Chapter 7: Cocksparrow and Dove

I'm enjoying all of your reviews so much. Thank you to the new readers, and welcome back to my regulars :} This chappie is for everyone who always wondered why Alice… well, you'll see.

For those that aren't familiar with my series, the characters use genuine slang from their era, from the years when they were 15-20 years old. My regulars will know that 'Bimbo' is Em's nickname for Edward, and it means 'Tough Guy'. Carlisle calls him 'Cocksparrow', which is slang from the mid-1600's people of London, meaning 'Young Boy'. I'm sure Ed takes it with an eye roll, but it's not like Carlisle's gonna change now. LOL

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Sunday, July 17th, 11:30 pm:

Edward's room:

Carlisle's pov:

"Come," he breathed, hearing my mental request, and I slipped into the hushed, lovely nest that he'd built for her. Candles cast a golden glow in the dark space, and scented the room with vanilla, lime and verbena. Hm. Soothing.

She was lying on her front, with her right arm dangling to the floor, eyes shut, cheeks stained with dried tears, and lips slightly parted. He was stroking her back, holding the chain binding him in his other hand, so it didn't make noise.

"Asleep?" I murmured. The dove had instructed us, long ago, never to talk at a pitch she couldn't hear. I admired that.

"No," she said softly, shifting onto her side to face me. "Too wired."

I parked myself on edge of the bed, smiling affectionately. Edward rolled onto his back, placing his cuffed hands above him on the pillows. All his ribs showed. He was still too thin after months of self-neglect, but at least his hands weren't curled into fists anymore. They rested, open and relaxed, on the gold pillowcase.

"I'm not afraid of you, Dad," he asserted, looking at me with disconcertingly red eyes, from under dark lashes. My face tightened in a brief grimace, then I smiled at him sadly.

"Yes, you are. You're always afraid to displease me, in case I stop loving you. It's never going to happen. You know that, don't you?"

"Yes, Sir."

I nodded, and looked around a little. There was a new picture of a group of kids on the long bookcase, in the middle of which was Bella, attempting to play Jasper's guitar. In it, she had her tongue stuck out comically, and Edward was grinning impishly at her. My other kids were sitting around her laughing, as were her friends Ang, Ben, and Jess.

"When was that?" I asked, nodding toward it.

"Couple of weeks ago, we all went on a picnic. The highlight of the day was that Em stumbled across a perfectly good bear, and we couldn't eat it. We all had to yell and run away."

Bella snorted. "Teddy Bear Picnic."

"Nice," my boy said, teeth flashing.

"Charlie wants to apologize," I said needlessly.

Edward's face turned stony. "Not in here. He's not welcome in here. This is our lair."

I nodded. "You'll come down?"

"He's going to take the cuffs off?"

I rolled my eyes. "I should hope so."

"M'kay. Give us a couple of minutes."

"Don't forget your contacts," I cautioned him, standing up.

The red eyes rolled. "Perfect memory, Carlisle."

"Kids?" I said, leaning on the door frame.

"Yeah?" they chorused.

"I'm proud of you."

I bypassed the stairs in favour of Alice and Jasper's room. They weren't in it, but I thought I knew where they would be. I unlatched their glass door, and drifted smoothly to the ground. Sure enough, they were sitting at the picnic table in the back garden, with their devious little heads together, snickering.

"I have some bones to pick with you," I growled barely audibly. I did not speak at vampire pitch, because the sound carried farther, and I was hoping Edward would not Hear.

Sobering, they both straightened up and regarded me solemnly.

"Why were you so cruel?" I frowned. They both looked at me sheepishly.

"We weren't trying to be cruel, Carlisle," Jasper protested.

"You did nothing to improve the situation, Jasper. You could have used your talent to calm the room, or make Charlie regretful, or-"

"Dom Carlisle? Dad?" he interrupted. I waited for his response, pensively. "Walk with us?"

So, he did not want Edward to Hear. "Run," I growled. Nodding, he and Alice slipped off the bench and we ran into the forest. We vaulted over the Calawah, and did not stop until we were a couple of miles from home, where Edward would have no chance of overhearing us.

