Sorry for the wait guys. My computer crashed and I had to start the whole chapter over! But, I hope the length of this one makes up for the wait! Enjoy : )

Ch.6

Illusions Shattered

A week had passed since Sasuke found that poor shinobi half dead near the border. There had been no other incidents and quite frankly Sakura was at her wits end trying to piece together a logical analysis with the little information she had. In the back of her mind she wanted to curse Sasuke's lack of forethought, but thinking like that wouldn't give her more to work with. The damage had been done. What she needed to do was focus on the facts…or just wait for more injured to come through her doors. Sakura felt a little guilty that she even had a thought so clinically detached…but there it was.

She had been spending her time taking care of Sarada and bustling around the hospital as usual. However, now that Sasuke was back and Sarada had started the Academy, she found herself hovering closer and closer to her job instead of home. Having her every move questioned was not something she was used to and it aggravated her to no end. Once Sasuke's stories had all run out, he was back to the distant, brooding shadow flitting around the house; that is, until he wanted to discuss her every action. In retrospect, it was probably a silly thought to be more comfortable in her home when her husband was absent, but a lot of things were becoming silly to her lately. She did not know if this was how she had truly felt all along or if it was a new occurrence. He was always a great father and friend, but he never really learned how to keep a sane wife.

Currently, Sakura was at her desk going through some of her subordinate's patient files; a trusty red pen in her hand as she scanned each file's contents. After the mishap with her staff, she was feeling particularly petty about minor file infractions…not to mention dress code, attendance, showing up late…

Oh yes, Sakura was out for blood lately.

It was only a little satisfying to find out the little brat that had called her out was now being fully ostracized by the others just so they stayed on her good side. Sakura was normally a very kind and generous person…but everyone close to her knew she was the Queen of Petty.

…And boy was she swinging her axe high!

The only saving grace there had been this week was her seasoned doctors and nurses laughing conspiratorially with her at how the younger generation tried not to show their trembling at the mere mention of her name.

Needless to say, Sakura had known war and how fast war could come and destroy. She knew how dire an emergency could become if a leader did not command complete respect from her subordinates. So, not even in peacetime would she let her staff falter in their faith in her or each other…even if she had to get a little scary sometimes.

Sakura guessed that line of thinking had something to do with the sadistic teachings of both her sensei's, but she was proud to think a little bit of their ways rubbed off on her…even if they were the more disturbing tendencies.

After her last file was more red than white with all the "minor but still relevant" remarks, Sakura stood and looked out her window. It was a blissfully cool night in mid-summer. The moon was high in the sky and the spattering of stars seemed to be twinkling a little too bright for her sour mood. She started rubbing her neck of the aches that had accumulated at the base from too many hours hunched in the same position. Truth be told, she had been missing a lot of training sessions lately.

Sasuke's only demand of her was to stop her training in times of peace so Sarada had a parent around that was always available. She had reluctantly agreed, but now that there was a new threat looming she was definitely feeling the need to start strengthening her skills and body again. Normally, she would still make time at least twice a week with whoever was available, Sasuke be damned, but she had finally realized how complacently numb she had gotten to her domesticated role.

Sakura made a promise to herself as she was walking out of the hospital doors to stop taking so many hours and get some personal time in for training or whatever else she damn well pleased to do in the moment. She couldn't believe how much she had let a man, especially one that had put her through so much, dictate her life even in the slightest. She had given him her time and presence but in no way, shape, or form did that mean that her life belonged to him.

How could she have forgotten the most integral part of herself…the woman who didn't take shit from anyone? How could she have let herself become his pliable puppet even if it was in the name of his recovery?

Sakura stomped home, eyes held high but unseeing, and let her thoughts fuel her tired body. Luckily, it was late enough that no one was in the deserted streets to see her mental explosion. Her fuming thoughts were churning in her brain; while also being spurred on by the whisperings of approval from her inner. Sakura started to feel completely justified of her anger as she slammed her way into her living room.

Just then, Sasuke appeared from their shared bedroom to see who had come in with such unnecessary noise. He was greeted with the sight of his pink-haired wife mumbling colorful expletives as she was attempting to rip off her heeled shoes…maybe feet?...with force.

He watched as she threw one red shoe/missile across the room to hit a black vase filled with roses dead center all while hopping on her bare foot. Her attempt to then bend down to reach the other shoe was thwarted by the dangerously close cherry wood coffee table she only realized was there as she was stubbing her toe on it. This offense was promptly met with punishment as Sakura disintegrated the offender, his poor coffee table, with a few well-placed stomps. Sasuke just watched while Sakura suddenly found her sane side long enough to softly grumble realizations that she was most likely going to wake up Sarada with all the noise she was making.

Sasuke watched his angry wife search for his chakra signature shadowed in the dark hallway and saw the exact moment her eyes zeroed in on him like she was a shark and he, the stupid seal, that carelessly nicked himself on a random, rocky edge.

"You and me. Outside. Now.," was the only thing she said as she breezed by him on her way to the backdoor; which would lead her to their sizable garden training grounds he had installed when the house had been finished.

