Ch. 7
Disclaimer: Lyrics are from Stabbing Westward "Desperate Now."
I keep breaking all the promises
It felt like years had passed since yesterday; the hours had been so painful at times he had felt like he couldn't breathe. And it all had been his fault.
His fault.
His choice.
His words.
His decision
… his fault.
He tried to keep his hands that were resting on his knees to stop shaking. He tried to keep his eyes focused on the game. But he couldn't.
Again, he felt himself turning to look at Akira. And with each look, he felt something inside of him die a bit more. A go stone was placed on the wooden Goban with a crash. Hikaru snapped his eyes back on the game and was startled when Ochi got up, his eyes glaring at him behind his wire framed glasses.
"If you're not going to take this seriously Shindo," The boy declared with anger in his voice. "Then I suggest you stop playing now. Because at this rate, it's a waste of both of our time." Everyone turned their heads to look at them and Hikaru shivered, knowing a pair of startling green eyes would be watching him closely as well.
'I promised myself I wouldn't think of him anymore. I promised myself I'd stop loving him…' He closed his eyes. They were prickling. He took a deep breath in. It nearly strangled him. If only he could swallow the lump that was growing inside his throat. He tried. It didn't work. Nothing worked. He was only breaking all the promises… everybody's… not just his own. He opened his eyes and glared at Ochi.
"Let's play." He hissed. People were still staring at them. He didn't care. He turned slightly, looking to where Akira was playing. The twenty year old was still looking at his own Go board. His face was pale. "Let's play." He whispered again, his hand digging into his own stones. He looked at the game. This was all that was left to him to bind him to Sai and now, to bind him to Akira. He wasn't gonna let it go. Not this…
That I keep making to myself
Akira finished his game in any way he could, his moves ten times more aggressive than they should have been. His opponent hung her head after a few minutes, looking aghast at the pattern that had made its way onto the go board. He looked at it, green eyes dispassionate. It was an ugly pattern. It was not a real game. If only he could break away from the numbness that had settled around him since yesterday, he knew he'd feel a burning shame deep within him for playing in such a manner. It was not a game… it had been slaughter. From her first move and from his… it had already been over.
"I have lost." She whispered. He bowed his head, fists clenching on the soft material of his pants that was resting on his legs.
"I'm sorry." He whispered as well, startling the girl. "Would you like to go over the game?" He asked, looking up. The girl looked as if about to say no and god how he wished she would say no. He suddenly wanted to be very far away from this place, away from the game that had brought Hikaru to him in the first place. This was unlike him and he hated it. He hated it. He hated himself.
He was running away.
Had been running away since yesterday…because…
It had had to be his fault. He must have done something, anything, to ruin it.
To ruin everything.
"Yes. Please." She said quietly. "I'd like to improve." He sensed she wanted to say something else but she didn't, instead her eyes focused on the stones. He looked up and tried to focus on the ugly pattern that he'd helped create. He took a deep breath in, unclenched his hands and sat up straighter.
"Let's start at this corner than…"
You'd think by now I'd be over this
Another day had passed. And it was strange because even if Akira had been the one to ask him if ending their relationship would change anything— it was Akira who was changing it. Hikaru bit his lip, watching Akira's back move towards the exit of the building. Once more, the other twenty year old didn't bother looking back, looking to see if maybe Hikaru had been done with his game, if it had gone well or badly. His horrid loss from yesterday still burned fresh in his mind, so did Ochi's disgusted look at him and his words… oh god. Sometimes he thought the words would just plague him till he died.
"You're a child Shindo, if you think you can let your emotions get in the way of a game." The other had stated coolly, pushing his glasses up his nose. "And you're a fool if you think playing like this will get you anywhere near his level." They both had known who Ochi was talking about. Of course he'd known.
He wanted to scream. He wanted someone to be able to tell him he'd made the right decision before he went mad. All he'd wanted to do was make it right. Make his whole world right again. It just felt worse than it had before. Hikaru nearly jumped as he felt a warm arm make its way around his shoulder. He looked up to see Waya's amber eyes looking at him worriedly.
"What the hell is going on, Shindo?" He asked carefully. "You've been standing here for ten minutes without moving." Hikaru bit his lip, looking down at his hand that was still holding onto his sneakers. He'd been getting them out of the locker when Akira had just walked past him, not even bothering to glance at him. Not even acknowledging him. He'd tried to call after him but his mouth had just opened and he'd frozen. Akira was…gone. Was out of reach again. The pain in his chest doubled and he was only slightly aware that he was falling. His knees hit the cold floor hard.
