Later that evening I was desperately hoping that Bailey would discharge me

Later that evening I was desperately hoping that Bailey would discharge me. When she entered the room my eyes gave away exactly what I was feeling.

"Good news and bad news Grey," she said.

I frowned.

"Tell me straight," I told her. "Believe me, I can take anything!"

"Okay the good news is you can go home," she answered. "The bad news is that O'Malley is going to be your home doctor, which means he will be pestering you like a bad smell!"

I breathed a sigh of relief, not only because I was going home but because I was fearful that Bailey was going to be my home doctor; and the last thing I needed was the Nazi riding my butt.

Derek entered the room and smiled.

"So, are you coming home?" he asked.

I smiled and nodded.

"Great!" Derek answered with a smile.

George entered the room.

"O'Malley, Grey is being discharged which means it is time for you to go home," Bailey told him.

George looked at me with a cheeky grin.

"Is Dr. Grey taking all of her meds?" he asked Bailey.

Bailey rolled her eyes.

"O'Malley, while we are in this hospital I am still Chief Resident, when you get home, you can then play doctor with Grey, but until you leave those doors, you remain professional with your patients!" Bailey told him with a hint of sarcasm. "Are we clear?"

George looked at her.

"Crystal," he answered.

"Are you trying to be funny?" Bailey asked.

George shook his head.

"N-no, Dr. Bailey…" he stumbled.

"Better not be!" Bailey replied.

I cleared my throat, even though the likes of this argument was much more entertaining then any talk show I've ever watched.

"Can I go home?" I asked.

"Get packed up Grey, and then you may go home." Bailey responded.

I arrived home to find Charlotte asleep on Izzie on the lounge; Izzie was wide awake watching TV.

"Hey Iz," I smiled.

Izzie looked so tired when she looked up to see us; I couldn't imagine she'd slept much herself lately.

"Oh, hey," she said.

Derek went over and picked Charlotte up and carried her up to bed. I sat down next to Izzie on the lounge and rested my head on her shoulder.

"Have you slept?" I asked her.

"No," she answered. "I just keep…" she took a deep breath.

"Going over it?" I sighed.

Izzie nodded.

"I feel like I can't talk to Derek about it…" I told her. Had I had known he was coming back into the lounge room I would have lowered my voice. "I just feel like it's haunting me…I close my eyes for one second and I am back in that OR; I'm back in front of that firing squad…"

"It's like the carousel is spinning…" Izzie said.

I looked at her and nodded.

"And you can't get off…" I finished.

Izzie nodded.

George and Derek walked into the lounge room. George pulled Izzie close to him and I climbed onto Derek's lap as he sat in the arm chair. He leaned in next to my cheek and breathed in the scent of my hair.

"Lavender…" he whispered. "My favourite…"

I smiled and leaned back to look at him as he kissed me gently.

"Do you want to go to bed?" he asked.

"Not a bad idea Mer," George added.

I looked at them both.

"I don't need home doctors!" I cried. I then turned to George. "But, at the risk of you blabbing to Bailey, I am going to go to bed!"

George smiled in satisfaction and Derek was more than happy to take me up to bed.

I climbed into bed, not too much later and lied there staring at the ceiling; as Derek climbed into bed I rolled over and looked at him with a look he'd never known before the events of the past few days.

"Why can't you talk to me?" he asked. "I'll listen…I may even understand…" he sighed.

"It's not that…" I took a deep breath. "I guess I don't want you to feel like you have to protect me…I don't need rescuing…I'm totally fine…"

"You're tough, and I get that," Derek said. "But sometimes, I just wish you would let me take care of you…"

I climbed up and lied on top of him, resting my arms on his chest, my face inches from his.

"You take care of me in ways I've never known; and everyday I am thankful for that…" I told him. "But I've never known anything like this, so there are times where I will not know how to tell you just how I feel…"

Derek nodded and kissed me.

