"Hmm," Gill let out a murmur as she came round from the anaesthetic.
"Gill?!" Kevin wasn't sure if he had actually heard Gill make that sound or if he was just imagining it.
"Kev," Gill whispered, turning her head to face her fiancé.
"Don't move, Gill. You've had an operation. You had some internal bleeding and the doctors had to find out where the source of the bleed was. You'll be okay, it was a routine operation. You need rest right now," Kevin assured Gill and put his hand on top of hers.
There was a knock at the door.
"Kev, can we come in?" Rachel asked, popping her head round the door.
"Of course you can," Kevin replied. "She's only just woken up, so you may not get much sense out of her, but you're welcome to come in."
Janet and Rachel stepped into the room and Janet immediately ran to Gill's side.
"Oh,Gill! What happened to you?!" Janet asked, although she already knew what had happened.
"Dave, he…" Gill couldn't finish her sentence.
"It's okay. Me and Rachel will find him and make sure that he's put behind bars for a very long time. You just concentrate on getting better." Janet managed a weak smile at Gill.
"Hey, Boss." It was Rachel's turn to speak to Gill.
"Sherlock…"
Rachel put her finger over Gill's lips.
"Don't speak, it's okay. You may not have much of an idea of what's going on or what happened, but we're here for you and we will always be here for you. You have loads of people that are going to support you through the next few months, they're all outside, worried as hell. Kevin didn't say much on the phone, the plonker. We assumed the worst had happened. Don't you ever, ever do this to us again, you hear me?"
Gill nodded at Rachel and she leaned down to kiss Gill on the forehead.
"What happened?" Gill asked Kevin. "All I can remember is Dave shouting at me."
"That's pretty much all there is to it. Melissa called Sammy and told us to get down there fast. Sammy was a little hero and punched Dave right on the nose. Dave tried to hit Sammy back, but he ducked and Dave hit you instead."
"Oh…" Gill replied. When what Kevin had said sunk in, she lay in the hospital bed, her mind whirring.
"My baby!" she exclaimed when her memory had been fully restored. "Is he okay?" she asked Kevin, sitting up.
"I don't know, Gill. They wouldn't tell me anything until you woke up," he replied.
At that moment, the surgeon that had operated on Gill walked through the door.
"Aah, good! You're awake, Gill!"
"Yeah, yeah. What about my baby?!"
"Well, the operation was a success, we managed to stem the bleeding. You'll be fine. Unfortunately, we had to deliver your baby while you were under anaesthetic as we didn't think that it would survive the operation. Your baby wasn't breathing when it was born. We tried everything we could but we couldn't revive her, her vital organs weren't developed enough for her to survive. I'm very sorry for your loss."
"Wait, her?" Gill asked. "It was a girl?"
"Yes, she was a girl," the doctor replied.
"My baby," Gill whispered. "My baby is gone."
"I'll be outside if you want to ask me anything," the doctor said. "I think you and your husband need some alone time."
"Fiancé," Kevin corrected him.
"My apologies, fiancé," the doctor corrected himself. As he walked out, he motioned to Janet and Rachel, suggesting that they step outside as well to allow Gill and Kevin some time alone. They obliged.
"Our baby," Kevin whispered, grabbing hold of Gill's hand. "I never thought that this would happen to us."
He stood up and wrapped his arms around Gill. He lay on the bed with her for what seemed like hours, Gill's sobs the only sound. Their baby was gone and there was nothing they could do about it.
xXxXx
The doctor walked out of Gill's room with Rachel and Janet, and was greeted by a sea of questions from the people closest to Gill. They were anxious to know if everything was okay. The doctor repeated what he had said to Gill. Faces turned from smiles to frowns to sobs. Sammy rose out of his chair and began to pace up and down, clearly working himself up over something.
"AARGHH!" he cried, and punched the hospital wall.
"Sammy, love, what's wrong?" Melissa asked.
"What's wrong? What's wrong?! My mother is lying in hospital thanks to my complete twat of a dad, having just lost her baby, and it's all my fault!" He sat down in the chair again, obviously not angry anymore, more upset than anything.