After being married for six years, he was no stranger to seeing her rage induced episodes, but this once seemed different. She had always tried to control her anger when it came to him…preferring to take deep breaths and run elsewhere before she lost it. However, it seemed like Sakura was in the mood for a fight. Even the scent lingering in the air carried something a little more feral then her usual vanilla floral accents. Sasuke had never seen this side of her anywhere but on the battlefield during the war. So, as he slowly made his way outside to the impending danger zone he made a mental note to call a landscaper first thing in the morning.

Sakura was busy whittling away the stump of a large oak tree in the back grounds when Sasuke finally caught up with her. The way her hands broke off pieces of the wood and smoothed away rough edges like it was clay made him slightly aware of just how careful he should be with her if she was already emitting that kind of chakra output.

"Took you long enough." Sakura said as she stood up from her kneeling position; turning to face him as he looked at her handiwork. "While I was at the hospital tonight, I had some time to think about me, about you…about our marriage in general…and I came to some very hard conclusions." He looked at her in his usual fashion to show he was listening; stoic features firmly hiding anything he might have been thinking. She was so used to this look…his look. But looking at Sasuke right now; her husband…no, her stranger. Yes stranger, her stranger that she shared a family with…that exact look is what made something in Sakura splinter and set loose the manic thoughts she had spent her whole marriage trying to suppress. No matter how much he had progressed, Sakura finally realized there was no way she would ever be happy with someone she would never truly know.

After six long years of marital duty, Sakura finally shattered their perfect illusion of wedded bliss.

"Do you understand how much I have endured in trying to make your dream come true? Sasuke, I am losing myself and you have always been content to sit there and watch my dissent! I can't remember the last time I did something because I wanted to and not something that was expected of me. What about me? What about my dreams? The only time I feel like a normal human being is when you are gone! How do you think that makes me feel?"

Sasuke was silent as usual to her words. She didn't expect him to suddenly care about her frustrations. Honestly, she knew that before confronting him about her feelings, but for some reason this time she could not keep it inside.

She had to do something, anything to get a reaction from him other than complete indifference. Sakura took the couple steps needed to stand right in front of him and scream as close as she could to his face. "Sasuke! I can't stand you or what you have turned me into! " This only prompted him to put his hands on her shoulders in a tight grip. "Get ahold of yourself before someone hears you." For a split second, Sakura looked at him with utter hatred.

She could not, yet again, bury her true feelings behind an understanding smile. Perhaps she was slowly losing her selfless ways… Perhaps him being a good father and friend was becoming nothing more than the mantra she repeated to herself in order to stay loyal to her decisions. Perhaps maybe she just wanted to be the selfish one for once.

Maybe that's why she gave him a hard punch right in his solar plexus so he removed his hands from her person and grabbed his stomach in agony. Maybe that's why she leaned in close to his hunched over position and whispered in his ear, "It's time I show you the real me; not the woman I let you mold me into."

And then, Sakura stormed straight out of the Uchiha grounds and fled into the night.

She could not say how long she had been walking around arguing with herself, literally, about the damage she had caused to her marriage. Hours probably...

Half of her wanted to go back and apologize to Sasuke and pretend nothing had changed. The other more forceful, thanks to her Inner, side of her wanted to go back there and finish the job…totally destroy any trace of the mediocre life she led before this moment of waking and run with it.

Saukra walked and walked. When she made it to the Gates of Konoha, the end of the line, she immediately turned on her heels and started again on a random path. Her mind was on overdrive listening to so many different reasonings and suggestions from what felt like two completely different voices. Her Inner had never presented herself as distinctly in her whole life…it was almost as if she were two completely different people who wanted completely opposite outcomes…

If Sakura didn't know any better she'd say she was two different people who could only agree that they despised each other in that moment. Was she really going crazy enough to war against herself? It was quite possible her borderline depression had made it possible for Inner Sakura to take over in the name of self-preservation. She most certainly would never have said nor done the things she did prior if she had a firm grip on herself.

Sakura abruptly stopped as she realized exactly where her body had subconsciously led her to. To the one place she knew she would always be welcomed.

"Fucking Kakashi…" Sakura bitterly laughed under her breath. It figures.

In the dead hours of the night his lights were still on. They seemed like a beacon of salvation to her as she hurriedly ran up the steps to his apartment complex, side-stepping a hissing black cat that swiped at her as she passed and opened the outer door. She booked up two flights of stairs then took a left to reach his apartment. Only when she stood in front of the brown door clearly marked with a 2W did she realize she had no clue what she was doing there.

Sakura stood there blinking owlishly at the writing on the door for a few minutes before hearing movement behind the door. She has no time to flee before the door moved and a silver head popped through the door.

"So are you going to come in or do you need more time memorizing the two symbols on my door?"

"I….ummm."

Nice.

Inner Sakura snickered as Sakura tried to ignore everything except making a coherent sentence. "I was just out for a stroll and decided to come visit you since I was in the area."

Kakashi raised a brow at her that disappeared into his hi-ate and gave her once of his "looks".

