Ask Stories: The Right Way

Ask Shadow The Hedgehog 6

Shadow got over his insanity and was back to his usual self. Life was back to normal after his three months off of work; today was his first day back, so he was in a sulky mood. "Don't act like that Shadow; you haven't been out of the house for three months! This is going to be good for you, chubby." Rouge said and went out of the door.

Shadow followed, looking angry. "I'm not chubby!" he yelled.

"What's this then?" Rouge asked, poking his tummy which had began to stick out since he'd lazed around and stuffed himself for so long.

"That's nothing… I can get this off in a few days of work!" Shadow said and walked in front of her arrogantly. "It's hardly anything either."

"Yeah, lucky you, I struggle to keep this weight off if I have one slice of cake and you… three months of laziness and stuffing your face and a tiny bit of fat in the abdomen… you're a lucky bastard." Rouge said.

"I know." he said maliciously with a smirk.

After work, Shadow arrived home to find more letters in the doorway. Rouge was there to catch him when he fainted, falling backwards into her arms. "It's a good job we didn't use up all of that fifty thousand… I think we're going to need more help." Rouge sighed and dragged Shadow into the living room.

Meanwhile, Sonic decided to come and visit Shadow again, he had heard that the dark hedgehog had gotten better lately, so he sped off to Shadow's house to visit him. Maybe after Sonic had given Shadow that pizza he would be treated with more respect. Sonic got the house to see that the door was a jar open, he knocked on the door slowly and unsurely while peeping inside. "Hello?" Sonic called in nervously.

"Sonic, could you come inside and help me? We have another fan mail attack, help me clean this up." Rouge said with a slight whisper.

"W-Where's Shadow?" Sonic asked while coming inside.

"He's in the living room out cold, he saw the mess and passed out. We need to get to the bottom of this Sonic." Rouge said urgently.

"I'll help… as long as Shadow still doesn't suspect me." Sonic said in an annoyed tone.

"I don't think he blames you any more." she said and they began to pick up the letters and put them in the kitchen.

"Wow, I didn't realise Shadow got this much." Sonic said in awe. "I never get this much-"

"What are you doing here Sonic?" they heard Shadow's casual tone from the doorway of the kitchen.

"I'm here to see you, how's it going?" Sonic asked cheerily.

"How's it… going!?" Shadow roared fiercely, he grabbed Sonic by the shoulders and pushed him up against the wall. "You did this to me you faker! I hate you, you deserve nothing but pain!" he snarled viciously in the terrified Sonic's face.

"But he didn't do it Shadow. If he was doing this then he would have been laughing when he came in to see the mail, but he's concerned about you, show him some respect!" Rouge yelled, she sounded like an angry parent.

Shadow pulled away from Sonic looking at Rouge with a shocked look. "What do you say to Sonic?" Rouge said sternly.

"Sorry Sonic…" Shadow mumbled while he sulked. "Now, you have to help me catch the person who's doing this!"

"And lick the envelopes." Rouge added. Sonic looked at her confusedly. "I'm tired of doing that, I'll write the addresses, but you lick the envelopes."

"Fine… if it'll help." Sonic sighed. "Are we going to do this now?"

"Might as well." Rouge said, Shadow attempted to escape but Sonic and Rouge pulled him back, Shadow would have kicked off but he didn't want to hurt Rouge. They put Shadow in his chair where he gave them both death glares.

"I hate you both!" he hissed.

"These letters could give us clues as to who is going this Shadow." Sonic said and sat down by Shadow, Rouge sat opposite. "Now let's get started!" he said eagerly.

"I have to go to the bathroom first." Shadow said and tried to get up but Sonic held him back.

"No way, you're not using that trick on me, I made that! Sit down!" Sonic said and pulled Shadow down.

"Yeah Shadow, I've fallen for it once, not again." Rouge said and gave Shadow the first letter. Shadow gave a 'Hmph' and opened it and read it out, an annoyed expression in his voice,

"Dear, Shadow Doom

It has come to my attention that I have a question which is quite important when you consider how much it needs to be answered. So with that being said I will ask my important question.

Do you ever get boogers in your nose?

Sincerely, A person who is too lazy to log in."

All three of them were silent until Sonic spoke as though he was trying to keep laughter back. "So Shadow, do you?"

Shadow went red in the face. "Would the Ultimate Life Form get such disgusting things?"

"Well, if you have to pee and do other things like the rest of us… then I think you get 'boogers' Shadow." Sonic said. Shadow's eyes narrowed.

