CH 7

The girl giggled as she threaded her away about the marketplace. She was looking for a certain man.

With a laugh, she found him, the old man with a face wrinkled like a prune, shut behind his stall, built with wood as aged as he.

She ran to him. "Hi, Rankushi-san!" she chirped. "How are you?"

"Very good," he replied, eyes twinkling. "And how have you been, my little hime?"

"Really good!" She shuffled her feet, suddenly looking awkward. "Um, Rankushi-san, do you still have those sashes? The ones I've been paying off? You haven't given them away?"

He smiled. "Don't worry, my little hime," he said. "I have them stored away, just for you." From behind his counter he got out a slim box made of dark wood.

The girl fished at her yukata sash and untied a small pouch. She upended it on the counter, and a pile of bronze coins skittered out. "I think I have enough to pay it all off!" she said excitedly.

"Is that so? Aren't you quite the rich little hime," chuckled the old man. His fingers moved deftly over the coins. He set aside five coins and swept the rest into a large pouch. "You have indeed paid for these sashes!" He handed the box to the girl. "You've worked hard for it, my little hime."

She dropped the handful of coins back into her pouch and received the box with awe. "Oh, thank you, thank you, Rankushi-san!" she whispered. She looked up and smiled brilliantly. "Bye, Rankushi-san! Thank you!"

"Thank you, my little hime."

The girl trotted away from the stall, waving over her shoulder. She slid open the box as she walked, as always, her breath caught at the beauty of the items enclosed.

He'll love them.

-oOo-

He did.

He stared at them awe. "For me?"

"No," she scoffed sarcastically, scuffing her bare feet on the forest floor. She twisted her hands behind her. "For Hojo."

His gaze snapped up to her, and there was hurt in those teal eyes. "Hey, that's not funny!" he protested. "How can you even joke about that? He's a total wuss!"

She laughed. "Okay, sorry," she said, not sorry at all, slightly pleased. "So…?"

"They're so beautiful!" He lifted the sashes out of the box. "Look at this white one! It's so clean-looking! I'll probably get it all dirty, though. The red one is so bright. No one else in our village has cloth this vivid." He paused, and looked gently at the girl. "And this blue one… I like this one the best. It's true blue… just like your eyes." He reached out and traced a finger under her left eye. She blushed, and tried to cover it up.

"Well, okay. What did you get me?"

His eyes got wide. "Get…you…something? Um…"

She frowned, but replaced it quickly with a tight smile. "Naw, it's okay. What did I expect from a boy?" She turned and started walking away.

He ran after her. "Hey, wait! I was just kidding!" He reached for his sash and pulled out a thin tube. "See?"

She turned and looked at the tiny item. "What is it?"

He grinned. "I know you're not a girly-girl, but girls tend to like this kind of thing, and it would match your eyes, so, well…so…"

"Give me it already!" She made a joking snatch for it, and he let her take it. She examined it. "What is this thing? No, wait, I found it." She uncapped it, revealing a robin egg- blue nub. "Huh?"

He grinned. "It's one of those sticks you rub on your eyelids."

"Aww, thanks!" She fiddled with the base, and the nub grew longer; she twisted the other way, and it shortened. "Awsome! It's as blue as the sky!"

"Your present was better," he said, looking a tad bit embarrassed.

She looked up. "No, don't be like that! The sashes weren't that expensive. This thing must have taken you months to pay off. Don't think I haven't noticed you slipping off to that woman's booth every time we go to the town with the marketplace."

"Well, yeah, but the sashes took you months too. Don't think I haven't noticed you running off to that old man's stall." He crossed his arms and grinned wider. All this mushy-stuff was beyond him, but he was fine with this jesting.

"Nuh-uh!"

The argument continued for the rest of their walk home. Right before he turned off to his hut, he waved the sashes over his head.

"Hey, I'm gonna wear these on special occasions!" he shouted. "The blue on my head, the red and white at my waist!"