"I'm such an idiot!" The words were flung in the air, ignoring Waya's gasp. His arm went to cover his eyes. "Such an idiot!" His other hand threw the shoes before coming down as a fist to hit the floor.
Instead I'm feeling sorry for myself
Akira was sitting in the Go salon, ignoring all the questioning looks he was getting from everyone. He wasn't even pretending to be playing at the moment. He was just sitting, hand holding his head that was suddenly weighing too heavy for him to hold on its own. He was tired. He was still numb. He wanted the numbness to go away and yet he didn't. He didn't want to know how much it would hurt when the numbness went away. He was afraid to feel it.
It was bad enough he'd woken up crying, knowing why but refusing to admit it. Maybe he should've let Hik--Shindo tell him the reason why. Maybe it would help. He didn't know anymore. He didn't know anything.
"Akira-chan." The soft voice made him look up. "Could I play against you?" Ichikawa-san asked him; worry sounding out in her voice and showing clearly in her eyes. He was being ridiculous. He shouldn't make anyone worry for him. He didn't quite deserve the emotion. A smile made its way to his face and he ignored the older player that scolded the young woman for interrupting the young master's thinking.
"Of course you can." He said gently.
So why does everything feel desperate now
Waya looked at Hikaru worriedly as he led the other Go player into his apartment. With a quick motion, he let himself and the other in and they sat down on the couch in silence. Hikaru was sprawled out on the couch, his head leaning on the back of the couch.
"I'm an idiot you know…" The boy hissed. "I thought I wouldn't lose him. I didn't wanna lose anyone anymore." The words meant little to Waya. Oh he knew that it concerned Touya for some reason and when he got his hand on the other boy, he would be sure to give the ass a piece of his mind but as for the 'losing him, losing anyone anymore'… Waya was lost.
"What happened, Shindo?" He asked gently. Hikaru shook his head, his eyes full of tears. He was biting his lip and blinking rapidly as if to prevent the tears from falling. It was in vain as a couple fell, tracing the contours of his cheeks. It hurt him to see his friend this way. And it just made him angrier at Touya even if he didn't know what exactly had taken place. "Shindo…" He reached out to place a comforting hand on the boy's shoulder. But the boy moved away.
"It's my fault." The voice was thick and suddenly, Hikaru was curling up on himself. His one knee was brought up, his head resting on top of it, hiding his face. "When I found out…" Waya came closer, trying really hard to decipher the words that were being said through the hard breathing and what probably were choked off sobs. "…what my parents would think…" The whole boy's body was heaving, trembling. "They'd have hated me… god they would have hated me." Waya's insides froze. "I couldn't have taken it, Waya. I couldn't have…I don't want them hating me." He reached out this time, grabbing both shoulder and making Hikaru look up at him before quickly grasping the younger boy into a protective hug. "They think it's unnatural." The wails that were coming out of the usually cheerful boy was hurting him and Waya could only hold onto him tighter, wishing he'd never pushed Hikaru into realizing he'd fallen for someone of his own sex. He hated humans sometimes. Their nature, their hatred for anything and everything they didn't understand. "Not right." The words were garbled. "A sin." Hikaru's hands were suddenly clawing at his own shirt, desperately trying to find a hold, something that would help him regain his lost balance. "A monster." Waya closed his eyes. "Is it wrong? Why is it wrong?" Waya shook his head. He didn't know… "What's so wrong about loving someone else…?" The tears were burning him as they fell onto his neck, soaking the edges of his t-shirt. "I didn't want to lose them…" And so he had chosen. Waya bit his lip. Things were so clear now.
"Shh…" He whispered not loosening his hold even a bit. "Shhh…" He whispered into the dark black and blond strands of hair. "You don't have to say any more…" He started to rock the boy in his arms, lost at what else to do. He didn't know how to fix this. He didn't know.
"…" The sob was scary in its silence. He felt it being ripped out of Hikaru's slight frame and he shuddered along with it. Hikaru had ended his relationship with Touya. To continue being loved by parents who would never understand. And life was so unfair sometimes. Too unfair. It was the people who didn't understand, who didn't accept who were the monsters. Not those who loved. It wasn't fair. And Waya didn't realize he'd been speaking out loud. He didn't realize any of it, so lost in his friend's pain and in his own not too distant memories of his own parent's disgust. He didn't even remember to ask him if Shindo had made sure to make Touya understand the reason behind the sudden break up.
