Author Note: This chapter is pretty dramatic 😊 but I felt like writing it since I've been depressed recently. I also feel bad for making you guys wait such a long time until things start happening so I hope you enjoy this a lot 😊
Chapter Seven – Flushed
It was the end of July and the summer had been hot this year. Usually that would mean that there were bathing suits and day trips. There would be ice cream and melon and festivals. This year it meant that things would be hot and bothersome and no matter how high the air conditioning was set, it wasn't helping Kyoko's illness.
Now they were six months into the illness and there was no cure and not even a diagnosis. Each day Kyoko seemed to be getting worse and more unhealthy and all Kuon could do was watch her and be thankful that he had finished filming for the movie. He had already asked to cut down on interviews and commercials and had asked Lory to give him more time to consider longer work.
His work was here though and for the first time in years he was grappling with his past.
His darkness wasn't isolated from the situation that his family was in.
It was because of the sins he had committed himself that Kyoko was in such a state, that he was losing her and he had already felt himself breaking. He had patched himself together with figurative bandages, glue, and even bonded himself in a make-believe coating of iron. However, the old Kuon, the one who he had been in his past was showing through as he felt that he was more like an ill placed vase than a human being.
At this point, his mother had taken Kou out and Kanae was coming over to spend some time with her best friend. Kuu was running some of the tasks since he and Julie had moved over to Japan to help the family handle this. Kuon wasn't able to do it alone anymore and even some scandalous journalists had found that out.
"Have you gone completely insane, Kuon!?" Kyoko yelled up at her husband from the living room chair she was sitting on, the wheelchair right next to her. "How could you have done this!? Are you so far gone that…"
Kuon took deep breaths trying to make sure that he didn't break in front of her. He needed to channel as much of Ren Tsuruga as he possibly could. He should have prepared himself for this, but he had been too caught up in the action to do anything.
"I thought it was for the best," he told her as Kyoko raised an eyebrow.
"You do realize I'm sick, don't you Ren?" she asked as Kuon flinched at the name but this time it actually helped ground him. Kuon Hizuri might not be able to make it through this situation alive, Ren Tsuruga could. He didn't want to say that when Kyoko was this emotional, she would call him Ren. It was always a heat of the moment saying and she would never remember that it had come out. Being sick did that to people.
"I do know that," he nodded. He was scared to look at her in case he couldn't contain himself any longer. It wasn't what he wanted, to fight with her. What he wanted was her to get better, for her to be safe and happy and healthy. He wanted to fulfill the vows he had made to her on their wedding day.
"Then what kind of immature thoughts were going through your messed up head when you flushed my medication!?" she yelled at him as Kuon felt himself breaking.
Channel Ren Tsuruga. He wouldn't back down to this, this isn't a fight it's a discussion. Don't let yourself break and get defeated. Kuon tried to think to himself as he watched Kyoko. Arguing that he disposed of the medication safely and anonymously, most likely was not what she wanted to hear.
"I thought that it was making you sick," Kuon replied honestly as he felt the burning of Kyoko's grudges. "Do you know how hard it is to see that my wife is sick?" he asked, "To see that she is getting worse and not better and to be unable to do anything about it?"
Kyoko looked away, "Ren, you're not a doctor, you can't do the things that doctors do."
Kuon frowned and before he knew it, he had broken again. "I gave up being Ren Tsuruga when I told you that I loved you," he said to her not realizing the lack of control he had over his emotions again. "I followed your decision and let the world know I wasn't Ren Tsuruga when you said yes to my marriage proposal. I haven't been Ren Tsuruga in years. You know my messed up past, you know the crimes I committed, you know that I've been making you sick, but you said you loved me as Kuon Hizuri!" Before he realized it, Kuon had turned and punched a hole in the wall of their home. He took a step back, his eyes widening as he felt the loss of control once again.
Kyoko stared at the damage and spoke slowly, "I'm not stupid. I know you're not Ren Tsuruga," she said as she looked at the man who was staring fearfully at the damage. "You're nothing like him."
Kuon stared at the wall with wide eyes, he hadn't lost himself in his emotions for a really long time. The old him couldn't be resurfacing, right? He needed to calm down and focus on his wife, focus on making her happy and keeping her healthy, focus on how he had got rid of those pills. "Yeah," he nodded, his body turning to ice on the inside.
"Kuon," Kyoko said as he looked at her with the expression of a helpless child, "Listen, you didn't make me sick. You didn't cause my illness, but without that medication you might," she lifted herself to the chair as she spoke, "as well have done."