"Nice. I'll wear this makeup thing whenever you wear those sashes! I have no idea how to put this thing on. I'll probably just smear this thing all over my eyes and end up looking like an idiot. As usual."

"You could ask your mom."

"Huh, yeah. Oh well, see ya."

"See ya!"

-oOo-

Kagome sipped at her soup. "Why is everyone staring at me?" she said defensively. Everyone, including Lord Sesshomaru and all the minor lords, ladies, and high-ranking army officers were sneaking glances at her between bites.

Sesshomaru swallowed a mouthful of raw meat. "Do you truly have no recollection of the afternoon?" he asked quietly.

She wrinkled her nose. "Now that I think about it… I just remember going down to the execution, but I don't remember actually doing it. That is so weird. Oh, my compliments to the chef, by the way, this soup is amazing." Now everyone was staring flat-out at her. Did she have something on her face or something? She dabbed at her mouth with her napkin delicately, hoping that she would get it off. "What?" she said defensively. "Seriously, quit staring at me!"

Now everyone exchanged meaningful looks. Kagome was starting to get annoyed. "Lord Sesshomaru, may I be excused?" She wasn't going to sit there and be gawked at. She would go to her rooms and look in the mirror and see what in the hell they were all laughing at.

"You are excused, General."

She frowned. "Thank you, my lord." She left the dining room, confident that they were all busting their seams behind her back.

She hurried through the castle. Yes, even the servants going about doing their work were staring at her. She heard Soten and Yura fall in step behind her, and whirled around.

"Alright, what's so funny?" she growled. They looked a little nervous.

"N-nothing is remotely funny, General," promised Soten, scarlet eyes wide. Yura nodded. Their Lord had forbidden them to mention the incident to their General unless she brought it up first. And they had heard her saying that she had no memory of it, so they were technically to say nay a word about the happenings of the afternoon, since people didn't really talk about things they didn't remember.

"There's a reason that everyone's sneaking looks at me," Kagome insisted. She hated being laughed at without knowing the reason why. "So tell me. I command you, as your General," she added when her guards exchanged nervous looks. "Tell me, now."

"We—we really can't," stammered Yura.

Kagome narrowed her eyes. "Is it anything on my face? Eye crusts? Drool marks?" She forced herself to add, "Any… bats in the cave?"

Soten stifled a smirk at the last one. "No eye crusts, drool marks, or…bats in the cave, General, I promise. Nothing of the sort."

"Then what is it?" Was there a rumor going around about her? She should have known that they would never accept her for her human heritage, no matter how well she performed her job. But no, Sesshomaru wouldn't listen to rumors. He wasn't the type to lend his ear to gossip. What the hell was going on?

"General."

Kagome looked past the strained faces of her guards to meet the steady gaze of her Lord. "Sesshomaru-sama," she said, and dipped her head.

He nodded to acknowledge her show of respect. "Come, walk with me in the gardens. You are dismissed," he added to her guards. They promptly left the scene, looking relieved.

Kagome waited until they were on the cobbled stone paths of the flourishing gardens, then spoke. "Lord Sesshomaru, were they laughing at me back in the dining room?"

He watched a sakura petal float lazily past, borne on the fragrant breeze. "No, I do not believe they were laughing at you."

"Then what is it?"

Sesshomaru hesitated. Would she have another breakdown if he reminded her of the one in the afternoon? He would have to leave it to her. She deserved to know.

"You had a breakdown at the execution," he said quietly, watching her face closely for any hint of a dangerous reaction.

Kagome froze. Another one? But she hadn't had one for so long… She was so sure she had buried those painful memories far beneath her consciousness… So that was why they had been staring at her. "Did I go completely mad?"

Sesshomaru considered the question. "You did not recall the memories of your life at the West. You did not answer to your name, nor your title. You seemed to be locked in a horror landscape, one that involved… Crows, smoke, and ashes."