"You took a leisurely stroll…at four in the morning… with no shoes on." He pointedly looked down to her red and scratched up feet which she so did not notice until he said something. They kind of did look bad and of course they would start hurting the second he pointed it out.

"Yup." Sakura tried to remain the epitome of cool but failed miserably as Kakashi pulled her into his living room and sat her down on the blue cotton sofa directly in the middle of the room. He rushed to the bathroom further in to probably find some first aid supplies while she was hit with a wave of nostalgia. How many years ago had she sat in this same spot eating or working on Konoha documents with Kakashi sitting cross legged on the floor doing the same?

She looked around and found everything was completely the same. The gray carpeting, the table with one leg slightly shorter than the other…making it so you have to shove a couple books underneath to make it level for proper use. The various weapons scattered around the white walls attached by hooks…even the small hole she had made in the opposite wall when he dodged a scroll she threw at his head.

Some things never change I guess

Kakashi popped her out of her reverie by plopping down on the couch and lifting her leg to settle onto his lap. Before she could protest, he lifted his hand up and said, "I know you can heal yourself, but at least let me clean them before you heal bits of dirt and sticks into your skin." Sakura acquiesced by sinking lower into the couch and crossing her arms.

When he found no more complaint, Kakashi took some antiseptic wipes and tweezers from the box he brought out of the bathroom and proceeded to clean her wounds. Sakura tried not to let a squeal come out of her mouth from the tickling sensation but she felt like she was already going to die of embarrassment at any moment. After every area was cleaned, he let go of her and she started to curl up to heal herself. The green glow lit up the small room and made her feel much more in control of the situation.

"I'm not going to press you for details, but I am curious as to why an elite kunoichi would think it fun to walk around at night barefoot… Are you training with Guy again?"

Sakura shuddered remembering the one time she was desperate enough for some training to go to Guy. The memory of being chased with a green spandex suit made just for her all around the village was enough torture for one lifetime thank you!

Green eyes looked at gray in a speculative manner. She has never told anyone about her most guarded thoughts. It would be catastrophic for her if anyone knew how much she truly resented her life. No one had been deemed trustworthy enough in her eyes to give up her most devastating secret. But, looking into his eyes made her want to finally give in and be weak; just once.

"I told Sasuke how I really feel about our marriage. Then I hit him and ran out when he didn't care in the slightest." Sakura said in a rush, her cheeks growing red with the shame of telling someone the truth.

"Good." Kakashi stated simply as if she had just told him she had tea and dumplings for lunch. Sakura looked over at him dumbfounded.

He just smiled with his eyes crinkled at the sides and patted the hand that was closest to him on the couch cushion. "You haven't been Sakura since you married him. I'm glad you finally found your voice. I miss the woman who had no problem putting everyone in their place."

For some reason, Sakura wanted to cry at his simple but accurate statement. How is it this man, this seemingly clueless man, is the only one in the whole world who could see her suffering? "How…how did you know?" Sakura brokenly whispered as she bent her head to keep him from seeing her looming tears.

Kakashi leaned forward enough so she could see his masked face even through the curtain of her pink tresses and simply stated, "Because you had always been there for me; for everyone, until him… and because I can see underneath the underneath."

Sakura choked out a laugh amidst her sobs. In a split second she launched herself at his chest and attached to him in a tight embrace. He stiffened but then slowly put his arms around her shaking form; like he didn't know how to hold someone. She, on the other hand, felt like she couldn't get as close to him as she wanted to, she kept pulling him closer and closer…crushing him to her like she could meld them together if she only held on tight enough.

They stayed like that until he tears had subsided and her breathing evened out. Inner Sakura had quieted down and Sakura finally felt like she was at peace.

The moment was over way too soon for her liking, but she realized that their position was not the most appropriate and she was most likely making the Copy Nin super uncomfortable with all the intimate touching. She let him go in slow movements until she extricated herself fully from him. Kakashi refused to look into her eyes when she anxiously looked up to see his expression.

This was a mistake…

'Thank you for the pep talk Kakashi. I feel much better but I think it's time I leave."

Kakashi got up at her words and silently walked her to his door. When she was just outside he told her it was probably wise to use a transportation justu to get home and avoid hurting her feet further. She nodded and turned to walk away.

"Wait." He said as he took her hand and turned her back his way. "I'm not good at expressing myself as you well know…," Kakashi hesitated; searching the floor for the words to say, "but if you ever need anything let me know. You are important to me Sakura."

"Thanks Kakashi. Right back at you." Sakura said as she watched his gloved hand run down the side of her cheek…almost as if he was trying to find an answer to a question he was convinced was embedded in her skin. With one more look, he closed the door.

Sakura made the hand signs to appear onto the front steps of her home and walked through the doors of a house that had so much more in it than Kakashi's small apartment ever will but seemed twice as empty.

Dear Diary,

I am going to be frank. I have come to a point in my life where I have no clue what to do. Up until this point, I have had a very linear path on which I walked. Now, I find myself wanting to completely run off and make my own path. A path of uncertainty…a path of adventure. I don't know what the future holds, but I do know one thing…

I want Kakashi in it at all costs.