I led them to a fallen tree, and we settled ourselves upon it.

"How long has Edward been suppressing his feelings?" Jasper asked me.

I considered the matter carefully. "Forever."

Jasper nodded. "And now, he's expressing them."

"He's been expressing them ever since he met her," I argued.

"Well, here's the thing. He started expressing them, then, he eventually found his feet, put his thoughts in order, and decided he was impure and she needed protecting from him. He got into a new habit of sheltering her. And that new habit included hiding his emotions from his mate, supposedly to protect her. That gave her a lot of mixed messages about his nature, his physical response to her, and his feelings. His reticence to hurt or offend came across as ambivalence and a lack of passion. And she kept her emotions secret too, in case she offended him. It got so she was even afraid to ask for a kiss, in case he thought she was a hussy. In short, they were unsure of each other. They became lousy communicators, not functioning as a couple, and eventually, parted.

"See, it's just like Charlie. He was kept out of the loop, so he acted on assumptions, based on the simplest collection of facts. Occam's Razor: the simplest assumption must be the correct answer. Only Charlie's life experiences meant he was always guessing wrong, and that led him to distrust both Edward and his own daughter. The man aggravates me something fierce. He should have caught onto Jacob a long time ago. You know what really bugs me?"

"What?" I wondered, fascinated.

"Jacob ratted out Bella for having a motorcycle, right? Lord knows what he said to Charlie, to keep him in the man's good books. Did Charlie say to himself, 'that boy enabled my girl to have a bike, and he took her riding'? He did not. He said to himself, 'my rebellious daughter tricked a good little boy to fix up a motorbike for her, behind my back, and then she pressured him into teaching her to use it, and go riding with her'. Charlie Swan put that boy on a pedestal, and assumed bad things about his own daughter. He liked Jacob better than our Baby Bee. I discussed it with Edward back in May, but Edward refused to address it with Charlie. He said the man would just take any arguments as sour grapes."

"I see," I murmured.

"So, back to Edward and Bella: they reunited, and they've had one helluva time prying the truth out of each other. Okay, so it's out on the table. He wants her, she wants him. No freak outs from either of them, so they both feel safe in the relationship, now. But he's still in an unenviable position: he is the only vampire in recorded history to keep a human mate for an extended period of time. He's paving new ground for our entire species, Carlisle, and he's scared to death. And Bee is never going to let him back out of his promise. It would spoil their beautiful bond if he were to back out, and you know Edward, his word is his bond. Fellow has character. He's my hero. Honestly.

"Then why did you humiliate him?" I pressed.

"His feelings are overwhelming, and he needs to learn how to express them in acceptable ways. And pretending his feelings aren't so strong, which turns them into something less genuine, is not going to help him with his mate. He has to learn to recognize what upsets him, and to what degree, and how to resolve problems and gain comfort. Before he can express feelings politely, he's got to vent. And as for our Miss Bella, she's opinionated, but she's not in the habit of standing up for herself. That's got to change."

"You set them up!" I gasped. "You and Alice! Alice! Did you foresee all of this? Have you been stressing them out so that they would go to that movie, and then throw grease on the fire to make sure this all would happen?"

"Guilty."

"Christ aid! You could have gotten someone killed!" I half-yelled, reeling.

Jasper smiled wryly, and pointed theatrically at his mate. I gaped at her like a moron.

"We have plans for Edward and Bella, because we love them so much. We've harassed them dreadfully tonight, and we're not done driving them up the wall yet."

I couldn't seem to do so much as squeak. My eyes stayed glued to my daughter.

"It's the next step to getting them to their goal, savvy?" Jasper said, and I gawped at him instead of his wife. "We've irritated them right out of their comfortable habits."

"Aargh!" I yelled, grabbing at my hair just as my son would do. "They were doing fine on their own. They've been getting intimate since May 15th, when he got her the bed. You know this!"

Both Alice and Jasper shook their heads mournfully.