He didn't even remember…
I should be feeling so alive
Akira walked into the Go salon, planning on being part of this world again instead of just muddling through it like he had been. The numbness was still there but he wanted to face it. He needed to face it. He had to. His eyes searched the hallway for the familiar face, but it wasn't there. Just like the emptiness in his chest. Hikaru wasn't there. No. Not Hikaru. Shindo. Shindo wasn't there. He slipped off his shoes, placing them in a random locker before moving into the game room. Would he be here?
Yes.
The sight of the other man, made him freeze in his steps. He hadn't allowed himself to look at him. Hadn't known how he would react. Hikaru…Shindo was talking to Waya quietly in a corner, the redhead had a friendly arm around the boy's shoulder. They were talking, laughing even… they were alive. All at once, the numbness was no longer there. It hurt.
It really hurt.
'I feel like a child.' Akira thought dumbly. Isumi looked up from the conversation the three were having. Funny how Akira hadn't noticed him there at first, he was too focused on Shindo. He'd always been too focused on him. Isumi's blue eyes looked straight at him, understanding and a slight pain filtering through those eyes. He didn't want the boy's pity. He only wanted to find his place back in this world. He wanted someone to be able to place it back where it belonged.
But he didn't know who could do that. If anyone could except for himself. He felt foolish… all this time, he'd been hurting quietly, being numb while Hikaru… Shindo! Damn it all… was smiling. As always. He saw Isumi about to reach over and shake Shindo's shoulder, to tell him Akira was there. Akira was waiting. As always. Akira was foolishly waiting. Always fucking waiting. He shook his head.
"Don't bother." He said quietly, so quiet he knew he would be the only one to have heard the words. He forced a smile and turned away only to have that girl that he'd played against a couple days ago be at his side. A shy smile was on her face.
"Ah… Touya-san," She ducked her head to cover embarrassment. "I was wondering if you could help me with my game." A lower dan. A horrible game they'd played together. But he was better. Everything would be better. They'd play a better game. He'd help her be pulled along deeper into the Go world. It was his job.
"Of course."
"Touya." Another voice called to him. He didn't need to turn around to know who it was.
"Hello Shindo." He greeted politely. "How are you?"
But it feels like something's missing
"Awful." Hikaru managed to say with a slight grin on his face. "What are you doing after today's game?" He asked, surprised that he was able to stay so calm. That whole crying incident a couple days must have helped, he thought in the back of his head as he took in the other man's appearance. Thank god for Isumi. Or he would have missed him again. Had Akira always been so pale?
"I'm sorry." Akira's green eyes flickered over his face. Was he taking in the slight darkness under his eyes? Did he see the sadness? "I don't know." Akira answered truthfully. Those green eyes turned away to look at the girl that was standing next to him. Hikaru looked at her as well, wondering who exactly she was. Oh he knew that she was a lower dan but…The girl looked between the two, becoming flustered. It often happened now, to all the lower players when the two 'dragons' were together. It was somewhat frustrating and humorous at the same damn time. "When would you like to meet?" Ah. That made it clearer now. It still didn't ease the growing tightness in his chest.
"Anytime, Touya-san. I'm very grateful." She bowed her head and Akira looked uncomfortable. He looked away.
"Would tomorrow at 1 be all right?"
"Yes." Her cheerful expression would have been answer enough. She walked away with a smile on her face. With a strained smile on his own face, Hikaru nudged Akira and was startled when Akira looked at him with wide eyes and actually jumped at the simple touch. The teasing remark he'd been about to give, died before it started.
"Sorry." He whispered instead. He ran a nervous hand through his head. "Would you like to hang out today?"
Something's wrong somehow
"…" He didn't know how to answer the question. He didn't think he even had an answer. None that would be truthful. "I don't know." He finally muttered. He looked to where Waya and Isumi were sitting. He didn't miss the look that was shining in Waya's amber eyes. The games would start soon. "I doubt I'd be very welcome." He finally said. "But if you want me to come, I'll come. Excuse me…" He'd tried to smile but found that he couldn't. "The games are about to start." He explained as he started to walk away.
It feels like something deep inside has died
It had been his choice. He'd made it on his own. He'd thought he'd known what to expect, how to react. He'd thought he'd known… He'd thought he'd put a lot of thought about it. Apparently he'd been wrong. Hikaru watched as Akira made his way into the game room, finding the go board he was supposed to play on and kneeling there, looking as he'd always been. Looking as if nothing was wrong. As if Hikaru wasn't dying as well. Damn it! It hurt him too!
