corinne generously.

Vila put his arms around her and held her close. "How did I get to be so lucky?"

"You deserve it," said Corinne as she rested her head on his shoulder.

The simple confidence and trust in her voice pierced him and filled him with guilt. "I don't. Not really. There are a lot of things you don't know about me."

"It doesn't matter."

Vila pulled back and looked at her. "It does to me. I want you to know who I am, Corinne. I'm not the person you think I am. I'm not brave. I'm not like the others. I don't rush in when I see danger; I tend to run the other way. Sometimes the danger gets to me and I want to run from it, even if it means leaving people behind. Sometimes even my friends. It's not something I'm proud of. I've never done it. Sometimes I can be brave but sometimes...I don't know. I have thought of leaving people behind and I've told others to do it. Sometimes I wonder if I ever would. I honestly don't know."

Corinne's eyes studied his. "It's hard for me to believe. But even if it were true, it doesn't matter. You're brave now and you help people, even when you're scared. You grow and learn. You make mistakes but you want to become a better person and you try to. To me, that is perfect. That's why I love you."

Vila hugged her again. "I love you too."

This time it was Corinne's turn to pull back. "I'm not perfect either. Sometimes, I get very angry and I find it hard to believe in people. I know my mother doesn't like it. She wanted me to understand the Chandarans but…sometimes it was very hard. She's very patient with me."

"That's understandable," said Vila. "I lived as a Delta most of my life. I know how hard it can be to believe in anyone. Or to forget."

"It's not the Tellaran way."

"Well, not many ways are."

"Sometimes, I don't think like I'm one of them. Sometimes I find it hard to want to help people who hurt me."

"You're not the only one," said Vila. "But I think the Tellarans wouldn't mind. They'd understand. Besides Alyce said that they didn't start out like this. They learned too. Just like we can."

"Do you think so?"

"We can try."

Corinne gazed into his eyes for a moment, as if trying to read something. "Vila, do you want to stay here?"

Vila was troubled. The question he wanted to avoid thinking about for a few more days was staring him in the face and demanding an answer.

**********

Sester always liked to know where the key people on the ship were; those he cared about and especially those who could take him apart and had very good incentive to. That's why he knew that Argus was on the flight deck and Reya was down on the planet.

As was his habit, he paused at the top of the flight deck steps and took in the situation. Argus was at Avon's station, looking intently at one of the monitors screens. The man had a strong and professional profile. His back was straight, reflecting a lifetime of service in the military. Calm energy radiated from him but there was also something very dangerous about this man; a hint of violence contained. Sester doubted if most people saw that quality until it was too late.

The man was like a bulwark against the solar storms. Sester knew that people normally gravitated to him for leadership and reassurance. There was an indestructible quality about him. This man was prepared for everything. Sester smiled. But only when it came to physical danger. Argus had very few defences against someone like him.

He could see Argus's back stiffen and could imagine the displeased look on the man's face before he turned around. Argus snapped, "What are you doing here?"

Sester adopted a friendly smile and came down the steps towards him. "Not spying on you if that's what you're wondering."

Argus's eyes were trained on him like a security camera that wanted to pick out any suspicious behaviour. Sester knew that he would be watched carefully every second he was here.

Argus almost growled, "Then what are you doing here?"

"It's not a social visit either, if that worries you at all." There was an almost-smirk on Sester's face. For some reason, he liked needling this man. He noticed that one of the other man's hands had become taut on the panel in front of him. Not quite ready to form a fist, but definitely tense.

Argus said, "I'm in no mood for your games, Sester."

"Are you ever?" Sester asked pleasantly, as if they were discussing a friendly chess match instead of squaring off against each other as rivals.

Argus said irritably, "I'm busy. I don't have time for this."

"Oh, but you will make time," said Sester smoothly.

The tone in Sester's voice immediately made Argus's senses go into high alert. He looked at him warily. He demanded, "Explain."

"Have you talked to Servalan?"

Argus stiffened. "I told you that I won't unless I've exhausted all other options."

