Prompt: Was wondering if you could do Severus being jealous over lily and James throughout their relationship
Rating: T
She was right there, there on the station platform, but she might as well have been on the other side of the world, because he couldn't touch her, couldn't speak to her even. He'd tried, he'd tried so many times this summer: he'd knocked on her front door, but she'd just slammed it in his face; he'd waited for her to leave the house and followed her up the street apologising, but she just kept on walking like he wasn't even there; after he'd spent hours waiting in the park one day, he realised that she'd stopped going to the places that she usually went to, places that she knew he might be.
She was never going to speak to him again.
And whose fault was that? The nasty little voice in the back of his head had been parroting that question all summer. Who lost his temper? Who called her that word? Who'd spent five years pretending that when Avery and Nott and Mulciber said that word that it didn't apply to her?
'Oi, Evans! How was your summer?'
That voice, that confident shout across the platform made him scowl, and all of those little twinges of self-doubt that he'd been having all summer vanished right there. Potter. That's whose fault it was. Him and Black, and their stupid little gang. Potter had been trying to get his claws into Lily for years - even if she couldn't see it, he could - and he'd managed to separate Lily from him at last. He probably thought he had an open run at her now. Well, they'd see about that. Lily would see right through him. And now they were at school again, she couldn't avoid him anymore; they'd be in the same classes, they'd be potions partners, prefects together. They'd fix it, and things would go back to normal.
Lily turned when she heard her name shouted, and he smiled in anticipation of his first proper look at her that morning. It slid right off his face when he saw her grin widely at the lanky boy jogging towards her.
'I have a first name you know. It's Lily. LILY.'
Potter grinned at her as he came to a stop in front of her and ran a hand through his hair. 'I know that. It's just doesn't have the same ring as Evans when you yell it across a station platform.'
She laughed at that, and his fingers clenched into angry fists. She laughed at Potter. Since when was Potter funny? Had she forgotten what he was like, the way he strutted around, the way he picked fights, played his stupid pranks on people?
'You didn't have to yell at me you know.'
'I know, it's just fun to make you jump. Want me to take your trunk? Marlene is in our compartment winding Sirius up, it's good entertainment if you want to sit with us on the way.'
He tensed up. He hadn't thought about who she'd sit with; she'd always sat with him. She might have gone off to spend an hour or so with her other friends, but for five years they'd put their trunks in the same compartment and sat together.
'Sure, sounds good.'
A little bit of his heart died right there, when he realised that Lily Evans really, truly, didn't hate James Potter the way he'd always thought - hoped - she did.
'Good morning, good morning!' Slughorn's voice was jovial as he surveyed his NEWT class. 'An excellent uptake I see, lovely to see you all back for NEWTS!'
He glanced around anxiously, paying no attention to Slughorn's cheerful explanation of how the NEWT course would be structured; right then, the only thing he was interested in was that Lily wasn't here. She wouldn't drop potions, it wasn't just her best subject, it was her favourite.
The other Gryffindors were here, so it couldn't have been something related to the house. Potter, Black and Lupin had arrived together, and Potter had shoved Black into the seat beside Lupin and sat on his own in front of them. He curled a lip contemptuously. Obviously Potter thought he was up to working alone. He'd always been arrogant, conceited…
The door opened, and Lily appeared. He straightened up in his seat and looked right at her, trying to look welcoming without seeming eager.
'Sorry sir, Professor McGonagall needed to see me about my class choices...'
'Of course m'dear, she told me yesterday that you'd be late. She knew I'd be quite panicked if you weren't here for my potions class! What would my NEWT class be without you Miss Evans?'
'Not half as enchanting sir.'
Slughorn roared with laughter. 'Take a seat Miss Evans, take a seat!'
He moved his bag over a little further, to give her room to set hers down...and by the time he looked up she'd slid into the empty seat next to Potter and they were whispering. He strained his ears to hear them.
'Thanks.' Lily's voice, low and quiet.
Potter shrugged. 'You ask me to save you a seat, your wish is my command.'
Her lips twitched slightly. 'What if I meant for you to save me a seat next to Remus?'
'My potions mark needs you more than Remus' does.'
'Liar. You're very good at potions.'
'Not as good as you.'
She tossed her hair and gave him a superior look. 'Well, who is?'
Potter snickered, and after only a moment Lily dropped her pose and giggled along with him. If he didn't know better he'd almost think they were flirting.
He stalked his way to the Head Boy's office, and hammered on the door. An irritated shout came from inside, and after a moment the door was yanked open.
'What?' Diggory scowled at him. 'Where's the fire, Snape?'
He pulled his schedule out and waved it under Diggory's nose. 'Why is the schedule changed from last year?'
Diggory looked down his nose at him. 'Because last year, Lisa and I weren't Head Boy and Girl. We've decided to do things differently.'
'I'm with Violet Simmonds every patrol until Christmas!' He complained bitterly. 'Why aren't we switching patrol partners any more?'
