Ohmigod, ohmigod, ohmigod. It didn't take long for me to completely freak the hell out. In all honesty it was bound to happen sooner or later. I had been on the fringe since I'd gotten to the Cullen house. I was put in solitary confinement, insulted for my issues, met various family members, discovered these various family members could pick up all sorts of information about me through extra senses, spilled my guts about an embarrassing past, got insulted again, and broke the décor only to have it magically reanimate in my hand. Like some psychotic mind trick.
Immediately after the block materialized back in my hand I put it back on the table and backed away, like it was a bomb that would go off at any minute. Carlisle and Edward eventually had to steer me back to the couch in order to prevent my backing through the living room wall.
Alice picked the block up off the coffee table and left without a word. Carlisle looked me in the eye and told me he'd be back and that I should stay calm. Easier said than done. I was actually doing all right for a few minutes. Esme had one arm over my and she was rubbing my back to keep me calm. And it was working really well. That is, until Rose – in an attempt to take my mind off things - began talking and clicking through the channels and stumbled upon a super glue commercial. The bad infomercial "before and after" affects sent me over the edge and I began hyperventilating.
Edward came over off the chair and kneeled in front of me. "Bree. It's all right. Breathe slowly. With me now: inhale," he inhaled trying to get me to follow. I did and he held it for longer than was natural, "exhale." He repeated this with me a few more times, but I think I was just getting myself more worked up. Edward was hardly a calming presence; after all, he was part of what triggered this whole fiasco. Him and his stupid mouth.
After a few minutes, I saw Edward give Jasper a quick sidelong glance. So quick I almost missed it. I looked up at Jasper immediately with frenzied eyes. I pointed to him, "Don't" inhale, "you," inhale, "dare!" Inhale. "I," inhale, "have had," inhale, "enough," inhale "altered," inhale "states of mind," inhale, "to last me," inhale, "a lifetime."
Edward shook his head and looked back at me, "Well Bree, if you can't get your breathing under control I'll have to have Jasper do it for you. Your choice."
I simply pursed my lips, sat up straight, crossed my arms and ceased breathing all together. It wasn't strictly necessary anymore. But I couldn't talk or smell and it made my nose feel weird. It was a good immediate solution. I just wouldn't breathe until I got a grip.
Edward shook his head, "That works too." I could tell he was trying to fight amusement but his annoyance at me was definitely winning.
A moment later Carlisle came back followed by Alice. He handed me a cup before sitting on the coffee table a few feet in front of me. I peeked in the cup before taking a sip and then just swallowing it all down. "How has she been?" Carlisle looked towards Edward.
I was now starting to understand what Carlisle meant when said that sometimes family members were on an equal playing field. Carlisle and Edward were colleagues right now, not father and son.
"She was calm for a while, but something triggered her and she began to panic again. She was hyperventilating. Now she's just not breathing at all." Edward recounted to Carlisle.
Carlisle looked up at me for a moment and I simply nodded, confirming the story with my silence. Then I pointed aggressively at Jasper. He just moved back in his chair and raised his hands in surrender.
"I didn't do anything!" he explained. "Edward was going to have me calm her down if she couldn't do it herself but she made her opinion on the matter quite obvious."
Carlisle nodded and was writing in that damn leather folder again. "Now, Bree," he looked up at me. "Are you feeling better? Because I have a few questions that'll require more than 'yes' or 'no' nodding."
I felt better. I tentatively opened my mouth and exhaled. Then inhaling… normally. I smiled, "Okay, shoot."
Carlisle smiled, "Excellent. You've done a great job with all levels of control; keep it up. Now, can you tell me what you were feeling or what was going through your mind just before the incident?"
"I was just trying to keep myself in check. All my emotions are extremes since my transformation and I'm trying not to act on those instincts every time they surface."
"Can you give me a little more? Like what you were feeling and what triggered it?" Carlisle asked.
"I was feeling angry and frustrated. I was mad because I'd just spilled all this crap about my sordid life to you guys and I did it so it didn't seem like I was keeping secrets but I realized it completely backfired when this tool," I threw a couch pillow at Edward because it was the only thing close by (I really would've liked that wooden block back), "just jarred me out of my whole thought process and made me feel like a degenerate."
Edward dodged my pillow but looked rather surprised, "What? Bree, what are you talking about? I'm sorry if my question made you feel that way but in my own defense the word 'what?' can be interpreted many different ways in a certain context."