"Then you're a fool and you're going to kill Avon."

Argus asked angrily, "What are you talking about? Avon's fine. He's on the planet receiving treatment."

"I didn't realize that you have such a high capacity for self-delusion," said Sester with detached sarcasm. "The Tellarans methods of therapy only work if they have time to work. Even if all emotions are removed or dampened, his mind will not be able to handle the rate at which the mind-blocks have been breaking down. Not to mention the breakdown is not controlled. It is chaotic and fragmentary. It is impossible for him to separate out truth from implanted memories or even the nightmares. If they all collapse, then you will lose Avon. His mind will forever be trapped. I have seen it happen. I…have seen it done deliberately. I don't want it to happen to Avon."

Argus's voice was like a sharpened blade, cutting into him. "You've ordered it done?"

Sester felt the accusation like a hot slice of guilt that lay bare all of his previous actions. Why did he feel guilty now? He had never before. It was a job, nothing more. The people were puppets.

He had never ordered it personally, but it didn't mean that he didn't know what would happen to people that he manipulated. Other people always did the dirty work after him. It was his job to trap them, to guide them, to make them do what they were supposed to do and when they didn't, to neutralize them.

It was his job. He should not be feeling guilty and definitely not at the hands of his greatest rival. But he did feel it. The shock of the inexplicable feeling caused him to become angry and defensive. He said heatedly, "Of course I did. That's what I do. I destroy people."

Argus could no longer hold back a snarl from showing on his face. "It's good to know that I wasn't wrong about you."

"It must be refreshing being right about something." Sester could see the fist now. He smiled sarcastically, "But only half-right. I am here to stop it from happening to Avon."

"How can we trust you? How can Avon?"

Sester was disturbed by his own lack of control. He should never have lost his cool when he needed the other man to trust him. For some reason Argus always brought out the worst in him.

In a subdued and sincere voice, Sester said, "You're right; it's hard for any of you to trust me. But for Avon's sake, you need to."

Argus said in warning, "Don't try to manipulate me."

"I'm not. I want to help Avon. How many times do I have to prove it to you?"

Argus said coldly, "Ask Avon."

Sester had a self-mocking smile on his face. "Of course. Are you at least willing to listen to what I have to say?"

"I can listen."

"The reason why Avon is in the dangerous condition he is in now is because you ignored my warning about the drugs. I told you that Avon needs them all in order to function. Removing one or two, especially the ones for his mind, upsets a very carefully balanced system of controls." Sester noted the anger in Argus's eyes as he said this. "I have asked Servalan for the synthesis machines and the codes that produce the drugs. She has agreed to provide them."

The anger was no longer confined to Argus's eyes. "You went to her without telling me?"

"Someone had to. By the time you decided you had no choice, it would have been too late. Besides, it's already too late. The equipment is on its way here. I will give you the rendezvous coordinates. I didn't think you would want Servalan to know your exact location."

Argus's voice was tight with anger, "You had no right to go to her without asking us!"

"Someone had to," Sester said reasonably.

With unbelievable speed, Argus had come around his flight station and stood toe-to-toe with Sester. "Not you!"

It was so quick that Sester barely had time to suppress a reaction of shock. He stood his ground and said sarcastically, "It definitely wouldn't have been you. Your delay could have cost Avon his life."

Argus grabbed Sester's collar in an iron-tight grip. He said in a low, menacing growl, "That's the point! Do you think that Avon would want to continue living under Servalan's control? He would rather die first!"

Sester grabbed Argus's hands, trying to loosen the grip that was making it hard to breathe. He gasped, "You were going to let him die?!"

Argus's entire body seemed to stiffen and his eyes reflected deep pain. He pushed Sester away from him, causing him to stagger back and fall onto one of the couches. "Do you think I want him to?! I can't force him to live when living is worse than dying. No matter how much I don't want to lose him." Argus sat down heavily on the couch opposite, his head hung down and his whole body reflected his anguish.

Sester said in a quiet voice, "You care a great deal about him, don't you?" There was something about this man that had just touched him.