"Fine, I do!" Shadow said with his arms folded looking embarrassed and angry. "Wait…" he said as if something had just entered his head. "Too Lazy To Log In… only people who are on the internet log in, you don't log in to send a letter." Shadow said as if it had just dawned on him.

"Do you think your fans are submitting these to an online site… which means there's one mastermind out there printing and sending them!" Rouge said.

"Hmph, Rouge, write this down.

Dear Too Lazy To Log In,

I thank you for your or the leader of this production's, carelessness. You've given me a possible clue to what is going on here.

To answer your question, yes I do but I'm saying no more.

Shadow."

"This is boring… I'm getting some drinks." Sonic said and got up from the table and went to find something interesting to drink. He found soft drinks in the cupboard and gave them out. "Mind if I use these?" he asked.

"That's what they're there for Sonic." Shadow mumbled while he opened the next letter. "Oh chaos….

Dear, ShadowYou can't hide from us. We are every where. Outside your house, behind that lamp post a few feet from your house, in your mailbox, in invisible spaceships above your house, in your fridge eating your pizza. You cannot escape. We will find you and send you fan mail. *cue insane laughter and lights blinking on and off*"

Shadow was silent, his eyes wide with fear. "Shadow, don't worry, they're just doing that to scare you, they're not really in your fridge eating your… pizza." Sonic said and looked around as Shadow got up to check the fridge.

"Shadow, how about we look at the next letter!" Rouge enticed, getting worried for Shadow, he looked like a startled puppy right now. She gave him the next one when he sat down and took a sip of his fizzy orange drink.

"Dear Shadow,

Have you ever considered burning all the fan mail before Rouge gets a chance to make you answer it?

Which do you prefer: using Chaos powers or using guns?

Find the computer room.

What's the most embarrassing thing you have ever done? Well that's all I have.

From The Cheeseburger."

Shadow sighed. "That's all they have? Like four questions isn't enough…" Shadow said with sarcasm. "Rouge,

Dear The Cheeseburger,

I have considered trying to get rid of the mail you trouble makers have been sending me but Rouge would always catch me before I could do so.

Both Chaos Powers and guns have their advantages and each is good in certain situations. Guns are useful if I have no emeralds and I'm running low on energy but they'll also very noisy. If I wasn't to be sneaky, I'll use a chaos spear.

I will NOT find the blasted computer room!

The most embarrassing thing…"

"I know!" Rouge interrupted. Shadow began to look worried, he didn't know what she'd come up with. "I remember, I left work and I couldn't find you, you'd shot off home as fast as you could and I didn't know why…" she began. Shadow's eyes widened, "When I got home I found you outside the house, you'd been locked out because you'd forgotten your key… and your legs were awfully wet."

"Shadow, you peed yourself?" Sonic said in disbelief.

"No… no!" Shadow cried out but it was true. "You promised not to tell, Rouge!" he yelled.

"It was over a year ago… and I don't blame you, we were out on a mission all day, there was no time for breaks. Anyway… shall I write that down?" Rouge said.

"You will not! Just say I haven't any embarrassing moments." Shadow said and turned away from the both of them.

"… I've experienced would be the time I had an accident because it couldn't get into my house in time,

Shadow."

Rouge wrote down the rest of the letter. Shadow leaned over the table and tried to grab it so he could destroy the evidence. "Rouge, how dare you! Give it here, you're not going to send it off!" Shadow growled, but he couldn't get the letter. It was put into an envelope and was ready to go.

Several letters later the three of them were becoming bored. "Okay, now I really do need to use the bathroom." Shadow said and got up.

"Me too… ladies first Shadow." Rouge said and cut in front of him. Shadow sat down grumbling to himself.

"Those drinks go right through you… don't they?" Sonic said nervously. Shadow nodded cautiously, no making eyes contact with Sonic. "Went right through me…" he mumbled.

"Well, you don't have my permission to use the bathroom Sonic…" Shadow said sinisterly. Sonic looked at him worriedly while Shadow smiled at him sadistically. Rouge came back in to see this.

"What's going on?" Rouge asked.

"Shadow says I'm not allowed to use your toilet… but I have to." Sonic complained.

"It's not up to Shadow, it's up to me. Go on Sonic, guests first I think. You can wait Shadow." Rouge said.

"I claimed it first!" Shadow yelled, banging his hand on the table as Sonic got up. Rouge gave Shadow the next letter and he snatched it off her irritably. "No!

