The next day, all hell (which had already broken loose at Hogwarts) broke loose in the rest of the Wizarding world. Magical people everywhere awoke to the photo splashed across the front page of every newspaper. The following article appeared in the Daily Prophet to accompany the photo.
BOY WHO LIVED CAUGHT IN FLAGRANTE DELICTO WITH DEATH EATER'S SON
By Rita Skeeter
The question in everyone's minds and hearts today is this: Is the Boy Who Lived gay? Furthermore, is he involved in a tawdry relationship with Draco Malfoy, son of the infamous escaped convict Lucius Malfoy? Our sources indicate that it's all true.
The photo above first appeared in the Superlatives section of the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry yearbook. Fellow student, and amateur photographer, Colin Creevey, captured the image with his camera. Both Mr. Creevey and the yearbook staff insist that they did not doctor the photo in any way. Specialist Bendee Chippendale has analyzed the photo and concurs that no magical or chemical alteration has taken place.
Anonymous sources from within Hogwarts confirm that Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy have an "intense and explosive" relationship. These sources also indicate that Mr. Potter and Mr. Malfoy's interactions are often disruptive and usually result in the two being placed in detention together... alone. Headmaster Albus Dumbledore, upon being questioned about the duo's illicit assignation, had this to say: "Boys will be boys. Lemon Drop?"
Many have expressed deep concern over Harry Potter's alliances. Will the Boy Who Lived to Defy the Dark Lord turn dark himself? A source close to Mr. Potter claims that: "If he's shagging that slimy, Slytherin snake, either Malfoy cursed him or Harry's a bloody traitor."
Is Harry Potter looking to become the next Dark Lord with Draco Malfoy as his flamboyantly gay Consort? This reporter shudders to think so.
For more on Lucius Malfoy, see "1997's 10 Hottest Minions of the Dark Lord; #1. Lucius Malfoy: Criminally Flash, or just Criminal?" page 6
Harry turned calmly to his supposed best friend, who was currently shoveling syrupy grits into his mouth.
"So, Ron," he began, not noticing that the Great Hall had fallen silent to listen in. "Have a chat with any bug-eyed reporters lately?"
It was the chorus of gasps in surround sound that alerted Harry they had an audience. He eyed his fellow students' vulture-like expressions with revulsion.
The redhead choked on a mouthful of grits, sending a shower of white goo on Seamus and Dean. "Don't know what you're on about, mate," he mumbled, poking his fork into a fat sausage.
"Oh?" Harry repeated, voice deceptively calm. "So it wasn't you that spoke with Rita Skeeter behind my back?"
Ron shook his head rapidly, eying his housemate with growing concern, and a healthy dose of fear.
"Harry," Hermione admonished, looking back and forth worriedly between the two. "Ron would never do that. It must have been someone else."
The raven-haired wizard smiled, showing too many teeth. "The sentiment is awfully familiar, Hermione."
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"Slimy, Slytherin snake?" he quoted. "I've only ever heard one person characterize Malfoy in those exact words."
The witch cringed, remembering. "But, Harry," she protested. "You can't trust anything that nasty woman publishes! She twists things all around."
Harry trapped Ron with his gaze. "Yes," he conceded, "that's true. But the quotes are real. She twists the presentation to taint them, but she got 'slimy, Slytherin snake' from somewhere." He paused. "Didn't she, Ron?"
The redhead fidgeted under his best friend's lethal expression. This was Harry's Boy Who Breaks Things face. Pulling himself up, he drew on his righteous anger and blustered, "If you're a ferret-loving freak, then you deserve for the world to know." He paused, gulping for air. "I'm your best friend, mate, and all this time you've been fucking a bloody Death Eater behind my back!"
The vultures hovered closer on all sides, fascinated with the newest confrontation between two-thirds of the rapidly disintegrating Golden Trio. Draco, holding court over the Slytherins, felt a pang of unwanted empathy for his nemesis. Why did Potter insist on allowing riffraff to question his motives? The Slytherins, as a general rule, believed nothing that they didn't see with their own eyes. They could catch him with the Golden Boy's dick in his arse, and they'd simply assume their Supreme Overlord had some higher purpose for his actions.
"Draco Malfoy is not a Death Eater," Harry said finally.
Draco was puzzled. Why was that the part of Weasel's allegations that Potter focused on? Why would Potter bother to defend him?
"What?" Ron exclaimed, shocked. Apparently he thought it was suspect behavior, as well. "Everyone knows he's a bloody Death Eater, mate. You've said it yourself."
"Well, I was wrong," Harry replied calmly.
Ron momentarily forgot to breathe, so his only response was an unfortunate-sounding wheeze.
"Malfoy might become a Death Eater, just as any of the rest of us might, but he isn't one now," the raven-haired wizard explained.
The redhead remembered how to use his lungs. "What the bloody hell are you on, mate?" he demanded. "Malfoy sucks your knob a few times, and suddenly he's Joan of Arc?"
Harry sighed. "No," he said patiently. "Malfoy's a bleeding narcissistic pillock, but he's not a Death Eater."
"It runs in the family," Ron insisted belligerently. "Like father, like arse-munching son."
Harry's emerald eyes glowed with barely restrained rage. "I see," he hissed. "So that means Sirius was a Death Eater, and Peter Pettigrew was loyal to the Light. I'm glad you and logic are on such good terms."
Ron ignored this. "What's happened to you, mate?" he asked, voice defeated and long-suffering. "You used to know what was what."
"Merlin's Bloody Balls, Ron! I was an arrogant, prejudiced child. Pardon me for growing up." Harry ran an agitated hand through his hair.
Ron glared. "Well pardon me for not leaping for joy that the precious Boy Who Lived's being led 'round by his wanker."
Harry grew very still, like a serpent waiting to strike. "That's enough," he whispered harshly. "I can see what's important to you, and it's not me." The lights in the Great Hall began to flicker.
Exit Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley: Center Stage.