Without lifting his head, Argus said harshly, "It's none of your business."

"I know it's not. What are you going to do? The equipment is on its way here."

Argus did not respond.

Sester said, "Look, Argus. You're not the one who approached Servalan. There are no conditions in accepting the machines. It does not give Servalan any advantage. I made sure of that."

Argus looked up at him. There was both interest and wariness reflected in his eyes.

Sester continued, "I did not tell her that the Tellarans are trying to remove the memory blocks and may be able to fix whatever damage was done to his mind. These drugs are a temporary measure to give them time to do that. Servalan never need know when Avon has recovered until you decide to tell her. Think about it, Argus. It gives you an advantage if she thinks that Avon is in worse condition than he is."

"These are highly classified drugs. No one knows about them. We used the last samples on Avon. What if these synthesis machines produce ones that are designed to make his condition even worse? We won't know until it's too late. Servalan is capable of anything. And so are you."

Sester said, "Alright. I will take the drugs first. Will that satisfy you? Then the Tellarans can study their effects on my mind. If they're confident that they won't harm Avon then you can give them to him."

Argus asked suspiciously, "What effect would they have on a healthy mind?"

"I suppose we'll find out."

"Do you trust Servalan that much? Are you sure that she won't try to do something to Avon without telling you?"

Sester stared at him. They both knew the answer. "That's why I have to do this, don't I?"

Chapter Twenty

Cally helped Avon to sit up on the bed after the Tellarans turned off the various medical equipment and left them alone. There had been no examinations done.

Dark expressive eyes searched hers but he didn't say anything.

Cally told him, "Avon, I understand."

"Do you?"

"After what we shared last night, you know I do. But I don't think you need to do it this way."

"I have to."

Cally sighed. She recognized that stubborn tone in his voice; the obsessive quality he had when he took something upon himself. He would be blind to anything else until the full cost had been paid. A cost determined by him. She was afraid that it would never be reached. Cally knew him; she knew that he would set it so high that he would never achieve it.

She put a gentle hand on his arm, "At least let them fix the damage to your mind. Give them the opportunity to remove the mind blocks."

Avon slid off the bed. "I was planning to. That's one thing we cannot do without. We need my mind to be functional."

Cally didn't like the sounds of that. "Avon, you're not a machine. I do not want you to treat yourself as one."

For a moment, the impassive look on his face softened, just a bit, and Avon touched her face. "It's enough that you don't."

**********

Vila was spreading some marmalade on a piece of toast as he looked surreptitiously at Corinne. She was over at the beverage dispenser, scrolling through the choice of teas.

It was still quiet, even in the usually crowded dining area. Most of the soldiers were still amusing themselves down on Tellar. Now was the perfect time to broach her about something but he wasn't sure how to go about it.

Corinne came back with a nice cup of something that had a lightly lemony smell to it. She smiled at him and took a sip of the lightly brownish liquid. "What are you thinking?"

"You're very beautiful."

Corinne laughed. "You always say that."

"But it's true."

Corinne put the cup down on the saucer and in a serious voice asked him, "Vila, do you want to have children?"

Vila choked on his piece of toast.

**********

Argus and a team of soldiers came back with a silver case, about the size of ORAC's carry container. The drug synthesis machine was laid out on a table in the medical unit. It was a box with several rows of input symbols, a slot for a bio-injector in the front and various square slots in the back. The case also contained various cartridges containing the chemical ingredients required.

Sester set it up under Argus's watchful eyes when Vila came in. "Oh. Didn't know you were in here. I'm just getting something for Corinne. Don't mind me." He went to rummage through one of the medicine cabinets.

Sester picked out several of the cartridges and began putting them into place in the machine.

Over at the medical supplies cabinets, Vila really wished Cally had come back. He had no idea what he was looking for, what it would look like or even if the ship had any. Instead, he went over to where Sester was setting up. "Is that the synthesis machine? It doesn't look like much."

