June 28th, 2012

"No." The word came out a little more forceful than Yosuke had probably intended it to, but there wasn't really any delicate way to say it. No was funny like that. You could say it in the sweetest way possible, but it always sounded ferocious and bitter, and this was no exception. As Yosuke glanced across the table, he realized that the refusal had gone over as well to them as their question had to him.

Rise narrowed her eyes. "But he's really interested!" she insisted.

Nodding and pointing at Rise, Chie chimed in. "And it's not like he doesn't know how to fight. He's got a brown belt in karate and some lower belts in a couple of other martial arts!" Typical Chie. She lit right up when she was talking about martial arts. As if that was Yosuke's concern. "He said that he learned to fight back in the city, because of how people picked on him." Her explanation went on a little further, and Yosuke's frown deepened.

He shook his head. "We don't need him."

Kanji's eyebrow arched and he narrowed his eyes. "You shittin' me, Yosuke-senpai?" He crossed his arms at his chest, looking every bit as menacing as he was undoubtedly trying to. "I 'unno about you, but I got a bruise on my back that disagrees with you." He pointed his thumb over his shoulder.

Yosuke cringed a little bit. Yeah. His back and his ribs still hurt. "What's that got to do with him?" His voice sounded like a petulant child's.

It was Yukiko's turn to jump on the train. "He said when his persona awakened, when he learned what spells it had, that it has healing." She shrugged. "It's more like Teddie's than it is like mine, but if the cave was any indication, we're probably going to need the help from here on out." She looked at Teddie, who nodded his head.

"I was totally pooped by the time we got back to the entrance," Teddie chimed in. "We could use help."

Yosuke's face was twisted in irritation. It seemed like he was the only one who didn't want the guy around. Naoto hadn't spoken up either, though, and he had to hope that she agreed. He was running out of arguments, though. "I just don't trust him." The words didn't sound convincing, even to his ears.

And the worst part was, it wasn't even true. Jude had been nothing but great to them. The thought that he'd had about Jude being what the group needed to recover from losing Souji hadn't been a lie. But adding him in without even talking to Souji, the whole reason they were all even friends like this? It felt like a betrayal. It felt like they were doing exactly what they were accusing Souji of doing, and turning their backs on him. Was he really the only one who saw that? He turned to look at Naoto, who was looking at him expectantly. Like she wanted him to elaborate on what he just said.

"You don't trust him?" she asked. Her tone was doubtful. Like not trusting someone they barely knew was a crazy concept.

After a too-long moment of quiet contemplation, he replied with a half-convincing, "no," and when he scanned the group, he was met with nothing but doubting looks. He frowned. He really was the only one who wasn't sure. It's not even that you're not sure, his brain taunted. It's that you wish you were.

Naoto sighed and ran a hand through her hair. "Very well," she said. "We'll go over to his house after school and tell him."

Their expressions changed then, to disappointment. They all wanted Jude around, and because Yosuke was refusing, they were all stuck with a no answer. That was the long and the short of it. They'd never really agreed to needing a unanimous vote for things, but that was just the way it went. And if he was making everyone else so miserable, maybe he should reconsider.

"Wait," he said, running a hand over his hair and let a breath out through his mouth. "You guys really want him to help?"

They all nodded. It wasn't untrue that Yukiko and Teddie could use the help with healing, either. And if he could fight... Yosuke pushed back that pang of frustration and the feeling of imminent betrayal of his best friend and sighed again. He'd been sighing a lot lately. It wasn't because he wanted Jude around. No way. Not even close. It wasn't even because he felt like they particularly needed him. It isn't, okay? he thought to himself. Why was he so bad at convincing himself of things lately?

"Alright." He sighed heavily. "Alright," he repeated. "I guess it wouldn't be terrible to have another healer around." Everyone's faces perked. For a second, Yosuke felt like a big brother who had just agreed to take all of his little siblings to a park or something.

Chie gave him a smile and said, "thank you," in a soft voice. It was obviously, at least partially, out of concern for how taxing healing could be on Yukiko. The two girls exchanged a look that made the pit of Yosuke's chest seethe with jealousy. They always looked at each other like that, sure, but there was something different about it this time. Or maybe he was reading too much into it. Another side effect of possibly going crazy, maybe.

Naoto, who was still looking right at Yosuke, pressed her lips together. Damn her and her detective's intuition or what the hell ever it was.

Before she got a chance to corner him, he stood up from the ventilation tube on the roof that they were all sitting on and headed back to the door. "I've got to get to class early," he said as he backed away from the group. "Miss Sofue wanted to talk to me about my paper." He'd always been pretty damn bad with history. Hearing about the past and things that happened hundreds of years ago just bored him. The rest of them knew that, so hopefully they wouldn't bat an eyelash at the lie.

At first, as he made his way down the stairs from the roof to the third floor, he thought that maybe he'd gotten away with it this time. But when his right foot touched the top step of the third floor stairway, he heard a throat clear from above him and turned around to see none other than Naoto standing there.

Damn it. Why was it that every time he turned around, she was there?