"What the hell are you talking about, Edward? I'm sorry if we don't all come into the world preparing for canonization," I remarked sarcastically. I heard Jasper and Rosalie try and stifle their laughter. "But your tone just sounded so much like a jibe against me and I'm really not prepared to put up with anyone's crap. I don't knock people for the stupid shit in their past and I'd appreciate the same courtesy."
Edward shook his head. "I was simply surprised about by your story. I've seen the minds of others with your same predicament and they're never so clear minded and logically thinking. My gift allows me a certain degree of information about a person. Obviously, I can read most people fairly well. You took me by surprise. It was a good 'what?'"
Rose scoffed, "Ch-yeah, Edward is hardly a saint. "Believe me Bree, your past is not too bad compared to some of ours."
"All right," Carlisle held up his hands to referee the upcoming onslaught. "Moving on. So Bree, you were feeling powerful emotions of anger and frustration…"
"Yes," I confirmed, "And then I when I was reaching to pick up the pieces of the paperweight I was trying to stay focused and just wishing I could take it all back. Wishing I could just fix it."
For the first time since she'd returned Alice piped up, "Bree, take this." She handed me a piece of paper torn in two.
"Thanks, Alice…" I looked down at the two halves in each hand. I didn't know what else to say. She looked quickly at Edward who nodded minutely.
Alice turned back to me and began to speak, "Bree, I had a damaging past similar to yours and I've been able to start to move on recently. But once you brought the topic up, I just had all these horrible flashbacks…" she trailed off, staring at her hands in her lap.
Fan-freaking-tastic! I was such a jackass I'm surprised I was capable of existence. It was astonishing to me that my idiocy alone did not cause me to self-destruct. And what the hell was this paper for? I was about to beg for Alice's forgiveness when the familiar warming came into my hands again and just as I looked down the two halves of the paper collided with one another; reconstituting in my hands. I gasped and dropped the paper – watching it waft to the floor.
Alice looked up at me smiling, "Bree. You're a healer."
"What?" I asked breathlessly.
"You are a healer. Bree, you fix things. That stuff I said wasn't true. But it seems… your desire to fix situations, people, yourself - its path is channeled along another route to the objects around you."
"Yes…" Carlisle mused, "That makes sense, Alice. And… your recovery and control may be affected by this gift of yours as well. This extra ability you possess may have helped you resist more quickly. Remember I told you: you were very clear-minded and were handling the transition well? Maybe your power has helped along the way."
Carlisle was staring off into the distance as he spoke, thinking. Before long Emmett spoke up too, "Carlisle, do you think it has anything to do why Jake thinks she doesn't smell so bad?"
Carlisle looked up with an arched brow, "And vice versa?"
Emmett's jaw dropped and he gawked at me like someone had just given him some scandalous gossip about me.
"I don't know, Emmett. Maybe. She'd have to meet the rest of the pack. See what they think of each others' scents as well. If it holds with the rest of the pack that her scent isn't so strong then: maybe. But it could just be some Jake/Bree only phenomenon."
I couldn't really register what was going on around me. I could just magically fix shit? Because I had such an intense remorse complex? And that wasn't even the best part. Oh no, this might also be why Jake and I have some cosmological olfactory connection.
"So what does this all mean?" I asked "My self-control is amplified? How do we test that? Do I get to mingle with the common folk?"
Jasper leaned back and locked his fingers back behind his head, "Well, let's perform an experiment. Let her meet Bella."
Edward looked at him like he was crazy, "Are you serious?"
"Boys!" I shouted stretching my hands out between them. They were both leaning towards each other now and I could just see this escalating. "Edward: you're doing it again. And Jasper: what are you talking about?"
"I'm not suggesting we lock you in an airtight room together. Start small. Edward, bring Bella here, leave her in the garage and bring something of hers in – her backpack, her jacket…"
"Jas…" Edward was now rubbing his temples furiously. But Jasper interrupted him.
"Bree's proven she has a good grasp on herself, Edward. She didn't rip your head off after you insulted her. She'll be able to tell us if she can handle it. And the rest of us will be here, too. Obviously, Bella's blood is a powerful call to Bree as well as the rest of us. If she can handle Bella she handle others."
Edward opened his mouth to argue but Jasper cut him off, "She's going to need to meet Bella eventually, Edward. She's not a dog – we can't put her outside on the leash whenever Bella comes over. And I'm sure Bella would like to be able to walk past our driveway without fearing for her life. You don't have to make her. Just ask and see what she says."
Edward slumped back in his chair with his arms crossed. "Fine!" he finally conceded, "I'll ask her. But you all know what her answer will be… She's too charitable for her own good." He grumbled to himself.
"Carlisle?" Edward called to his father, looking for affirmation.
