Chapter seven
I was slipping in and out of consciousness for an immeasurable amount of time.
"Get him out of here!" someone shouted.
"… call Amelia!"
"Get it here, quickly!"
I felt that I was being lifted and moved and another sharp pain shot through my ankle and I heard a scream. It might even have been me, I wasn't sure.
Some time later some liquid was forced through my lips and I was laid down on a soft surface. I heard soft, calming voices talking to me but yet again I couldn't make out what they said. The pain slowly subsided and I heard nothing else.
The first thing I was aware of was someone's presence not far from me. But I wasn't feeling scared. On the contrary, a pleasant wave of calm was flooding my body. I didn't feel like opening my eyes yet. I'd had some strange dreams. There were screams and blood in them but I couldn't make sense of it. I frowned, trying to remember more.
Something cool briefly touched my shoulder and I sighed. Why didn't Edward let me go back to sleep? I knew he could tell when I wasn't sleeping but I didn't have to get up early anymore.
"Bella?"
I frowned again. I knew this voice but it didn't belong to Edward. Or Charlie. I opened my eyes and blinked in surprise.
"Jasper?" I croaked. My throat was dry so I cleared it and lifted myself on my elbows. "What… what are you doing here? Where's Edward?"
Then I looked closer at him.
Jasper was crouching beside my bed but he kept his distance. He watched me anxiously, his face looking somber and… guilty?
I heard faint voices from downstairs that were growing louder.
"… here? I can't believe it!"
"No, Charlie! Please, he needs to do it. He won't hurt her," pleaded another voice, female this time. I recognized it as Alice's.
I frowned again, utterly confused. I turned back to Jasper who had been looking intently at the door. The voices downstairs became more quiet again, so I couldn't understand what was being said anymore.
"Are you calming my dad?" I asked.
Jasper nodded. "It's necessary. He's too upset, he wouldn't let me do it." He said the last few words in a whisper.
"Do – " I started to ask when I was aware of a strange sensation in my right ankle. I threw away the comforter and my eyebrows shot up. My foot was wrapped in white bandages.
I gasped as the memories began coming back. I blinked, the image of Jasper's wild face flooding my vision.
"I'm so sorry, Bella," Jasper said in a strained voice. "What I did was inexcusable. I won't hurt you, I promise," he added quickly.
I couldn't deny it, I was a little scared. But I could see the sincerity in his eyes so I said, "It's okay, Jasper. It wasn't your fault." I closed my eyes, remembering what had probably caused this whole situation. "It was mine. I was too tired, I shouldn't have insisted on the last try."
Even before I finished speaking, Jasper had been shaking his head. "No, Bella. I nearly killed you. I'm sure I would have if my brothers hadn't stopped me."
I shuddered internally, avoiding his eyes. My gaze fell on my injured leg. Apparently, my ankle had been reattached but I couldn't see how bad it looked because of the bandages. Also, I just realized that I didn't even know how long I had been out of it.
"What time it is anyway?" I muttered, trying to change the subject, and glanced at the alarm clock on my bedside table. It was after 4pm. I frowned.
"It's Saturday," said Jasper. "You were sleeping for about 22 hours." Then I heard him take a deep breath but he immediately hissed and when I looked back at him, I noticed that he'd moved to the slightly open window, breathing in the fresh air.
"Are you okay?" I asked, biting my lip nervously.
"Yes, I'm fine." He nodded but stayed by the window. "Listen Bella. There's another reason why I and Alice are here. It's about Edward," he said cautiously.
"Yeah. Where is he?" I had been wondering about Edward for the whole time I'd been speaking to Jasper. It was strange that he wasn't here. I'd thought he'd want to be with me at a time like this.
"Bella, he's… " He paused, clearly not sure how to continue. I waited with raised eyebrows. "He's decided to leave Forks."
I groaned, burying my head into my hands. I wasn't really surprised. Since my talk with Alice a week ago I'd been prepared for this possibility.
"When?" I asked, looking up at him.
"Soon."
I closed my eyes tightly. When I opened them again, Jasper was still standing by the window but his gaze was turned down on the floor. He could probably hear Charlie and Alice talking and judging by his frown, he didn't like what he heard.
"What can we do to stop him?"