"What do you mean, 'no'? Great coursing royal rubicund-fashioning crimson- bloated-corpuscles of course they have been working on it. He told me so," I spluttered hotly, jumping up to confront them.

Alice regarded me calmly. "They've only been touching through clothes, and that's taken almost two months of practice. At that rate, he wouldn't be able to consummate their bond until Christmas, and the wedding is in a month."

"So… you purposefully set them up, knowing they would become impulsive and make faster progress?" I demanded incredulously.

"He's never going to hurt her, Carlisle. They're both going to get everything they want." Alice smiled affectionately. Then, she sobered. "This series of events has accomplished a lot. Charlie is going to gain respect for you, Esme, Edward and Bella, and he's going to lose his arrogance. In short, his life will be better, thanks to improved relationships. And Bella and Edward's lives are going to be better, too, because they're going to get close to Charlie. Charlie's going to be a dad instead of a father."

I sat back down hard on the tree trunk, huffing, and looking at Alice in disbelief.

"Edward and Bella will keep their vow to wait for marriage to consummate their bond, but they're going to learn how to be lovers now, and they're going to be communicating their innermost thoughts, needs, and desires from now on. Effectively, the fact that we have made ourselves the bad guys, and we have forced them to view Charlie as an intruder, has just given Edward and Bella a 'you and me against the world' mentality that has been somewhat lackluster in their relationship."

"They are going to have the strongest bond I've ever encountered next to mine and Lissy's," Jasper said smugly.

"You've taken an awful risk," I told them. "You've been horrid. What if they never forgive you?"

Alice sighed, and shifted. "Like I said, we aren't quite done tormenting them yet. And before I tell you about it, you have to promise me that you won't go back to the house until they've left. Jazzy and I are good at keeping secrets from him, and you're not."

Seconds ticked by while I considered it. "This is going to be in their best interest?"

Both kids nodded, smiling gently.

"And there's no chance of them getting hurt?" I checked.

"None whatsoever. I told you. He will never, ever hurt her," Alice promised.

Jasper stretched languidly. "Edward's refusing to act because of his fear. When he faces it, he'll discover that the problem isn't as big as he thought. He has a few challenges to pass, that's all, and he's going to pass with flying colours, right Lissy?"

"Yep." The Cheshire Cat grin was back.

"So, if I want to know your scheme, I have to stay away from them for the rest of the night?"

"Yes, it won't be long. All you have to do is tell Charlie he's had too much beer, and drive him home. By the time you get back from that, Edward and Bella will be gone."

"Okay, I know you already know that I accept. Now fill me in," I demanded.

Alice began eagerly, talking at top speed. "Rose and Em will be home soon with the Engagement Notice that's going in the papers. She already knows we're on a mission to help him. The picture is really hawt. Right now, Charlie is busy making up to Edward. He's going to tell Edward that Bella has permission to stay at our house tonight, under your care. Rose will soon be home with the photo, and Edward is going to freak. He's going to run off to a hotel in Seattle with Bella. And if all goes according to my Sight, when they see the announcement in the paper tomorrow morning, they're going to run away to Canada, because if they stick around, people –even strangers- are going to admire that photo and turn them into minor celebrities."

"Canada?" I gasped. "Why Canada? Can't they hide out closer to home?"

"Nope, they need to get to a foreign country."

"And then they'll be fine?" I said, not understanding how anything could get solved just by their leaving the country.

"Not… exactly," Alice winced.

"Alice," I growled, narrowing my eyes.

"Jazzy and I are going to follow them, and show up in their hotel room with all their human friends. About a dozen of them," she announced, not looking at me.

"Holy googlie-" I shook my head. "Are you suicidal?"

"It's going to be fine," she avowed, staring at me like I was a moron.

"How are you going to explain your presence?" I demanded.

"I'll tell him that I Saw him break that last Commandment, and that I couldn't See Bella with him any more afterward. It will scare him into letting us annoy them all week. And by the end of the week, he'll be calling the shots for all the humans, and for Em, Rose, Jazz and me. He's going to be quite the leader someday. And he and Bella will spend a lot of time getting naked, and they'll gain some confidence, and they'll never be divided again. They'll both start fulfilling their potential."

