Author's Note: So many of you are posting as "guest" and I wish you would give me user names, so I can talk with you directly. I really, truly do appreciate your time, and attention to this story though. And I'll do my best to answer any questions, and reply to your comments.
Thank you, all, so much, for the support with the last chapter. Your responses were overwhelming. I'm so glad you're enjoying the story.
Guest: Yeah, it's a tough spot all around.
Guest: I'm glad you liked it. Yeah, she's slowly coming around, even if she'd not quite ready to admit it yet. I'm glad you liked their interactions.
Guest: Thank you. I'm glad that you're enjoying it.
Viva33 Yeah, slowly they're working their way back to each other.
Guest: Can't go wrong with Netflix and junkfood.
Guest: Thank you. The slow burn is always my favorite part of any story, so I'm glad you're enjoying it.
Guest: I will be delving into their past a bit with the next couple chapters.
Guest: There will be a bit more with Paige and the parents, as well as some stuff about their past in the next couple chapters.
Guest: Thank you. I'm glad you're enjoying it.
Ale: There will be a bit about their past in the next couple chapters, and Emily's friends will be making an appearance soon as well.
Chapter 7
Emily must have fallen asleep, because the next thing she was aware of was the room being an inky grey, and the sensation the surface beneath her subtly moving. She murmured softly and clung to the soft warmth as it shifted away from her, trying to hold on to it, as well as the hazy, half-aware state that she was in. The mattress dipped beneath her, and her head sank into the cool fluffiness of her pillow. Her eyelids fluttered, fighting to stay closed, but she pried them open long enough to catch a glimpse of movement, a shadow a shade or two darker than the dull light in the room.
"Paige?" Her voice came out low, and hoarse, her throat still thick with sleep. "What's wrong?"
The mattress dipped once again as Paige leaned over and brushed a hand over her cheek, gently tucking a few errant strands of hair behind her ear. "Nothing's wrong. Go back to sleep."
Her body was already working to obey Paige's words, though her mind was fighting the efforts, struggling to stay aware. "What time is it?"
"Early. Go back to sleep," Paige repeated, her hand lingering against Emily's cheek.
"You go back to sleep," Emily muttered, her words mostly drowsy, but also somewhat petulantly. She had been comfortable, before she'd been disturbed. And, though she knew it was irrational, not to mention unlikely, she felt like she wouldn't be able to get comfortable again now that Paige had risen from the bed.
Paige chuckled softly. "As tempting as that offer is…I'm going for a run before I have to get ready for work. I'll be back in time to make you breakfast before I go. Get some rest."
"Mmm. Okay." Emily was already drifting back off, lulled by the soft cadence of Paige's voice, and the gentle caress of Paige's fingertips against her cheek.
Sighing softly she curled into her pillow, burying her nose deep into the. Her brow furrowed softly at the crisp, linen scent. She shifted forward, seeking out the smell of citrus that had enveloped her as she woke. Another soft sigh passed her lips as she found it, and she drew a deep breath. Within moments, she was sleeping soundly once again.
It was some time later that she woke again, this time more fully than she had previously. The early morning encounter a dull, distant memory. Emily could not even be sure the conversation had actually taken place, it might have been a dream. The only evidence that it was real, and not a figment of her subconscious was the rumpled sheets on the other side of the bed, indicating that she had, in fact, not slept alone last night, and Paige's laptop tucked neatly onto the bedside table.
She lay in bed for a long moment, listening for sounds in the early morning quiet. At first she thought the house was still, that perhaps Paige was not back from her run yet. And a flash of worry passed through her. She wasn't sure what time Paige had left, but it had still been dark and now it was bright. That was a long time for Paige to have been gone. Before she could get too consumed with worry, she heard a faint rustling from down the hall. Feeling relieved to know that Paige had made it back safe and sound (that she'd chosen to come back.) Emily eased herself into a sitting position and reached for her crutches. She made her way, relatively smoothly, to her feet, and tried not to examine the flutter of anticipation in her stomach as she traversed the short distance between her room and Paige's study.
She could hear Paige moving around in the room before she reached it. She rounded the doorway and stumbled to a stop, her question about how Paige's run was dying on her lips, a surprised squeak escaping from her throat in its place at the sight before her. Paige spun around at the sound, and Emily let out another squeak, more like a yelp, actually as she stumbled in place, and swayed dangerously on her crutches before gaining her bearings. She averted her gaze, though she knew the image would forever be etched in her mind.