Sester said, "It may not look like much but it's a sophisticated instrument for producing certain types of very specialized drugs." He looked at Argus, "I would not recommend trying to open it up or tampering with it in any way. Servalan has assured me that the unit is protected. Any attempt to expose the internal controls will cause errors. She will not guarantee what effect that will have on the effectiveness of the drugs produced."

"She's very thorough," said Argus.

"Not to mention devious," said Vila. "How do we know if she hasn't done her own tampering?"

"That's what I'm here for." Sester picked up a bio-injector from the table and slid it into place. He picked up a plastic data sheet from a sleeve inside the case and entered the appropriate codes. They could hear the machine coming active. "These codes must be entered exactly and in the correct sequence. Any deviations may have unfortunate consequences. I've loaded the injector with the five mind drugs." He held out the filled injector to Argus.

Argus took it and examined the readings on the side, scrolling through to see the type of drugs and the amount.

Sester said, "There's enough there for three days."

Argus handed it back to him.

"You want me to do it myself?" asked Sester.

Argus just stared at him.

"Of course you do."

Vila looked perplexed, "What's going on? What are we doing?"

Sester smiled pleasantly, "Someone doesn't trust Servalan."

Vila said, "Well who would?"

"Someone also doesn't trust me. So we're going to test the drugs first before giving it to Avon." Sester adjusted the controls on the injector.

"You mean you're going to inject yourself? That's crazy."

Sester looked at the stony-faced Argus. The man did not look like he was going to give him a reprieve. "Well, Vila, haven't you done a few crazy things in your life?"

"Yeah, and lived to regret most of them. My motto now is, don't do crazy things. That way you won't have anything to regret."

"Wise words, if you can afford them," said Sester as he touched the injector to his neck.

Vila said, "Argus, you're not going to let him go through with it, are you? I mean, we don't know what they'd do to a mind that's healthy, do we? Isn't this cruel?"

Argus said, "It's not cruel if it is a trap."

Vila was flabbergasted. "And what if it's not?"

Argus didn't reply.

Sester was about to depress the control that would send the first drug coursing through his system when he paused and said, "You realize that if you want to find out if the drugs will harm Avon, all you need to do is to get the Tellarans to analyze the drugs produced? With their advanced medical technology, they should be able to model the probable effects."

Argus said, "I know."

"But you still want me to do this?"

"That was our agreement."

Sester sighed resignedly. "So it was."

Vila protested, "This is crazy. We shouldn't be doing this."

Sester depressed the button; he could feel a slight pressure against his neck as the drugs penetrated the skin. A cool, slightly pinching feeling. Suddenly Argus's hand struck out and hit the injector. It flew out of Sester's hand and landed with a clang on the floor.

Argus said, "That's enough."

Vila breathed a sigh of relief, "You had me worried there for a second."

Sester rubbed his neck where a bit of the drug had entered his system. "Are you satisfied?"

Argus snarled, "What do you think? You could have easily anticipated my actions. You must have guessed that I would never let you inject the drugs."

Sester smiled wryly, "Of course. I'm surprised you realized that." He knelt down to pick up the injector.

Vila asked with consternation, "You mean this whole thing was a game between the two of you?"

Sester chuckled and stood up. "It's always a game, Vila." He checked the injector and made a few adjustments. "Or rather, it's a contest of wills. Isn't it?" Sester brought the injector up to look at the readings again and before the other two could react, he quickly applied it to his neck and depressed the activation button.

Argus knocked the injector out of his hands but it was too late. "You fool!"

With clinical detachment, Sester noted the effects as the drugs took effect. There was a bemused look on his face as he stood waiting for them to work.

Disorientation. Dizziness. His mind was fuzzy. Something was happening. His mind was… Sester collapsed as Argus caught him. He lifted him up and deposited him onto a bio-bed.

Vila turned on the bio-monitors. The readings were erratic. He asked worriedly, "This doesn't look good. Should we get Cally?"

Argus went to retrieve the injector from where it had rolled into a corner. He grimaced as saw the indicator screen on the side. "The idiot. He gave himself a full dose. It was a mixture of all five."