He looked back at me, giving me a weak smile. "Alice said that only you might be able to stop him." He took a step toward the bed but then stopped again. "I wouldn't ask this of you," he paused again, gesturing to my injured ankle, "but it seems to be the only option… We have to go see him now, Bella, or it might be late."
"Of course, Jasper." I started to climb out of bed but Jasper took two long steps and stopped a few feet from me, putting up his hand.
"You probably shouldn't step on your foot yet," he warned.
I stopped my movement, having barely managed to pull away the sheets. "Okay, but how am I supposed to get to Edward?"
Closing his eyes, Jasper took another deep breath and winced slightly. When he opened his eyes again there was clear determination written in them. "I'll carry you."
I couldn't stop myself from gaping at him. "But… but…," I stammered after I somehow composed my expression, "I don't want to make you uncomfortable, Jasper… maybe Alice could do it."
I was half expecting Alice to burst through the door by now but nothing happened. Yet I was sure she must have heard us talking. My eyes snapped back to Jasper who had moved even closer to me, reaching out his hand. As an automatic reaction I flinched slightly away but seeing Jasper's expression made me regret it immediately. He looked guilty again. "Sorry," I muttered.
He lowered his hand and crouched down in front of me. "I swear I won't hurt you, Bella. I'm in full control of my thirst." Then the corners of his lips twitched slightly. "And Alice wouldn't have let me do it if there was any danger."
"Okay." I smiled back at him and allowed him to gently scoop me up in his arms. He held me as far from his body as possible but I knew it wasn't anything personal. I glanced at his face and he gave me a tight but resolved smile. I also noticed he'd stopped breathing.
Before I knew it we were out of the room and down the stairs, heading for the living room where the sound of Charlie's grumbling was coming from. Jasper stopped in the doorway and I could see Alice sitting on the couch with her hands in her lap, watching Charlie pacing in front of her.
"… thought you weren't dangerous. I thought you were protecting her – "
"Dad," I said and he whirrled around, clearly startled. At the sight of me in Jasper's arms his face turned dangerously red.
"YOU!" he yelled, pointing his finger at Jasper. "Put her down at once!" Suddenly his expression began to gradually relax and he lowered his hand. "Stop using your tricks on me." He sounded calmer now but his eyes were still narrowed angrily.
I opened my mouth to say something but Alice shortly shook her head at me and stood up, facing my dad.
"Charlie," she said in a firm voice and crossed her arms. She waited until he begrudgingly looked at her before she continued. "I've already explained everything to you. I'm sure Jasper won't hurt her, besides, she can't step on her foot yet. And no, he can't put her on the couch because we need to get Bella to our house before Edward leaves."
Charlie had crossed his arms too so he was now mimicking Alice's position. "Well, let him do it then. Bella would be better without him. Safer."
I gasped, shocked at what I was hearing. Charlie had always liked Edward. Alice glanced at me but then fixed an angry glare at my dad. "She would definitely not be better without him, Charlie. They would both suffer greatly and trust me, you don't want to see Bella like this."
"She's young. She'll get over it."
"Dad!" I tried again and this time Alice let me speak. Charlie turned to me, still frowning, and I knew it was only thanks to Jasper that he didn't start yelling at me. "I'm going with Alice and Jasper now. We can talk later."
I could see that the firm tone of my voice surprised him but then he gritted his teeth. "We're not done talking about this, Bella," he said but he sounded resigned.
I just nodded and turned my head to Alice. "I can't use the fireplace, Alice," I said, lifting my injured leg a little.
"I know, we'll have to run." Then she ran out of the room and was back in a few seconds, handing me my winter jacket and a pair of thick, red, woolen socks. Jasper put me down just long enough for me to put the clothes on and then took me in his arm again. Alice winked at him and started leading us to the back door. Right at the door she turned around looking at Charlie. "She'll be safe with us, I promise."
About half a way to the Cullen house Alice lightly touched Jasper's arm and they both stopped running. Jasper had moved me on his back just before we took off, saying it would be more comfortable for him if he had access to fresh air, and appologizing profusely. I didn't mind at all, glad that I could make it somehow easier for him. I still wondered why he'd insisted on carrying me but it was apparently important to him to do it.
"What's wrong, Alice?" I asked, looking around for any sign of danger. Jasper looked calm though so I relaxed too.