Carlisle had remained silent – waiting for Jasper and Edward to finish their argument. "Yes. I think we could try it. With anyone else I might be concerned but as long as we take it slow… We'll give her Bella's backpack. Then we can have her stand in the yard, the porch, in the door way. Bree you could stay here on the couch. So long as we keep it slow and steady I think it could work out well."
Alice piped up, "Everything looks clear from my end."
"And Edward?" Carlisle said, "Give Bella an ounce of credit for trying to help her fellow man."
Emmett laughed, "Yeah dude, just look what she's done for you."
Rose, Alice, and I laughed along. Esme smirked at Emmett disapprovingly and Edward threw the pillow at him.
Edward stood up and pushed Emmettt a bit as he walked by. He was smiling though, so at least he wasn't too worried. He didn't completely doubt me. "Well, if you all don't mind I have to ask my girlfriend to come on by and test fate."
Edward slipped on his jacket and headed out the door. A few moments later I watched a silver Volvo pull out of the driveway.
I'd quickly deduced that this boy was one tightly wound spring and if he wasn't on a regular bubble wrap regimen he was just going to snap. He was one of those kids that was quiet and nice but would just snap one day and dye their hair green and start playing guitar in subway stairwells for fun. I wasn't going to eat his girlfriend. As a mind reader one would think he'd get that impression from whatever it is his head could pick out of mine.
As the dawn began to break on the Cullen house, I was entrenched in my closet again. This time Alice was with me. Rose had watched her spin like the Tasmanian Devil for about thirty seconds before going back out to my room and indulging herself in the stereo setup stealthily hidden in the armoire.
"Alice, really," I spoke as I dodged flying clothes, "I'm going to be with you until the end of time. We'll be able to sort out all my outfits. We'll even have to buy more at some point. I've worn enough clothes for a whole season already."
She didn't appear to be listening. The closet was now a wreck. Before it had been packed to the top with clothes but they had all been in place. Now, the majority of the contents were littered on the floor or hung from precarious nooks they'd caught before reaching the ground.
"But I just don't know what to put you in," Alice pouted. I climbed over the clothes being careful not to step on too many, because I could tell they were designer stuff and I already felt weird with them on the floor. I braced her shoulders with my hands.
"Alice. I'm. A. Big. Girl. Here, let me show you my idea. That way you know what my style is and you can work around it when you spontaneously drop five digits on my next season wardrobe."
"Okay!" She laid her arms rigidly by her side like she was trying to prevent herself from interfering.
"All righty…" I mumbled as I began to pick through the carnage. I pulled out a pair of skinny jeans, a forest green Nirvana tee shirt and a pair of heels – these blue suede with a small platform.
While I was rifling through the debris I heard unfamiliar cadences and tenors of voices downstairs. "Rose, who's downstairs?"
"Huh? Oh. Sounds like Jake and Seth. You better hurry up; you have to go smell some dogs soon for your sick little experiment."
I came out of the closet and threw everything on my bed and marched into the bathroom. "I can think of many other things I'd rather do than sniff Jake and his pack mates. That's only slightly awkward. And this is Carlisle's idea, remember? To see if my healing has anything to do with my not being so appalling to Jacob." I rifled through drawers and cabinets as I spoke looking for a pair of scissors.
I found them and rejoined Rose and Alice. I hopped lithely on the bed, crossed my legs and pulled the tee shirt towards me. Alice joined me and Rose flicked through her Cosmo in a chair behind me. I snipped and cut in strategic places along the back of the tee shirt. I cut a six-inch swath out of the back and put holes along the perimeter. I cut the refuse cloth into strips and wound them through the holes.
I pulled the white tank top I had been wearing since I arrived off and slipped the newly altered Nirvana tee on. It was form fitting and I stood up and turned around. Alice saw the woven – almost corset – pattern that I'd created and began hopping up and down and clapping.
"I love it!" Alice sang – her voice coming up an octave for the word 'love'.
"Thank you," I said taking a bow. I slipped off the sweatpants I'd been wearing and jumped into the skinny dark wash jeans. I picked up the sweats and slipped into the heels. "Who's are these, just out of curiosity?" I asked as I brought the sweats to the hamper inside the demolished closet.
"Considering they weren't falling around your ankles? I'd say Edward or Carlisle," Rose conjectured as she was reading over an article. "They both have small waists."
"Super," I responded sarcastically as I fired the pants across the closet and watched them dunk into the hamper. I was either wearing the pants of my father or the brother that didn't like me. They weren't getting those back anytime soon.
