A/N: Hello everyone I have to say I have had fun writing this story but sadly it is coming to a close mainly because I don't where to go from here and I don't really know what to write. But I will always end my stories so I will close this in an interesting way. Also I may pick up this story later but for now I am going to shift back to Witch Academy and the sequel that I still don't have a name for and I might make a horror fic about re education just because I want to explore darker topics. Anyways that's enough of my update! Enjoy the story. Oh self harm is present in this chapter.
Jill's POV
The walls start closing in on me and I don't remember where I am. Am I at Amberwood or at Court? I don't know! Fear rises up inside me and I start to scream. However my screams fall on deaf ears, I am all alone. I am all alone! No one cares about me. Sydney got taken. Adrian left me behind. The Queen hates m. No one wants me around. No one would even care if I died! I should die to escape this hell hole. I hate the Academy and I hate The Queen. Mostly I just hate myself. Why couldn't I just have died at that dinner? I should have died. I am not worth saving.
Taking the razor for what seems to be the hundredth time I start to make the little lines that make all the bad thoughts go away. I have been doing this kind of therapy ever since my birthday. I just couldn't take the pain anymore. I wasn't strong enough. But the razor helps. It makes me forget and I fall into bliss. Yes this is a good thing. Most would disagree until you told them I am cutting then they would say I should just kill myself. Why put off what everyone wants you to do right? But I don't really want to die I just want to make it all stop. I want all the whispers to stop and the glances and the way everyone hates me. I just want peace and the razor gives me that.
The blood coats my arm so much that I can't see the cuts or how deep they actually are. Tensing my muscles in my left arm I see the blood start to gush out. The blood spills over the edge of my arm and wistfully drops on the bathroom floor. Every drop splashes on the cool white tile. It's beautiful really; how each drop seems to make a deep red rose. Each drop is a petal of a much bigger rose falling gracefully onto a new canvas.
A cold wind rushes in and again I don't know where I am. Am I in Palm Springs with my family or am I under the microscope of the Court. I really can't tell. Everything seems the same all blurry and blacking. The word starts to close in and I can't remember anything really. All I can feel is myself falling deeper into a pool of blackness. Blackness covers around me and it's all I see. The bliss is replaced by people screaming and just black noise. That all fades away too. Nothing stays just the deep sea of black numbness. I slip away without anyone remembering me; without anyone caring about me. The last thing I think is Sydney please forgive me before slipping into the complete dark.
I scream as my body shoots straight up leaving behind a painful memory. It's been two years since Adrian found Sydney, two years since I left the eyes of court, two years since the last time I … rubbing my arms I get up and look out the window of my bedroom. Right now we live in a small town in Canada; well there is a small town about a half an hour from our small house. That is the closest we can live to others with my 'fragile state' as Sydney likes to say. She doesn't want anything triggering my bad habits again. Does she know the memories haunt me even when I am awake? The scares on my arms don't just go away and no matter how hard I try I cannot for the life of me forget what happened to me at that school. But I can't tell Sydney this she blames herself for my 'fragile state'. She says she should have protected me better because that's what sisters do but she has cease to be my sister in a long time. She is more of my mother, my rock in this world. I believe I would fall to pieces if I didn't have her by my side clueing me back together.
Looking out my window all I see is snow, pure, white, untouched snow. How I wish to go back to the days where I was just pure, white, untouched snow. But those days are long gone. Now I am like a Humpty dumpty. The nursery rhyme starts to play in my head before I can banish the thought.
'Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall:
The tears in my eyes start to multiply as I try to hold them back. It has been two years since anything bad has happened to me. I should be over this by now. I shouldn't still feel so weak.
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
I had some bad things happen to me sure. I lost those who where important to me. But I got them back. I got back Adrian and Sydney my family. Why do I feel so broken?
All the King's horses and all the King's men
The tears spill over the edge and before I know it again I am sobbing. Sobbing because I am weak, sobbing because I am broken, and sobbing because I still feel like no one wants me. Like I am a burden to the two people I love the most.
couldn't put Humpty together again!
Maybe I will always be broken…
Sydney's POV:
I watch her every night. I know I shouldn't and maybe if I stopped watching her she would get better but I just can't help it. Ever since I got out of re education I have been hovering over Jill. It could be because I lost my baby and I have mentally replaced my baby with Jill. I know I shouldn't. I know I should mourn the death of my child and try to understand what happened back at re education but I can't. If I do I might break down, if I even for a second think about what happened I don't think I will come back from that. So I don't think about it because right now Jill needs me. She has always needed me.