Apparently, Paige had come home from her run, and showered, without waking Emily. She now stood in the middle of her study, now bedroom, hair still damp from her shower and hanging down around her shoulders, which were bare, because at the moment the only thing she was wearing was a pair of red boyshorts.
"I'm so sorry," she muttered, eyes fixed firmly on the floor. She could feel her cheeks heating up in a blush, and she knew she should back out of the room, give Paige some privacy, but she was too mortified to move.
Paige sighed softly, and Emily heard the rustle of fabric as she pulled something on, probably the dress pants she had been holding when Emily burst in.
"Its fine, Em. Not like it's anything you haven't seen before."
Emily's cheeks burned hotter at the implications. And at the fact that, even if she couldn't remember seeing (or wanting to see) Paige's body from before, she certainly wasn't going to be able to forget it now.
Her glimpse had been brief, but it had been thorough. Her first impression had been that of strength, of power. She'd known that Paige kept herself in good shape, but she'd had no idea how good until she'd watched the muscles in her shoulders, back, and thighs subtly flex beneath her skin as she'd pulled her underwear up. She was toned and tight in all the right places, and soft and curvy in all of the others. Her skin, Emily knew, was warm, and silky smooth, though she couldn't remember ever seeing so much of it on display before. Her fingers had tingled with the desire to reach out and touch.
And then, Paige had spun around, and Emily's heart had jumped into her throat and her mouth had gone dry at the fleeting image of her breasts, full and pert, and her flat, toned stomach, and the surprising silver piercing through her bellybutton that Emily's eyes had lingered on, even as she'd snapped her gaze away.
She couldn't help but wonder if Paige's words were permission to look. And before she had time to consider that it wasn't, or why that mattered, she had raised her gaze. Paige had put on a bra, a lacy red one that matched her panties, in the intervening moments, and was now unhurriedly pulling a shirt on.
"This is not usually the reaction I get when you walk in on me changing," she said softly as she began buttoning up. There was something in her tone that Emily registered, but could not identify. Admittedly, she might have had more luck in figuring it out if she wasn't so preoccupied with the sight of Paige's long, deft fingers working the buttons of her shirt, slowly covering up the toned abs and ample breasts that Emily was in equal parts relieved and disappointed to see covered.
Despite herself, Emily couldn't help but wonder what her reaction used to be.
"You used to like what you saw," Paige said, her words sounding more like they were to herself, than Emily.
It took a minute, but Paige being fully clothed pulled Emily out of her stupor, and finally Paige's words, or rather, her tone, caught up to her. The quality in her voice that Emily was unable to identify finally hitting her deep in the chest. Pain. There was a soft-spoken, barely masked anguish in her words that tugged at Emily's heart strings.
She met Paige's eye for the first time since this whole incident had started. Paige shot her a wry, lopsided smile, but it was forced, feigned. And for the first time since her accident, Emily sensed how difficult this situation was for Paige. How hard it must be for her. How much of herself she was giving up to put Emily's comfort, and Emily's needs above her own. Not only had she been thrust into the role of bread-winner and caretaker, but she was doing so for a woman she loved, who couldn't love her back.
"Who says I still don't?" The words were out of Emily's mouth before she had a chance to consider them. She couldn't help the grin that crossed her lips at Paige's stunned expression. It was comical, the way her eyes widened and she gulped audibly.
"Em," she breathed, her words a mere husk. She took a step forward, and then stopped, seemingly holding herself back, as she wrung her hands in front of her.
Emily's amusement faded quickly as the implications of her words settled in. Paige didn't seem to know what to do with the words any more than Emily did. Tension hung heavy in the air between them
"You're in very good shape." Emily said, trying to diffuse the situation, her heart beating a staccato in her chest as her panic started to rise.
Paige nodded and took a deep breath, then cleared her throat. "Bi-product of an active lifestyle." Worse than hurt, her tone was flat, carrying absolutely no inflection.
"Paige, I-"
"Don't."
Emily cut herself off at Paige's quiet plea.
"Please, Em. Just leave it." Paige held up a hand, as if to ward off anything else Emily might have to say. "I'm going to finish getting ready then get started on breakfast."
Emily gnawed at her lip, guilt settling in, as Paige turned away from her and crossed the room to her desk, which was serving as a makeshift dresser if the make-up and accessories strewn across it were any indication. She knew that she should leave, give Paige a few minutes to collect herself as she finished getting ready, but she lingered in the doorway. Her unease only growing as she noticed that Paige's movements were rough, and jerky, a far cry from the usual grace she usually possessed.