I pulled the door shut and looked at Alice significantly, "You are so picking this up later." I crossed the room to the main door as I was pulled my hair up into a knot on the top of my head. "Come on, let's go sniff some puppy chow."
When Rose, Alice and I got downstairs there was no one sight. We followed the acrid smell of human food to the kitchen where Esme was cleaning the stovetop and we could hear the dishwasher humming to life.
"Hi girls," she greeted us. "Jacob and his brothers are outside. Oh, Bree – before you go," and she handed me another glass.
"Esme, I'm not about to suck a wolf dry," I laughed, "they do still smell pretty funky."
"Oh I know, dear. We just want to keep a steady flow through your system before we bring you out hunting later tonight."
"Well then, thank you for taking such good care of me," I smiled and downed the glass like a shot. "All right, it's about time I got this sick little fiasco over with," I grumbled.
"Oo! I want to come!" Alice chirped. "I can't see anything around the wolves, and I want to know how this turns out."
I shrugged, "Okay." She hopped over to my side and grabbed my hand as we headed out the front door. Carlisle and Edward were sitting on the front steps while about half a dozen boys and a single girl stood awkwardly on the front lawn.
Carlisle turned and smiled, "Ah, the woman of the hour. Now let's see if your perception of Jacob applies to the rest of the pack."
I clunked down the front steps. The whole pack was giving me the death stare and I really didn't appreciate it. Really? They got the better end of this deal. All they had to do was stand there. I had to go around and sniff them.
I noticed they were like Jake had been that first day: wearing nothing but shorts – except the one girl who had a tee shirt on as well. But no shoes or shirts (at least among the boys) were to be found.
The antagonistic stare I was getting kept me from moving any further than the bottom of the stairs. Jake stepped forward and put his arm around my tiny shoulders. "Bree, this is the pack. We have Sam – he's alpha – Quil, Embry, Jared, Paul, Seth and Leah," he signaled them each in term.
"Well you guys are a lively group. If you don't mind, I'm just going to smell you and get this over with because it's kind of mortifying. But you're all too close together. Your scents are all blending so…" I peeked over their heads and my eyes landed on a singular tree.
"We'll have to go one at a time, by that," I pointed, "tree. That way the rest are far enough away that I don't mess anything up." I slipped from underneath Jake's arm and started making my way away from the group. Some were looking amongst themselves, probably wondering who would go first. The boy called Sam stepped forward.
"All right most-high-alpha, let's light this candle." We walked back towards the tree and I flopped on the ground. He sat – rather more elegantly than I, can I just add, cross legged in front of me.
"So," he asked trying to make conversation, "anything?"
I shrugged. "You smell different than Jake – obviously – but not any degree stronger I guess. You see I have nothing to compare to. Everyone insists you guys smell horrible but just find it… I don't know. Vaguely unpleasant?"
"You're about the same way. I do have point of reference and I have to say that you are not as bad as the rest of your family." He nodded, "So have you got a flavor for me yet?"
"You're a no-go my friend. But thanks for coming. Send someone else down?"
"Sure," he pulled himself into a squatting position, "it was nice to meet you Bree." Sam extended his scalding hand and I shook it.
"You too." As he turned and walked away I shook my hand in the air. God. These wolves were ridiculously overheated. Sam returned to the group and tapped the boy Paul on the shoulder. Paul turned and stalked towards me and crashed into the ground.
"Calm it down there 'roid rage. You'll live a lot longer."
Paul just glared at me. "What the hell is your problem, dude?" I asked him.
"I don't like being essentially felt up by your nose. Not to mention the fact that you have some preternatural gift that loopholes around our natural defenses."
"Well," I asked, "do I smell as bad to you as the others?"
"Actually no."
"Well then you also have a preternatural gift that loopholes around my natural defenses. Quid pro quo, my good man. It sucks for us both. I don't even why the hell you and the Cullens get so bent out of shape about each other."
He shrugged, "Evolution? You don't see the fox packing for a sleepover in the hen house, do you? Plus, you," he waved at me, "is the whole reason this," he waved at himself, "happens. The wolf gene is triggered by the presence of your kind. If there was no Olympic coven, I'd be about a hundred pounds lighter and a lot more stable."
"Well if it makes you feel any better," I told him, "I didn't get to choose this either. And once the Cullens leave you guys can be free to go about your regular human lives. And stop shifting. I don't get that. No matter where I live I will always look and be just like this."
"Don't you think," I asked him, "we're a little more highly evolved and civilized than foxes and hens? I don't really see you as having much of a problem besides that major stick up your ass. I feel like we could be quite cordial if you got over that. You have to make a conscious choice to be enemies."