I watch like I do every night. She goes to bed and I think tonight will be different; that she don't dream about the memories that haunt her mind. But then before long I hear the tell tell sounds of her reliving the past. I might not have vampire hearing but I am toned into Jill's every moment. I hear the bed squeak and the rumbling of the sheets and before I know it I am in the door frame just watching her.
At least she doesn't scream for me. I think dryly
Before every night she would scream for me and beg me to come and find her. I would shake her till she woke up and even splashed water on her to bring her back to the waking world. I would go to the ends of the earth and back to make sure she is safe. That is why I suggested moving away from Italy. Our Italian home was beautiful. We had a garden and a huge back yard that went on for days. I could have gotten lost in the beauty of that place but Jill stayed inside all the time. She jumped at every movement and every sound. She was falling back into the patterns we had worked to get her out of. Adrian was about to shoot his brains out because he didn't know how to help her so I suggested we move to a quieter place; A place far away from people and noise, so she can recover. What I meant was we needed to move because if Jill almost died again I would have died. Adrian knew, he always knew but he didn't say a word. We never talked about re education, or Jill, or my relationship with Jill. But he saw that now Jill was more my daughter than sister and that re education had made me jumpy. I can't stand water and I would freak out more if Jill was gone. Jill has saved me more than she knows.
Her sobs fill the room and for a second I freeze. I freeze because if I didn't slip up then she would have been safe. It is my fault I got taken and if I was more careful then she would have been safe. I freeze because for a split second I start to feel the tears brimming in my eyes then my body kicks into gear and the tears go away and I find myself with my arms wrapped around Jill calming her. Telling her without words that I am always here, always watching.
"I had the dream again." She says in-between sobs.
"How much did you re live?" I ask hoping it was not the worst of it. Hoping her mind skipped the rape and the cutting.
"All of it. From when you first were taken till the ra... rape… and the cut … cutt… cutting and everything." The sobs shake her whole body and I mentally kick myself for being hopeful. I am always hopeful when it comes to Jill.
"It's okay." I coo to her "it is okay. That is the past and I am here now. I won't let anything happen to you. Never again will anything happen to you." The words come out stronger and firmer than I thought is possible. They sound so sure and safe. I am astonished that they came from me. But they do the trick with Jill and her sobs dry up and she soon is breathing normally. Looking at me, her saying everything our lips won't. Those eyes are full of trust and hope and love. She knows that our relationship has changed but neither of us will ever say it. Just as well, we don't need words to know the unspoken truth.
"Adrian" Jill whispers and I know he hears his name and I know he knows what will happen next. "Where is Adrian?" She has moved past just wanting to know I am with her but now Adrian. To feel safe she needs to know that we are both here to protect her.
Soon enough he appears at the doorway and Jill lets out the breath she has been holding. She then nods and crawls out of my arms and back into her bed under the cover. Adrian comes and sits next to her telling her that she doesn't have to fear anything, that she is safe and loved. She smiles a real smile the first in two years. I know Adrian sees it, he always sees. This is the first time that Jill has been happy in the past two years. I let out the breath I have been holding. Adrian coos her back to sleep and she sleeps soundly after that. Adrian and I stay with her for hours after that. We never know how long but both on edge because we don't want her to have any fears. But she sleeps the whole night without another bad dream.
This is our nightly routine. Every night we do the same thing. I know we shouldn't. I know we should think of her as our sibling but we have put her through hell. We should make sure that she is alright. Adrian knows how I feel even if we don't talk. He has always known and I love that about him.
He pulls me out of the room around 4 in the morning, sleep deprived and blurred eyed but with a huge smile on his face.
"She smiled Sydney." He says with pure happiness covering his voice so much so that a tear escaped my eyes.
"I know Adrian." Then more tears after to fall and Adrian out of nowhere leans forward and plants a soft kiss on my lips. It is the first time he has kissed me in two years. The first for a lot of things happened tonight. I eagerly kissed him back and before I knew it I my legs were wrapped around his waist as he pulled me into our room.
I haven't spent much time in this room however. I have always been with Jill. But she is getting better and maybe I can too.
She smiled for the first time in two years; things might not be so broken after all. I mean I have the man I loved with the most amazing daughter in the world. I know I shouldn't think of Jill that way but I do.
Around eight in the morning I sneak back into Jill's room and watch her. I watch her like I do every night but this time is different. There is a smile on her lips and she looks at peace. I know I shouldn't watch her but I just can't help it. Smiling at the sleeping angel I watch her till it is time for breakfast.