Vila asked with alarm, "Why would he do that?"

Argus looked at the man on the bed. Sester was breathing rapidly and there was a lot of eye movement under closed lids. "It's my fault."

Vila had a sudden troubling thought, "Do you think…would Servalan try to trick us?"

They both looked at Sester. Argus said, "For his sake I hope not. Go and get Cally. I'll stay with him."

"Alright." Before he exited Vila said, "You know, you might want to give him a break once in a while. He is trying to help Avon and you don't make it easy for him."

"I'm not here to make life easy for him. He deserves what he gets."

"Does he deserve this? You pushed him into doing this. Do you think this will help Avon? If something happens to Sester, who'll run interference with Servalan? You? He can get her to do things none of us can. Do you want to lose that?"

Vila left without waiting for an answer and Argus stared after him. He knew that Vila was right even though he rebelled at the thought.

Sester began shaking his head from side to side as if he was trying to throw off something. A groan escaped his lips.

Everything about this man set Argus off. There were too many things to hold against him. The last thing he wanted to do was to have any kind of positive impressions about him but Vila was right. He could not deny that Sester had consistently tried to help Avon. In addition, they did need him with Servalan. He'd also saved his life down on Chandar. Though he wasn't sure if Sester would have if Reya hadn't been there too.

Argus said to the unconscious man, "Hang on. Vila's getting help."

Chapter Twenty-One

"Argus, what happened?" There was no accusation in Reya's voice, just a request for information. However, her eyes told him that she needed to understand. There was colour in her cheeks now but Argus wasn't sure that it was all from her increased health.

Avon, Cally and Vila were in the room too. They were all waiting. In the next room, the Tellarans were trying to stabilize the effect of the drugs on Sester's brain.

Argus and Reya barely registered they were there. They were focused solely on each other.

Argus could barely meet her eyes as he said in a voice heavy with guilt, "It was my fault. I pushed him into it. I'm..." He could not hold her eyes anymore. His head bowed. "I'm sorry."

Reya's face seemed to be frozen, as if she was afraid that if she did react, it would not be something that either of them would want.

Her voice came out harsher than she had intended, "I'm not the one you have to apologize to."

She hoped it was not too late to prevent any permanent damage. Reya could not understand why Sester would do this dangerous thing. If they had wanted to test if the drugs were safe, all they had to do was give it to the Tellarans for analysis.

Sester would have known this. Argus definitely did. There was only one reason she could think of that would make Sester do this. There had been a power struggle between the two men; two Alpha males seeking dominance over the other. However, Sester had one weakness; he had proven repeatedly that he would risk a great deal to repay his debt to Avon. Argus must have made it a condition of trust and Sester had relented because he wanted them to believe he was sincere in his help. He wanted Argus to believe him and placed his life in his hands.

Vila couldn't keep silent even though this was a private scene. He had been a witness to what happened on the ship too and wanted to help.

"It wasn't all Argus's fault. I suppose some of it was but not all of it. He didn't know Sester was going to inject himself again. He tried to stop him."

Reya turned to him. "Again?" Under that interrogating gaze, Vila swallowed hard. It was always daunting facing the Commander when she was like this.

Argus held up his hand to stop him answering, "No, Vila. It was my fault. Both times."

Reya's voice was professional and detached. It was like ice-cold water that chilled him to the very bone. Argus wished she would get angry with him. Or at least hit him with something. Anything would be better than this cold disappointment. She asked, "Tell me what happened."

Argus could barely express himself under her cold gaze. "I…"

Seeing that he couldn't answer, Vila said, "They got the synthesis machines but they were afraid that Servalan might have done something to them. So…Sester decided to test them on himself."

Cally said, "That's completely unnecessary. The Tellarans could have analyzed them."

There was a flash of anger in Reya's eyes but when she spoke, it was in the cold professional tone that made Argus blanch. "It wasn't about the drugs or Servalan, was it?"