"We're just about to reach Edward's hearing range and I have to tell you a few things without the risk of him overhearing us," she said with a small sigh. I raised my eyebrows, nodding for her to go on. "I can see him talking with Carlisle so we still have some time." She frowned slightly, shaking her head before looking back at me. "You have to listen to me now, Bella," she continued urgently. "Edward is one of the most stubborn creatures I know. When he gets something in his head, it's nearly impossible to change his mind. He won't be happy to see you. He's decided to leave without even saying goodbye." She gritted her teeth angrily.
I swallowed the gasp that had threatened to escape my lips. I couldn't believe Edward would do something like that. "Why?"
Jasper put his hand on Alice's shoulder and she smiled at him gratefully. Then she turned her big eyes back to me and shrugged. "I told you before, Bella. I can't see the reasons behind decisions." Her face was appologetic. "Anyway, it's possible he'll try to do anything to persuade you to let him go. Including lying to you. I can't see what he's going to say but you must remember what we talked about in Seattle."
I nodded.
"Good." She smiled shortly. "One more thing. He wants all of us to go, not just him. None of us wants to leave, we love it here and we love you. The problem is that he always moved with us after anyone of us had messed up and he never complained. He thinks we owe him."
"He can't make you leave!" I started to feel angry at Edward. What the hell gave him the right to make decisions for other people? More than ever I was now determined to fight with Edward not just for myself but for his family as well. "I won't let him go, Alice."
Alice's face went blank for a few seconds and then she smiled slightly. "I think you can do it, Bella."
Before I could come up with things to say to Edward we were crossing the backyard of the big white mansion. Jasper and Alice had agreed on hiding their thoughts from Edward for as long as possible so he wouldn't bolt even before I had the chance to talk to him.
As soon as we entered the living room, Esme was greeting us with a hug. Jasper helped me down and I, hopping on one leg, leaned against Esme's side. After assuring her that I was okay I looked around and was quite shocked by what I saw.
Emmett was sitting on the couch, his back hunched and his head in his hands. Next to him was Rosalie who was soothingly running her hand up and down his back. She looked at me then and her expression was… pleading? I stared at them, not sure if I should say something, when Emmett lifted his head.
"Hey, little witch," he said with a weak smile but his voice lacked its usual exuberance. "Please, do me a favor and kick his ass for me, would you?"
I glanced at my bandaged foot and then back at Emmett, grimacing. "You know what, Emmett? I'll leave the kicking to you after I'm done with him."
He blinked but then his face spread into a half grin, though his eyes were still rather blank. "Deal."
"Is he still in Carlisle's office?" I asked Esme who was still supporting my weight.
"Yes. I'll take you there," she said with a gentle smile and easily lifted me into her arms. I looked closely into her face and even though she was smiling, I could see it was with a great effort.
Once we were on the second floor Esme slowed down and walked to the door at the end of the hallway. She put me down, holding my waist so I wouldn't fall, and lightly knocked on the door. I knew both Carlisle and Edward must have heard us coming but apparently manners were important to at least some members of this family.
"Come in," called Carlisle's voice from inside and Esme opened the door.
I'd been in Carlisle's office only once when Edward had given me a tour of this house the first time I was visiting the Cullens. It was an unspoken rule not to go there unless you needed to talk to Carlisle or he personally allowed it. Everyone understood that it was his personal space. It was a big room with walls covered with shelves full of books. There was a comfortable looking armchair in the corner and by the window, which was actually a wall made of glass since the office was situated on the same side of the house as the living room or Edward's room, stood a large wooden desk.
Edward was standing by the window looking outside while Carlisle was next to him, his hand on Edward's shoulder. Carlisle looked up, clearly not surprised to see me, and walked over to us.
"Bella," he said, giving me a short hug. "How is your leg? Does it hurt? I should say that you should have stayed in bed but I'm really glad you're here."
It did hurt, a little, but I just shrugged. "It's okay. This is more important."
He helped me to get to his desk where I leaned against it, keeping my leg lifted slightly so it wouldn't touch the floor. Then Carlisle gently patted my shoulder, briefly looked at Edward and together with Esme they left the room.
Edward was still staring out the window, not moving, like he hadn't even acknowledged my presence. Suddenly I didn't know what to say. I wanted to both yell at him and to beg him to stay.
A few more minutes passed in silence and he still hadn't moved. I could see his face in the reflection of the window, he still stared ahead of him but his jaws were clenched. My patience was slowly wearing off so I decided to make him look at me and without thinking took a step toward him.
