Chapter 7: But thanks for lovin' me, cause you're doing it perfectly
Song: "Whataya Want From Me" By Adam Lambert
They stay silent for what feels like an eternity and Sebastian can feel the rain dripping inside his collar. He's certain he's looking ridicolous right now, all wet and chilled to the bone but he can't bring himself to care.
Hunter is drenched as well, but for some unfair reason, he somehow manages to keep looking gorgeous.
"So .." Sebastian finally says, because the silence childish and senseless and hurts.
"Is she right?"
Hunter lifts his eyes, which has been fixed to a point somewhere above Sebastians left shoulder and raises his eyebrows. He won't make it easy.
"About what?"
"About you beeing into me."
"She didn't say I was into you."
"For fucks sake, stop beeing babyish, Hunt. I want to know if you're gay and liking me or not."
Hunter turns quiet again and Sebastian can't take it anymore, he rushes foward and takes the taller boys face into his hands. He still refuses to look at him, but doesn't pull away either.
"Hunt, please, talk to me, okay? Just tell me what it is between us, because it fucking drives me crazy. We're friends, I know that much. But friends, like, the pre-stage of something more, or just friendzoned always-going-to stay-friends?"
Hunter lifts his head, eyes cold, and Sebastian knows what he's going to anwer and he knows it's going to be a lie.
"I like you. But I'm not gay, Sebastian."
Hey, slow it down. Whataya want from me?
"You are not .. is that everything that matters to you? Not beeing called gay?"
Sebastian backs off, stunned and hurt and blinking a lot because the rain suddenly strengthened.
Yeah, I'm afraid. Whataya want from me?
"I am not gay. I just -"
But Sebastan doesn't let him finish. He can't stand this nonsense.
"Then maybe you haven't quite understood the meaning of the word. Because, if you like me and you're a man and I'm a man then you are as gay as Karl Lagerfeld himself!"
There might have been a time when I would give myself away.
"No."
"What?"
"Liking another guy doesn't make me gay."
"I - what? What kind of crap is this?"
"It's not in the sentiment, it's in the act."
Oh, once upon a time I didn't give a damn. But now, here we are, so whataya want from me?
"Are you fucking kidding me?"
"I'm neither kidding nor fucking you."
"Because that would make you a fag like me?"
Whataya want from me?
Hunter keeps silent and Sebastian can't wrap his mind around what he just heard. The raindrops feel like little daggers on his face.
He then takes three steps foward, gives it one last try, because he knows he'd hate himelf afterwards if he wouldn't.
Just don't give up I'm workin it out. Please don't give in, I won't let you down.
Sebastian stops right in front of Hunter, their faces only inches away. He can hear the other boy breathing heavily, he can smell his scent even through the rain. It's surprisingly sweet.
It messed me up, need a second to breathe, just keep coming around.
"There is nothing wrong with being gay. I don't know what happened between you and Elliott and I don't know what kind of crap your parents have given you about it or what you experienced in this school of sexist and/or biased military-pigs, but I can assure you: these few birdbrained, narrow-minded people are the exeption!
Don't take some country bumpkins stupid opinions for universal, Hunt. We're living in a world that accepts you for who you are, or at least it tempts to. Being gay is fine."
Just keep coming around! Hey! Whataya want from me?
Hunter looks at him, trembling and blinking and Sebastian knows he lost. He's too late, probably several years. Hunters walls are built and grow by all the countless sceptic looks, dubious comments, insouciant jokes and inerasable rumors.
Yeah, it's plain to see that, baby, you're beautiful, and it's nothing wrong with you.
So it's perfectly reasonable that Sebastian doesn't expect Hunters next action. He doesn't expect Hunters look to soften, doesn't expect him to lean foward and he certainly doesn't expect their lips to clash. Next thing he knows is that his hands are in Hunters wet hair and Hunters arms clampsing around him and he can now taste how sweet his scent actually is.
It's me, I'm a freak. But thanks for lovin' me, cause you're doing it perfectly.
When they part far too soon, they both breath heavily and Hunters lips are pink and slightly swollen.