Argus faced her. "No. I never meant for him to take the drugs. It was a test."

Reya's voice was becoming heated, "It was a game!"

"I needed to know how serious he was," said Argus defensively.

Reya was becoming flushed. "You wanted to make sure he knew who was in control. You forced him to accept it because you knew he would do it for Avon."

Reya was angry and hurt. Argus had promised not to hurt Sester. After Sester had saved their lives on Chandar, she thought that Argus might learn to be less hostile towards him. For a while, it seemed to have worked. But now…

"It wasn't…" Argus wanted to say that it wasn't like that. But he knew that he would have been lying. "You're right. He wanted me to trust him. It was the only way I could."

Avon stepped in. "It was about control."

Argus nodded at his understanding. "Yes."

Avon understood very well the games that Alphas played, especially Alpha males. "He would have known this of course."

Argus said, "We both knew. It was a condition of trust. He accepted it."

Avon said dryly, "You do realize he was playing you?"

Argus asked questioningly, "What do you mean?"

"The first test was yours to win. The second one, when he took the drugs, was his. It was designed to put you in a weaker position." He looked pointedly at Reya. "It appears to have worked."

Vila wasn't sure why but he felt a need to defend Sester. "Or he could have just wanted you to know that he was serious. He was willing to accept your conditions."

Avon's eyes were hard. "Don't be a fool, Vila! He's extremely good at manipulating people to his advantage." A wry smile lifted one corner of his mouth. "It looks as if he's succeeded with you as well."

It had been along time since Avon had called him a fool, or at least come close to it. Vila said in denial, "He hasn't."

"He already has your sympathy."

Vila said, "You told me to watch him and I did. I know what he is but I don't think you're seeing clearly because of what he did to you. He's not as bad as you think he is."

Avon said, "Then you are a fool. A human one."

Vila found it was much easier standing up to people now. He didn't know if it was because he had changed or because the others were different. It was probably a mixture of both. He stood his ground, "And you're blind! Both of you! You want him to pay for what he did to you. And fair enough. He owes you both. But you don't care if it destroys him."

Avon and Argus looked at each other. Avon said, "You're right, we don't."

Reya said angrily, "Men!"

Vila said, "Hang on a minute. I'm one too."

Reya revised. "I mean Alpha males. You two want to crush him because you think it'll make you feel better. You both want to punish him and continue punishing him."

Avon said, "That's the general idea."

There was a dangerous tone in her voice when Reya asked Argus, "Is it?"

Argus coughed. He really wished she would ask someone else these questions. He knew that he wasn't going to be sleeping on a nice bed tonight. "I…well…"

Cally said, "I don't see a problem with it."

They all looked at her in astonishment.

Vila wondered if he had wandered onto a set of the latest vid-drama. "Not you too, Cally."

"You forget, Vila. Sester used information he obtained from me in order to torture Avon. I cannot forgive him for that."

Vila said, "But he's changed. Don't you see? He's not the same person he was before."

Cally asked, "How would you know?"

At that, Vila fell silent. It was true; he had only known Sester on the ship.

Reya said, "Avon, Sester risked his life to save you from Servalan. Doesn't it count for anything? He had nothing to gain and everything to lose and he almost did."

Argus asked, "What are you talking about, Reya? Sester didn't lose anything."

"That's where you're wrong. Servalan found out what he did. He tried to run but she caught him."

Avon never hid his scepticism. "He told you that?"

"Yes, he did."

Avon's sarcasm couldn't have been clearer if he wore a sign on his forehead. "If Servalan had found out, he would be dead. He was obviously lying to you."

Reya knew that it was hard convincing Avon without any physical evidence. "But you can't deny that he risked everything to rescue you."

Avon said, "Perhaps."

At that moment, one of the technicians came in and said, "He's stabilized now."

**********

The room was large, like a huge empty cave whose walls were lost in the shadows. To a child, it seemed impossibly large and seemed to stretch forever. But he was no ordinary boy. He knew the purpose of this room the moment they brought him here and left him alone to wait in near darkness.