But he doesn't know. Part of his mind whispered, Akira doesn't know. He doesn't know why. 'He might think I don't care anymore. That I don't love him anymore.' And those thoughts hurt him even more. He brushed off the hand that had made its way onto his shoulder and made sure his lips curved into a quick grin that he threw over his shoulder to Waya. He made a little victory sign with his fingers before managing to get his throat to work.
"He'll be coming. We'll have fun…" The lie was atrocious. It was all he could come up with though.
So why do I feel so desperate now
It was empty in the game room still which was surprising. Akira took his position after having taken a quick glance at the sheet. Hopefully the game would be a quick one. But one where he wouldn't massacre the opponent in the first few minutes. No growth could come from such games. His eyes quickly looked over his watch and he sighed. He took a glance around him.
He could have counted the number of people in the room on both hands. He frowned. The strangeness of it all was cutting through his pain. He wanted desperately for something to be normal.
Anything.
Anything at all. And it seemed he was getting the exact opposite of what he wished. His hand rose to rest where his heart lay beating oddly. Shindo, Waya, Isumi-san, Ochi, that girl… what was going on. Suddenly Ogata-sensei stormed into the room, his blue eyes piercing.
"Touya." The name was snapped into the quietness and made him jump.
"Yes."
"I think you need to come with me. Now."
Why do I feel like dying
He was brought into one of the rooms where press conferences were usually held. It was empty and Akira could only stare in dumb surprise as a newspaper was forced into his hands.
"What?" He started but his eyes were moving, reading the words even through his surprise. If any numbness was still in him, surrounding his mind and heart, it was ripped away. It was printed. Printed in black and white like a bad joke.
How could they? His hands trembled. The newspaper dropped and he stared at it blindly as it fell to the ground. The words were becoming blurry.
"This isn't happening?" He whispered. "Please…"
Why do I feel desperate now
"What the heck was that all about?" Waya asked, looking perplexed. Hikaru shrugged, looking worriedly at where the two men had disappeared. People were starting to arrive slowly, looking at him in a strange way. He didn't notice it at first. He was just so worried. But then it hit him. They were all looking at him. All of them. Waya frowned. "What the hell is wrong with everyone today?" He grumbled out. One person came forward, looking at Hikaru with a mixture of disgust and anger.
"Well now I finally understand how you were able to move up so fast in the Go world." The Go player stated, staying far enough away to not be touched, but close enough so that he could see the hurt, anger, and confusion flash through Hikaru's face. "Even with all those matches you missed your first year of becoming a pro."
"What?" Hikaru asked confused by the attack. "What the hell is your problem?"
"Sleeping with Touya to get better. I'm sure he taught you everything…" The words were like a whip. Words stayed stuck in his throat.
"What did you say?" Waya apparently didn't have that problem. He advanced slowly, his hands forming fists at his side. The other Go player looked up surprised and took a step back at the anger he read in the red head's face.
"…" Hikaru still tried to get his throat to function. His hand actually came up to his throat. 'No…' He fought to breath. 'No… not now. Not now. It was over… it was over!'
Why do I feel desperate now
Ogata-sensei said nothing for a minute, just kept looking, taking in the sight of the younger man. He'd never seen Akira like this.
"It was over…" Akira's voice broke. "He'd ended it… why now? Why now when it was all over?" They'd kept it a secret the whole time and now, now when it was over… The green eyes closed and a wave of sympathy washed over the older man, making him want to reach out. He quelched it though. Other things needed to be taken care of.
Akira shuddered against the wall he was leaning on. Someone must have heard us… someone… but who? And why would they do this?
"So this is true than." Ogata-sensei hissed the words out. "This is bad." The man sighed and placed a hand over his glasses as if in deep thought. "But it can be mended." He pushed the glasses up, making them flash in the grayness of the room. Akira looked up. "You have to mend it." He grabbed the younger man's shoulder and shook it. "You need to mend it. Now."
I keep breaking all the promises
"…S-s…" Hikaru started to manage. "STOP IT!" His hands covered his ears. "It was OVER! It was OVER! We ended it. We ended it." A newspaper was thrown at him.
"Stupid fag." The words were hissed out at him. He didn't hear it. He felt his heart crumbling. Everything for nothing. Everything… for nothing… He scrambled to his feet, avoiding the newspaper as if it was fire. This couldn't be happening. This couldn't be happening. He saw Ochi get up, surprise written all over his face. The younger boy reached out taking the newspaper in his hand. His face got this closed look on it.
