Chapter Seven
Johanna's POV
I was going to be released from the hospital, several days after my breakdown when I was stealing Katniss' morphling. Of course, my departure from the hospital meant my morphling would be gone, and once again, I was nowhere near physically prepared for this. My wounds from being tortured still stung, and my bones still ached from the high-voltage shocks. And my scratches from collapsing onto the shattered glass from Katniss' water still hurt, too.
The only reason I had agreed to go off the morphling was because I needed to start training for the war, if I wanted to go kill Snow, that is. I had yet to be assigned a room, or a roommate, because here in Thirteen, no one is allowed their own room. Especially not someone as self-loathing and unpredictable as me. I snorted at the thought as I struggled to button up my dull grey standard-issue shirt, the uniform for District Thirteen. Suddenly the door creaked open and I glanced up to see Katniss.
"Hey, Brainless." I said, meeting her gaze fleetingly before returning to struggling to button my shirt.
"It's good to see you up and about, Johanna. Really, it was upsetting seeing you like that." Katniss said. My hands, which had already been trembling (as they had been for over two months. I began to wonder if they'd ever stop shaking.) I had only managed to get the bottom button of the shirt, before hopelessly crossing my arms across my chest, hiding my exposed chest and stomach, as well as the ribs that still vividly protruded.
"Let me help," Katniss said, walking up to me. I reflexively crossed my arms tighter and flinched away, screwing my eyes shut. "Johanna," She said, her voice saddened. I cracked my eyes open, and she was directly in front of me. The ugly grey uniforms we were given were only slightly flattering to Katniss, and other members of the seam, where it matched their stormy grey eyes. "Since when are you self conscious of your body?" she teased.
"All right, Mockingjay," I muttered, voice shaking. I dropped my arms, and let my shirt fall open. Katniss' eyes scraped my body, over my ribs and bruises and scars. I could see sadness collapse the teasing smile off her face, and smother any glint of happiness from her eyes.
"I'm never going to stop being sorry for what happened to you," She said softly as she buttoned up my shirt. I flinched as her fingers grazed my stomach. It was a ticklish spot anyways, but the soft touch only made me think of the sick men at the Capitol, overtaking me, and pinning me, hurting me in a way so different from the shocks.
"I won't hurt you, Johanna." Katniss reassured me, abandoning my shirt and grabbing my hands. I took a deep breath and swallowed, suddenly feeling the icy terror melt away. I squeezed her hand and nodded.
"I know you won't…I trust you with my life." I said, meeting her eyes. "But you've seen me naked, so I don't trust that you won't try to make a move," I teased, winking as Katniss reached the top button. She laughed and gave me an odd look for a minute before I stepped away, adjusting my collar. "Thank you," I added.
Suddenly, an idea occurred to me. I turned to her, forcing myself to raise my gaze to her again. "Hey…I was wondering, if you'd want to be roommates with me?" I asked. She looked caught off guard, and blinked at me.
"What, you hoping to sneak an axe into my neck?" She asked. I snorted.
"If I wanted you dead I would have done it in the games, before you stood for so much." I muttered. I lay back on my bed, feeling fatigued suddenly. "Besides, we both need to train, and I'll need someone to drag my sorry ass out of bed." Katniss sat down on the edge of my bed and nodded.
"Well, I still have nightmares, I don't want to wake you up at night…" Katniss responded quietly. I snorted harshly.
"Sweetheart, I hardly sleep. You won't be waking me up from anything, unless it's a nightmare." I said. She gave a dry laugh.
"You've been spending too much time with Haymitch," She smirked. I shrugged; smile fading as I stared at my hands.
"He's the only one who visits. Well, I've seen Finnick about twice since I've arrived here; Haymitch tries to stop in nearly everyday. He understands I have no one."
"That's not true. You've got Finnick, and me!" Katniss snapped. I shook my head, meeting her gaze.
"Finnick's all wrapped up with Annie, which is understandable, of course. He's been waiting five years to be with her. And you've been busy with Mockingjay stuff, and trying to bring Peeta around." I argued. She flinched at Peeta's name and looked down.
"No, no I haven't been near Peeta…it's best for both of us, so he doesn't lose it, and I don't have to see the boy who used to love me." Katniss said stiffly. I gave an audible huff and climbed off the bed, arms crossed, staring at her.
