'Cause it's not the cold making my, making my legs shake.
It's Timmy's ghost taking his, taking his place in our hearts forever.

'Cause it's not the sound keeping me, keeping me from sleep,
It's what Jesus said, it's what Jesus said, said about Hell underneath.
I think I'd rather believe it's some imaginary place,
Made up to make children behave,
So our souls are safe to wander off,
Wherever they might please.
Your soul is safe wherever you might be.

My cheek still burns. I don't care about it anymore. Today's the day, after all. He, he just left. Five years ago. And then he died. He died from alcohol poisoning. That's what they tell me. Did they really think that I couldn't see the noose hanging in the closet? I doubt it. I wish I had that noose. For some reason though, I think I wouldn't want to break my neck. I'd want them to realize what they'd done. I'd want to see the fear and shame on their faces. And then I want to laugh at them until they puke. Until I puke blood. My wrists will have been stuck in beside my neck to prevent instant death, but I'll move them out. And I'll grab the knife in my pocket. And carve myself how I always dreamt I would. Two slits along the base of the neck. A slit in the stomach, drag it to the left, then up through the lung. And if I can still move, carve the name of my favorite band in big letters across my chest. And finally, drive it into the base of my neck.

But no, I'll just sit here and wait on borrowed time that is not my own. I'll never find out who's it is until the day comes. Maybe I've already met them; maybe I'll never know them. Maybe it will be more than one person; or maybe it won't even be human. I used to want to be a hero or a killer. Fear and Praise are the quickest ways to get attention. But now, I don't care. I don't get mad enough to do the latter. I'm not strong enough to be a hero. Not a respected one anyways. One who douses their hand in fire, maybe.

Take me back to where I was
Before I was born.
It's light, sweet, and dreamless sleep.
It sounds like Heaven to me.

I sigh and leave my bed. Sam.

I get dressed. I eat. I leave.

And I stand there waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

FOREVER WAITING. JUST WAITING FOR SOMETHING TO HAPPEN! I've given up on good things happening. Borrowed time only brings pain and suffering.

Finally, they're here. She's here. She remembers nothing. Her face dances with life. Vigor. Bravery. Wit. Charm. Beauty. Intelligence. Happiness. Time. Life. She's everything I'm not. She's everything I've always wanted. Everything I'm desperate to have. EVERYTHING.

The sun only rises to meet her. The moon only shines to see her. The Earth only spins to give her a wonderful view of the sky. This world belongs to her. She holds it in her palm. She cares not for it, but it loves her still. I hate this world. How can I compete with it? There is no potential victory, here; I cannot best Zeus. I want to be Prometheus. To free her from her cow-state when Zeus is done with her.

I don't want to leave hardship for these people when I die. I wish for them to only remember the things that I did. Nothing else. Things can be disfigured. I would rather be an anonymous immortal than someone else.

So that's it then. I'll live a little longer. I'll wait a little more. I'll open a little further. I'll die a little worse.

They stare at me. Why am I not moving? That's what they must be thinking. I walk past them silently. I only look at Sam. My head low, my back dipped slightly. Maybe I can get even lower. But I'll never get low enough. I'll always feel pain. I'll never be low enough.

Carly hugs me. So does Sam. I squeeze Sam very tightly, inhaling her scent. Heaven.

I let go of both girls. They are oblivious. Completely oblivious. I fabricate a smile, say that I'm just tired, and walk alongside them. That's the end of their questions. Sadly.

Tell me I'm only dreaming.
Tell me he's just sleeping.
And when morning comes,
We'll both wake up to the sun.
Tell me I'm only dreaming.
Tell me he's just sleeping.
And when morning comes,
We'll both wake up to the sun,
And love that's enough to keep our friends alive.

Timothy - As Cities Burn

Sam is trying to cheer me up. I don't want to be cheered up. I don't want to fall back down right afterwards.

"Hey Freddie?" Sam asks me. "What's wrong? I've never seen you this tired before."

"I didn't get any sleep last night. And I mean none."

"Working?"

"No..."

"Then what?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Aw come on, Dorkster!" She punches me in the arm, playfully. Then for real.

I smile. I laugh. I return.

"Your mom's cooking could kill kittens! Maybe that's why you're so short! I'll be taller than you soon!"

I smile. I laugh. I return.

"Hopefully it's not hereditary! Not that you'll ever have kids, so it won't matter. But this way the imaginary ones won't be so ugly."

I grimace. I chuckle. I fall.

"So are going on another cyber-date with your computer soon? Or have you moved on to mobile technology yet?"

I chuckle. I fall.

"Here we are! School! Nerdy's favorite place! Go now, go and frolic with the other nerds!"

I fall.

"I bet...I bet...I bet that, that your nerdness was...umm...was what made your father drink so much!"

FIRE.

The barrier broke into a million shards! A million shards cutting me into a million pieces. The holes creating a stinging sensation throughout my body. My fist crashed into Sam's face, knocking her to the floor.

I stood there, staring, crying, labored breath. Her eyes looked back in confusion, regret, and fear. People were staring. I wasn't the kind of person to do this. What would he do? They must have all thought the same thought.

I punched a locker. Repeatedly. Screaming all the while. Yelling obscenities. When there was enough blood, I left. I avoided the ambulances and police cars. I ran home. Then I ran somewhere else. I needed to go somewhere they wouldn't look for me.

After wandering aimlessly for hours, I returned to the apartment building. I climbed the stairs. I went in Carly's room through the back. I broke the screen on the door. I ran up to the third floor and hid under the automobile.

Men don't cry. My tears ran still. I caught myself and stopped the audible breathing noises. I strangled myself to calm down. I fell asleep from angel lust. The carpet blocked the oxygen.

I awoke. It was dark. I heard a siren coming. They searched every room, storming into this one. Everything but the car was overturned...it was too low to the ground to conceal a person. A living person anyways.

They left quickly: they had a city to search.

I laid there, quietly pondering over my situation and what I should do about it. I began to get claustrophobic. Angel lust isn't pleasant when you're awake. Well, not that pleasant anyways. It takes the edge off.

Look over your shoulder, you stole her. Its over
To start we'll lop off your head
We'll give you six feet of blankets for a goodnight sleep
(Say a prayer for the dead and buried)
We'll give you six feet

Say a prayer for the dead and buried
You'll be joining them real soon

The easy way or the hard way.
You never learned your lesson

Law of Averages - Fear Before the March of Flames