"So that's why…" Hikaru thought he heard him whisper. He couldn't know for sure though. His heart was beating too fast, too loudly in his chest. His parents would know. His parents would know. God… NO. All the looks. All the looks of disdain.
And their thoughts. It was all too clear. They thought… they didn't even think he had loved Akira…They just thought… it was too horrible. Too horrible. He tried to walk out and was tripped. He landed hard on his knee and Waya growled. The redhead punched the stupid bastard as Hikaru tried to get up. A strong hand suddenly pulled him up and he looked up wildly, about to push away. Monster. His mind was screaming. Disgusting. Monster. Wrong. So wrong… All the words that had never once left him in the past weeks. They had never left him. He choked on a sob. It was Akira holding him. The green eyes were cold. Glacial. They didn't even look at him. They just looked at the other occupants in the room.
"ENOUGH." His voice was quiet but powerful. Everyone stilled. Waya even. Although he only stopped for a minute before going back to punching the guy. Then he stopped, dropping the guy's t-shirt with disgust. His amber eyes then looked straight into Akira's daring him to say anything. Anything at all. "Is this a Go institution?" The question was asked. "Or a gossip house?" The newspaper that Akira had been carrying in his other hand was thrown to the ground. "What we do with our private lives has nothing to do with Go." He hissed. "And you had better keep that in your heads." He finally looked at Hikaru. He let go of the arm and Hikaru winced. He hadn't realized Akira had been holding on so tight. "Any true Go player knows it impossible to get as far as any of us have gotten by anything but a true passion and mastery of the game. If anyone thinks Shindo has used some other methods to get to where he is now then he is a fool who doesn't know the game and does not know how to read properly." People looked at him, expression differing as some were ashamed, some angry, some horrified… some scared even. No one had ever seen him like this, not even Hikaru. And at the anger he saw in Akira's eyes, he was scared as well. Ogata-sensei came, placing himself behind Akira as the younger man finished. "It clearly stated in the article, that Shindo and I were no longer a couple."
"If you've come for your Go matches…" The older man started, pushing his glasses back onto his nose. "Then I suggest you start playing." At his words, Akira walked forward, sitting back down where he'd originally been. A few people left, a few people stood awkwardly lost in the event. Most sat down. The Go player who'd attacked Hikaru verbally was left on the ground, almost forgotten before Ogata-sensei sighed and looked after him. A nurse was called in. A broken nose. And all this went around and around and around…until darkness was the only thing that was left for him. The kind of darkness that colors only nightmares. Except this time his nightmare was his reality.
'Mom…' The spike of fear that hit him then left him with only one option. Hikaru swirled on the spot and ran, ran while he got his shoes on, ran and ran until he could no longer run anymore.
That I keep making to myself
The house was there like it had always been before. And tears made their way out of Hikaru's eyes. He couldn't run anymore. His throat was parched, a huge lump growing larger by the minute was stuck… keeping him out of breath, wheezing. His legs hurt, they were trembling from all the running he'd made them do. And now that he was where he wanted to be… he couldn't move anymore. He just kept looking at his house as if it would disappear on him. Staggering a bit he took the last few steps that would bring him to the door. His hand latched onto the doorknob.
But promises mean nothing to me anymore
Everything was broken. Akira looked up. His game was done. Hikaru was gone. Everyone knew. A broken promise. His eyes caught hold of Ogata-sensei. He'd have time to break down earlier. For now the numbness would do… He had no choice. It would have to do. He looked at his opponent. "Would you like to go over the game?"
Circling the drain
"Mom?" Hikaru managed to twist the door into opening. "Mom?" Maybe she hadn't gotten the newspaper yet. Maybe… maybe… "Mom? I'm home ear— " His words trailed off as she finally came into view. 'Please god, no…'
Spiraling to hell
"What are you doing here?" Her voice was so different. He looked at her in shock.
"I…I came home early." He started to answer, feeling like he was losing his grip on reality.
"Is that him?" His dad's voice.
"Guess… I'm… not the only one." He managed to choke out. He was too late. "Mom…" He started to plead. "Let me explain…" His father stepped into view and caught his mother as she started to sob. "Mom, I didn't mean to. Please… please you've got to…"
"We have no son." His father said clearly over the sobbing. "The Shindo's know of no Shindo, Hikaru." He pointed to bags, suitcases and boxes that were piled near the wall. Why hadn't he noticed them before? Why? He took a step back. "Get out of this house." No. no. no. no. no. no. no. NO! He took another step back. This wasn't happening.