Diggory sighed heavily and folded his arms. 'If you must know Snape, we spoke to all the Heads of houses and they supported mine and Lisa's argument that it would be better to have permanent pairings, to ensure a better working relationship between the partners. You'll get to know your patrol partner, and so you'll work more comfortably together. We then spent some considerable time devising male/female pairings that would work well together, and where no pair were members of the same house. And since it took so much time and effort, if you have a problem with Violet Simmonds then I suggest you get over it, because I'm not bloody changing it!''
'I don't have a problem with her, I just...why am I paired with her? I don't think I've ever had a single class with her, I don't think I've ever spoken to her.'
'Well, funnily enough we didn't take who you'd most like to work with into account.' Diggory shrugged. 'If you were hoping to corner Lily Evans on patrol rounds, then you'll have to find another way won't you?'
He clenched his fists at that. How dare he? He didn't know anything about this, nothing….
'Lisa knows Lily quite well you know.' Diggory continued conversationally. 'And there was no way she was going to pair her with you.'
Diggory stared at him, never blinking or flinching until Snape turned on his heel and marched away. He was so furious with the whole situation that he paid no attention where he was going until he collided with someone and heard a grunt.
'Watch it! Oh, it's you.' James Potter's voice went from aggravated to cool in seconds.
'You watch it Potter.' He snarled, glad to be able to take his ire out on the right person.
'You barged right into him.' A sharp feminine voice came from Potter's side, and he turned to face Lily Evans as she spoke to him for the first time in months. 'So look where you're going when you're walking.'
She walked off, and with a quick smirk in his direction, Potter followed her, his long legs easily catching up and falling into step alongside her.
He watched them go, his heart beating an unsteady rhythm behind his ribs. Once she might have sided with him, would have walked off with him, would have been laughing with him right now….
She aimed a gentle slap at Potter's side even as she laughed at whatever he'd said. Despite their many years of friendship, he wasn't sure he'd ever known her to be as affectionately touchy with him.
His heart stopped its strange palpitations; it felt like it stopped entirely. It felt like it shattered, and then ripped it's way through the rest of his guts.
Lily and Potter weren't friends. She didn't treat her friends like that, she hadn't been like that with him, wasn't like that with Lupin or that McKinnnon girl…
She fancied him. Lily Evans fancied James Potter, and the second Potter found the nerve to ask her again...she'd be lost to him entirely, if she wasn't already.
He blocked out Mulciber's brash voice and focused on staring out of the window. The train was leaving any moment, and where was she? Flirting with Potter while Black, Lupin and Pettigrew looked on with amusement.
They probably weren't the only ones. He scowled at the thought. Plenty of people had noticed the flirtation between Lily and Potter, and for those who'd been watching it had been a surprise that they'd made it to the end of their sixth year without so much as going on a date. He stayed hopeful that that meant that he'd misunderstood their relationship, and that she just treated Potter a little differently.
He glanced up at the open window, then back at where Lily was standing with Potter, the two of them alone now. He flicked his wand and quietly muttered a quick charm to enhance his hearing, looking down at his book so he didn't appear to be paying attention.
'...going to be strange, not seeing you every day.' Lily's voice came through clearly. 'It's always lousy going home every summer and not being able to do magic, but it's worse now that I don't have anyone to at least talk about it with.'
'Well, I'll write.' Potter answered earnestly. 'And so will Remus, and maybe Padfoot and Wormtail might too. They're lousy letter writers, but hey ho.'
She giggled then, and he chanced a quick glance out of the window. Potter was rubbing a hand up and down her arm soothingly as he spoke to her in low, affectionate tones. Where did James Potter get off touching Lily Evans? She wasn't his, she wasn't one of those stupid girls that fell for the messy hair, and the arrogant smirk and the I'm-better-than-you attitude. How dare he?
'Maybe we can get your house hooked up to the floo? I'll ask Dad.' Potter continued. 'Then we can talk that way.'
Oh yes Potter, ask daddy. Get your rich bloody parents who think the sun shines out of your arse to make sure you get everything you want, just like always. Bloody Potter, thinks everything should just fall into his lap…
'...and maybe...maybe you could come visit me for a few days. You know, at some point.' Potter's hesitant sounding suggestion made the broken and twisted remnants of what had once been his heart squeeze painfully, though not as badly as Lily's next words did.
'I'd like that.'
Potter was Head Boy. Potter was Head Boy.
The unfairness of it wasn't to be believed. Was there anyone in the world with the nerve to deny that cocky arrogant git anything? He'd been thrilled when Potter hadn't been made a prefect - at last, an indication that someone else recognised that he was a dangerous fool - then annoyed when he'd become Quidditch captain, effectively giving him most of the privileges of being a prefect with none of the responsibility. But he'd never once imagined that he'd be made Head Boy.
And Lily was Head Girl.
They'd be together all the time, planning the rotas, organising Hogsmeade visits, counting up the points. They'd be alone, in the Heads offices and private common room. Potter would get to see her even more than he did now, would get to talk to her, make her laugh…
Potter, as usual, would get everything.