"But implying that he's going to accidentally kill her constitutes one very big lie. What happens if he's so affrighted that they stop making any progress at all?"

"They almost made love tonight. It's 90 percent probable that there wouldn't have been any problems. I just want to give them the other ten percent," she pleaded.

"And how are you going to avoid getting them so upset, that they try to pay you back for all the trouble you've given them? How do you know Edward won't have a fight with you, and elope?" I frowned.

"There's a 98 percent chance that they're going to enjoy the trip so much, that they'll forget all about being angry with us. And when they get home, Charlie will be a lot more respectful."

"You're sure?" I pressed.

"I'm positive. Everything about this situation is sheer win. This night is going to do a lot for him. He's going to grow up."

I really, really hoped I wouldn't regret my decision. "Okay. Do it. See that you phone me and keep me informed about what's going on. Esme and I will worry if you don't. Use the family credit card to pay for the expenses of the humans you're taking. And don't take that Lauren person if you can help it."

Alice squealed and jiggled over to give me hugs and kisses, and Jazz smacked my shoulder as they hurried off. Sighing, I hurried back to the house, in time to see a dreadfully inebriated Charlie Swan swaying on the porch steps, trying to find his car key under the light.

"Charlie?" I greeted him.

"Yeah, hello, Carlisle. Esme's a nice woman. We had a long chat. She gimme another beer. You're son's a good boy. He forgives me. And my baby girl, too, yessiree." He hiccoughed gently.

"How many beers have you had, Charlie?" I asked, narrowing my eyes.

He peered into space. "Five, maybe, I dunno."

"Why don't you let me drive you home?"

"Um, can't leave the cruiser," he said blearily.

"That's okay. I'll drop you home, and then one of the family can pick me up. How would that be?"

"Shouldn't let you drive police property," he frowned.

"I won't tell if you won't. I always wanted to drive one of these," I said admiringly.

Charlie huffed and rocked on his pins. "Dunno why. Crown Vics drive like shit. I haven't caught the guy in the red sports car in five years. Must have an enclosed garage, and never leave it outside. Bugger drives it four times the speed limit."

I sent up a fervent prayer that Rosalie was not the bugger in question, liberated Charlie's keys from his fingers, and installed him in the passenger seat of his vehicle.

"I'm much obliged," he murmelled, tilting to one side as I jumped behind the wheel.

"Anytime," I said hurriedly, backing out of the drive. I didn't want to think about anything I'd been told, because Edward might overhear.

"Kids ran off," he grunted.

"Eh?" I asked, driving around a rather large new pot hole. I would have to get the kids to help me fill it.

Charlie burped. "Edward and Bells. Rosalie just showed up with the pictures, and they ran off without saying 'good-bye'. Like two minutes ago."

"They weren't still cross, surely," I assumed. Headlights illuminated my rear view mirror, and I waved as Edward and Bella passed us and went tearing down the lane.

"Nope. Not after Bells… well." He watched the Volvo screech around the corner, a fair distance ahead of us. "Should put the radar gun on that guy. Well, not gonna chase him tonight, I'm off duty. Unless you wanna be deputy."

"No thank you. Bella and Edward?"

"Uh, everything was fine until Rose and Emmett showed up. I think they were scared I wouldn't approve of the picture. Pretty racy." He sighed melodramatically. "I thought for a minute Edward threw himself and Bella out the window, and then I realized they climbed down the tree."

"Hah. The kids love that tree. I think they use it more than the door," I said truthfully.

"Nice family. I'd have liked a big family," he said, folding his arms.

"I think you'll find that you're getting one," I told him. "You'll probably see far more of mine than you can tolerate."

"Long as they're at my house, and not my place of business," he joked, shutting his eyes. "Arresting family really sucks ass." Moments later, he was snoring loudly enough to make my teeth vibrate.

Edward? The things I do for you, honestly!