Fighting to Survive chapter 7
I don't own SVU or it's characters.
Olivia glanced at Elliot as she was led from the examining room. Officer Williams was required to cuff her again as she prepared to transport Olivia back to the one-eight. Olivia knew Williams was giving her extra leniency, although she wasn't exactly sure why.
Elliot wanted to take her in his arms, but headed the warning look from the officer. "Liv, look at me."
Olivia craved the voice of her former partner. It was the only thing that stopped her shaking, allowing her to breathe in full breaths. Olivia looked into his eyes briefly before lowering her head. She could feel him move close to her. He ignored Williams warning and reached out to take her face in his hands. He looked past the dangerous purple bruising around her eyes as he waited until her eyes locked on his.
"Do not give up. Do you hear me? Do no give up, Olivia." Elliot watched as tears filled his partner's eyes. He turned to Williams who was turned the other way trying to give the detectives as much privacy as possible.
"Could you please…just for a minute." Elliot motioned to the cuffs that were obviously causing Olivia major discomfort.
Williams considered his request and finally gave in as she made her way behind Olivia. She removed the cuffs shooting Elliot another warning look. Elliot nodded, telling the officer he understood the risk she was taking. He then moved even closer to Olivia and waited for her to put her arms around his neck. Only then did he wrap his arms around her. He willed her to stop shaking by holding her close to his chest. He moved his lips to her ear and whispered as softly as possible.
"We will get you out of this. Okay, you're a cop. A damned good cop. That has to count for something." Elliot kept his lips close to her ear as he felt her begin to cry. "Please don't give up on me. I won't leave you, I promise you!"
Olivia pulled away from Elliot at Williams' direction. He watched her close her eyes tightly as the cuffs were placed back on her wrists. Elliot felt his stomach turn as he had never seen such a look on his partner's face. He wasn't sure if she had heard him or even comprehended what he had said to her. She was staring at him, but he could tell she wasn't seeing him. He watched as she was led away from him. He took in her weakened posture and noticed the slight limp she walked with. He watched until she was out of his sight, only then turning to see Alex behind him.
"There's no doubt at all she was raped, brutally." Alex's voice was wavering as she spoke.
"We know that. That was the whole point of pushing her to do the exam." Elliot felt the anger boiling within him as he tried to understand what Olivia could possibly be thinking at this point.
"She's going to be interrogated by the IAB, probably have a psych evaluation, then we find out if she'll be charged." Alex struggled to keep her professional wit about her despite being severely disturbed by Olivia's reaction to the rape exam.
"Alex, they all know I've left. You got to get in to see her before IAB. Remind her to ask for her union rep, she's not thinking straight." Elliot rubbed his head with his hands. "This son of a bitch broke her, I can see it in her eyes."
"I know." Alex wiped her eyes as she composed herself. "Where will you be?"
"I'll be at the one-eight until they throw me out." Elliot really didn't know where to go. He wanted to be as close to Olivia as he could. He hated the idea of her facing any of the this alone.
"And they will. Answer your phone this time." Alex was instantly sorry for the way her words slapped him. He knew he deserved their anger. He thought he was doing what he had to do by shutting them out. He couldn't believe he shut Olivia out the way he did. And now she needed him more than ever and he was worried she didn't trust him to be there for her. He knew how she thought. She always felt like she needed to handle things on her own, only this time she simply wasn't strong enough to handle anything on her own.
It wasn't until Olivia found herself sitting across from Lt. Tucker, the Chief of Detectives, and two other members of IAB, that her head stopped spinning. Cragen was allowed in to observe as her commanding officer, but found it nearly impossible to look at his lead detective knowing the hell she recently went through. Her union rep was seated next to her with her file in his hands awaiting for the interview to begin.
It was apparent Lt. Tucker would lead the investigation, which was enough for Olivia to give up right there and then. He was always trying to rip her and Elliot and it was Olivia's luck that he was involved now.
"Detective Benson, can you tell us what happened last night?" Olivia shuddered at the accusation in his voice. Her mind was stuck on the last night part of his question. Was it morning already? She struggled to remember the ride to and from the hospital. She wondered to herself is she even bothered to notice if it were night or day.
"Benson?" Olivia jumped when Tucker's voice snapped her back to reality.
"I…uh…I shot my boyfriend after a fight." Olivia's voice sounded foreign and she knew things were only going to get worse.
"Why? Surely there were other options available to you? Were you physically assaulted by this boyfriend?" Tucker glared at Olivia until she looked up to face him. She watched as Tucker took in her obvious injuries.
"Yes."
"Was your life it danger?" Tucker seemed to realize Olivia wasn't going to make this easy.
"Yes."
"Were you raped, Detective?" Olivia looked toward Cragen noticing the look on his face despite the fact he was turned away from her. She then looked toward her rep who nodded that it was okay to answer the question.
"Yes."
"Tell us exactly what happened." Tucker leaned back in his chair anxious to hear what Olivia had to say.