It couldn't be true, couldn't be, he couldn't handle this.
He sat in the dark corner of the Three Broomsticks, gripping his bottle of butterbeer with tense fingers. He'd heard the rumours of course, who hadn't? So he'd come down to Hogsmeade early, alone, and settled down in this very corner to wait, hoping that he wouldn't see anything that would prove the rumours were true.
It was just after half past eleven when he suddenly wished he'd never thought of this, wished he hadn't decided to put himself through it.
Potter had strutted his way in through the door not five minutes ago, and Lily had followed him shyly in, her gloved hand clutched tightly in his. They were breathless, red-cheeked, and seemed to be laughing very hard about something. They acknowledged greetings from a number of people with shouted hellos and waves, then they took a seat...at the table directly alongside his, concealed from him only by the drape of the curtain that kept him shrouded in gloom.
'I'll grab some drinks. Butterbeer?' Potter asked, dropping his cloak on the spare chair and grinning at Lily.
'Sounds good.' She answered lightly. 'Ask Rosmerta for some chips as well would you?'
'It's half past eleven.' Potter responded, his tone of voice incredulous.
'And your date is both cold and hungry.' Lily answered cheerily. 'You want to make a good first date impression don't you? Butterbeer, and chips please.'
Potter shook his head and pulled his money bag out of his pocket. 'Evans, if you weren't so bloody fit, I swear I'd never put up with you.'
Lily blew him a kiss.
He'd stopped breathing, his lungs didn't work anymore. His heart hadn't functioned properly for months anyway. His brain refused to process what it had just heard.
First date. First date.
So all those rumours had been true. James Potter had asked Lily Evans out for the third time, and this time she'd said yes.
Why? Why in Salazar's name had she said yes? How could she even look at him, the egotistical, arrogant, self-centred…
How could she let him say things like that to her? How could she have been won over by him?
How in God's name had all this gone so very wrong?
He turned a corner and swore internally. Was there no escaping them?
They were curled up in one of the window seats that made this corridor such a popular spot for couples in the evenings. Of course this was the middle of the afternoon, so they were just sitting together, Lily leaning back against Potter while his hand twirled a lock of her hair around and around.
He felt an irrational urge to curse Potter's hand off, and take that treacherous bit of her hair with it.
He couldn't see what they were watching so intently through the window, but it didn't matter. What mattered was that Lily, his Lily, was sitting on James Potter's lap, her back pressed against his front and his hands in her hair. He shouldn't ever have had opportunity to touch her, should never have been allowed to, to, sully her with his disgusting Quidditch calloused hands.
'I almost wish I could see them. The thestrals.' Lily was speaking quietly, sounding introspective. 'I know that sounds terrible, because I'd have to see someone die for that to happen, but I'd just like...'
'To see them.' Potter finished where she'd trailed off, his voice softer than he'd ever heard it before. His hand stopped twirling her hair and instead slid down her arm to twine his fingers around hers. 'That's not a bad thing Lily. You're just curious that's all, about everything. That's a good thing, it's one of my favourite things about you. I love that you want to experience everything for yourself.'
He stiffened, feeling his hands clench into fists. He wanted so desperately to pull out his wand and curse James Potter until he dropped his stupid act. Did he really think Lily would be fooled by this pretence at sensitivity and understanding? Did he really think that anybody would be fooled?
'I'm sorry that you can see them James.' Lily whispered, and Potter stiffened for a moment before relaxing his posture again.
'It's okay. Mum was...I had a long time to come to terms with it before it happened. I got to say goodbye. That made a difference.'
Lily began to wriggle, until she'd turned around in his arms and was facing him. She wrapped her arms around his neck and squeezed him tightly, pressing her face into the joint of his neck and shoulder as his hands rubbed her back.
He turned and fled, before he could see anymore, before it could be made any clearer to him that he'd lost her for good. And of all the people she could have taken up with, she chose Potter. For the first time, resentment overtook pain as his dominant feeling.
It was a warm day, so he was surprised that there weren't more people outside; he'd hadn't passed anyone since beginning his walk around the lake. It was still early though, so perhaps everyone was starting their Saturday late.
He path rounded a corner, and groaned. Not everyone.
Potter and Lily lay on the grass, in a little dip in the ground that meant they were only just visible from the path. She was lying on her back, one hand lifted to shield her eyes from the sun, and he was stretched out alongside her and propped up on his elbow to look down at her. They were talking quietly, and were so completely engrossed in each other that he was sure he could walk quietly past without them noticing him. He was almost past them when he heard it.
'I love you, you know.' Potter's voice, low and soft.
'I know. You tell me enough.' Lily's voice, a hint of a giggle in it. 'I love you too.'
He ran. He didn't know what else he could do, since he couldn't stay there. He felt like he never wanted to set foot in Hogwarts ever again. He didn't want to see them anymore, walking around as if they weren't rubbing his face in their perfect fucking lives with every thing they did.
They had no right.
And that was the moment that Severus Snape realised that he could never hate anyone more than he hated James Potter.
