DISCLAIMER: I don't own the boys, nor the plotlines of the show and manga. Story and chapter titles are actually from a song from Wicked…because the song is stuck in my head. Bah.
----------
For Good
I Do Believe…
----------
Tenpou and Kenren clenched their jaws and watched their friend look for the words, "As at least my two companions know, heretical beings are immortal beings as we gods are, though looked down upon. However, unlike gods, heretics are not reincarnated. Ever. As far as the gods are concerned, heretics should not exist in the first place, and therefore are extinguished once they have outlived their use.
"I think…I think we chose death in order to keep him from death. From what I have heard from Goku and yourselves, it fits. The trials in each of your lives lines up eerily with Goku's own…"
Hakkai broke in, now pale in understanding, "It would kill him to know he is the reason. Even if freely chosen…"
"What in the hell are you talking about?" Sanzo interrupted, glaring heatedly.
Ignoring the other blonde completely, Konzen continued with a nod, "Exactly. You, Hakkai, were changed from what you once were when you slaughtered the youkai who had captured your sister, much as being limited was forced upon Goku. You killed to protect the one you loved, as I am sure Goku did…will," he said softly, shutting his eyes.
Hakkai was near hyperventilation, and Gojyo put an arm around him in comfort. Things were clicking into place for the hanyou, and his mouth was dry as he tried to speak, "T-Then, I'm a half-breed because…"
"You are now looked down on in this world as Goku was in heaven. An abomination, an expendable being. Mocked by the traits that label you as such, namely your hair and eyes."
Gojyo's eyes closed and he leaned his forehead against his best friend's shoulder. He had chosen this for himself. He had chosen a life of pain and misery.
Konzen plowed on, facing the toughest of them all, "And you, Sanzo. I am sure you can see what is the same for you."
Sanzo merely nodded, almost transparent in his paleness and no longer able to argue. Konzen steepled long fingers and watched the fire, "I am sorry you all have to go through this, but it truly is…for the better."
Hakkai watched both Kenren and Tenpou nod resolutely. Gojyo's hackles were raised though, "How can you say that? None of you have to live this life!!!" All three looked at him incredulously, until the redhead looked away in annoyance, "I mean, literally. This life is total shit. What's so good about the monkey to make you all willingly take this on, knowing?"
It was Tenpou who responded, smiling lightly, "Would you really rather us have retained our immortality, our boring, meaningless lives, and let young Goku-chan suffer then die, never to be born again? In our long lifetimes, the centuries just stretched on, senselessly. Then, over a year ago now, Goku came into Konzen's life. I had known him for quite some time, though never closely…but the changes were obvious. Goku brought light to his eyes even when it was in anger, made him smile, made everyone who could look past his shackles and eyes smile.
"Unfortunately, the people that includes is just us three, and perhaps Konzen's auntie when she is entertained. But to the three of us…he became something worthwhile. He wasn't petty politics or arrogant gods…he was genuine and cared for us as we were, gave light and smiles to our lives. I know we will come back, but he would not if we let him die. Then we would be back to the mundane and depressing lives we lived before, but worse since we knew how it could be."
Gojyo smiled a bit at the previous incarnation of his best friend, "You're real smart when you aren't off in the clouds, ya know that?"
Tenpou raised an eyebrow, "Of course I do."
Hakkai smiled at the group, though sadly, "I agree with your decision. In fact…this makes this life somehow easier to live, knowing my pain was a sacrifice rather than fate deciding I was out of favor."
Gojyo nodded slowly, "I have'ta agree. At least I'm still pretty though. It would have sucked if I was made as ugly as the chimp in retaliation."
Kenren snickered behind his hand, "Trust me man, you and I both."
The two silent blondes were turned to now, Konzen staring pensively into the fire as Sanzo hid a tense jaw and barely noticeable shaking hands. Konzen spoke softly, "I would choose it even if I have to take on all the pain myself. There's no way I could have lived with myself if not."
Kenren and Tenpou smiled knowingly at their friend, but Hakkai and Gojyo's attention was on their leader. Sanzo's eyes were deadened and the shaking had left, leaving the man slumped in defeat. In truth, the blonde was just tired of arguing with himself. Part of him wanted to rage and scream, beat both Konzen and Goku into the ground for what they had done, for the death of Koumyo Sanzo. The rest of him realized why, and tried to imagine where he would be if he had never heard a voice, if he hadn't pulled Goku out of his prison.
At the time he had been the closest to killing himself that he had ever gotten, even in the very beginning. He was scarred and battered, defeated and worn. He had journeyed for years and found nothing, and he had been utterly sick and tired of bothering anymore. Then, Goku. Annoying as hell, loud, hyper, cheerful, and bouncy…he had been like a godsend. 'Oh the irony of that statement now…' Sanzo thought irritably. He understood what the Marshal had meant by Goku bringing meaning…because he did. He brought anger that wasn't fatal, annoyance, amusement, even short moments of tenderness. To have someone that looked up to you as if you hung the moon…or were the sun, as the case may be…it was a beautiful thing. And Sanzo knew this.
But it hurt…oh kami it hurt. To know that the events of that night so long ago had been predetermined…that he couldn't have stopped even if he had been strong enough. It cut out a part of him, tore at his very soul. He wished for the first time in a decade that he had it in him to cry. Just to release the pain he was currently feeling, he would be happy to.
And suddenly, he realized everyone's attention was off to the distance where Goku walked back, dragging his feet. He had obviously tired himself out. Without permission, Sanzo's body rose from his spot and walked to meet the boy who was bathed in the last rays of the setting sun, making him glow the gold that Sanzo eternally associated with the boy.
The earth spirit looked surprised, but smiled wanly at Sanzo, hoping he wasn't about to get a beating. Instead, a hand raised up and twined in russet locks, making Goku blink rapidly, "S-Sanzo?"
"Nanda?"
"I mean…why?"
The monk shrugged and withdrew his hand, walking off and lighting a cigarette as he went, "Do I always need a reason?"
Goku's eyes shimmered as they met with the casual glance his guardian threw over his shoulder. A smile stretched across his face and he shook his head, running back to the others in a new burst of energy and flopping down.
"Ne, Hakkai?" he asked.
"Yes, Goku?"
"Harahetta."
So many jewel toned eyes rolled.
----------
