Chapter 7 – Bolin
Bolin had slept in alleys under damp newspapers, in train stations with the acrid smell of piss in his nostrils, and in the corners of gang members' apartments with boots occasionally bumping into his jutting ribs. Yet, he thought, this was the loneliest place he'd ever seen. He sat with his brother on the steps outside the strange house in the middle of nowhere. The frozen walls of the compound surrounded them, and beyond that, through the open gate, unbroken white and grey stretched as far as the eye can see. With the clouds overhead, it was impossible to tell where the horizon was, creating the illusion that snow and sky were one.
They huddled together like in the old days. The cold was preferable to the tension inside, at least for now. Naga was nearby, seeking warmth in her own bulk in the snow and looking completely miserable. Pabu was curled up on her head.
"Can you believe she grew up here? I mean, how does anyone live in a place like this?"
"People have been living here for thousands of years, Bo. They adapt. And besides, she had people looking out for her. This place is more modern than most of the places we've lived."
"I guess, but it's so…quiet," he said, the wholly novel lack of street noise echoing off hard, man-made surfaces assaulting his ears.
"Yeah," said Mako, and a long moment passed between them.
"Do you remember when Mom showed us a picture of this place when it was being built? It looked a lot bigger."
"Everything looks big when you're five, Bo."
This was the longest conversation they'd had in two days.
"What do you think is going to happen?" he asked.
Mako shrugged. "This stuff is pretty far over my head."
"If she…you know…if this doesn't work, do you think Korra will still come back with us?"
"I don't know."
"But haven't you been, like, talking to her—since it happened, you know."
"We haven't really talked about that stuff. And we actually haven't talked a lot. And when we did, we mostly talked about you guys."
"Yeah, but…don't you…?"
"What exactly am I supposed to say? Hey, Korra, I'm sorry I hid my feelings from you. I'm sorry for all the shit I put you through the last few months. And I'm sorry, I'm sooooo sorry that you were the one to save me instead of the other way around. But now that your life is completely ruined, will you come back to Republic City and please be my girlfriend?"
"I think she'd probably just like to know that we're here for her, you know?"
There were tears forming at the edges of Bolin's eyes, why he didn't quite know. The cold was more intense than anything he had ever felt, and even the relatively moderate wind stung his ears and nose. He curled into himself and moved closer to Mako for warmth. Soon they'd need to go back inside, where the tension in the air was stifling.
"How did I fuck up this badly, Bo?"
Bolin sighed and crossed his arms over his knees, "You really want to know?"
"Would I ask otherwise?"
"You lied, bro. You didn't think you were lying, but you did."
"How did I lie, exactly."
"You let me think it didn't mean anything."
"I was confused. Things were complicated, and I didn't want anyone to get hurt."
"And that's your problem, you know? Asami says…"
"You talked to Asami?"
"Of course I talk to Asami. Asami says you think you can keep everyone from getting hurt. And you think you get to decide what we need to be protected from. We can handle you and Korra. What I can't handle is you hiding stuff from me."
Mako nodded and stared into the snow.
After a long silence, he said, "I know that I can't."
Bolin looked at him.
"Of all people…after what happened, I should…"
He put a meaty arm around Mako. "I know you know. But sometimes you need to be reminded. You like to be needed, but sometimes that messes you up."
"Well, sometimes you do need me."
"Sometimes we all do."
"What else did Asami say?"
"I think maybe I should protect you from that."
Mako slugged him. Bolin put his head on his older brother's shoulder, and Mako let his own rest on the younger boy's soft hair. It was a posture rendered familiar by years of trying to draw warmth from each other. Bolin wasn't always the best at reading people, but he knew Mako like his own skin, and he knew that his brother's stoicism concealed an open, superating vein of need.
"Did Amon really almost get you?"
"Yeah. It was…really close."
"What did it feel like?"
"Like the worst fucking thing I've ever felt. But not as bad as watching it happen and not being able to move."
"I wish I had been there for you."
"If it had happened…to you…" Mako's voice was cracking, "If I hadn't been able to save you, would you be able to forgive me? Would you still love me?"
Bolin squeezed him tighter. "No matter what happens to me, you will always be my big brother Mako, and I will always love you."
"Do you think…she…"
Their eyes met and Mako fell silent, Bolin's gaze stopping the question on his lips. The wind on the tundra picked up, and it sounded like a scream.