"I'm sorry," she said softly. Across the room, Paige's shoulder's stiffened, and she stilled for a moment before nodding her head and continuing to put her make up on. "You've been….amazing. And I can't even imagine how difficult this all is for you…And…I…just…" she fumbled over her words, not even entirely sure what it was she was trying to say. "Why are you even doing this?" she blurted in frustration.
Paige turned slowly to face her. "Doing what?"
"This." Emily waved her arms around, as if that was actually indicative of anything. "Taking care of me. Being so good to me." Loving me. The words formed, then stalled on her lips. "I don't get it. I mean, I don't even remember you. Why wouldn't you just cut and run? Let someone else deal with all of my problems."
"Because I love you," Paige said softly, eyes fixed firmly on Emily's. The intensity of her gaze should have made Emily uncomfortable, and maybe it did a little, but mostly, all she could feel was how true the simple statement was. "I'm not just going to give up on that because of one little bump in the road."
One little bump? Emily bit back a laugh. This was more than a little bump. This was a frigging mountain range that had erupted in front of them. Yet, despite Paige's severe understatement, Emily could practically feel the conviction in her words. Paige truly did believe that this was just some minor hurdle for them to get past.
"What if I never remember?"
She watched Paige swallow hard, as she was forced to confront the elephant in the room, but the conviction in her eyes did not falter.
"Well, then that would really suck. Because you have had an amazing life, so far. But, you're still young. There's tons of time to build new memories." She cut her gaze away for the first time, and Emily's stomach twisted uncomfortably at the loss. She watched Paige's shoulders drop, defeat filling in the lines of her body "And, even if you can never return my feelings, I want to be part of your life, Em. You mean too much to me, for me to give you up."
Emily's heart ached at seeing her suddenly so small, so uncertain. She yearned to reach out to her, to comfort her, but she didn't know if such a gesture would be welcomed at the moment.
"If all you want is a friend, I'll be the best damn friend you've ever had." Paige's eyes rose to meet hers once again, that same conviction still glittering in them, this time accompanied with a lopsided grin. Emily couldn't help but feel charmed by her words. And she had a faint inkling of what it must have felt like to fall for Paige, the first time. For the first time she wondered if maybe it weren't possible that she could return Paige's feelings.
"Tell me about us," she said softly. Paige's eyes widened, and her eyebrows shot up into her hairline.
"Us?"
"Yeah. How we met. How we got together."
"Um. Okay." Paige swallowed hard. "I uh, I think this is a conversation to be had over breakfast." She gestured Emily out of the room ahead of her, and Emily complied, making her way into the hall, and then down the stairs, with Paige trailing close behind.
When they reached the kitchen, Emily eased herself onto one of the stools at the counter, and Paige made her way over to fridge. "Bacon and eggs all right?" she asked after surveying its contents.
"Sounds good." Though her stomach was rumbling, Emily didn't really care what she ate. She was more interested in the conversation they were about to have. She leaned her elbows against the counter and watched Paige start cooking, eyes trained on her profile as she cracked eggs into the frying pan, and laid out strips of bacon.
"So, we met at swim team tryouts freshman year," Paige said, her voice slightly muffled by her position. "Which were mostly a formality, because pretty much everyone who tries out makes the team. Swimming is not such a popular sport that they can afford to be turning people away. We were the only to freshman who turned up, so we kept getting paired together for timed trials and stuff."
Emily remembered wanting to go out for the team but not the tryouts themselves. "Was it love at first sight?" she asked, vaguely remembering that Paige had told her they'd been together off and on since high school, though she couldn't remember when she'd said they'd actually started dating.
"I think for me, it was. Though, I was just a stupid kid, and I didn't really know what it meant at the time, just that I wanted to be around you. I wanted you to notice me. And I would do anything to catch your eye, or make you laugh, or smile. So, really not much has changed there." Paige gave her a lopsided grin, which Emily couldn't help but return. "You, however, were one of the most popular girls in our grade. And I was…well not. You barely even knew I was alive. You said, like ten words to me all year.'
Emily frowned, she couldn't imagine Paige not being popular and well liked. She was sweet and funny, and had this effervescence about her.
"I'm sorry."
Paige shrugged. "It's just the way things were. You were pretty. And popular. I was awkward and clumsy. I hadn't figured out my own style yet, and I had an incredibly regrettable fringe."
Emily knew how it went, how the littlest, inconsequential thing could set you apart, label you a loser or an outsider. It had been that way for Emily through her middle school years, cast apart by the color of her skin and where her parents came from. She had been looking forward to starting at Rosewood High, hoping that the larger school would offer some diversity, that she wouldn't stand out as much. Apparently it had worked better than she anticipated.