This room was meant to scare him and to make him feel small. He could almost feel them watching him and waiting. Until the appropriate time. When they thought he was ready. He guessed there would be a blinding light and a voice that would echo off the walls. They wanted to inspire awe.

He wasn't impressed so quickly or manipulated so easily. The boy stood straighter and told himself to relax. His eyes were already alive with curiosity and alertness. When they came, whoever they were, they would find him hard to influence or control.

The Counsellors had said he was being sent to a unique place. It was time for his next phase of education. A specialization beyond what the Academy could offer.

Most of the others had already been placed. Not that he felt much for them. Bonds were never encouraged at the Academy, only competition. It was meant to make them stronger and encourage even greater achievement.

All that mattered was that they were highly valued, the best of the best. The Federation had spent a great deal training them and protecting their investment.

The Counsellors hadn't told him what this place was. He could make a few guesses but he liked having more information first.

He put his hand to his temple and rubbed it. He was used to the dull pain in his head but sometimes it could be annoying. The doctors said that it was nothing. It was just a minor reaction to the learning machines. It would go away eventually when his mind was adjusted to them or when he got older. It never had. It made it difficult to concentrate sometimes, especially when he wanted to remember something. At times, it felt like someone had plunged a hot knife inside his head.

He couldn't let it bother him. His hand fell back to his sides and his eyes roamed the room. He couldn't see the entrance they had brought him through. It seemed to have disappeared. A brief smiled appeared on his face. It was another way to instil fear. He could not come in or leave without their permission. It was a method that would have worked on most people but not on someone who knew what they were trying to do.

A bright blinding light hit the spot where he stood, transfixing him.

Just like I thought. The boy noted with satisfaction. He stood his ground, ready and unafraid.

A calm, superior female voice said, "Excellent." There was a tone of pronouncement her voice. The sound didn't just vibrate along the walls as he had expected, it enveloped him and surrounded him, almost as if it was trying to take him over; echoing inside of him right to his very bones. The female voice asked him, "You are not afraid?"

The boy's voice was measured and sounded older and more assured than his years would indicate. "Is there a reason why I should be?"

The voice seemed to be delighted. "You are either too clever or not clever enough."

The light was still blinding him.

The boy asked in challenge, "Which one are you?"

Laughter erupted all around him, male and female voices, like waves of liquid sound.

A low rumbling male voice said, "This one is mine." The sound was as smooth as fine gravel and for the first time since entering the room, the boy was afraid. The room had been calculated to separate out people like him.

**********

Sester's body shivered and he opened his eyes. He immediately closed them tight as the light aggravated the pain in his head. "Ahh." His hand went to his temple and he rubbed it.

"He's awake." It was a male voice he didn't recognize.

"Good, his vitals are stabilizing." This was Dr. Kendric. "Turn the lights down."

"There's still a lot of activity in the brain waves," said the male voice.

"It might not be unusual for him."

"It would be for anyone else. Except…" The male voice paused. "Do you know what these look like?"

"I know." Dr. Kendric's voice sounded concerned. She asked, "Sester, how are you feeling?"

Sester risked opening his eyes a sliver. The lights had been turned down to a gentle glow. He opened his eyes the rest of the way. His head still hurt but at least it didn't feel like someone was boring into his brain.

He said lightly, "You mean apart from the sensation of having a hot knife in my head?" Behind Dr. Kendric, he could see Reya coming towards him. His spirits lifted instantly. Behind her, with a shuffling gait and a look of dejection on his face, followed Argus.

Yes, he was feeling much better. A smile almost touched the corners of Sester's lips but he controlled himself. It would not do to have Reya see his amusement. The others were there too. Avon, Cally and Vila.

Dr. Kendric applied an applicator to his neck. "This will help with the pain." There was a slight hiss as she depressed the button.

The pain immediately began to fade. Sester took in a deep breath and let it out. "Thank you, Doctor."

Kendric said, "Your mind has received a great shock. There may be lingering effects that will last from a few days to several weeks but there should be no permanent damage. We have given you several stabilizing drugs but your mind is capable of doing the rest."