"Okay, Brainless, look. You have no idea what he's been through. Every day he's heard me screaming, and granted, we weren't that close, but think about the arena, with the Jabberjay's, how petrifying the screams were to you, even Annie's. He heard that every day for six weeks, or more, I can't remember. That, in addition to being tortured himself. Being injected with venom, and hearing the capitol force it down his throat that you, the one person he loved more than anything in the world, we're an evil, brutal Mutt who ruined his life. Now matter how many times you're told this you won't get it. Not because you're stupid, but because you just can't relate until you've endured it." I pause before going on, letting her soak up what I've said.
"He loves you…Really, he still does. But he has a layer of pain and distrust on top of that, and we just need to dig through that. They're close…I've seen it. I've had to talk to him sometimes because I'm one of the few people he trusts." I mutter. She nods sadly. "And Katniss?" I add. She looks up at me curiously and I shake my head.
"Quit acting like you don't love him. First time around you acted like you loved him…in the Quell I saw you had stopped acting and it was sincere but now…now you're acting like you just pity him, but I know you don't. Trying to tell yourself, and others, that you don't love him…it doesn't help, believe it or not, it is not a good defense mechanism." I said. She stood stiffly and locked eyes with me, and I was expecting her to repay the hard slap I gave her in the arena. I flinched as she moved towards me, but slumped slightly as she wrapped her arms around me. I tentatively hugged her back and vaguely felt moisture on my left shoulder. She was crying. I helplessly rubbed her back and stepped away, trying to harden my face.
"Okay, Brainless, let's go get our fancy new room. We have to keep our minds busy, stop thinking about things we can't immediately fix. Come on." I said, marching briskly past her. She caught my hand as I walked by, reminding me of the Jabberjay's in the arena, when she tried stopping me from going into their sector. I could tell by the way she looked at me she must have thought of something similar.
"Please…I…just feel alone, I need someone." She pleaded. I smiled and readjusted the hold, and started walking, Katniss in tow.
"Okay, so I'll be a temporary replacement for Peeta…but don't expect me to fill his role entirely, I'm not making out with you." I joked, opening the door.
"Yet," she teased jokingly. "And I know not to expect you to be like Peeta, you're far too prickly."
I laughed dryly as I rounded a corner, nearly ramming right into a charging Finnick Odair.
"Oh, hello!" He said cheerily. He gave us a quizzical look as he saw us holding hands.
"Haven't you heard, Odair? I'm comforting her. The capitol stole my dignity, self worth, and sense of security, but gave me a heart!" I exclaimed. He shook his head.
"Okay, Mason. Well, just in time, too!" He added, perking up even more.
"For what?" Katniss asked. Finnick beamed.
"Well, ladies, put on your fanciest dress and your nicest string of pearls, there's gonna be a wedding!" He nearly yelled. I abruptly dropped Katniss' hand, arms half raised.
"You and Annie?!" I exclaimed. He nodded, tears of joy in his eyes. "Finnick!" I yelled, hugging him tightly. "I'm so happy for you!" I let go, and Katniss took my spot, hugging him. When she stepped back she cautiously brushed my hand with hers, and I grasped it.
"Yup! And it'll all be filmed as a propo!" he added, then glanced at Katniss. "Peeta's making the cake." He added. Katniss smiled more at this.
"He'll love that." She whispered as Finnick charged past, intent to tell all of District Thirteen the good news.
"When he was imprisoned, I made him talk about the cakes to make himself feel better. It calmed him down," I explained, walking down the hall. Katniss' hand slipped out of mine, and I hesitated for a moment, before going on.
"Thank you, Johanna…and you're wrong." I turned and stared back at her. "The Capital couldn't give you a heart, they don't even have a single one for themselves." I smirked at her words.
"Yeah, you're right. Wonder where I got mine, then. Maybe when my heart stopped, and they restarted it, it suddenly gave me empathy." I snorted. I could see Katniss' face twist in pain, but I turned and strode down the hall before she could give me more sympathy. "C'mon, Brainless, I want a room with a view."
A/N: Hey guys! So I made a decision to change the ending, so this story is going to split off from the Mockingjay (More so than it already has.) so prepare for more twists. Please review this! And my other stories! I want to know how to improve! Thank you!