Even though she felt like she should be apologizing once again for her teenage self, Emily found herself teasing Paige instead. "I bet you remember all ten of those words too don't you?"
Paige scoffed, but Emily could see the blush rising on her cheeks.
"Paige."
She huffed. "Okay. Fine. You said; Nice job. Good race, Paige and can I borrow a pen?"
Emily didn't really know what to say to that. Which was fine, because Paige didn't seem to need a response.
"We got a little closer the summer between freshman and sophomore year. Couch Fulton ran a swimming clinic, and we started hanging out a bit after practices."
Emily was glad of that. It was so far in the past now it didn't matter, but she didn't like the idea of her being so distant with Paige.
"A couple of the seniors on the team, I guess they picked up on my crush on you, and they started giving me a hard time about it. " Paige shrugged, and tried to play it down, but Emily could tell from the timbre of her voice and the way she kept her gaze averted that it had bothered her, probably still did. "And, I guess I panicked a little. I was just starting to figure my sexuality out for myself, the last thing I wanted was something else figuring it out for me. So I pulled back. Dropped out of the clinic, and stopped taking your calls. Not that you really noticed."
"Paige-"
"It's fine, Em. At the time, we were nothing more than sort of friends from the swim team. It's not like things had gone any farther than that, at that point."
"But still…"
Paige shook her head, and Emily dropped it, despite the guilt churning uncomfortably in her stomach.
"It wouldn't have done you any good to pursue it anyway. I was too afraid of what those girls said being true. If you had tried to reach out to me, I would have just lashed out at you. I wasn't ready to face it yet."
Emily nodded, though she still didn't like it.
"I dated a couple of guys, and tried to blend in. Tried to be the girl I knew my parents wanted, but it didn't really work. By the middle of sophomore year, I was pretty miserable. Then, you came out. From where I stood, it seemed like you had it easy. You kept your friends, your popularity. The girls on the team still loved you. And there I was, terrified my dad would disown me, my family would hate me, that I'd lose the few friends I had. I was kind of a dick to you."
That didn't sound like Paige. Emily was aware that she hadn't known her very long, or at least she couldn't remember it, but she felt like she had a sense of who the other girl was.
"But, despite my behaviour, my feelings for you never went away. In fact, they kept getting stronger, and finally I reached my breaking point. I kissed you, after a meet. I don't think I meant to, but it was dark and you were sitting so close and I just...It was an ambush and totally unromantic. But, it worked. We dated for a few weeks. It didn't work out though, because I was still in the closet, and you didn't want to have to hide anymore. But, there has always been this connection between us. And, we kept finding our way back to each other. Even if only for a little while, before things fell apart again. Until, eventually, it all came together."
From the way Paige told it, she made it sound like they were inevitable. It was a little scary to think about, but Emily kind of liked the sound of it.
"So, I guess your parents took you coming out better than you expected?"
Paige scoffed. "Hardly. There was a lot of yelling. And some tears. But, my dad didn't disown me, or send me to one of those pray away the gay camps. So, yeah, that was good."
From the conversation she'd overheard (which Paige still didn't know about) it sounded to Emily like Paige and her father were pretty close. Clearly, whatever reservations he'd once had, he was over now.
"Eventually, they came around."
"That'd good. I'm glad."
It was a lame reassurance, but Emily couldn't think of what else to say.
"You and me both."
While breakfast cooked, Paige set the table. Emily watched her pouring juice and gathering utensils, and she wished that she could do something to help. But she was just barely managing to get herself around on her crutches, she doubted she could do something even as simple as carry a couple plates. Not that Paige would let her, even if she were capable. She felt bad making Paige wait on her, hand and food. Not that Paige seemed to mind. In fact, from the cheerful way she strode around the kitchen, Emily got the sense that she was actually enjoying it. And, Emily had to admit, she was enjoying watching here. There was a certain grace to the way she moved that Emily found herself unable to tear her gaze away from. Yet, every time Paige glanced over, Emily ducked her head, looking away. She wasn't sure why, but she felt uncomfortable at being caught staring.
"How did my parents take it, when I came out?" Emily asked the other burning question that had been on her mind.
"Well, I wasn't really around for that. But, from what you told me later, your dad took the news in stride and your mom…." Paige didn't need to finish her sentence, her wince did it for her.
Emily nodded, unsurprised, though she was having trouble reconciling that with the interactions between Paige and her mother over the past couple weeks.
"Clearly, she got over it."