It took a long few minutes before she began to speak. Olivia could hear her own voice shaking as she spit out the facts. She didn't elaborate as she stated the events as she remembered them. The room was quiet except for Olivia's heavy breathing. She had told everybody in the room how she was hurt. She hated that Captain Cragen had to hear how she couldn't defend herself. How she took a beating and then how she was a victim of the very thing they fight against every day.
"Detective, I understand you were sent home for being overly aggressive with a suspect. Is this correct?" Tucker was relentless. Olivia glared at him wondering why it mattered. She had just told her superiors how she had been hurt and how she killed instead of cuffed her attacker. What did anything else matter.
"Actually she requested personal leave and I granted her request." Olivia shifted her gaze to her boss.
"Why?" Tucker asked Cragen, but stared at Olivia.
"Case was getting to her and she recognized she needed to pull back and requested the time on her own." Cragen looked Olivia directly in the eye.
Tucker flipped through the paper work from the hospital. He studied Olivia carefully before presenting his next question. "Says your blood alcohol level was close to the legal limit. Were you drunk, Detective?"
Finally Olivia's rep spoke up. "She wasn't over the legal limit and she was off duty. Detective Benson has a right to drink so long as she is responsible."
Tucker rephrased his question. "Do you believe your judgment was clouded due to the amount of alcohol you consumed prior to the attack?"
"No." Olivia felt her head begin to swim again. Tuckers words were fading in and out and she briefly feared she may pass out. "I shot him. I shot him after he raped me. He will never rape another woman, that is why I shot him."
She saw Cragen quickly get to his feet. She felt hands on her arms as she felt the cold floor under her body. She tried to keep her eyes open, but they were so heavy. "Olivia?" She barely heard Cragen calling her name.
Olivia slowly opened her eyes. It took a few minutes for her to realize she was lying in a hospital bed. She turned slightly when she heard Elliot's voice. "Concussion." He read her mind, he always could seem to get inside her head.
Olivia lifted her arm only to find it cuffed to the railing of the bed. She let out a frustrated angry sigh as she dropped it to the mattress. "I guess since I'm a murderer they have to be careful."
"How're you feeling?" Elliot moved his chair closer to the bed.
Olivia didn't answer, but instead ask a question of her own. "Why are you here?"
"I told you, I'm not leaving." Elliot braced for the anger that he could sense was fighting it's way out.
"Oh, so now you want to stick around. Go back to your family, El. I don't need you." Olivia saw the hurt in his eyes and for the first time was glad for it.
"I don't want to leave you, Liv. You've been through hell and I want to help you." Elliot was begging her to accept him.
"I'm a big girl, El. I got myself into this, I'll get myself out…somehow. I want you to go." Olivia closed her eyes as her own words cut into her heart.
"You don't mean that." Elliot was nothing if not persistent.
"How pathetic am I? I let my boyfriend kick my ass, then rape me. Then after realizing what he had done, I shot him because I knew I couldn't deal with it if he was alive. I'm done now and there's nothing you or I can do about it." Olivia turned her head away from the very man she had always wanted and needed.
"You didn't let him do anything. I understand why you shot him, and except for the punishment, I'm glad you did." Elliot stared into her eyes once she turned back to face him.
Tucker wants me gone, El, and I'm sure he'll get his wish with this case. I'm going to prison, we both know that."
"Maybe not. Given the trauma you endured, you will probably get a lesser charge. Maybe probation or something." Elliot worried she would get murder one, but couldn't dare let her think that.
Olivia was silent for a few minutes. "My mother never dealt with her rape. She drank until she died. I can't do that. I can't live that way."
"Olivia, you're the strongest woman I know. We'll get you the help you need. This was not your fault, none of it." Elliot knew he was losing his argument by the look on his partner's face.
"I'll be okay in jail until the trial, but once I go to prison…they'll kill me in there. You know they won't keep me separated. Woman's prisons are no different than men's prisons. They hate cops." Olivia watched as Elliot couldn't deny what she was saying. "I won't make it." Olivia's voice trailed off at the end of her sentence.
"You have to make it. I need you, Olivia."
"Elliot, you've proven you don't need or want me. I can't take anymore, okay?" Elliot's heart broke with Olivia's voice. "Please go. Please leave me alone." She was crying now and Elliot struggled to contain his own tears.
"I know what you're doing and I'm not going anywhere." Elliot stood and made his way to the door. "I don't want anybody else. I love you, Olivia. Someday you will remember me saying this to you."
"Go, Elliot, just go." Olivia could feel her whole body ache as she cried. She hated the last image she would have of Elliot Stabler was tears streaming down his face due to her actions. She sent him away despite the fact she needed him more than even she knew.
Olivia didn't want him to go through this with her. He was still struggling to cope with shooting that young girl and giving up his career. She didn't want him to lose his family as well. She couldn't handle hurting him. Nothing hurt her more than seeing him hurting and she knew she didn't stand a chance on the inside if she was worried about him.
She loved him too much. He would never be available to love her the way she loved him. It was safer to shut him out for good. Finally she understood why he had done the same just a few short months ago.
