Chapter Seven
He woke up, his body tense, his mind in complete disarray. Getting up without disturbing Taylor, Dan went into the bathroom to splash cold water on to his face. Looking up he stared at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. What he saw was a man in emotional turmoil. He would have to get her out of his mind, he thought. Walking out onto their private balcony, he stood watching the Ocean waves roll calmly up onto the deserted beach below.
What was he doing? That's the question that kept popping into his mind over and over again. He wouldn't have to dig deep to find the answer though. The more he tried to convince himself it was natural to feel the way he did after seeing her again after years apart, the more he knew it wasn't. She was his past. Now he was in a relationship and he had a girlfriend that he didn't want to hurt. A girlfriend that he loved. But he also had an ex-girlfriend, who seemed to be in a happy relationship, that he couldn't get out of his mind.
He walked down to the beach, his hands in his pockets, the moonlight reflecting on his dark hair. He took a deep breath. What was he supposed to do? Throw himself at her? Stalk her? Suggest a meeting? No, that's not what he wanted…well…he did but… she simply wasn't available… and neither was he. Could he deny his feelings? Do nothing?
***
She held him for a moment longer, to make sure he was asleep before leaving the bed and walking out onto the balcony of their bedroom. The night breeze blew quietly over her skin. Serena knew she wouldn't be able to sleep. She was afraid to close her eyes and see him. Why did he resurface in her life exactly when she had finally met the person who was making her happy and loved? And why did it disturb her so much? She knew she was happy with Adam. She tried not to be so hard on herself, she couldn't have reacted any other way at the sudden sight of him in front of her; she was shocked, she was only human. It was only expected. Right?
She went back to the room and silently put on Adam's shirt. She looked at him sleeping and a tender smile lighted up her face. Serena left the room, she wanted to walk on the beach, alone, she needed to order her thoughts; there was still the morning to come before they could leave and go on with their lives. She was determined to be happy, make Adam happy and let him make her happy. All she had to do was avoid him and leave. But still there were questions that played constantly on her mind: why did he pretend they didn't know each other? And why did she play along? Why did he come if he obviously knew she would be there? She needed answers.
***
The figure walking in his direction told him that he wasn't alone anymore. He knew before he could even fully see that it was her; she was wearing just a large shirt that stopped at the top of her thighs. Her hair that was left unbound was floating gently around her shoulders.
Dan stopped waiting for her to see him. She did and stopped too. They both stood there. Staring at each other. He smiled before speaking. "Couldn't sleep?"
"No." She smiled softly. "You? Bad dream?"
"No, just the cruel reality." His intense stare warmed at her smile.
"Yes, wouldn't it be much better to just dream?"
"It depends. Only if it is a good dream." He ran his hand through his hair and awkwardly he asked: "Do you want to walk with me?"
"Yes." She tightened the shirt around her waist with both hands and looked down at the sand. "What is a good dream?" she prompted quietly.
"You." A simple answer. Her eyes roamed over his face but she didn't reply. They continued walking in silence, the waves crashing into their naked feet.
"Why did you pretend we had never met before?" she stopped and let her feet sink into the wet sand.
"I don't know. It seemed the right thing to do." He shoved his hands in his pockets and swung his foot up to kick an imaginary ball.
"It wasn't. Don't we know too well the consequences of lying, of omitting?" she sighed.
"Weren't you who once said it is better not to tell the truth if it is going to hurt someone?"
"I don't plan to hurt anyone."
"Sometimes that is not possible. Love always hurts, I came to the conclusion."
"Not the type of love that I want, not anymore."
"You're not alone." Sighing heavily he ran his hand over his chest "What do we do?"
"Nothing. You enjoy your holiday and I go home and live my life."
"That was not what I meant."
"I know. But that's the answer I have for you. The right answer, the only answer."
"Fine. But know this Serena, you'll have to face reality and explain to yourself why. A walk on the beach won't give you the answer."
"Good night Serena." He turned and walked back to his cottage, leaving Serena standing there wondering what to say.
"Goodnight Dan." She whispered.
She and Adam left for New York the next day.
***
He watched her float around the room, stopping here and there to for some small talk. Her power to captivate those in her proximity had not deserted her. After their brief encounter on the beach in Mexico several weeks ago, he thought he would restore normalcy into his life, only to find that it would not be the same again. Moving smoothly through the crowded room, Dan finally came close to Serena. "Are you going to continue to ignore me? I've tried to contact you several times during the last weeks."
Serena turned around quickly when she heard his voice. "Dan! What are you doing here?" she asked surprised. "Where's Taylor?"
"I'm here by myself. I need to see you. Alone. We need to talk."
"Dan, I…"
"No excuses Serena. I mean it."
Serena nodded. "Okay… where? This isn't the place."
Dan pressed a small piece of paper into Serena's hand. "Meet me here tomorrow…seven pm." He turned and walked away.
Serena glanced down at the paper in her hand. Opening it she recognized the Astoria's address. She felt a sense of apprehension.
***
"Hi yourself." Stepping back he let her enter. He shut the door, took her purse and laid it across a vacant chair. He led her into the hotel's living room.
"Very beautiful."
"Do you want anything to drink?"
"Wine would be fine. Red, please." She watched as he poured two glasses of wine and gave her one.