"Can I get up?"

"You can but I recommend that you take it easy for a few days."

Kendric helped him sit up and gave him some water.

Sester addressed Argus, "Did you get what you wanted?"

Avon snarled, "It's not going to work."

Sester sighed. "I don't want to fight with you, Avon. I only want to know if you found out what you needed to know about the drugs."

Avon's eyes narrowed. "What are you playing at?"

It was difficult but Sester avoided using all of the tools at his disposal. The things that would make him sound sincere, just because he wanted to sound sincere. There was a raw honesty in his voice that he didn't know he was capable of. He filed this information away. "For once, Avon. I am not playing any games. Not with you. I only want to know if what I did worked. Were you able to determine if Servalan tampered with the drugs?"

Avon said, "There were no tests done."

"What? You mean I did it for nothing?" There was surprise on Sester's face but it quickly turned to ironic laughter. He asked Argus, "Was it because you didn't trust me? Or you didn't trust yourself?"

When Argus didn't answer, Sester asked, "It was both?"

Argus said suddenly, "Tell me what happened with Servalan after you gave us the information to rescue Avon."

Sester looked sharply at him. "Why do you want to know?"

"Answer the question."

Sester glanced over at Reya, wondering what she had told the others. He'd never used the information before. It was too obvious a sympathy card. Sester did not do obvious. "You're not going to believe me."

Reya said softly, "Tell them what you told me."

Sester hesitated and then he nodded. "Alright. After…"

Avon said, "I want to know everything."

"Very well. After they rescued you. I knew the game was up. Servalan would know it was me. I tried to escape but they shut down the Central Spaceport. I didn't have a chance. I was taken to a cell. Your cell."

Avon said dispassionately, "Poetic."

"Yes, Servalan seemed to think so when she came to visit. For a moment, I thought she was going to do to me, what she had done to you. But…" Sester smiled ironically and touched his hand to his chest. "She had me shot instead."

Avon's brows lifted, "Shot?"

Sester absently rubbed his chest. He could almost feel a dull pain where the shots had hit. "Yes. Several times. I do seem to manage quite well for a dead man, don't I?"

Avon guessed, "They were stun shots? Designed to produce fear?"

Sester chuckled. "They were very effective. I thought I had died. I never expected to wake up again."

"Go on."

"Imagine my surprise when I woke up. My chest felt like someone had kicked it in. Stun shots might not kill but they do hurt. Especially if you receive more than one or two."

Despite how the others felt about Sester, Vila couldn't keep the sympathy out of his face. "What did Servalan do to you?"

As Sester spoke, his voice became tight with memory and his eyes saw the past; and the cell. "The standard disorientation treatments. Isolation. Bright lights and sounds so that I couldn't sleep. Not much food or water. Questions over and over again until I could hear them even when they weren't there. Drugs that…well, you know some of them. I used them enough on you, Avon. After awhile I thought I was going mad."

Avon asked, "They didn't hurt you in any other way?"

Sester's eyes focused on Avon, as if he just remembered that he was not alone. "No. I was never removed from the cell. Sometimes, the torture of the mind is much more effective than that of the body."

Avon's lips pulled back, baring his teeth. "Poetic justice?"

For Sester, the guilt was only as far as the next accusation. "One day the door opened and Servalan came in. She made it very clear that she was in control and that she could kill me at any time. Or worse."

Avon pressed for more. "And?"

"I agreed with her. Then she let me out."

Vila asked, "That's it?"

"She kept me on a short leash for awhile. I was watched carefully but she didn't need to. The lesson had been very effective."

Vila was perplexed. "So she kept you a prisoner and threatened you. But you're not a prisoner now. Why didn't you change sides when you had the chance? You're not being watched now. What hold does she have over you?"

Sester said, "You wouldn't understand."

Reya said, "I want to understand."

Sester grimaced. "Don't ask me, Reya. There are some things about being a psychostrategist none of you would ever understand."