I gasped as a sharp pain shot through my ankle, barely swallowing down a curse. I guess whatever painkiller I'd been given must have worn off. Before I could straighten myself though, two strong arms gripped me by my waist and the next second I was sitting on Carlisle's desk.
I looked up and Edward was now standing a few feet from me, his expression unreadable. At least he was finally looking at me.
"Thank you," I muttered.
He looked down at my injured ankle. "Go back to bed, Bella," he said quietly, not meeting my eyes.
Something about his tone, or maybe it was the fact that he wouldn't look me in the eyes, made me suddenly furious.
"Why? So you could run away like a coward without so much as saying goodbye?"
His eyes snapped to me and he pressed his lips into a thin line. Making him angry hadn't been my original intention but if it made him less in control of his reactions, I could get to him and have him talk to me.
He was quiet now, staring at me with narrowed eyes, probably trying not to snap at me. So I went on.
"Is this how you deal with problems, Edward? Instead of facing them like a man you run away?"
I knew I was playing with fire but at the same time I was sure he wouldn't hurt me. I crossed my arms, waiting for his reaction.
Edward closed his eyes, breathing through his nose like he was trying to calm himself. "You think I'm a coward?" he said coldly. His eyes snapped open and it was now that I realized they were black. A shiver ran through my spine but I wasn't about to back off.
"Why do you want to leave then?"
He gritted his teeth, his expression turning hard. I was sure it was just a mask but I still hated it. I missed his smile and the warmth of his golden eyes so much it made me want to cry. But I wouldn't break down in front of him now.
"I let it go too far between us," he said. "I'm sorry about that. I should have ended it long time ago."
I blinked a few times, not really expecting this. "Why are you saying this?"
He took a deep breath, looking me right in the eyes. "Because we don't belong together, Bella. It was a waste of our time." He winced slightly when he said this, apparently reacting to the thoughts of his family downstairs.
I couldn't believe he could be so cruel. Did he really regret spending time with me? I started doubting myself and my ability to make him change his mind. Alice must have been wrong, I thought. But then I remembered something else Alice had said. "He'll try to do anything to persuade you to let him go. Including lying to you."
I wouldn't give this up. Not that easily anyway. "How can you say this? You love me!"
At this he merely smirked. "I never said I did."
It felt like a dagger cut through my heart. I bowed my head, trying to calm my breathing. I knew he was lying. He had to be. I took one more calming breath and raised my head. For a split second I thought I caught a glimpse of pain on his face before he composed his expression into the same cold mask as before.
That was enough for me.
"That's bullshit," I said calmly. Edward blinked in surprise, clearly not expecting me to use such a language, but before he could react I went on. "Maybe you didn't say those words but you show it with everything you do." He opened his mouth but I pressed on. "Even now. I bet everything I have that you want to leave because you think I'd be somehow safer without you." Then I let out a short, not really amused laugh. "Or I could just ask Jasper. I'm sure he can tell me just how much you don't love me."
He stared at me like deer in the headlights, his mask gone. His hands shot up and he gripped his hair tightly in his fists. I wanted to reach out and grab his hands before he could pull his hair out but right then he shook his head and loosened his grip.
"This can't go on, Bella," he said, now looking at me with pleading eyes. "This… relationship… it would never work. We're too different, I can't give you what you need."
I crossed my arms again. "Really? And what exactly do I need? You apparently know it better than I."
He sighed, turning back to the window. "You need someone who can make you happy, who can give you a future, children… Someone who wouldn't put you in danger everytime you're with him."
"Edward."
I waited for him to look back at me. He didn't so I carefully slipped down off the desk and hopped to him on one leg. Without turning to me, his hand shot out to catch me by the arm before I could lose my balance. He kept his hand on my arm to keep me steady but still wouldn't look at me.
"Okay, then," I muttered to myself with a sigh. I think I can decide for myself what I need. And I have everything I need with you. I am happy and safe - "
"Safe?" he snapped at me, finally turning to face me. "Weren't you there when my brother tried to kill you? And I wasn't too far from lunging at you myself!" He dragged his free hand through his hair again.
"What happened yesterday wasn't your or Jasper's fault, Edward! I was stupid enough to try again even though I was tired and it was harder to concentrate!"