"…please…" He tried weakly, tears were running down his face. "I couldn't help it. I loved him. But I ended it. I ended it for you…"
"Get out!" The father who'd always been too busy, who'd never been there, who'd always just never really seemed to care before suddenly let go of his mother, letting her fall limply onto the floor like a rag doll. He moved towards him with much speed, his hands grabbing at several of the bags and throwing them out the open door. "Get out, now!" Hikaru followed the order blindly, his eyes never leaving his mother's fallen form.
It was his fault.
His fault.
Monster.
So why do I feel desperate now
The door slammed shut behind him and he stared brokenly at the stuff that surrounded him. He looked at the sky--sunny. Bright. He kept staring up. It was all a bad dream. It just had to be. God. Somebody save him. He fell down, crying. Somebody save him.
Why do I feel like dying
Night was falling and Waya was feeling more than a little anxious at not having heard any news from Shindo. It didn't help that he had called the Shindo household only to be told very firmly that they didn't have a son. The clicking sound of the phone hanging up on him still shocked him. The bile continued to make its way up in his throat.
This world…Sucked.
The twenty-what, twenty first century and people still were this closed minded. He closed his eyes. He'd called Touya's apartment only to have the answering machine greet him with its electronic message. He'd left a quick message and then hung up. He'd made his way around town, searching but he'd found nothing. Isumi, who had stayed behind at their own shared apartment, had promised to call in case Shindo showed up, had yet to call.
"Shindo, damn it. Where are you?" Waya whispered. "Where the hell are you?"
Why do I feel desperate now
Akira kicked off his shoes, mortally tired and numb to the core. Hordes and hordes of people each demanding an answer from him, demanding to be seen, claiming it was their right to know. Why was it? Why was it their right, he'd asked. None had been able to give him a good enough answer. But they'd kept him stuck in that little room, suffocating him with their… attitudes. God. He closed his eyes and leaned into the wall that he was closest to.
If only they could have foreseen this.
If only…
A tear made its way out.
"Is it all right now?" He whispered into the still darkness. "Is it all right now if I break?" He asked again. "Ogata-sensei… is it all right now?" The door bell ringing answered him instead. He straightened up, making sure his tie was in its rightful place with an absent hand. Then he turned around facing the door He opened it. "He—" The slapping sound of a hand to his cheek echoed down the hallway.
"This is all your fault." The woman hissed. She turned around, almost running away. Shindo's mother. Akira's hand went up and pressed itself into his burning cheek. Shindo's mother. Oh god, Shindo's mother. He ran outside, forgetting to lock the door behind himself. He needed to find Shindo.
Why do I feel desperate now
Isumi and Waya exchanged glances as they stared at the guest room door which was closed. Waya had run back to the apartment a few minutes ago after he'd finally received the call from Isumi that he'd been waiting for. He'd only come back to find a worried looking Isumi who shook his head at Waya's questioning glance. The door was closed. And he accepted that. He knew he'd probably be the same way. In fact he had been. Which is why he turned away, walking into the small kitchen instead without knocking ont he door and trying to bring comfort to his friend first.
"Shindo… we'll be making dinner in the kitchen if you need us!" He called out as he snagged Isumi's elbow.
"Wa-ya…" Isumi looked behind him. "Shouldn't we…" Waya shook his head.
"Let him be for a bit."
…
Akira knocked on the door to Waya's apartment. He didn't know why he came here first instead of going to Hikaru's house but… he had. He had a feeling that Hikaru would be here. The door opened, revealing a surprised if not weary looking Isumi.
"Touya?" The man asked.
"Is he here?" He asked, ignoring the greeting not in rudeness but in fear. Isumi nodded, opening the door wider and mutely pointed to a door that was a bit further down their small entrance. "Thank god," He walked in and hesitated at the door. Isumi's blue eyes were watching him again with that pained understanding.
"Go in." The older man urged gently. "Waya and I will be in the kitchen if you need anything." Akira nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He took a deep breath and then opened the door. Hikaru looked up when he came in allowing Akira to look at Hikaru's face freely. He took in the tear stained cheeks, the puffy red eyes… And he said nothing. He only walked in further and went down to his knees bringing the other boy into the comfort of his arms. Then they were both crying and there was no words to be said… none that could be said.
To be continued…