"Yosuke-senpai, we need to talk," she said, and this time the concerned tone that she'd been taking with him was replaced with something quieter, more stern. This was Detective Naoto. This wasn't Friend Naoto. Great. He turned to look at her, but she was already talking before he finished the turn. "Come with me, please."

Authority always made Yosuke clam up a little, and the fight that he would have given seeped out as he silently followed Naoto down to the first floor, then out to the practice field. No one was there. What on earth was she going to say? "Yeah?" His response may have been monosyllabic, but it wasn't emotionless. Naoto's face was making him anxious, and he was sure that was showing through.

She sighed. "I want to be pleasant about this, but whenever I've been pleasant lately, you've shrugged me off. We need to talk about the team." When Yosuke was still silent for a few seconds, she took it as a cue to keep talking. "You and I are the two most obvious choices for leader now that-"

He cut her off with a shake of his head and a wince. "Don't say it." The please that wasn't in his words was very much in his tone.

"Now," she continued. "We're the most obvious choices for leader now." The amendment didn't make things better, but at least the ache wasn't as obvious with it put that way. "But with the way you've been acting lately, the others are a little bit concerned about how you'll handle the lead."

Yosuke's eyes narrowed. "What do you mean?" His voice was dark. Angry, but not quite dangerous.

She looked at him incredulously. "We've told you exactly what we mean, senpai." The frustration was mixed with concern. "You look incredibly tired, and you're not thinking clearly. When we were in the TV yesterday, you charged in twice without thinking. You didn't even seem to think about the possibility of letting Jude on the team. And you're not listening to what anyone tells you when we say that Souji-"

He couldn't let her finish that sentence. The more he heard it, the more he'd be inclined to believe it. "Don't," he said desperately.

Sighing, Naoto held one hand out in a 'see what I mean?' gesture, and the tense demeanor faded for a split second, back into concern. "The others wanted me to talk to you about the possibility about me taking the lead. At least until you get your s—" she stopped abruptly, then paused for a few seconds, and rephrased, "until you're yourself again. And then the two of us can share the lead." She looked at him like he was fragile, like the words would break him.

Well, no, he wasn't broken. Liar, his brain teased. But that didn't mean that the words were easy to hear. "Oh," he muttered quietly. "Do you guys even want me on the team right now? I mean, if I'm such a liability or whatever." He felt like he was being punched in the gut.

"Of course!" Naoto's voice was tinged with a genuineness that it was surprising to hear from her. "Yes, of course we do, senpai. We just know that you're not yourself right now, and the stress of leading, even sharing the lead..." She bit her lip and put a hand on his arm. "Please understand, Yosuke-senpai." She squeezed his arm and then paused before pulling him into a hug. Well that was a surprise. "We just don't want to add more stress to your plate."

He didn't hug her back at first; the whole situation felt like a consecutive punch in the gut and stab in the back. But he couldn't say that he didn't understand where she was coming from. He hadn't been the most reliable lately. He reached up and hugged her back—the uncharacteristic hug was a gesture that he couldn't let go unnoticed—and took in a ragged breath, trying to dispel some of the frustration and sadness so that he didn't cry in front of her. That was precisely on the bottom of the list of things he wanted right now. When she pulled out of the hug and looked up at him, she folded her hands in a pleading gesture.

"Please understand, senpai."

Yosuke was quiet again for a few seconds, but he nodded. "I do." It wasn't a lie. He understood just fine.

He could see the relief wash over her face, but just as quickly disappear. "And please don't be angry with us. I promise that this is just as much for you as it is for the team."

Anger wasn't quite accurate. Yosuke wasn't thrilled, naturally, but he wasn't angry. More than anything, he was sad. Sad at the whole situation. Sad that they'd had to ignore their instincts on so many things and now both—no, no, one... only one—of those things were being proven right. Sad that the whole thing was shaking their trust in each other, or at least their trust in him. Most of all, though, he was sad that he couldn't even talk to the one person who always seemed to be able to make him see the bright side, or think that it would be okay.

He shook his head at her. "I'm not angry," he reassured her.

She stood there in awkward silence for a few moments, before saying, "are you going to come to Jude's with us after school? We're going to give him his glasses." And tell him that he's in, went unsaid, Yosuke could tell.

As much as he was tempted to say no, he knew that he shouldn't. Jude was still their friend, still an okay guy, even if Yosuke had a couple of issues with him right now. "Yeah, sure." He wasn't even trying to hide the disappointment in his tone. Honestly, at this point, he didn't know what to say.

"Are you sure you're not angry, senpai?" Her tone was back to Friend Naoto now. Now that the business was done.

He shook his head no. "I'm not angry. Go ahead and tell the others that I agreed to let you lead. I'll meet you out front after school." The phrase sounded like a demand, but it was really a request to leave him alone.

He turned his back on her, staring at the Samegawa in the distance. He didn't want to be around anyone right now. And he really, really wasn't looking forward to sitting behind Chie and Yukiko for the rest of the day. Naoto didn't say anything else, and the only confirmation that she had left was the sound of the door clicking shut. With her gone, Yosuke leaned against the wall and slid down, putting his head in his hands. He didn't cry. He wouldn't cry. He just sat there, holding his head together while everything else around him fell apart.