Later that night I fell asleep, only to be haunted by the past few days; I dreamed I was in the OR and this time it was Derek in front of me with the gunman; a gun was held to his head and I was standing there with tears running down my cheeks. I started to cry so hard that the gunman shoved me to the ground where Izzie knelt next to me and called my name as I blacked out…

"Meredith!" she cried. "Mer…Meredith…"

The voice began to change.

"Meredith…Meredith!"

I opened my eyes to feel my self tossing and turning, crying and screaming. I looked up and gasped, only to see Derek shaking me and looking at me with a terribly concerned look upon his face.

"Mer…" he said as my eyes opened.

I started sobbing.

"I can't…I don't…I just can't do it anymore!" I sobbed.

Derek pulled me close and held me tightly.

"I need to go to the bathroom…" I climbed out of bed and walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind me; I ran the water for a little while and splashed cold water to my face as a way to calm myself down. As I left the bathroom I took it upon myself to check on Charlotte; I looked into her room and saw her sleeping peacefully with her arm slung over the edge of the bed. I walked over and pulled the blanket up over her shoulder and kissed her forehead.

"I don't know what I would have done if I could never see you again…" I sighed.

I turned to see Derek standing at the doorway.

"Coming back to bed?" he asked.

I nodded.

"I was just checking on her…" I told him. I leaned over and gave the window a push to check that there was no way it would open.

"Mer…" Derek sighed.

I brushed past him as I walked into our bedroom, I then climbed into bed; Derek leaned over and kissed my cheek.

"Try and get some sleep, you've had a big few days…" he said.

I nodded and closed my eyes.

The next morning the alarm went off for Derek to go to work, I rolled over to see him get up; I hadn't slept and was already awake so I got up with him.

"Good morning," I said as I poked my head in the bathroom door.

Derek leaned over and kissed me.

"Hey," he smiled. "How did you sleep?"

"I didn't," I answered.

Derek brushed his hand over my cheek.

"I can tell," he sighed. "Go and see if Charlie's up and I'll come down and make you some breakfast,"

I walked into Charlotte's room to see her stirring, I thought I'd let her sleep a little longer so I wandered past Izzie's room to see George getting up.

"Hey," I said to him. "Is she awake?"

He nodded.

"Make it quick, I need to do a check over before I leave," he told me.

I wandered in to the room to see Izzie staring out the window.

"Hey you," I said climbing under the covers. "Need a chit chat?"

She looked at me with sad eyes.

"I still can't get off…" she sighed with tears flowing down her cheeks.

"It won't stop spinning…?" I asked.

Izzie started to cry.

"I haven't slept and I am so tired!" she sobbed. "I don't want to feel weak because it isn't me! But I just can't stop thinking about why I left that OR!"

"You left because I asked you to," I told her.

Izzie put her arms around me and gave me a tight squeeze.

"Don't ever ask me anything like that again!" she said.

George appeared at the door.

"You need to let me check your sutures Meredith," he said.

I rolled my eyes and stuck my leg out of the blanket.

George pulled up the cover over my sutures and took a good look.

"No clots as yet, but there is still some bleeding I'm not entirely happy with…" he said looking closely at the wound. "You'll need to come in this morning so I can have a better look,"

"Are you serious?" I cried. "George, can't you just leave it!"

George sat up and folded his arms with a frown.

"Seriously Mer?" he asked.

"At the risk of you telling Bailey, I am going to come in," I sighed. I looked at Izzie. "He was never good at keeping secrets,"

Izzie laughed.

I got out of bed and as my foot touched the ground I felt a sharp wave of pain cross through my leg.

"Ah…" I groaned. I hobbled across to the door and stopped when I reached the threshold; I grabbed hold of the door frame and winced in pain; just in the moment that Derek passed by the room.

"What's wrong?" he asked with a concerned look.

"N-nothing…I'm fine…" I answered. I tried my best to move into the bedroom but the pain intensified and I couldn't bear it any longer. "Okay, I'm not fine…" I told them.

George grabbed on of my arms and Derek grabbed the other.

"You need to come to the hospital," George said to me with every inch of concern in his eyes.

I nodded.

"I'll stay with Charlie, you go now," Izzie said to us.