Dear Shadow,

I'm still alive, and I'm coming back. With an army!

Sincerely, Black Doom."

Shadow read it out and began to shake with fear. "Please say it's a prank!" he trembled.

"It is Shadow, okay? Your fans are just being cruel." Rouge said to make him feel better. Then Sonic came back in the kitchen, this was Shadow cue to peg it to the bathroom. He got up, flinging his chair back and ran out of the room. They heard the bathroom door slam.

"He can't have been that desperate." Sonic said, sitting down.

"He wasn't… he's just been given a startle, that's all." Rouge said and showed him the letter Shadow had just opened.

"Nah, can't be… it's a trick." Sonic said.

"That's what I told Shadow." Rouge said, "That poor thing has a very fragile mind, I think this is just messing him up all over again."

"I know… poor Shadow." Sonic sighed and waited for him to come back. When Shadow came back in, another letter was at his place on the table so that he could open it.

"Shadow,

Which do you like better: Pixar or DreamWorks?

Have you ever eaten a bug? How much more of this fan mail insanity can you take before you completely lose your mind?

From, I'm Just Here To Annoy You."

Shadow looked confused. "You don't know what Pixar or DreamWorks are, do you?" Sonic asked, Shadow shook his head. "They're companies who make films."

"Well, I like neither." Shadow said. "Ready Rouge?

Dear I'm Just Here To Annoy You,

I like neither, I don't watch TV.

I've never eaten a bug that would be disgusting. Luckily, I've never eaten one by accident either.

I've already gone completely insane and lost my mind but I recovered. If it gets out of hand again I think I will simply stop replying, if Rouge will let me.

Shadow."

As Rouge was sealing up the letter Shadow said, "Will you let me ignore them if I start going insane again?" he asked hopefully.

"If it's what's best then yes. I want to get to the bottom of this first and I'm sure you do too." Rouge said and opened the next letter to read out to Shadow, "So, next question!

Dear Shadow,

Do you like spicy meat feast pizza? And here's some Pokemon Trading Cards. They're shinnies! Also, you should probably reply back to Mephiles, or go talk to the Commander. Or you could punch Sonic!

From Swift."

"HEY!" Sonic yelled. "Is that why you're attacking me? Are your fans asking this of you!?" Sonic complained.

"No, that's my own decision. I guess they want to see more… however they can see us, how do they even know I punched you!?" Shadow said, sounding confused. "Time to answer!

Dear Swift,

You don't quit, do you? I'm not a big fan of spicy meat feast pizza. Just a plain cheese pizza is good enough for me. These cards you've given me are of no use… I think I'll give them to Sonic as a sorry for hurting him. I'm not replying to Mephiles, even if that was him. If he wants to talk to me he and come say what he wants in person. I'm not talking to that Commander, he's a prick. I could punch Sonic again but there's no need, he's helping me now.

Shadow."

"Yes Shadow, punch me again and I'm out of here!" Sonic said. Shadow glared at Sonic for a few seconds while Rouge was busy with the last letter and picking up the next one, she read it aloud.

"Dear Shadow

May I ask you a question?

Did you ever wear a N95 disposable respirator mask in your life?

I have worn it during the swine flu of 2009.

From Static the Vixen."

"I've never worn any type of respirator mask. I don't need one, I'm the ultimate life form, I don't get sick." Shadow said, almost sounding offended. "Rouge,

Dear Static the Vixen,

No, I've never worn any mask like that. I don't need it, I'm immune to most illnesses, sadly not the common cold, but that doesn't harm me. If I can't pick up viruses, I won't spread them around either.

Shadow."

Sonic gave a loud yawn. "I'm off, assuming you're giving it a rest for tonight." Sonic said, looking at his watch, it was late.

"No, stay Sonic, we're getting this done tonight!" Shadow said, holding him by the arm so he wouldn't leave.

"Shadow, we'll never finish all of these tonight, Sonic can call back tomorrow morning if he wants to help. Bye Sonic." Rouge said, also getting up. Shadow let go of his hand roughly, pulling his hand away from the blue hedgehog.

"Yeah, you'd better be here tomorrow!" Shadow threatened.

"He doesn't have to come again Shadow." Rouge sighed and led Sonic on his way out.

"We need him though, how else will we stop this?" Shadow said urgently.

"I'll be here Shadow. I promise. Bye!" Sonic said and left the house. Shadow went to get ready for bed without saying anything, leaving Rouge to clean up the mess in the kitchen.

Lucy Labrador