"None of this is your fault! How can you even say that?!"
Sammy turned to face Melissa, his cheeks stained with tears. "If I hadn't have ducked…," he let out a sob. "If I hadn't have ducked, then my dad wouldn't have hit her and it would all be fine. It should be me in that bed, not her!"
Melissa grabbed hold of Sammy's hands and looked into his eyes. "I do not want you speaking like that! You weren't to know that Gill was behind you. It shouldn't be anyone in that bed, not you, you your mom!"
Sammy realised that Melissa was making perfect sense and kissed her on the forehead. "I love you, you know that? I never want to lose you."
"I know, I love you too," she replied.
"Eugh, can you carry on this love fest somewhere else please?" Rachel asked as she got up. "I'm going to see how Gill and Kevin are."
xXxXx
She walked in to find Kevin and Gill lying on the bed, not saying anything. Just thinking.
"Kev, why don't you go and get a coffee or something?" she suggested.
"No, it's okay. I don't want to leave her," he replied.
"It's okay. I'll stay with Gill until you get back. I promise."
Kevin seemed to be thinking this through in his head. "Okay, thanks Rachel."
Kevin got out of the bed and went to get a drink.
"Where's Kevin going?" Gill asked. She obviously hadn't heard the conversation.
"He's just going to get a drink, so you'll have to make do with me," Rachel joked as she lowered herself onto the bed. It felt weird lying next to her boss, especially when she was so vulnerable.
Gill didn't find it funny. She burst out into tears instead. "If I had a girl, I hoped that she would turn out like you," she said between sobs.
"Really?" Rachel asked, turning to face Gill instead of the ceiling.
"Yeah, apart from the drinking and the smoking and the swearing," Gill replied.
"So basically, you hoped she'd turn out nothing like me."
"No, I wanted her to be clever like you. I wanted her to be instinctive like you. And I wanted her to be one of the best, like you," Gill replied.
Rachel reached over and put her left arm under Gill's body and her right arm around her body, hugging her.
"Thank you," she whispered. She ever let a tear roll down her face, which was very unlike Rachel. "How are you holding up?" she asked. She knew that it was a stupid question but she couldn't think of anything else to say.
"I'm not," Gill replied. "I just feel so empty - literally. It feels like a massive part of me has died with my baby. I don't feel whole anymore. I don't feel complete. This baby was the last chance I had to be anything resembling a decent mother and now she's gone. I know I've still got my grandchild, but it's not the same. I was going to love this baby so much. I was going to be a much better mother to her than I was to Sammy. Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Maybe I wasn't destined to be a mother. You're such a good friend, Rachel. I'm sorry that I was so horrible and insensitive when you went through this."
"It's okay. You didn't know what it felt like then, you didn't fully understand. After I'd had my baby, thy asked if I had a name for her and I said that her name would have been Gill. The name just came to me, probably because you're such a good boss, and I knew that you would be there for me," Rachel confessed.
Kevin came back with his cup of coffee and the doctor followed him in.
"Would you like to hold the baby and say goodbye?" he asked.
Gill nodded.
xXxXx
The doctor handed Kevin the tiny pink bundle.
"She's so small!" Kevin remarked.
Gill said nothing. She sat staring at the bundle in Kevin's arms.
"Did you have a name in mind for the baby?" the doctor asked Gill.
"No, but I want to call her Rachel. I wanted her to be everything that Rachel Bailey is today," she replied.
"Hello little one," Kevin said to his daughter. "I'm your daddy. Your name is Rachel Murray and unfortunately, you're never going to meet us. I love you so much. I was going to spoil you rotten, no matter if you were a girl or a boy. It would have been great if you were a boy: I could have taken you to football matches and coached the team. I could have bought you your first pint when you were 18. It would have been great if you were a girl too: I could have spoiled you ever more. I could have threatened your boyfriends to be good to you, otherwise they would have me to answer to. I could have been so proud when you made me a grandad, as long as you weren't too young."
He handed his daughter back to the doctor and kissed her on the forehead.
"You'll always be daddy's little princess, don't you ever forget that," he whispered.