Paige nodded.
"How did she get over it?"
Paige shrugged. "Same way you get used to anything I guess. Time. When you and I started dating, the second time, you guys were still at odds. But, it's not something you really talked about much."
"Is that when she wouldn't let you past the front porch?"
Paige chuckled, as if it were a fond memory, and nodded as she began dishing out their food. "Yeah."
"When did she finally decide to let you in?"
"She didn't, technically. Your dad did. He was home on leave, and invited me in for dinner one night. Your mom was working late. When she came home, I had already been in the house for hours, and there wasn't a whole lot she could do about it."
Emily could just imagine the scene her mother must have caused. Not in front of Paige, she was too polite for that. But once the other girl had gone, behind closed doors, she was sure that she had let her father have it. Probably Emily as well.
"I'm sorry. About my mom."
Paige shrugged. "It was a long time ago. And, it wasn't any worse than my parents. My dad called you 'that Fields girl" for the entire first year of our relationship, and my mom would only refer to you as my friend."
It all sounded so rough. As much as Emily hated having this huge gap in her life, she wondered if maybe she wasn't better off not remembering. Either way, it was a lot to take in. Though, she was glad Paige was willing to go through it all with her, especially when it was clearly drudging up some painful parts of her own past. She murmured a quiet thanks as Paige set her plate down in front of her, and from the soft smile she received, she knew Paige realized she was thanking her for more than just the food.
Silence settled between them as they ate, only it wasn't the uncomfortable, awkward silence of a few days prior. Instead it was easy, companionable. Emily didn't feel the need to fill it with chatter, nor did she feel anxious as it stretched out between them.
Once they were finished, Paige cleared the table. "I should be heading out," she said, with a glance at the stove clock, though she didn't move from her spot. Emily bit back a smile at her reluctance to leave.
"Any chance you can join us for lunch today?"
"I wish," Paige said with a sigh, and a regretful smile. "But by the time I make the drive it'll be time for me to turn around and head back."
"Oh. Right." Emily felt silly for not having thought of that. And, for feeling so disappointed by Paige's response. Though, she wasn't quite ready to give up on the idea yet. "What if we met you in the city?"
Paige looked like she was going to protest, so Emily didn't give her a chance to.
"Think about it, please? Today's going to be one of the last chances I have to get out of the house. Once my parents are gone, I'm going to be stuck here while you're at work all day. And, I'm going to go stir crazy." She gave Paige her best pleading look.
"You don't play fair, you know that." Paige said with a sigh. "Put that face away." She pointed a finger at her, trying to appear stern. But, Emily could see the beginnings of a smile tugging at her lips. "You know I can't say no to you when you look at me like that."
Emily hadn't known that, but it wasn't all that surprising.
Paige sighed again, and ran a hand through her hair. "Fine. But only if your parents agree. And, you promise to wait until your mom is here to help you get ready."
"I promise." Emily would agree to just about anything, if it would get her out of the house for a few hours and buy her some time with Paige this afternoon.
"Okay." Paige didn't exactly sound thrilled by their arrangement, but Emily knew that was just a front. She was worried about Emily's wellbeing. When lunch went off without a hitch, she'd be glad she agreed. "I really do have to get going though."
She pushed herself off the counter, and Emily trailed her out of the room and down the hallway to the front door. She handed Paige her jacket, and waited as she shrugged it on. Then passed her her briefcase.
"Remember, nothing strenuous while you're waiting for your mom."
Emily nodded. "Trash tv and magazines all the way."
"Good. Thank you for humoring me."
Paige grabbed her keys from the rack, and patted down her pockets for her wallet. "Okay. I guess I have everything. Call me later, let me know about lunch."
Emily nodded. Paige hadn't even left yet, and already Emily was looking forward to that phone call.
Paige's hand hovered on the doorknob, as her gaze flicked over to Emily, flitting over her lips for a moment before raising to meet her eye.
"See you later."
Emily couldn't help herself from glancing down at Paige's lips as well, feeling her own tingle in remembrance of their kiss.
Heart pounding loudly in her ears, she leaned forward, crossing the short distance between them to brush a soft kiss against Paige's lips. It was brief, over nearly before it began. But, it was enough to quicken her pulse, and leave her feeling breathless.
Emily pulled back with a jerk, taken aback at how much she didn't want to pull away. "Have a good day," she said softly.
"You too, Em." Paige darted forward, stealing another quick kiss before spinning around and striding out the door. It swung shut behind her with a resounding thud, and Emily leaned back heavily against it, trying to calm her racing heart.