"Thank you." Serena sat on the couch and placed the glass on the coffee table. "Why did you invite me here tonight? And how did you know where to find me? I think our last conversation was very clear. I don't feel comfortable with this. I've worked with Taylor enough times to know she's a great person and I don't like this."
Dan sipped his wine ignoring her questions. He chose his words carefully. "It was a shock to see you again, even if I had the time to prepare myself, but many memories were brought back, not only memories, but also the realization that what we had is still much a part of me, of who I am."
"Dan, what we…"
And I can't stand the thought of you and him" he said looking into her eyes, interrupting her.
"Dan, please… stop it. He has a name, it's Adam and I'm with him now. You better accept it because that's the way things are." She stood up, an uneasy feeling taking all over her. She felt her heart racing and her mouth drying. She turned back and picked up the glass of wine. She too couldn't deny that it had been a shock to see him. Never had she felt so nervous in her life. She couldn't sleep; she couldn't concentrate on what she had to do.
"It's true Serena. I was jealous when I saw you with him. I was jealous when he kissed you, I was jealous when he put his arm around your waist, I was jealous when he grabbed your hand and led you to your bedroom…"
"You have no right Dan! What's wrong with you?" she screamed annoyed.
"You are Serena. I wasn't expecting this to happen, I didn't plan this, but the fact that you are here, that you came means that you too are feeling something."
"You know what? This was a huge mistake. Just another one to add to my long list!" She grabbed her purse and headed to the door.
Dan ran and stopped her. "Serena, I'm sorry. I'm pushing you and I have no right. Please stay, let's talk." He touched her hand stopping her from reaching the door knob. His fingers moved across her palm. Serena felt like she had been hit by a light. Those hands, those fingers. Slowly she lifted her head and met his eyes, the eyes that once she loved so much, the eyes that looked at her like no one else did before. He closed his hand around her fingers capturing them in a caressing hold.
"I have nothing to offer you Dan and you don't have anything to give me."
"I have me to offer you" he muttered in a deep voice.
"You can't offer me what you don't have", she whispered pulling her fingers free from his.
"You have a partner."
"I won't, the moment you tell me not to…" Trying not to break the hypnotic hold he seemed to have on her, Dan raised his hand slowly to push the soft strands of hair from her face and guided her lips towards his. Serena couldn't stop a moan from escaping her throat but she had to pull away. She couldn't allow herself to be the cause of someone else's unhappiness. Not again.
Pushing against his chest and pulling her mouth away she broke all contact. "No, God knows we could do this, how easy it would be, but you have Taylor and I have Adam and no way I am going to hurt him."
Shaking his head, he refused to hear her words. "Stay with me tonight Serena. You'll see nothing has changed, you'll see you still love me and I love you."
"No Dan, things have changed. We're not the same people, it couldn't be the same. Are you willing to jeopardize everything you have with Taylor to later realize we would be a mistake?"
"Do you call this a mistake?" He captured her lips with passion, not for a moment giving her the chance to answer. She was trapped between him and the wall, one of his hands firmly around her waist, the other at the back of her head. His lips sucking her lower lip, his tongue seeking for entrance. At his insistence, she allowed him the entry, his tongue caressing and circling hers. Serena couldn't pull away if she wanted to. He wouldn't allow it. Held captive, she allowed herself to be dominated; giving into a kiss that soon became much more. Her hands once at her sides moved slowly up his back, caressing every muscle, encircling his neck. Dan's lips moved on to Serena's soft neck, his hands sought out the softness of her breasts; outlined to perfection in her form fitting dress. He could feel her erected nipples and the desire burning inside him.
Never breaking the kiss, Dan carried her over to the sofa. Serena tried to escape, but he immediately used his knees to spread her legs and rest his weight between them. He savaged her lips with his tongue, forcing his way in. She let out a deep moan; nothing tasted so sweet. She had to have him, just one more, final time. Her tongue met his as her hands began exploring his body, running up his arms, down his back. She felt his hands pushing her dress up and searching for the naked flesh of her buttocks. She groaned at the contact, "Daaaaan…"
She lifted her hips allowing him to remove her thong. He let his index finger slip inside her. He eased it out and then guided two back in. She swallowed a gasp, her hips rising from the sofa. Reaching between them he opened his pants with his other hand. His tongue moved in and out of her mouth. Unable to take it anymore, she removed his fingers from her and led them to her mouth, licking them while he pressed his hardness against her hot and wet core. She parted her legs wider, wrapping them around his waist and arching her back to better receive him. A desperate grunt cut through Dan's throat, he closed his eyes and clenched his teeth. "Serena, I want you, I need you!"
His voice brought her back to the reality of what they were doing. She had to stop him, she had to stop herself. What was she doing? In no time they would be past the point of no return and that was definitely not what she wanted. No, she wanted it, but she couldn't. "Dan, please…we have to stop…please."
He didn't want to hear her words! But the pleading in the eyes gazing at him with a mixture of lust, hurt and confusion made him stop. He pushed away from her and fastened his pants. He helped her with her clothes and with a defeated gaze he asked: "What are you planning to do? Ignore your feelings?"
"I go home to Adam and you go home to Taylor. And we stay away from each other."
"Just like that?" he kicked the glass on the floor.
"Yes…" She composed her hair and grabbed her purse from the floor. "It's for the best."
"Do you love him?"
"Dan… don't… please. It's none of your business!"
"You better love him very much Serena; and you better make sure he loves you, because I won't give up on you. No Adam in this world will stand between you and me!"