The knock on the door that happened only a few moments later was known to both of them as Kanae Kotonami. However, Kuon hadn't been able to say a word in response.
Had he just ended his wife's life by his ridiculous action?
….
….
Kyoko smiled as she enjoyed the ice cream with her friend. She licked the spoon happily and saw Kanae staring at her with a weak smile. "I haven't been able to eat like this for a while," Kyoko giggled, "it's nice to spend time together."
"So," Kanae said as she twirled the spoon around in the remainder of the sweet treat, "He doesn't take you out for ice cream?" she asked as Kyoko frowned.
Not knowing what to say, Kyoko studied the woman in front of her. Kanae had been able to rise through the ranks of Japanese actresses, but she had never really had a steady boyfriend meaning that she had never made a top ten list. She was talented for sure, but it was as if she had never really wanted to love. She had been able to take on roles where the character she was playing was in love, but to Kyoko's knowledge she didn't love anyone.
Kyoko paused as she saw Kanae looking at her with a raised eyebrow.
"Are you going to answer my question or what? Are you not feeling well?" she asked concerned as Kyoko looked down.
"I'm so sick of everyone asking me that…and as for Kuon, he would take me out for ice cream if I asked him to, with the hotter weather he's even proposed the idea to me a few times, but I like to eat without restrictions," Kyoko announced as she took a bite of the wafer that had been put in the side of her sundae.
"Restrictions? You mean for weight or something?" Kanae asked confused.
"Moko" Kyoko laughed, "Are you calling me fat?" she teased before frowning. "Since no one knows what my illness is, Kuon has all of this data on his phone for what food restrictions line up with my symptoms. Although he will let me eat whatever I want, he spends at least five minutes figuring out if I should be eating it."
Kanae took a deep breath in and then exhaled slowly, "Well at least he's trying to make sure that you're alright. It could be seen as him just doing whatever is possible to keep you with us. You know, he's really showing that he's at a lost end," she said despite saying that talking about Kuon wasn't a subject she was that fond of. "With him saying he'll be stepping down from acting soon."
Kyoko paused as she pushed the ice cream container forward and blinked hard, "He said what?" she asked with some frustration building towards her husband inside.
….
….
Kuon sat in the middle of what had been the second guest bathroom. Less than twenty minutes ago, the room had been spotless and had sparkled. Everything had been in its proper place and even the tiles looked flawlessly polished. It was a wonder what twenty minutes could do.
The room was a disaster and it had all happened because of that stupid mirror.
After spending so long trying to remind himself of his place as husband and father, Kuon had seen his younger face in the mirror and had started to lose it again. Everything which he had had control over seemed to rage wild and the walls turned black, his world turned black again.
So, he had broken the mirror, turned over the sink, and destroyed the toilet. He had let his anger out and now this destruction around him and the blood running down his arm and covering his bruised hand were the results.
He wasn't even listening when he heard the spare keys in the door and a voice that had used to be comforting calling out. "Hey! Kuon, you home!" Kuu Hizuri had said, it had started out in a sing-songy way before he had noticed the hole in the wall and he sounded more panicked. "Kuon! Kyoko!" he called out for his children before hearing the sound of Kuon laughing from the guest bathroom.
Kuon looked at the blood going down his arm and the pain coming from his wrist and laughed to himself. His eyes showed the madness in him as he saw the red color and put a finger to it. When he saw his father's horrified expression as he stood in the doorway, Kuon paused and saw his dad rush over to help with his arm.
"Kuon?" he asked as he put a hand to his son's cheek, "Kuon? Listen to me. Can you hear me?" he asked as he looked around at the destruction. Did Kuon and Kyoko have a fight? Is that where his son was breaking. Kyoko wasn't even dead yet, they had to have more time to solve this.
"I bleed the same color as her, dad" he said before Kuu reached for a damp cloth and placed it on Kuon's forehead.
"You need to rest. I'll take care of this," he said as he stood to get the supplies needed to bandage up his son. "You need to get strong for Kyoko."
Kuon nodded, "I'm trying, dad" he said weakly looking a broken shell of a man already. "I'm trying, I really am trying."
"Then we'll have to try together, work as a team," Kuu said as he let his fingers run through his son's hair. He attempted to clean the wound and sighed. His son had become unable to be the great actor he had been months ago. If he could just get him calm and maybe find some time for the two of them to talk. Maybe that would be alright.
"I'm proud of you," Kuu said, "for taking a break. I know it's hard on you, but I think it's really what you need," he wanted to hold his son tight and promise to make it better for him.
"She won't be," Kuon said honestly.
He couldn't break yet, not when she was still here.
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