He shook his head. "That's not the point, Bella. It's a miracle something like that didn't happen sooner. You could have easily cut your finger or scratch your knee and anyone of us could have lost their control. Even Esme or Alice."
I swallowed hard, fighting off the tears that had started gathering in my eyes. "You…" I started but then shook my head to get a better grip of myself. "You do have a point, I guess," I admitted reluctantly. -But it still doesn't give you the right to make decisions for me, Edward. Being in a relationship means that it involves more than one person so we should discuss things together."
"There's nothing to discuss, Bella. We're too dangerous." His face turned back into the hard mask and I wanted to scream. There had to be a way to make him change his mind but I doubted yelling at him would help.
Trying to remain calm, I reached out my hand and touched his face. Edward automatically closed his eyes and leaned into my palm before he realized his mistake and pulled away.
"You wouldn't hurt me. Besides, without you I would have been dead by now. You are all I need to be happy. I've never really wanted children and we can decide about the future together."
Even before I finished he'd started shaking his head. "You're seventeen. Maybe now you don't want children but it can change in a few years." I opened my mouth to protest but he pressed one of his fingers on my lips. "I'm sure that one day you will meet someone who will make you really happy and you will have the life you deserve."
I jerked my head to shake off his finger and he let his hand drop. "What about you? Will you meet someone who will make you happy too?" He just shrugged, lowering his eyes. "I know you won't. Do you really think that I could be happy with someone else knowing that you are out there feeling miserable?"
He shrugged again, his eyes still fixed on the floor, and muttered something that sounded like, "I don't matter."
I opened my mouth and closed it again. I didn't know what to say to that. What he'd said was so wrong that I didn't even have the strength to yell at him.
"You matter to me," I finally said after I calmed myself down a little. "And to your family."
Edward started shaking his head again but I went on. "Listen to me now, Edward Cullen. You're not going anywhere. I won't allow it."
He blinked at me in disbelief. "Bella… you can't really stop me," he said slowly like he was talking to a child.
I didn't let his tone discourage me. "Not physically, of course." I shrugged. „But since you can't force your family to follow you, they will be here to help me find you and drag you back."
He frowned and blinked a few times. "No, they… they will come with me."
I crossed my arms, not needing to try keeping my balance since Edward was still keeping me steady. "No, they won't. You can't make them, Edward. They finally don't have to hide their true identity from everyone. They love it here. Alice has finally some friends beside the family. How can you take it away from them?"
He gritted his teeth and lowered his head so it was the same level as mine and looked me right in the eyes. "Because your safety is more important than any of this," he growled.
I would have taken a step back had he not kept his hold on my arm. A lump had stuck in my throat and again I could feel tears gathering in my eyes. I blinked furiously several times to keep them back but I couldn't stop one tear that escaped and was now running down my right cheek.
Edward's expression softened considerably. „Please, don't cry, Bella," he whispered, his voice breaking at the last word.
I could see his resolve wavering a little so I decided to use the opportunity. „Don't leave me then," I said with a sniff. „I love you, Edward and I need you here. We can figure things out together. Please," I pressed on when he closed his eyes, his expression torn, „I would follow you anyway, I'm sure there are magical ways to do it and I wouldn't stop until I found you."
He examined my face closely, like he was trying to find out if I really meant it. And I did mean it. I would try a way to find him, no matter how long would it take.
"Why, Bella?" he said pleadingly. "Why can't you just let me go?"
I sighed in frustration. Hadn't I just told him? "Because I love you. Just the thought of you being miserable is killing me, Edward. Don't do this. Please." Tears were now running freely down my face and I didn't even try to fight them anymore.
He closed his eyes again and his shoulders sagged. I could feel both his arms wrapping around me and he pressed me against his chest, burying his nose into my hair.
Wait… did it mean…?
I heard a squeal from downstairs and I sighed in relief. Edward had just decided to stay.
"Thank you," I whispered into his chest as his arms tightened around me.
A/N: So as you all probably figured out, this was my version of the infamous break-up scene in NM. I decided that Edward would stay a long time ago. I always hated that part in canon, especially the fact that no one of the Cullens didn't really try to stop Edward from leaving. I never understood how Alice, who claimed to be Bella's best friend, could just leave without a word, even though she must have known what their leaving would do to both Edward and Bella.
Uh... sorry, I could rant about this for ages :) Thank you for reading and if you can, leave me a review.
J.