Sebastian swallows, because this doesn't feel like an happy ending. It only felt like an ending.
There might have been a time when I would let you slip away.
Hunter clears his throat and a few raindrops leave his hair and land on Sebastians nose.
"I'm not gay, Sebastian."
And with one last stroke of his thump across the younger boy's cheek, he straightens up and walks away.
And Sebastian just stands there, feeling the rain getting colder and colder.
I wouldn't even try but I think you could save my life.
Hunters room is dark, the only source of light is the glimmering computer screen.
Hunter: Today Seb told me that he likes me but I said I'm straight.
Eli's answer consisted of one single link to a video of him on a shabby pub's shabby stage singing to nothing but his guitar and Hunter can feel his hands shake to the sound.
"Just don't give up I'm workin' it out - please don't give in, I won't let you down!"
Singing has never been easy for Hunter. It's been the last thing his parents wanted him to do - which was the precise reason why he did it. In the beginning.
Until he discovered that music really was something opening. The words and tunes written by strangers gave him the oppertunity to - discretely, carefully - be someone else. He wasn't sure if this other person was closer to the real him or not, but still. It felt good. Felt right.
"It messed me up, need a second to breathe. Just keep comin around ..!"
He always admired people who could stay this other peron even off stage. He couldn't, even if he tried. Up there, he would sing of love, of hurt, of sex, of anger and he would sing it honestly. But down on earth? Not a chance.
You're a coward, Hunter Clarington.
"Hey, whataya want from me?"
The Elliot in the video stops singing and his audience claps patronizingly.
Hunter sniffs and he's glad there's no one else in the room.
Elliot: your ok?
Hunter: No
Elliot: we need to talk.
Hunter: My cam sucks
Elliot: in person I mean.
Hunter: How could that happen?
Elliot: I'm coming over.
Hunter: Sure
Elliot: no, I am. next weekend. spoke to kitty, it's all fixed up.
Hunter stares at the screen, feeling the little knot within his chest slightly becoming looser.
Elliot is coming. Soon.
Hunter: thank you
Elliot: least I can do after missing all the interesting stuff.
Hunter laughs shakily.
Sebastian takes a deep drag of his cigarette and presses it out on the mattress.
"Ey! Whatcha doing? That's property of Dalton!" the boy next to him shouts. Sebastian ignores him and flips the stub off the bed. It lands right between the widespread pieces of clothing on the floor.
When he feels the others hand on his bare shoulder, he decides enough is enough and gets up.
"Where you' going?" Mr I-Do-Not-Even-Own-My-Mattress complains when Sebastian slips back into his pants and dress shirt.
"Out. There might has meen a misunderstandig here: I'm not one for cuddle." he drawls and his mood rises slightly when he sees the boy shaking in anger.
"You're an asshole." he hisses, looking up into Sebastians amused, arrogant face and Seb knows he's beeing hated right now.
"Feel free to call me whatever you want." he answers, deeply pleased with the bright shade of pink his companions face is taking. Sebastian buttons up his shirt and grins just a little bit wider.
"Call me trollop or manwhore or a bitchin' piece of shit, I don't care. But you know what? You'll never be able to tell anyone how you know so very precisely what fucking with me is like, because you are nothing but a hypocritical little coward who isn't worth the trash he produces."
Sebastian reaches for his Dalton blazer and swings in above his shoulder, catching a look in the mirror to quickly style his hair with his free hand and then turns again to face the enraged, naked boy on the bed.
"Bark away little pet dog, but if I have an itch, you'll come fawningly and scratch it or everyone's gonna know how much of a dog you actually are."
And with that, Sebastian leans down and kisses the other one, completely ignoring the disgusted look on his face, and then leaves smirking, not without stepping on every piece of clothing that's left on the ground.
When the door falls shut behind him, Scott tears his hair and then starts swearing like a sailor.
Authors Note: Here we go again. :) No Happy Ending here, I hope you aren't dissapointed. I' so obsessed with Elliott atm, that's why he gets a song here which is - irony! - actually by "him". :DDD Thank you all for reading and reviewing!