Her body was stiffening. No, no, bad girl, have to keep those images back, have to force them into the shadows… Her vision was tunneling. No, she couldn't have another breakdown…

"General. At some point in your past, did you have another name?" She clung gratefully to his words as if they were a lifeline. But when they registered in her head, she almost lost her grip, almost fell back into the darkness.

"P-please, Sesshomaru-sama, please don't ask me those questions." She didn't want to live the pain again. "I would… I would rather forget. And it's my problem, mine alone."

Sesshomaru viewed her with concern. "General, when your problems endanger the West, they become mine as well."

"I know, my lord. It won't happen again. Please, can we just put it behind us?" Yes, that was where the memories belonged; in the past.

He did not believe the small human woman. But he decided to ease up a little. Just a little. "Do you have any idea what triggered your breakdown? I must know," he added as blue eyes clouded with pain. "To ensure that the scenario does not repeat itself."

She fixed her gaze on a bellflower. As she watched, a butterfly flitted over to the flower and landed delicately on its petals, setting it bobbing up and down.

"I have no idea," she admitted. "It's just as soon as her words registered in my brain, it started something like a domino tile reaction. First it was just tiny flashes of the memories, and then… it washed over me like a flood, and I was carried away into my past."

Sesshomaru set his line of sight on the same bellflower she was watching. Together they observed the butterfly extracting nectar from the beautiful blossom.

"General," he began. She turned her head to look at him inquisitively. "You swore your fealty to me as a serving soldier when you were seven years of age. Before that, I have no idea of your history. Without knowing how your past affects you, I cannot protect you."

"It's not me you want to protect, though," said Kagome, bitterly, carelessly. "It's the West, right, Sesshomaru-sama?" Emotions were churning inside her, like ocean waves crashing against a cliff. Eventually the wall would wear away, and they would come flooding out. "Nothing personal? Just what am I to you, my lord?"

She waited, eyes fixed determinedly on the flower, ears straining to hear his answer, at the same time not wanting to hear.

Sesshomaru stared at the sky, painfully aware of everything and nothing. His answer, he could tell, would determine their future relationship.

What was Higurashi to him? She was his solder, his general, his vassal. All of these were good, sensible answers. Bu he sensed that he could not say anything along those lines. She wanted him to say something different. But was he willing to go there? Was he willing to take a step into the dark, the unexplored? For a lord and his soldier to have a… romantic relationship was a breach of a silent law. It could lead to too much pain. And honestly, he didn't want to stake all of his love in a human. She would soon be but a fleeting dream to his long years of life; just another scrap of memory to add to the large collection. When she died, he would bury his heart with her. And he could not do that. That would imperil the West. His sole duty was to continue the line, to conquer, to rule, to dominate. No, he could not go there with the General.

"You are my comrade, General." To her inquisitive gaze, he added with a heavy heart, "Nothing more."

Kagome lowered her gaze, and the cobblestones wavered, her vision swimming. All this time, then, he had been playing her for a fool, leading her along with false hopes? No, she could not blame him. She would blame herself. He had never tried to imply anything romantic; she had simply assumed things. She had buried him too deep in her heart, and now she would pay the price. Yet another blow, this one would shake her to the core, rip her apart. This would be far worse than Kahiko's betrayal. It was just like that time. Back when she was carefree, rolling around in the dirt like any other girl of her age. She had seen horrible things, had been forced to awaken to the horrors of the world far too early. That one morning, so long ago, had brought a hellfire that destroyed her entire world. And now, another part of her would die, would shrivel up and die in this beautiful, aromatic garden.

"I see, Sesshomaru-sama." The emotion had seeped out of her voice. She looked at the stone, the weathered, mottled gray. "Don't worry. The breakdowns, they won't ever happen again."

Sesshomaru wanted to say something more, but they caught in his throat, clung to his lips. Finally, all he could say was, "See to it that they do not, Higurashi."

Kagome nodded numbly. "If I may be excused," she said curtly, and bowed her head. Turning on her heel, she exited the garden, her dreams wilting and falling at her feet like so many tattered petals.